I Am Lotus

By Tamara O'Shaughnessy

People have told me they can't believe how I've dealt with all that's happened, predicting that one day it would catch up to me. But I refuse to believe this. For me, there is only one choice: to live fully with gratitude and to make the most of this life- of my life, of my human experience. We owe it to those who have gone before us and to thos

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tamara O'Shaughnessy
• Release date: Jan 2, 2025
• ISBN: 9781069091611

Book preview

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Dedication

I would like to dedicate this book to my daughters, Julianna and Grace. As my mom was always my biggest fan, I too, will always be yours. The stories that lie within these pages are sometimes difficult to read as you have lived most of these memories right along with me. But each memory holds something beautiful; a lesson that will guide you in your own life journeys.

What you both have endured has been more than most people experience in an entire lifetime.

It has been my life’s mission to arm you with the tools necessary to weather those difficult times and to enable you to see the light inside you.

Know that you always have a choice. Know that you alone hold the power. Know that I am beyond proud of you. Know that you are loved.

Acknowledgments

Writing this book would not have been possible without the unwavering love, support, and encouragement from my family. Thank you for being my foundation and my strength.

To my tribe of soul sisters—I am honoured to call you my second family. Your love, belief in me, and constant encouragement have fuelled me in ways I can never fully express. No matter the distance or the time that passes, our friendship remains one of my life’s greatest treasures. Kelly, Cathy, Rachel, Tamara (T2), Brittany, Mena, Thashnie, and Mixsue—you have all left indelible marks on my heart. I love you, and I am eternally grateful for the light you bring into my life.

To my mama—thank you for being my guiding light and my biggest fan. Your wisdom, strength, and love continue to inspire me every day.

And finally, to the personal development and mindset mentors who have help shape my journey over the years through their messages of hope, resilience, and transformation—thank you. You have shown me how to rise, rebuild, and thrive, and for that, I am forever grateful.

Introduction

I have a beautiful tattoo on my forearm of a lotus flower. For some reason I have always been drawn to this flower—because of its profound symbolism. In many cultures it symbolizes the potential of the human spirit and transformation into the divine self. It represents strength, healing, purity, beauty, and rebirth.

It is a remarkable flower that is the embodiment of strength and resilience. Its journey takes it from the depths of muddy waters to rising above and reaching towards the sunlit surface, where its delicate petals emerge unblemished. It is symbolic of the chaos, negativity, and tragic circumstances that life may bring but also of rising above all of this to find the beauty in life’s everyday moments. And finding the positive even in the darkest of times. Of finding the potential within us.

My life has reflected that of the lotus’s journey. I have navigated through the muddy waters of loves, losses, healing, and transformation. The lotus flower is not just a metaphor for my life but a true reflection of my essence and my journey towards self-discovery, resilience, and rebirth.

1

When Lightning

Strikes Twice

What I know for sure is that death is a part of life.

That life very rarely goes according to our plans and that we must learn to adapt and change.

That the only way to weather the storm is by building resilience.

That resilience is a vital skill that can be learned.

That by keeping gratitude at the forefront we also foster hope.

That by fostering hope we create new possibilities.

That seeking these new possibilities only adds to the story that is our lives.

That we don’t have to choose to live our best life, we GET to.

That we can live while we are dying.

And I know, for sure, that there is LIFE after death.

~Tamara O’Shaughnessy

The odds of being struck by lightning are 1 in 15,300. The odds of being struck by lightning twice in a lifetime are 1 in 9 million. Did I get struck by lightning? No. But reading my life’s story may make you think that that’s exactly what happened because the odds of the story that is my life cannot be quantified or measured.

I can see that from an outsider’s perspective, my life may seem tragic. Or that I am cursed in some way. That it is unfair. Depending on your perspective on life I guess it could be viewed this way. I have even had someone tell me that what has happened may be due to something that an ancient ancestor did that has been carried down in the generations and now I am the one who is paying the price. Or how about this one —that in a past life I may have done something to someone. I kid you not. Like somehow, it is my fault or that I caused this in some way. I certainly do not go and seek out reasons why things have played out this way in my life. I know the reason. And I know that it is not something sinister. In fact, it is just the opposite. I feel that my whole life has led me to where I am today and that each step and challenge in my journey has been for a purpose.

