Stay With Me: Book 1

By E.S. Carter and Nicole Horsman

One chance meeting at a friend's house was all it took for Kara to know that she had to find out more about the mysterious and handsome outsider named Ethan Thompson. An Army veteran in his late 30s, he keeps to himself and doesn't allow anyone to know more than they have to about him and his past. Will Kara be able to befriend Ethan and his Military Working Dog named Jessie? Will she be able to break through the walls that he put up so long ago after all the tragic things that have happened in his life? Will she be able to help him defeat his deeply broken past and come out the other side whole again? When it all comes down to it in the end, will Ethan choose love and acceptance? Or will his fear keep him tied to the life he has always known?

Follow their story from the very beginning in "Stay With Me", book 1!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Feb 25, 2024
• ISBN: 9781304589736

Book preview

CONTENTS

CONTENTS

1 - Who is the outsider?

2 - You should come over

3 - He’s only had water

4 - How was the new kid

5 - You look nice

6 - She’s your best friend, huh

7 - I need you to know it’s not you

8 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

9 - She asked me first

10 - Ask me a question

11 - Give me a reason to…

12 - Movie or music

13 - I have ways

14 - I can wait for you

15 - I need to go home

16 - Oh I’m awake now

17 - Deal

18 - Just hold onto me

19 - I’m starting to believe you

20 - I’m your friend

21 - I don’t deserve you

22 - You are driving me crazy

23 - It’s not just you

twenty-four - Look at me

25 - I’m not afraid of you

26 - Would you stop it

27 - You have no idea

28 - I don’t think I could if I tried

29 - He was trying to protect me

30 - She’s still in it

31 - It’s all you

32 - Go find her

33 - you are not broken

34 - nothing is wrong

35 - check it

36 - i need to tell you something

37 - you need this for you

38 - done

39 - you already have

40 - you are a monster

41 - it’s green

42 - WEll...

43 - Where is your mom

44 - Helen

45 - we will figure this out

46 - just go

47 - you are already home

48 - i’m the lucky one

49 - who is mandy

50 - i need you to listen to me

51 - but i want him

52 - my dearest kara

53 - do we believe him

54 - he just needs to know i’m here

55 - sergeant Thompson

56 - i’m okay

57 - this is home

58 - the chair

59 - they don’t know i’m in texas

60 - does he love her

61 - i always want you kara

62 - you said yet

63 - never change

64 - you first, wifey

65 - we can sleep upstairs

66 - i have an idea

67 - we can get you help

68 - i could remind you

69 - how are you doing this

70 - i get it

71 - i made you a promise

72 - for loving me like you do

73 - then show me

74 - what about me

75 - only with you

76 - we can stay

77 - can we help you

78 - do you understand me

79 - don’t say another word

80 - katy’s got him

81 - so what’s going to happen

82 - ethan wake up!

83 - i am here

84 - lay down

85 - ti amo

86 - hello mrs. baker

87 - katy, it’s kara

88 - ...

89 - i didn’t want this

90 - i know

91 - i need your help

92 - you loved him

93 - you are my why

94 - i want us

95 - what the hell is wrong with her

96 - say it

epilogue - it was her

1 - Who is the outsider?

My week had been a long one, and the last thing I wanted to do was leave the comfort of my fleece PJs and a glass of wine. But I knew that if I didn’t get my ass in gear, Mel was going to do more than just text me nonstop. The bitch had a key to my apartment, and she was not above showing up and letting herself in when I went AWOL to her texts.

UURRRRGHHHHHHH! I moaned loudly over the music playing through the small Bluetooth speaker next to me. I stared straight ahead and sipped from my glass as the messages pinged my phone.

Kara!

Kara!

Kara!

K

A

R

A

I hated when she did that... I knew I had no way out of this. She had tried to get me to go shopping with her last weekend, and I managed to wiggle my way out of that with cramps. She didn’t need to know that I wasn’t on my period at the time. That wretched monthly gift needs to be good for something. I took a deep breath and tried to zone out and decompress while I listened to the smooth voice of Justin Bieber. He wasn’t the best, but after a glass of red wine, he was good enough for my current mood.

