Kimberly Day graduated from BYU with a Bachelors in Psychology, served a mission to Temple Square in Salt Lake City, and then went back to school to earn a Masters Degree from Washington State University in Counseling Psychology, where she also taught seminary and then Institute. She worked in higher education and later at a financial planning firm, but eventually felt the call to come back to her love for counseling and working with people through life’s challenges. Kimberly's focus is working with individuals suffering from betrayal trauma or other types of complex relationship traumas, and she is trained in the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists' Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model (M-PTM). She lives in Olympia, Washington with her husband and four kids.

Highlights
5:30 Kim's experience counseling around and studying abuse and healthy/unhealthy patterns of behavior
8:00 The word "abuse"
9:30 Catching negative patterns and recognizing their impact
10:30 Three ways to define abuse: the impact on the victim, the actual interaction in a relationship, or the intent

Can be damaging even without intent
Gaslighting
15:30 A shift in power and control in the relationship
18:30 Honoring the impact of what the victim is experiencing even when the intent is not to abuse

24:20 The subtle messages that perpetuate trauma, create isolation, and threaten her safety
25:50 The myth that the spouse needs to step up to meet his needs
27:50 When there is an intent for power and control
29:00 Men are receiving an education in dehumanizing women and it becomes a belief about how the world works

Book of Mormon example of the conflict between Laman & Lemuel and Nephi: abusive behaviors from a sense of entitlement to power and control, perpetuated across generations
A trick Satan has been using for a long time
The spectrum of unrighteous dominion
This model of power and control applies across a range of relationships and situations

39:00 Reprogramming of the brain

Teach them to be aligned to God and if they are tuned-in, He will correct them
45:50 Recognize that the learning remains and continues to cause problems in relationships

50:00 The lens of impact on women

Women don't recognize the impact and don't use/accept the word abuse in these dynamics
Most couples don't have the language to address it
Setting boundaries can lead to retaliation

56:50 Next steps to learn more

Abuse is seldom apparent to other men
Know your local resources (outside the Church)

59:20 Be willing to be open and address puzzling situations without needing to have answers
Links
Life Changing Services
Church Handbook section about abuse (28.6.2)
Why Does He Do That?, by Lundy Bancroft
What Every Bishop Needs to Understand About Betrayal Trauma
Have We Forgotten the Betrayed When the Sinner Confesses?
6 Things I Wish Bishops Knew About Addiction | Guest Post by Steven Shields (Recovering Addict)
Supporting Victims of Sexual Assault | An Interview with the Staff of The Refuge
Recognizing Abuse in a Relationship
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