To get us caught up, in the last Bonus episode I talked about using your powers of deduction to get at who you want to be as a leader and that you are not your stress reactions. I promised I would go into some of the common stress reactions so that, with an awareness of what they look like, you could choose a new reaction. Well, as promised here are two of the most common stress reactions Shutting down: Cocooning Imagine you are going about your day when suddenly, something happens. No matter what it is, it occurs to you as bad news. In the moment it feels like the worst news. The last thing you needed right now. The straw that broke the camel's back. It could be a change to your carefully laid out plans, an unpleasant conversation, a flat tire, burnt toast...whatever. It really doesn't matter what it is. What matters is it's something you don't like and you feel like it's out of your control. And then you feel the energy drain out of your body. You're tired, defeated and you start to wonder why you try so hard. It's already X o'clock in the morning and you feel like you need a nap. But you can't take a nap so instead you either go in your office and close the door, or you go to your phone to see what's happening on facebook, or you get in your car to go to Starbucks to get a jolt of caffeine. If you're at home you might sit on the couch and do a Netflix marathon. You. Are. Shut. Down. You're batteries became depleted and you are now doing anything you can to recharge. You may also be in a mindset where you can't stand to be around yourself and nothing makes you happy. You may feel ashamed of yourself and worthless. You can't stand to have people see you like this so you hide out and go into your cocoon. You isolate yourself from others and keep them at a distance. This is not YOU. This is your alter-ego in survival mode. It will help you to recover but it's not the most effective way to hit your goals or to achieve the life you want to live. While you are recovering, and if you find yourself here do what you can to recover… But while you are recovering you are falling a little further behind on your goals and you are ineffective at anything you try to do. The real you is effective, capable and resourceful but the real you has taken a back seat and given the power over to the alter-ego. Don't give your alter-ego decision making power. Here’s a little warning: do not make decisions when the alter-ego is in charge. They will be decisions made from the perspective of an 8-year-old. What does an 8-year-old know about what you are capable of? Exactly. The key here is to be aware that the alter-ego has taken over. When you are aware, the power is in your court. You can make a different decision if you like. You can choose to see the situation differently and see where you do have power and control - where the woman of your experience and skill level can make a difference. In the last episode I mentioned how I become a micro-manager when I get stressed out and feel out of control. Well, there are times when I let that controlling part of myself off the leash so I can dive into the details and research the daylights out of a certain topic. But I'm doing it by choice and not because I feel out of control. I use my default stress reaction to serve me and not the other way around. Life is duality. You are both in control and powerless. The key is to be in control when you are in control and to let things unfold when you are not in control...and dare I say, enjoy the ride? Over-reacting: The Amazon Warrior Similar to the previous situation something happens but in this instance your alter-ego's faulty radar picks up something different. Rather than sensing a situation where there is nothing you can do you're alter-ego picks up a threat.  That change to your carefully laid out plans, the unpleasant conversation, the flat tire, the burnt toast - they are now perceived as putting something at risk, something important. This creates conflict.