The Musician's Joke Book
By Jim Green
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About this ebook
Jim Green
Jim Green has worked for many years in the field of mental health with both local and national organisations, the Open University and the BBC. He describes his decades of meditation practice as 'always learning to be a beginner'.
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The Musician's Joke Book - Jim Green
Flutes & Piccolos
What is the range of a piccolo?
Q: What is the range of a piccolo?
A: About twenty yards on a good day.
Q: Why do you hardly ever see a flautist take a breath?
A: Because they already have a vast supply of air in their heads.
Q: What’s the difference between a flautist and a seamstress?
A: A seamstress tucks up frills.
Q: How many flautists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, one to pull the ladder out from under her and three to bitch about how much better they would have done it.
Q: What do you call a good flute section?
A: Impossible.
Hell is full of musical amateurs
George Bernard Shaw Dramatist/Critic
Q: How many flautists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but she’ll have to twist it back and forth for an hour to make sure she gets it just right.
The only good thing to come out of religion was the music
George Carlin Comedian
Q: How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
A: When the engines stop, the whining continues.
Q: How many flautists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but she’ll break 10 bulbs before she realizes you can’t just push them in.
I got to try the bagpipes. It was like trying to blow an octopus
James Galway Flautist
Q: How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
A: Shoot one.
Q: What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo?
A: When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn’t hit the rim.
Q: How many flautists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one. She simply holds it up and the world revolves around her.
The flute is not an instrument that has a good moral effect – it is too exciting
Aristotle Philosopher
Q: Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some