PING! PING!

NO! I yelled at the phone as if she could hear me.

PING!

Fuuuuuuuuuuck! I threw my head back in one hundred percent dramatic fashion and laid my arm over my eyes, hoping to hide from the world just a little longer. But I knew it was just a matter of time before…

BZZZZZZZT BZZZZZZZZT BZZZZZZZZZT! I didn’t even have to look at the phone to know it was her. I loved her more than anyone else in the world, but my fucking God, the girl was persistent. I swiped the call to hang up, shaking my head and pinching the skin on the bridge of my nose.

I’m not going. I said to the phone as someone knocked on my door. BZZZZZZZT BZZZZZZZT BZZZZZZZT! I growled, setting my empty glass down on the coffee table and picking up my phone.

When is the last time I told you how much I hate you? I spoke into the phone without even checking the number as whoever it was knocked again.

Don’t play. You know you love me. Mel’s happy and bubbly voice poured through my phone and into my brain.

Hold on, someone is at my door. I muted the phone and flipped the lock before pulling the door open to find Mel standing on my front step. Are you kidding me? I groaned, throwing my phone on the old blue cushioned chair by the front door.

Oh, stop it. You weren’t doing anything other than sitting on your couch afternoon drinking by yourself, Mel shoved her way through my front door, knocking my Welcome sign crooked. Why do you need to do that when you could come and afternoon drink with me at Josh’s? Mel picked up my phone and quickly punched in the code to access my music list. She switched the song to Sam Smith’s newest single and tossed my phone back on the chair while the bass almost vibrated my speaker off the arm of the couch. I leaned my head on the door, gripping the doorknob, and severely reassessing my standards for my best friend. I closed the door after righting the sign, and Mel pulled a glass out of the cupboard to help herself to a glass of wine.

Have a glass, I gestured sarcastically to her, throwing myself back onto the couch. In all honesty, what was mine was hers and vice versa, but at that moment, it just felt right to give her a hard time about not even asking me if she could have some.

Please, Kara, I bought you this! She drained her glass and read the writing on the side of the bottle. Mel shrugged her approval of the grocery store vintage and leaned over the counter looking at me. Ok… get dressed.

What if I don’t want to? I pulled a crocheted blanket across my lap, like that would be a good reason why I wasn’t able to get up.

I don’t give two shits. She put her glass in my sink and walked across the wood floor of my living room, with her sandals popping with every step she took. Get up, get dressed, do that thing with your hair that makes you look cute, and let’s go! I flipped her off and rolled my eyes as she grabbed the blanket off my lap and tossed it to the other end of the couch. I’m going to be in the car waiting for you. If you are not out there in ten minuets, I’m coming back in and dragging your ass out the door by your feet. I CAN do it! She threatened, pointing at me. I’m stronger than you, and you know it.

I’m buying you two fewer presents for Christmas! I shot back at her without moving from my spot on the couch.

I don’t want your crappy gifts! She winked, checking that she hadn’t messed up her lipstick drinking my wine, in the mirror that hung next to the door. Besides… She opened the front door. It would be worth it if it gets your ass out of this house. Life is more than work and cheap bottles of wine and sucky music. My mouth dropped open.

You bought me that wine! I squinted my eyes at her, trying to envision myself making her disappear. I wish I could do magic like that.

And don’t give me that crap about being on your period this time! If you don’t think I know that you don’t start till the 18, then you obviously don’t know how much of a best friend I really am. She explained, pointing at her chest as though knowing my monthly schedule was a requirement of being my friend. She nodded at me and gestured to my bedroom. Go! Mel began to pull the door closed behind her, and I tossed my slipper at the door. I managed to hit it just before she pulled it shut, only for her to then flip me off through my window.

Well… I spoke to the empty room. I guess I’m going to Josh’s. I stomped across my soft, baby blue, fuzzy carpet, shutting off my speaker and picking up my phone. Mel honked her horn at me, and I yelled I’M GOING!!!!!!! to no one but myself and my wine.

