[video] i recently found myself in an unusual state of terror and fear. i've always been very afraid of bad things happening to my loved ones. but weirdly, i've never really been that afraid of bad things happening to me. in retrospect, i look at the things that i used to do when i was a teenager that were sort of careless, and it's hard for me to even comprehend now. i felt like nothing bad would happen to me. but recently, i have completely gone the opposite direction, where now i'm terrified of the world around me and how it might hurt me. and that's not healthy either, because when you're living in that state of mind, you sort of stop living your life. there's risk in everything. and you have to have a healthy understanding of what risks are worth taking and which are not. and i've sort of gone on this journey the last few months trying to find a healthy and happy medium. i'm not 100% there yet, but i'm getting much closer.
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