A Zookeeper's Guide to Dating: The T-Guides, #1

By Roan Rosser and Ian M. Keller

Wallflower janitor Emily has dreamed of being a zookeeper their entire life. But they've been passed over again and again for promotion. Asked out by a gay man who thinks they're named 'Emil,' they feel happy for the first time in forever.

Jeremi is outgoing, friendly, driven… and his forgetfulness has lost him more boyfriends than he can count. When he meets an adorable twink at the zoo, Jeremi vows: this time will be different.

Their first date tanks.

Jeremi tries to salvage things by offering to be Emil's job coach, yet he can't help but want to be more than just friends.

As Emil's egg cracks and their self-confidence grows, Emil yearns for more from Jeremi. Yet they worry they're not what Jeremi is looking for...

Is their relationship doomed to die in captivity?

This 30,000 word novella is a low-stakes sweet M/M romance with a trans-masc main character, and is a low-stakes, homophobia-free feel good story with a happily ever after. Each book in the T-Guides series stands alone and they can be read in any order. A Zookeeper's Guide is written in alternating first-person POV.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rainbow Dog Books
• Release date: Apr 11, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224493425

Roan Rosser

I escaped from the bowels of Utah (namely Provo) and now live in the sunny Pacific Northwest United States. My urban fantasy novels mainly feature the trans and queer protagonists grappling with things like identity and found families that I wished I could have read about growing up. When not writing, you can probably find me beating up pixel baddies or in front of one of my sewing machines adding to my overstuffed closet or my army of homemade plush dolls. If you find yourself blinded by the vivid colors and loud patterns of my homemade shirts, know that I’m only trying to warn you that I may be poisonous. Or venomous? Or both? Probably both.

Book preview

A Zookeeper's Guide to Dating

Roan Rosser, Ian M Keller

image-placeholder

Rainbow Dog Books

Copyright © 2023 by Ian M Keller & Roan Rosser

All rights reserved. Published by Rainbow Dog Books. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, without prior written permission.

Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.

Cover by Rainbow Dog Books

Edited by Devon Vesper

Contents

1.Zoo Speed Dating

Jeremi

2.Unexpected Encounter

Emil

3.You Always Do This

Jeremi

4.Well-Red Panda

Emil

5.High Score!

Jeremi

6.Better This Way

Emil

7.Giraffic Jam

Jeremi

8.Clothes Make the Man

Emil

9.Foot, Enter Mouth

Jeremi

10.Intern Assistant

Emil

11.It's a Date

Jeremi

12.Think Positive

Emil

13.Words of Encouragement

Jeremi

14.What I Really Want

Jeremi

15.Just Tell Him

Emil

16.Angry Kitten

Jeremi

17.How to Come Out

Emil

18.Dungeons and Dragons

Jeremi

19.Koala-tea

Emil

20.Wind in His Tailfeathers

Emil

21.Just Ask Him

Jeremi

22.For Fox Sake, Finally

Jeremi

23.Interview Nerves

Emil

24.Celebrations All Around

Jeremi

Epilogue

Emil

Six months later

Also By Roan Rosser

The Changing Bodies Series

The Chaos Menagerie Series

Other Books

Friends of Gaynor Beach Animal Shelter

About the Author

ROAN ROSSER (Also known as Ian M Keller)

Chapter one

Zoo Speed Dating

Jeremi

I’d thought a speed dating event at the zoo sounded like a delightful change of pace when I’d signed up for it—a romantic setting with the mountains looming behind us as a backdrop, surrounded by cute animals and even cuter guys. But I hadn’t considered the downsides. Not so romantic to have your eyes watering from the smell of elephant dung.

A peacock let out a cry that echoed through the pavilion where we sat clustered at small tables.

I’d be leaving a comment on my after-event survey, that was for sure. I was an event planner myself sometimes, so I knew how hard it was to get everything perfect. But a visit to the location to scout it out should have nixed this idea before it got off the ground.

The speed dating event took place in the pavilion near the main entrance. The shade and the cool breeze blowing out from the canyon did little to mitigate the heat. Almost every guy here wore a tank top. The sweat-dampened, thin fabric of my date’s tank, plastered with the logo of a gym I’d never heard of, clung to him and outlined his muscles like a second skin. I was sure my loose Hawaiian button-up didn’t look nearly as sexy.

Six dud dates so far, but things were looking up now. This guy was hot. I grinned at him as he sat down and stuck out my hand.