─ ▪ ▪ ▪ ─

So, who is supposed to be here? I asked Mel, leaning my head on my hand that was propped on the door of her new Audi. It was her baby. I was surprised she let me in it without fully wiping me down with baby wipes first.

Well, she started, looking over her right shoulder to see if she could change lanes through traffic. Josh. At that, I cut her off, feigning surprise from the passenger seat. My hands shot to my mouth, and my knees pressed together tightly.

Josh?!?! At his own house? Mel rolled her eyes and kept talking.

Josh’s sister Cynthia, who is home from school for the weekend, and I think a few of her friends.

Excellent! I cut her off again, watching Mel fix her black hair in the rearview mirror while we waited at the red light. I always wanted to hang out with a bunch of twenty-something-year-olds.

Oh, would you stop being such a shit?! Mel slapped my leg as the light changed to green, and the cars began to move. Mark is there with Emily and a friend or two of his. Then Jamie, Alex, Lexi, Bryan.

How many more?! I groaned, closing my eyes and slowly shaking my head. She was quickly approaching my max number of people. Too many people make things too people-y for me. I began to twist my long brown hair around the pointer finger on my right hand. I very rarely wore my hair down, and the odds were high that it would be put up in its signature messy bun before long.

What is wrong with you? Mel laughed. It’s a cookout! You don’t have a cookout with two people?! She slowed the car and flipped her blinker on to turn up Josh’s road. He didn’t live all that far from me, and if we had really wanted to, we could’ve walked, cutting through the neighborhood behind my complex, but again… her new Audi… she’d drive it from the couch to the kitchen if she could.

Anyone else? I asked, unplugging my phone from her charger and sliding it into my back pocket.

Um… OH! Rachel, and she’s bringing her cousin. I don’t know his name, but he has a dog!

Lots of people have dogs. I laughed, unbuckling my seatbelt and moving my hand to open the door.

Yeah, but this dog is supposed to be really cool. Like she did things with him in the Army.

Like what? The door shut behind me, and I fought the urge to run my hand all over Mel’s windshield just to bug her. Don’t listen to the voices, Kara. I smiled to myself, and Mel caught my expression. She knew me well enough to know right away what I was thinking.

Kara Marie Baker, don’t you fucking do it! She slammed her door and pointed at me. I winked at her and hovered my hand above the clear, clean glass. Kara! God damn it, don’t! She yelled again, running around to my side of the car and grabbing my hand. I laughed while making a mental note to leave a fingerprint right in her view from the driver’s side seat. And how the hell should I know what the damn dog did? Mel laughed, hooking her arm in mine, and we began walking up the front yard to the gate. I could already hear the music and the laughter of some of my favorite people.

─ ▪ ▪ ▪ ─

I play a good game, but these people really are what keeps me going during shitty weeks like this one has been. Josh had hung party lights along his white privacy fence that enclosed his yard. A fire pit had been lit despite it being ninety degrees out. Mark and Jamie were playing horseshoes while Josh’s sister’s girlfriends were drooling over the older men. If they only knew that the only thing that made those guys different from them was that they were old enough to rent a car. We were all mostly in our early thirties. We had significant others from time to time. Lexi and Alex were a constant thing, but they had been since college. They just got engaged last Christmas. They were really the only ones pretending to be adults in our circle. The rest of us just tried to live paycheck to paycheck and make it to work on time. It wasn’t much, but this was my circle, and I loved them. Except for a few faces I didn’t recognize that littered Josh’s backyard, this was the same group of people that I had been hanging out with since I was a teen. With braces and those awful chunky blonde highlights that were big back then. I really can’t believe Mel let me have those done.

KARE BEAR! Josh yelled, flipping burgers and drinking a beer.

Hey babe. I walked up to him and put my hand on his chest. He wrapped his arm holding the beer bottle around me, and I kissed his cheek. Josh was a handsome guy at six one, with black hair, and a style somewhere between Walmart and Target. He kept his face as naked as it was when he was thirteen, but his hair was long enough to wrap into a man bun. One of my favorite things to do was to braid it when we would drink enough that it was ok with him.

