The Hero's Story

By JM Robison

Eight very normal, typical, cliche heroes quest out to determine which one of them is the real hero.

• Language: English
• Publisher: JM Robison
• Release date: Apr 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215813614

JM Robison

Hello book worms! Unless you prefer book dragon? I am J.M. Robison. I write fantasy books where heroes don't follow the rules. FUN FACT: I joined the U.S. Army at 17 with the sole goal in mind to learn how to write battle scenes realistically and experience different cultures to add variety to my world building and characters (to date I have visited Italy, Germany, Romania, Bulgaria, Afghanistan, Qatar, U.A.E., and Kuwait.) PERSONALITY: Introverts unite! Separately, of course. WHAT I LIKE: reading! Because you should never trust an author who does not also read. I crochet. I strive to be chemical-free so I make my own body and household products which are cheap and non-toxic (shampoo, laundry soap, toothpaste, face cleaner, face moisturizer). I love mountain biking and camping. And video games! I'm on discord: Evermore#3394. Recently I started barefoot running...and I love it! WHAT I WANT: Going to become a hermit when I retire. Like, legit live in the mountains hunting, gathering, and building lean-tos.

Book preview

THE HERO STORY

*A screenplay*

(Fantasy/Humorous)

Setting: Inn, evening time. Don’t imagine this as any unique inn. It’s very typical, like, an identical copy to every inn in every fantasy. The bartender is likely holding a towel, drying a mug, and wearing a stained apron.

AUTHOR: I’ve been traveling all day, so I’m going to stop at this inn called The Beginning. I come inside and, Oh, hello. Inside the inn are a few guests talking leisurely around a fire. The man I said hello to is one of these guests. He is wearing a casual traveling cloak, hooded for the moment, but when he hears my voice he pulls it off and smiles at me, revealing thick hair that’s just now turning gray. His smile is kind and vibrant. He stands to greet me. He is tall, lanky, but with a firm build. I would like to introduce you to him.

NARRATOR: Hello Author. (Shakes hand)

AUTHOR: Hello, Narrator. I trust you have a reason for being here?

NARRATOR: Indeed. I’m on a quest, a quest to find someone as surely as they are trying to find themselves.

AUTHOR: Tell, tell! It’s nice once in a while to have your own characters tell the story, isn’t it?

NARRATOR: Sit back, Author, put in what you will, but this is my story... (Narrator turns to audience). Hello, people. This is a story about heroes – like every story – heroes who conquer and triumph. But what if that hero failed like a normal mortal would? What if he was just a second too late? What if he wasn’t a hero at all, but a fool with extremely good luck? This is that story, the truth behind heroes and their greatness. We see sexy heroes and ugly heroes. We have heroes who fail, we have a group of heroes that aren’t even heroes at all but are just pretending to be so they can see themselves in this script. Heroes who come but don’t do anything, heroes with luck, heroes with no luck...but to save my hand from cramping, I’ll just put it straight...this is the Hero Story. We see first riding toward the inn our First Best Hero, the Pomp Hero...

ACT ONE

FIRST BEST: (Riding his white stallion, his composure is exaggerated. He smiles, his teeth so white they flash the camera. A voice hollers, Ah! My eyes! The hero’s sidekick is riding furiously beside him on his pony)

NARRATOR: And his sidekick...

FIRST BEST: (Him and sidekick come into inn, First Best marching with a type of beefy-chest-thrust-out warble. He’s got the curly hair and blue eyes that every princess fantasizes as the man to rescue her.)

NARRATOR: Now comes our Second Best Hero...oh my golly! (Second Best comes in.) He looks like Quasimodo!

SECOND BEST: (He drags his limbs to a table and sits. Everyone makes an unpleasant face and gets up to move to another table.)

NARRATOR: (Getting over the shock of this hero) This is the Ugly Hero. If you look this way, you’ll see Third Best Hero.

THIRD BEST: (Comes in and sits at the bar.)

BARTENDER: What drink do you want?

THIRD BEST: I don’t want the rum.

BARTENDER: Well then, what will you have?

THIRD BEST: I don’t want the rum!

BARTENDER: Well, what in the abyss do you want?

THIRD BEST: I want the mead, brandy, and beer.

NARRATOR: And...the Hero That Can