My name’s Jeremi. Nice to meet you.

Despite the muscles bulging in his biceps, his grip was loose. He tapped the nametag stuck to his sweaty shirt and grunted something I thought sounded like Hey. The ink on the nametag was too smeared to read.

This date was obsessed with working out, so it did not shock me when it turned out he was a personal trainer at a local gym.

I zoned out as he droned on about free weights for the entire twenty minutes of our speed date. I mean, I went to the gym myself four times a week, but only out of a vague desire to stay in shape, and I just did a circuit on the weight machines.

I leaned forward, keeping my eyes on him, and smiled at him to go on. I might not be interested, but I knew how to put people at ease. Hot he might be, but too bad the guy was as spicy as a tub of flour and about as exciting.

I took his card when he offered it with a handshake at the end of our date. Not that I was interested in personal training myself, but one of my gigs was life coaching, and it was nice to have contacts to refer people to for various services. A lot of gay guys would love a hot, gay personal trainer, even if he were boring.

Nice talking to you, Jeremi, he said to me before wandering off to find his next victim, I mean date.

He had been cute enough, I supposed. So were most of the guys here, but the men had blurred together already, and there was still one more date to go. All of them fit, sculpted, with a persona, real or not, that they weren’t clubbing guys and looking for something real. Yet they all felt hollow. Or maybe I was projecting.

I fanned the business cards in my hand like a hand of playing cards. Even if I didn’t get an actual date, at least now I had a new hairstylist, personal trainer, mechanic, accountant, and HVAC repairman.

Seven speed dates, five business cards. A cynical thought flashed in my mind that some guys attending today were more interested in drumming up business than in finding a guy to date. I at least had the grace to keep my business cards in my pocket until the guy asked for one. So far, no one had. I tried not to feel slighted.

The last date was more of the same. I really tried to keep my attention on the blond, muscular hunk in front of me, but it wandered. Even though I loved people, I was reaching my limit. I slumped over, head on a balled fist, as my date went on about herbal teas and the perfect cup of coffee. Not a passion I shared, but I was glad it wasn’t free weights.

My phone buzzed, and I glanced at it, hoping it was a text so I’d have something interesting to read, but it was only a low battery warning. I dismissed it. I had enough charge to last through the final half hour of this event. When I got home, I’d plug it in.

As I half-listened, I watched the people waiting in line to ride the zoofari express, the train that circled the African Savanna exhibit and some of the wildlife areas.

A harried-looking young couple dragged a screaming six-year-old between them. A group of old women, all of them wearing enormous hats against the blazing mid-day desert sun, fanned themselves with folded-up zoo maps while gossiping among themselves.

My eyes snagged on a slim form wearing overalls pushing a massive wheeled trash can, picking up scattered trash with a reach-and-grab tool. No… the end of the tool looked wrong. I squinted, trying to make it out. It was one of those plastic dinosaur grabby toys for kids. I chuckled, and my current date stopped mid-sentence.

Sorry, something funny? he asked.

Nothing you said, no. I pointed out the janitor, who’d moved a little closer to us now. I just noticed that he’s using a kids dino toy to clean up.

My date twisted around in his seat to see, then turned back with a snort. Idiot. Can’t be as effective as the proper tool hanging off the side of the garbage can.

Maybe not, but that wasn’t the point. I shrugged. He’s having fun with his job. And it fits the zoo theme, too.

The janitor had his back to me as he bent over, reaching with the dino grabber for a piece of litter in the bushes to give me a perfect view of his round ass straining against the fabric of his dark-blue industrial overalls. Damn. He made those baggy things look hot. He must look amazing in a tight pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

Whatever. My current date gave me a funny look, dragging my attention back from the hot janitor. What do you do for work?

I laughed and ran my hand through my hair, not sure how to answer that. He was the first one who had asked all day. A bit of everything, I finally hedged, pulling out one of my business cards and sliding across the table to him. Life coach, party planner, tour guide, personal shopper, interior designer, organizer, I said, rattling off just some of the various roles I’d taken on over the last few months.

His eyebrows drew together, and he scoffed. You really qualified for all that?

I pouted, a little stung at the disdain dripping from his voice. "People hire me because I’m good. A lot of the skills overlap. Take personal shopping, interior design, and party planning. Anyone with an eye for fashion, color matching, and the ability to shop