How was work this week? He smiled, sipping off the green bottle in his hand.

Ugh... I groaned. Don’t ask.

Oooooooooh, He puckered his face, knowing all too well the type of week I had had. I’m sorry, sweetie. Fuck them! I snorted into his side, and he let me go to point around the yard. Well, the drinks are in the cooler over there, I’m doing the manly thing and cooking animal flesh that you are more than welcome to eat once it’s done, and other than that... He looked around the yard at our friends laughing and drinking. I think you know pretty much everyone here.

Who is the outsider? I asked, extending my chin at a man I had never seen before in our circle. He was sitting next to the fire talking to Lexi and sipping a bottle of water. He had a dog laying at his feet that looked like one of those shaved down German Shepherds but more manic. I was impressed it could lay there so calmly with all the crazy happening around it. Josh used to have a dog, but that little bastard was mean. I was happy when his mom fell in love with it and the little jerk went to live with his parents in New Jersey. See you later, jackass.

Oh! Josh swallowed another swig of beer and began trying to balance a plate in that same hand to fill with food. I smiled and took the plate, holding it out so he could stack his meat products on it. That is Ethan… he’s Rachel’s cousin. He’s been here once or twice before. He’s an Army guy like Mark.

Do we like him? I asked, watching him out of the corner of my eye but trying not to make it obvious.

Yeah, he’s cool… the dog’s name is Jessie.

Woah! I laughed. First name basis with the dog… it must be serious! I giggled, watching Josh’s face turn into that smile that drove all the college girls crazy. It still does, based on the looks he was getting from his sister’s giggling gaggle of cheerleaders or whatever the hell they were.

Jessie is pretty cool… she’s pretty quiet though… she won’t talk to you.

We will see about that; dogs love me.

Mark Ruff-alo didn’t, he shrugged.

That dog was the devil! I hissed, walking to the table next to the fire where all the food was. Josh laughed out loud, nodding in agreement. I eyed Ethan carefully while I dodged the mole hills in Josh’s backyard. That was the one thing I liked his dog for… it got rid of the stupid mole hills. I was far enough away that I couldn’t hear the conversation, but I watched the new guy lean back in his chair with a bottle of water in his hands. He kept tightening the lid on it as he talked to Lexi. He had dirty blonde hair that was styled with a fade cut: short on the bottom and longer on top. I thought Army guys were supposed to shave their heads. At least that’s what we told Mark the night before he left for bootcamp. That was a good night. It only took four beers before he let us shave his head. It was possible that he didn’t actually have to shave his head, but it was worth it for the pics that we took.

I got to the table and shifted a few things before setting the plate down for the group to devour. I reached under the table into a cooler and grabbed a wine cooler. I wasn’t in the mood to get really drunk, but a sweet sugary buzz may not be so bad. I walked over to the only available chair that just happened to be next to fade cut. I still wasn’t paying attention to his and Lexi’s conversation, but I was paying attention to the fact that he would run his hand through his hair and then pat it back down. He tried to get rid of the side swept sleepy look that most of the guys in this backyard actually styled their hair for. He sat forward in his seat and leaned his elbows on his knees as Lexi laughed at something he said. He reached down without looking and touched his dog that I was still not convinced was actually alive, as she hadn’t moved even an inch. Once he touched her head, one of his legs began to bob up and down like he was nervous, and he went back to over tightening his water bottle. His shoulders were wide, and he had to be as tall as Josh or taller. He was muscled and had the look that said he probably ran every morning, like in one of those grey shirts that said ARMY. Probably at like four AM or some insanely early time that should be illegal for anyone to be awake unless they never went to bed.