Buddhists say that the whole soul must know both light and dark. Suffering and awakening. They seek brightness from the dark. We all suffer from fear, anxiety, loss, and grief in our own way. My way has just always been to choose the light.

For as long as I can remember I have been a student of personal growth and development. Beginning years ago, when my dad brought home those Anthony Robbins cassette tapes called Personal Power. I must have been around 14 at the time but what I do remember is how they made me feel. Inspired —not to go out and change the world or anything, but that we have the power within us to be who we want to be if we just believe it. We have the necessary tools within us to weather any storm. Thinking back, I’m not sure how much of it I understood at that age, but I believe just putting those words into my subconscious must have had some effect.

Fast-forward 40 years and I still know it as truth. I grew up watching Oprah. Now I listen to podcasts. They have become one of my daily non-negotiables. One of my keystone habits. There is always some little nugget of wisdom I tuck deep inside to pull out later at a time when I need it the most. Practicing personal growth and development is vital to building resilience. By continually listening, watching, and reading things that serve us, we are arming ourselves with a bullet-resistant subconscious.

I am incredibly careful about what I put my focus and attention into; what I can and cannot change. What I CAN control. Tough times will always be a part of life and most times we are naturally hardwired to look at things that happen to us as negatives. It is a learned skill to look at the positive in life and I have been practicing this unknowingly for most of my adult life. It is just my natural response to look at situations in a positive light. My brain automatically starts to scan for it and to take away what good I can and to focus on that.

This book is by no means intended to be a self-help book —I actually despise that term as it implies that there is something wrong with us that needs fixing. However, it is my hope that by sharing my story and how I have managed to get through some of the toughest moments life can throw at a person, and how I continue to live my life to this day, that it may help others. It is also my hope that, as you come to the end, turn over the last page and close this book, you are able to think about your own life and look to find a way to live your absolute best life and become the best version of yourself.

Before I get into my life’s story, I want you all to know that a very long time ago I made a choice. We all have choices. I could let what has happened destroy me, or I can use what I have lived through and see with clear vision all the beauty in our time here and the impermanence that is life. To appreciate every single day and to take what I have witnessed, what I have lived through and the wisdom that I have accumulated and share it with others. Whether you are reading this because you have lost someone important to you, whether you are going through an illness yourself or whether you just want to read a great book about someone who is living proof that horrible things can happen and you can come out the other side, if you want to learn how you can take adversity and turn it on its head, then this is the book for you.

2

The Little

Girl Inside

We need to encourage girls that their voice matters. I think there are hundreds and thousands of Malalas out there.

~Malala Yousafzai

There is a famous scene in one of my all-time favourite TV shows, Ted Lasso . Rebecca, one of the main characters, is trying to summon the courage to go into a boardroom full of rich, powerful, chauvinistic men—the only lady in a boys’ club—and she cannot show that she is just a scared little girl deep down inside. She stands in front of a full-length mirror and stares at her reflection. We see her sort of lose her balance and catch herself. She closes her eyes and crosses her hands on her chest to calm her breathing. When she opens her eyes, she is staring at herself as a little girl, reflected in the mirror. They smile at each other and then the two Rebeccas lower their bodies and take a deep breath in, sweeping their arms high above their heads making themselves tall, in much the same way that you would if you came across a bear in the forest and needed to make yourself appear larger than you actually are. They open their mouths, stick out their tongues and make the fiercest warrior faces, loudly exhaling together. The little girl disappears, and Rebecca is left standing and staring at her own reflection. Her confidence visible. She is ready.

