Ep 198: Sex is Messy, Dirty, & Pleasurable, Understanding Our Sexuality with Dr. Joe Kort. "Sexuality and erotic interests are not clean. They are messy, nuanced, smelly, dirty, prideful, pleasurable, shameful, and we have to make room for all of that and not try to clean it up and try to make it a textbook thing," said Dr. Joe Kort. This is the last sentence he said in the interview and I think it's so very right, poignant, and definitely an accurate statement. Sex is all of those things, and even more! And it's certainly not cookie-cutter or so-called "normal". There is no normal. And why should there be? We are all individuals, as is each of our sexualities.Listen to and learn from our amazing discussion! He has years and years of experience, he's so knowledgeable about sex and relationships. We chatted about all things sexuality. He shared about his journey coming out as a gay man in the seventies, how his mom was enlightened enough to get him help, but how he also fell into the trap of being labeled with a sexual addiction, which he later learned was false as with time he learned more about sexual health and reframed his mindset to a much healthier one. He became a therapist in response to his journey.He counsels predominantly heterosexual couples, and he shared some very interesting stories from his practice.He talked about how our sexual orientation is not in the acts we do, but rather it's who we are. He talked about how we need to shed shame, and how the worldviews have changed regarding gay/lesbian people. We also chatted about how trans people are being stigmatized now.We talked about sexual orientation, masturbation, erotic compassion, cracking our erotic code, and how what's driving it isn't even about sex at all. He highlighted the importance of shedding shame for healthier sexuality and how couples really need to harness the mindset of having erotic compassion for one another, and not judge each other for their fantasies. Connect with Dr. Joe Kort for his website, books, and podcast here: https://joekort.com/Find all his links here: https://linktr.ee/drjoekortJoe's book Erotic Orientation (affiliate): https://amzn.to/3RT5v1mIs My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? https://amzn.to/3VkwJkl10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives https://amzn.to/3VfixcFThank you Joe for coming on my show! Check out his podcast  Smart Sex Smart Love on podcast apps.Learn more about the podcast host Ruan Willow: https://linktr.ee/RuanWillowRuan's anthology: Decadent Erotica An Anthology of 10 Tales of Extreme Sensuality, Indulgence, Dominance, & Submission.Universal link to the book: https://storyoriginapp.com/universalbooklinks/f96fc8e4-338f-11ed-9399-3b82020d795fOnline sellers ebook: https://books2read.com/u/mZEQvJComing in paperback to online sellers 10/22/2022Welcome to my podcast! Leave  a voicemail for me I'll answer you on the podcast: https://www.speakpipe.com/ohfckyeahwithruanwillowOne of my favorite sex toys is the Zumio. I'm an affiliate for them. Find out why this is one of my top toys by getting more info on this sex toy here: https://shareasale.com/r.cfm?b=1815950&u=3101443&m=98393&urllink=&afftrack=Support the show