As I watched the Army guy talk with his hands, I noticed that Jessie had opened her eyes and was sniffing the air without actually picking up her head. I’m guessing she could smell the plate of what did Josh call it? Manly animal meat? I don’t know. I smiled at her as her dark eyes blinked from her position flat on the ground at Army’s feet. I swigged off my drink and nonchalantly wiggled my hand at her, hoping it would entice her to come over and talk to me. BLINK BLINK. Went her eyes, but that was it. No tail wag… no wiggle… she didn’t even pick her head up. I tried again and made a kissy face, sure that would do the trick. BLINK BLINK. My lips pursed, and my shoulders dropped. This was unacceptable, as I said before, all dogs love me. I was not above going and grabbing a piece of meat off the plate just for her. I would buy my friendship with her. I had no problem with that.

2 - You should come over

She’s not going to talk to you unless I tell her she can, a voice out of nowhere made me jump and snapped me out of my fixation with getting the flat dog to talk to me. I looked up and noticed that Lexi was gone, and it was just me and Army… and the flat dog.

Um… Hi. I blushed as I wondered just how long this guy had been sitting here watching me make faces at his dog.

Hi, he nodded without so much as a smile in my direction.

Hi, I said again, watching Army’s head tilt to the side slightly confused by the fact that I was repeating myself.

Ok Jessie, he breathed out, reaching down and tapping her on her side. As soon as the words left his mouth, the dog shot up out of nowhere and sat next to him, nudging his hand with her nose.

Wow! I raised my eyebrows, watching the dog stare at him as though there was nothing else happening in the yard around her. She’s really well-trained.

She needs to be; she has a job to do, he replied without much of a personality.

Like what? I leaned forward in my seat, reaching my hand out just a little bit, hoping she would come over.

She’s an MWD for the US Army. She finds lost people in disaster areas.

What’s she doing here? This is not exactly a life-or-death situation unless you know something I don’t. I looked around the yard at the blatant lack of people to search and rescue. Ethan’s mouth looked as though it wanted to smile, but much to my dismay, he kept a straight face while the fire popped and snapped next to us.

I’m her handler, and we are home for a while. He looked at her and finally let that smile that was fighting to break free take over his features. He had short stubble where a beard might be, and his eyes lit up when he smiled. Well, hello handsome. I swigged off my drink to try to hide my amusement at how good-looking he was once he dropped the stone wall façade.

Oh… I nodded, trying to think of what to say next. Why was this so hard? He didn’t look this hard to talk to, given how he and Lexi were carrying on. Maybe she had met him before? He undid the cap on his water bottle and drank off it before beginning to flip the cap around in his fingers. He always had to be moving somehow. He fidgets a lot. I thought to myself. My name is Kara. I smiled, remembering that I hadn’t yet told him my name. I held my hand out to shake his while scooting to the front of my chair. He looked at me for a moment, as if he was trying to decide if he wanted to touch me or not.

Ethan. He nodded and held his hand out to reach mine. Just as the rough skin on the tips of his fingers brushed my palm, the place he touched tingled, and my mouth suddenly went dry. The fire next to us reflected its dance back to me in his grey eyes that were stuck looking into mine. I felt my skin blushing red. Thank God it was so hot out; hopefully, it wasn’t as obvious as it could have been. The sounds of the backyard faded around us, and the warm breeze moved my hair across my shoulders, causing me to shiver. It wasn’t until Jessie popped up suddenly and threw her long front legs across his lap that he cleared his throat and let go of my hand. I laughed.

Someone is jealous. I smiled at her again, trying to get her to come over to me.

Something like that. Ethan nodded, licking his lips and beginning to pet Jessie’s back. I sipped off my drink that was now half gone. Before I knew what was happening, in an attempt to avoid silence between us, my mouth blurted out.

So, I thought Army guys had to shave their heads? Oh my god, shut up, Kara! It was everything I could do in the moment to not physically stick my foot in my mouth. I was doing it figuratively, so why not go for both, apparently. Christ, Kara! This is why you stay home!