I cried the first time I saw this and I still have a tough time controlling those runaway tears, despite having watched this scene many times. For some reason it spoke to me and still does. It is so powerful. I think because I have always thought about my younger self and always keep her close. I wonder if I am making her proud and when I watched this scene, it resonated with me because I have been that little girl in the mirror my whole adult life. Looking at my reflection and having to summon the courage to put on my warrior face, time and time again. Wouldn’t it just be so cool to be able to do that? To look at ourselves in the mirror and be able to see her? Or him? The younger version of ourself, who has not yet experienced heartbreak, money problems, social problems, and the weight of the world. Do you think that by seeing them it would change anything? Would it change how you go about your day or how you live your life? That child is counting on you, and we do not need a mirror to know that they are still there. They reside within us, and they never grow old. But their tiny voices sometimes get drowned out by life and what is going on around us. It does not have to be that way. For me, I keep her very close to me. I think of my mom when I think of her. I think of the dreams that my mom had for me and the life she desperately wanted me to live. The life she wanted for all her children. Like any mom; first and foremost, they want their kids to be happy and every single day, as part of my affirmations, I speak directly to my younger self and tell her that I honour her. I am happy and I know my mom is somewhere smiling.

I was born in Canada on one of the warmest January days on record. Growing up I had a great childhood. My parents married incredibly young, when my mom was pregnant with my older sister, Kim. Three years later I came along. A short 15 months after me came my little brother, John. My memories of our childhood are all happy. The house was always filled with music. My dad had the most amazing record collection and the biggest Cerwin Vega speakers that were the envy of anyone who walked into our home. There was always something exotic cooking, both mom and dad loved to cook all kinds of international dishes. We were lucky that way. We were exposed to all ethnicities of food, and all music genres. I do remember them struggling financially at times, even going through bankruptcy at one point, but they always managed to put us first. Our home was filled with love. Always hugging and lots of I love you’s. Except for the obvious sibling rivalry and the two’s company, three’s a crowd times with Kim and John. One day it would be Kim and I that were close. The next day I would steal some of Kim’s clothes without asking her and she would get angry at me, so then I would be the one left out as she sided with John. It was all a part of growing up and I have such fond memories of our time together.

My nickname growing up was Rosa or Rosebud. They were interchangeable. I was given this name because I always loved to wear flowery dresses. I remember one day my aunt coming over and remarking that she was shocked to see me in a pair of jeans—she never thought she would see the day! I loved to play travel. I used to pretend to go on vacation somewhere and order room service. I would make a tray of food, leave it just outside my bedroom door and then open the door as if room service had just delivered it. I ate it on my bed and once I was done, I placed the tray outside for someone to collect. Sadly, no one ever came, and it always ended up that the cook, the room service attendant, and the dishwasher were the same person. I must say, though, that I did gain quite a bit of hotel experience, and I really should add that to my résumé.

Our family went on a lot of road trips, mostly to Myrtle Beach or Florida. There was one time that I remember vividly. It was at the point in our lives when my parents owned a pizza store. My Italian father previously worked as a butcher but had always wanted to open his own pizza store. So, he did and on the way home from grocery shopping one afternoon in January he announced that he and Mom had made a last-minute decision. We would be shutting the pizza store down for a month and would be leaving at midnight to head to Florida. Just like that. We were so excited and packed up the van for this impromptu adventure. In hindsight, it was not the best thing to do for a business, but I always admired them for being spontaneous. I think that is where my love of spontaneity and surprises came from and where the thrill of saying yes to adventures and new beginnings began for me.

My mom was always my biggest fan. She told me once when I was quite young that I have the type of personality that people either really like or they really do not like that there was no in-between. I did not really know how to take that then and I am still not sure how to take that now! But I grew up with her being my best friend. Over the years I had friends who waxed and waned, but no one was more important to spend time with than my mom. We had so much fun together. I remember telling her that I probably wouldn’t ever have kids, but if I did, I would want to have a relationship with them like we had. It was so special, and I always felt so loved. I had so much respect for her then, and even more so now. My sister was 3 years older than me, which, as we know, makes a world of difference when you are growing up. Who wants to hang out with