Generational Curses Are Real but Can Be Broken

By Shantilly Graham

Have you ever wondered where you came from? Why your parents say the things they say? How your grandparents choose the traditions that they do? Have you ever thought about how their choices directly affected you? Do you wish you could go back in time, even as just a spectator, to see what it was they had to go through?

I've written this book for those reasons so my children and their children and their children after that have something to read, a recording of time. Somewhere to start with feeding this deep feeling inside that something went wrong somewhere and how it can be "all right." Asking yourself, "Why is my life like this?" This book contains stories of resilience, recovery, and redemption, revealing the history of mental illness and overcoming the multiple forms of abuse that can plague a family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 9, 2024
• ISBN: 9798886851861

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Generational Curses Are Real but Can Be Broken

Shantilly Graham

ISBN 979-8-88685-185-4 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88751-081-1 (hardcover)

ISBN 979-8-88685-186-1 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Shantilly Graham

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the Author or publisher. For permission requests, solicit the Author or publisher via the address below.

Shantilly Graham

2216 55th Street

San Diego, CA 92105

[phone]

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Foreword

Introduction

1

The Beginning of an End

2

Life Goes On

3

Life Gets Real

4

A Soul to Sew

5

Just Call Me Robot

6

Goodbye…Foster Care

7

No More Pedophiles

8

Freedom at a Cost

Introducing A'Lani Rose Holiday

Born December 6, 2021

My first grandbaby!

Oh, how I love you!

Second book coming soon!

About the Author

Ireally do not know how many times I have started this book over the last thirty years, but I do know then when I decided to write it to you all it just felt right. So I dedicate this book to my grandbabies and my great-grandbabies. I hope that I can give this book to you directly. In case I am not able, I will feel fulfilled that I have written it for you, all of you; I do pray I have many grandchildren.

I wish that I had something to read so that I can better understand where I came from. I wish that I had a time machine so I could travel back into space to the time where my mother was a little girl or perhaps even when my grandmother was a little girl. I wish that I could see what they had to go through, so I could better understand their choices that they made because ultimately generational curses are real, and their choices had an effect on my life.

I have not been an angel; as a matter of fact, there were days where I was absolutely the complete opposite. I remember one time I was going to name the book the devil's child. Luckily, it did not stick because I realized I would belong to God. Thank God!

I have so many stories that I want to tell you guys. I have so many memories that I want to share. Some of these memories are funny, happy ones, and some of these memories were traumatizing. Life is full of ups and downs just like a rollercoaster ride; there are days where you want to get off so badly, and there are days where you just want to give up because it seems so hard to navigate this thing called life. As your grandmother, I beg of you to hang in there because things are going to get better!

You see, so many people used to tell me, Do not worry, Shantilly, things are going to get better. It used to make me so angry to hear, especially when times were full of trouble, so many moments of unpredictable dysfunction. Mental illness runs rapid in our genealogy. I realized that at a noticeably young age, you see my grandmother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. My mother, who would be your great-grandmother, was not brave enough, in my opinion, to see exactly what was wrong with her; instead, she self-medicated with street drugs. This caused my life to be extremely complicated and untraditional.

I hope that this book brings clarity to your lives, understanding, and hopefully wisdom so where we went wrong, my grandbabies can do better. I do not know any of you yet, but I love you so much already!

This may sound impractical considering I have never held your little hands. I have not cuddled you in my arms yet. I have not sung to you, have not fed you, but nobody can tell me then I do not love you babies already even though you are not here yet.

What I can tell you is that I have loved your mommy and your daddy the moment I laid my eyes on them. They became the most important thing to me. Every accomplishment after their birth, every accolade, every difficult mountain that I had to climb to get us where we are was for your mom and dad and, eventually, you all. You see, I am betting there is going to be more than one of you!

I am writing this book with my grandma goggles on, with every intention to give you an insight, a better understanding, some enlightenment, and hopefully a blueprint. Just in case any of you struggle with mental illness. You will be able to find your way through it just as your grandmother has done. Mental illness does not have to define you. So do not let anyone make you feel bad in case this is your struggle, know that your grandmother is in the struggle with you!

My objection is to give you encouragement, love, and support throughout this book. My plan is to be completely honest to the best of my ability and recollection. My prayer is that after it is all said and done, you will still love me, accept me, and understand I am full of flaws. I pray you recognize that God has a purpose for each one of us.

What I desire you will say is, Grandma did try her best every single day by God's wise grace.

For those of you who do take the time to read this book and be with me, I thank you. I warn you now, there are going to be chapters in this book that are going to be exceedingly difficult to read. I apologize in advance; however, it would be out of character for your grandmother to candy-coat or even make less of a situation that was difficult to get through. As the matriarch, it is not my job to entertain you with a fantasy, a lie, a fiction story, but I have been known for being a direct speaker, plainly expressive and passionate when talking about things that I genuinely believe are worthy.

I can honestly say that once this book has been written, half of my job on Earth has been done. I thank you, Lord, in Jesus's precious name, Amen.

I dedicate to my grandchildren You Know My Name by Tasha Cobbs Leonard: God, you know me so I trust you with my life, no fire can burn me, no battle can turn me, no mountain can stop me, 'cause you hold my hand, and I'm walking in your victory, 'cause your power is within me, no giant can keep me…'cause you hold my hand!

