The Athletic's Adam Hurrey, David Walker and Nick Miller form the Adjudication Panel to deconstruct a mesmerisingly dull Gareth Bale interview, admire the pedantry of the West Brom kit man and decide the most inevitable-sounding Premier League scoreline of all.
Meanwhile, the panel decide which next footballing niche will earn its own specialist coach and it's the world premiere of "Every League Two Soccer Saturday roving reporter update ever"
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