Um… you don’t have to… It just has to be neat and clean-looking. Despite the severe lack of interesting conversation, he never looked away from my face. It was as though nothing else in the backyard mattered but our horrible conversation. He was dedicated… I’d give him that much. I really need to figure out how to excuse myself and ask Lexi what the hell I’m supposed to talk to this guy about. I watched Jessie finally stand down and take her legs off him. She looked at him for a moment, and he nodded. Go ahead. He gestured to me and leaned back into the chair. He put his ankle on his knee and leaned his elbow on the arm of the red lawn chair he was sitting in so well. He rested his temple onto his fist and propped his head up, looking at me. Jessie instantly transformed into an entirely different dog and came right up to me as though she had just seen me. Wait a second… did they just have a conversation without actually having a conversation?

Did she just ask for permission to come see me? I laughed, putting my drink between my thighs and reaching my hands out to pet Jessie behind the ears.

Yeah... He smiled. She isn’t allowed to act on impulse unless it’s work-related, or I tell her she can.

It makes sense given what you do, doesn’t it? Yes, it does! I said, looking right at her and scratching her hips that she had leaned against my legs. What was it about dogs that turns us into blabbering idiots? It didn’t take long for her to almost melt back down to the ground wanting other parts of her body scratched. How old is she?

Four. Ethan breathed out heavily, leaning forward and beginning to bite his nails once again, readjusting himself in his chair.

Isn’t that young for a dog like that? Like to do that job? You would think it would take longer to train them. I giggled, watching Jessie roll around on her back in the grass while I gently wiggled her feet around.

Not these guys. You get them with the right trainers, and the breeders start them out right off the bat learning things. It happens pretty fast. Ethan put his hand out as Jessie slammed her chest up against his knee and started play mouthing his hand.

How long have you had her? I wondered.

About two years… six months at home and a year and a half away.

And they just let her come home with you? Jessie wandered about three feet away from where we were sitting and began pawing at the ground where the damn moles lived. Maybe we had a replacement mole dog. I smiled, watching her stick her wet black nose as close to the ground as she could and sniffing loudly before pawing the ground and doing it again.

You have to get clearances and stuff, but yeah… they need a break too from the shit. They’ll work themselves to death. He ran his hand through his hair, but this time he let it stay swiped off to the side instead of fixing it right away. He looked so good sitting there. The light was fading, and the twinkle lights against the white fence were illuminating the entire backyard in colored lights that danced off every reflective surface. Between that and the shadows that the fire was casting, Ethan’s skin looked almost magical, and every part of me wanted to touch it again just to see if the sparks from earlier really were from him.

That must be hard to be gone that long and do what you guys do. As soon as the words left my lips, I instantly regretted saying them. Everything about Ethan changed. He sat up straighter in his chair, crossed his arms over his chest, tucked his hands into the crooks of his arms, and cleared his throat.

Yeah… At the sound of his voice, Jessie’s ears picked up, and she walked back over to him before putting her front legs back up in his lap. It’s ok, Jessie, chill. He said quietly, causing her to pull her legs off and lay down at his feet.

Is she ok? I asked, worried that she had suddenly stopped enjoying her mole hunt and came over to him.

Yeah… He grimaced, taking a deep breath. Yeah, she’s good.

KARA!!!!!!!!! Mel yelled at me from across the yard. Come be my partner for horseshoes!!!!!! I looked at Ethan, wishing that he would keep me here. Not only because I didn’t want to play horseshoes, but because I wanted to stay with him. I obviously had torpedoed the conversation, but I really thought I could get him talking about Jessie again and maybe get to see that smile one more time.

I... um… I pointed at Mel and looked back and forth between her and Ethan.

Yeah. He shrugged, gesturing at Mel, giving me the go-ahead to see what she needed. Why was he so damn hard to read? I know our conversation wasn’t the best, but he could at least make it seem like he would’ve liked me to stay here with him and Jessie. Go ahead. He nodded at the group of people huddled around the sand pits.

You should come over. I stood up and reached out my hand for him to hold. Might as well take the shot. What’s the worst he can do? Come play. You don’t have to sit over here all by yourself.