But with God all things are possible (Matt. 19:26 KJV).

Foreword

Lisa McJunkin, LMFT, CHTP, EFT Coach

Ihave had the honor of working with Shantilly in the context of being an integrative trauma therapist, and from the very first session, I understood this woman was going to make me earn my paycheck. She presented with a fierce energy of survival and wounding while also equally testing my reactions to stories about her life. She encountered quite a few providers over the years and sadly felt really trapped by the labels and medications assigned to her to make her tamer and more appropriate for society. But her fierce survivor energy, while dimmed at times, was steadfast.

Shantilly chose to start healing her unresolved trauma versus band-aiding it. She called BS on the labels. She challenged her own hopelessness and desire for distraction. She chose her own healing path by connecting to her innate self-healing abilities. She knew her healing involved clearing energy from around her that did not help her thrive, and she needed to write her story and have it heard.

My role was to assist with staying steadfast on her mission of healing, to hold space for the crap days, to challenge when we had veered off course, but simply to be a human on this path with another human. Shantilly Graham is a force of nature, no human or culture can break her spirit, and it's been an honor to walk beside her on this journey.

If you are reading this book and realize you also have unresolved trauma, please find a provider who believes in integrated trauma recovery (aka mind, body, and soul). While we cannot control the trauma(s) that happen to us, we can choose to heal at any time.

Blessing to you and your journey forward.

If you or someone you love is struggling with self-harm and/or suicide please error on the side of caution and get help today, by local or national agencies that support suicide prevention in your area.

Lisa McJunkin, LMFT, MFC 50842

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist,

Certified Healing Touch Practitioner and EFT Coach

www.mcjunkininc.com

619.343.2138

Introduction

Setting: It is the end of 2020, and the whole world is in the midst of a pandemic. COVID-19 has governed us, and it is killing people by the thousands collectively. There is a sense of hopelessness and despair flooding the news stations, misery across the biosphere.

Many people will be effective by this virus, whether they lose someone they love due to its slaughtering ways. Stay-at-home orders would cost many people to lose their jobs, the means to their livelihood. Homelessness and mental illness are currently pouring into our streets at an alarming rate. Just like most predators, it preys on the weak.

Coronavirus is a murderer, so many people fearful and sick. Those who already have underlined conditions are the most vulnerable. The primary candidates to lose their souls and face judgment. The world is humble and still.

Many communities throughout our nation and across the globe are under mandated stay-at-home orders. Only essential workers and people doing necessary errands are to be out here in the community of San Diego, California.

It amazes me…how reckless humans can be. There is a murderer out there! Who does not care about…what color you are. How old you are. If you are a good person or a bad person. This pesticide that the Bible warn us was coming…does not sleep. Truth be told, you could feel great and carry this death sentence to those at home that you love unknowingly.

This virus actually changes, it transforms, as we become more knowledgeable of its ways. It changes ever so slightly, like a serial killer finding out that you are on to him and wants to keep killing.

Mental illness is rising so dramatically that it changes the way we all do business. The business professionals such as Lisa would adapt and go virtual. We would hold all of our meetings by video chat. I personally was not enthusiastic about entering the matrix. However, keeping social distancing, wearing masks around people, hacking and coughing, I find myself enjoying the isolation.

While being televised and Big Brother's eyes watching us…

Lisa: Okay, I'm going to need you to take a few deep breaths with me. We've been here before… It's okay…come on…breathe with me.

Shantilly: (While battling tears and shortness of breath…) I can't breathe. I feel like something is sitting on my chest.

Lisa: Come on…deep breath in… Now blow it out. Again, deep breath in… Now blow it out, okay one more. You're okay…this is old pain, Shantilly. This is pain of an eight-year-old Shantilly. You are currently forty-six years old. You are no longer at that place. You are currently in a good place thriving, and I understand it still hurts—

Shantilly: (Cutting off the family therapist midsentence.) I don't understand why! Why? does it have to hurt so much after all these years? Why does it still have to hurt so much? (Beginning to cry all over again.)

Lisa: Because this is trauma that you have never dealt with. You have been in survival mode so long, you do not know how to get out of that mind frame. Let me make a suggestion, I asked you to consider, we sit down at the round table.

Shantilly: Okay.

The round table is a metaphor that represents space in my brain as a room with a very long cherrywood table. It is solid, strong, and protected with a glossy finish. Tall cherrywood chairs surround the table. The chairs are exquisite and have wood carvings with exceptional detail. With a royal purple velvet plush cushions on each chair.

At the head of the table, my chair is slightly bigger and has arms. It stands for someone who is wise and levelheaded. Who has been through the trenches several times and made it out. I am a survivor, and I have come to deliver a blueprint and perhaps better understanding.

A story about my successful journey of victory. In the name of Jesus.

In my head, this is how it looks to me. With the lighting of simple candles in the corners of the room. Allowing the atmosphere to be intimate and not presumptuous. There are forty-six chairs currently at the table. Most are vacant at the moment. However, each chair stands for an individual year of my life.

I