Freeing Me from Myself

By Amber Killmer

There is a bold line between what lives on each side of belief in ourselves and lack thereof. Between cowering and having courage, between facing our fears and living in them, our hearts and our minds hold power in our lives, and too many of us are blind to it. One decision can shift timelines, and all of us can do it. Whether we're suffering from addiction, ADHD, depression, or anxiety, we can free ourselves.

An open-minded girl, living a childhood filled with curiosity and knowing there's more, transitioned to an adult on her knees, hitting a cold jail cell floor. Coming face-to-face with her own worst enemy, she wondered, How could this have happened to me? From near-death experiences and losing everything to addiction, to choosing recovery and redirection--living a life beyond anything imagined, tuning into the power of prayer and intention, God, and our own intuition, we can accomplish anything we can envision, and then some.

We must believe to achieve, and a choice needs to be made. A heart filled with faith and dedication will raise you from the ashes to your divine destination. When we shift our inner world, it reflects outward. It takes one step, one choice, one decision to activate the journey of a lifetime, anytime. The power is already within you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Apr 18, 2024
• ISBN: 9798891304574

Book preview

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Freeing Me from Myself

Amber Killmer

ISBN 979-8-89130-456-7 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-89243-566-6 (hardcover)

ISBN 979-8-89130-457-4 (digital)

Copyright © 2024 by Amber Killmer

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

To Carson, Evalyn, and Abel. You are my sun, moon, and stars.

To anyone who is struggling.

1

Knowing There's More

2

Losing Touch

3

Lost Sight of Me

4

Needing Saving

5

Calm Before the Storm

6

Dancing with the Devil

7

Near-Death Experience

8

Deliverance

9

Believe

10

Igniting the Soul Fire

11

Leaps of Faith

12

Awakening

13

Solitude

14

Breaking through the Glass

About the Author

To Carson, Evalyn, and Abel. You are my sun, moon, and stars.

To anyone who is struggling.

1

Knowing There's More

Have you ever wondered how, if you're thinking your thought in your mind, then who is hearing it? When we ask ourselves a question, and it's answered—maybe even debated—who is that? This is how I spent most of my childhood—me and my thoughts, with my head in the clouds, constantly thinking about anything and everything outside the box I was living in. A box I never seemed to fit into, even when I tried. Oh, how badly I tried. While my classmates could focus on class, get good grades, and get chosen first for gym sports teams, I was standing there, staring off into space, curious about what this place is, what we really are. What this so-called reality is? What the purposes are? Where I belong? No matter what I was doing, I just couldn't seem to escape it. I couldn't come to acceptance. I couldn't avoid questioning everything—how our bodies and nature are so perfectly designed and all circles of life coincide in such flowing harmony. How I never quite knew how to express it or even whom to express it to. With all the things that would go through my mind, I felt like I might be crazy at times. When I would share my thoughts with other kids, I was awkward. Rarely, it seemed, did people know how to take me. I'd get strange looks and awkward stares—not many people seemed to understand. I learned to keep it in over a short time until I was alone and had the ability to tune in, peacefully, to my own mind. My bedroom was my sanctuary.

I spent a lot of time alone in my room, thinking and reflecting. I started this young. At that age, I didn't know that's what I was doing, reflecting; I learned the term as an adult. I had an awareness beyond my understanding at times—a constant inner voice and knowing that even when I was alone, I wasn't alone. A firm yet gently overpowering voice—I could hear it clearly in my mind, guiding me. Other times, I would feel a presence separately. Right in front of me, I couldn't fully see it with my eyes or hear it with my ears but could hear through my mind. Things I would just know, and I couldn't explain how or why. It really baffled my family at times.

This occurred in another form over time. A quieter and more subtle voice than the other that I knew. I heard things about my grandmother, knew things no one knew how I knew. My nana and I are very close; we always have been. The role she and my grandfather have played in my life has been a huge one. They didn't need to do what they've done, but they did with open arms and everything. She had it rough herself growing up and through early adulthood. She wanted to give her daughters and grandchildren everything that she could. My grandfather has always been a hard worker, polite, and cleans up nice. He smells like cut grass or Old Spice. He is an old-timer spirit with genuine intentions and a big kid at heart.

I always felt something more with my grandmother for as far back as I can remember, surrounding her from every angle and direction—the peace, the light, the sensation of love and protection. It was overpowering and mesmerizing. I would just stare with affection. That's the same sense I would get from the other mysterious presence—full of love, understanding, and a familiar and comfortable feeling. I knew it was kind; I could feel unconditional love. So naturally, as a young child would, I engaged. Eventually I began to crave this connection. It became something special to me. It could've been my imagination, but it felt real as could be. I would find myself at school thinking about going home to sit alone. I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on anything school-related and was unfazed by child's play. Needless to say, I had to repeat the fifth grade.

My mother started hearing me having conversations with myself in my room and took her first opportunity to ask questions. I remember she was understanding and willing to listen.