I have Jessie. He mumbled with a totally straight face, trying not to make eye contact with me. It was as if my hand wasn’t hanging in the air above him. He picked his empty water bottle up from where he had set it down on the ground next to his chair and began to once again tighten the cap obsessively. Jessie got up from her spot on the ground and nudged Ethan’s hand with her nose. You could tell it was reflexive for him to respond to her touch because he didn’t even seem to have to think about it as he opened his hand and rubbed behind her ear.

Oh… ok… yeah… of course. I shrugged, dropping my hand and absentmindedly pulling the ponytail holder off my wrist and flipping my hair up into that bun that I knew was going to happen. It was my go-to whenever I was uncomfortable.

KARA!!!!!! Mel yelled again. She had clearly already begun drinking heavily. Ethan shook his head at Mel’s antics and smirked, wiping his face with his hands.

So, if I don’t go over there, she’s just going to get worse. I laughed, pointing at my mess of a friend who was currently piggybacked on Mark. I took a step towards them and then paused, hoping against hope that Ethan would suddenly thaw and decide to come over. Are you sure you don’t want to? I tried one more time.

I’m okay. He shook his head and held his hand up in the air for a moment. Between you and me, this type of thing has more people around than I really would like. So, I’m okay sitting kind of out of the storm. He scrunched his face, and it dawned on me that Ethan didn’t like it when things were too people-y either. I swallowed hard. This guy was perfect if I could just get him to talk about more than his dog.

I totally get it. I smiled. It was really great talking to you and Jessie… I hope to see you around. I held out my hand once again for his. He looked at me hard for a moment as if I was offering him a choice between life or death. I almost dropped my hand again, but then he stood up and took a step towards me. It was everything I could do to not stare at his body as he stood in front of me at his full height. He was sure taller than Josh by at least two or three inches. The top of my head came up to just under his chin. He had tattoos that peeked out below the sleeves of his T-shirt, and I desperately wanted to run my finger under the brim of it to see more of them. He wore faded jeans that were tight enough to show his muscular thighs but not so tight that I could see everything… damn him.

It was really nice talking with you, Kara. He nodded, stepping forward almost nervously and taking my hand in his again to shake. Without hesitation, the sparks shot through my body, and I was dying to know if he felt the same, but his face refused to give anything away. It wasn’t until Jessie shoved her way between our legs that I stopped staring at the poor guy. He stood leaning ever so slightly into me with the hand that wasn’t holding mine stuffed in his jeans pocket. Now that we had stepped away from the fireplace, I could smell the scent of his clothes, and whatever it was, made me want to snuggle my face into his shirt and inhale deeply. I was so screwed… he was for sure going to be the next face I picture when I needed a private moment with myself and my vibrator.

KARA! Mel yelled as a half-empty water bottle came flying across the backyard. I let go of Ethan’s hand, and our fingers seemed to naturally just slide across each other in a way that made it so we could remain touching for as long as possible. I smiled and was sure my skin was the color of the red lawn chair he had been sitting in this entire time. I had to get away from him before I couldn’t blame it on the fire anymore.

With that, I turned and walked across the yard, feeling his eyes burn into my back. I was sure he was looking at me as I walked away, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn around to check. I made a mental note to track down Rachel and find out more about him. I was really hoping I’d see him again, but given how uncomfortable he looked, I really wasn’t sure if that was going to happen or not, and it made me a little sad.

3 - He’s only had water

I spent the next hour chucking horseshoes horribly with Mel. I don’t think I hit the pole once. I was REALLY bad at it. Mel was normally good, but with her being three sheets to the wind, I was definitely the more skilled of the two of us. I’m pretty sure she even chucked a horseshoe over the fence at one point. It was BAD. Every now and then, I looked over at the fireplace as the sky surrounding us got darker and darker. Ethan was still sitting there petting Jessie and having random conversations as people came and went. He didn’t eat anything. He never drank anything other than water. He only seemed to smile when it was directed at something that Jessie was doing. He even managed to survive the group of wandering college girls after they hovered around him for a while not too long ago. He had gotten up to go into the house at that point. I would’ve bet money that it was to avoid them. I was pretty sure I saw him look out from the back porch to see if they had vacated his spot by the fire. It was only then that he came back with Jessie only a step behind him. She really was a cool dog. It was clear how bonded they were.

When Mel was finally so drunk that she could barely stand up straight, the boys no longer allowed her to play. She did almost hit Lexi with a rogue horseshoe, so it made sense to me. Seeing how we rode together, my night had just gotten a lot more interesting. I had had a drink or two, but I was far from drunk. I could’ve driven home but again… didn’t have my car. Once the night began to wind down and Josh pulled out his acoustic guitar, I knew it was time to try and figure out what I was going to do. Josh and his guitar were always the official closing act of any of our cookouts. Everyone would get drunk, eat, and then listen to Josh pretend he was John Mayer.

Alright my lovely. I laughed, rubbing Mel’s back, causing her to purr like a cat. I need to get home… if you let me take your car home, I will come back for you in the morning. At that proposition, Mel almost fell over, snapping her head in my direction so fast.

You are NOT taking my Audi! That’s brand new! You are lucky I let you sit in it! I laughed, crossing my arms across my chest and looking down at my feet.

I am fully aware of how much of a privilege that was, Mel. Thank you, I laughed.

Damn right! She declared, nodding her head, and almost falling off the log she was sitting on.

But how do you propose I get home? I raised my eyebrows, looking at her.

You can stay in the guest room. Josh sang into his song as if it was another verse.

Nah dude, that’s where your sister and her friends are staying. Our friend Jamie chimed in. I looked over at Josh and then at Mel.

I’ll take you home. A voice carried over the sound of the guitar and the group of people singing along, holding their lighters in the air as Josh played. My heart stopped, knowing instantly who the sudden voice belonged to. It was Ethan, who was still sitting in his red chair that everyone else had congregated around once the guitar came out.

That depends... Josh continued to sing. Rachel… is he grabby? Everyone laughed and giggled at the implication that Ethan, who literally rescues trapped and dying people for a living, might be a creep to a stranded woman in the middle of the night.

How much have you drunk? Josh continued singing.

He’s only had water. I laughed, not realizing that I had just admitted to watching him all night long. How else would I have known that? Good one Kara. I had never wanted to melt into the grass so badly in my entire life. Even from across the fire, I noticed the smile tug at the corner of Ethan’s mouth. I’m pretty sure he blushed slightly, but it also could’ve just been the flickering light of the fire casting shadows.

Have you only had water? Josh continued singing, looking over at Ethan. Still not breaking eye contact with me, he just nodded. Damn, this guy was intense. My heart began to race, and I found myself calculating how long it had been since I had sex with something that wasn’t my hand or battery-powered. Jesus, down girl.

Then have a good night, kids. Josh smiled. EVERYBODY!!!

Have a good night, kids! The group yelled and sang, waving their hands in the air to the music. I shrugged and took a deep breath, looking at Ethan. He held out his arm to guide me to the gate after leashing Jessie up. I kissed Mel on the cheek and told her to call me in the morning so I would know she got home alright, but I knew none of these guys would’ve let her do anything dumb. We all cared about each other too deeply.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! Mel yelled from her log again, causing everyone to laugh as if they were all a bunch of high school kids. We had all known Mel, long enough that we knew exactly what it was she wouldn’t do, and the list was short.

So... Ethan opened the gate for me to walk through before telling Jessie she could go out and then stepping through it himself, closing it behind him. Where do you live?

Not far from here… over on Declan Ave. I saw Ethan think for a moment in the light of the streetlamp that perched above our heads.

Well, we can drive, or we can walk. He stood with a hand in the front pocket of his faded jeans, and the other holding Jessie’s leash as she stood next to him. It was clear that it was a technicality. I highly believed that he could’ve never leashed that dog, and she wouldn’t have left his side. The only thing I can tell you, though, is that you would have to ride in the back seat.

Why is that? I tilted my head, looking at him quizzically.

Because Jessie called shotgun privileges years ago. Ethan said one-hundred percent straight-faced while Jessie just leaned into his leg as if he was the most important thing in her world.

Well... I laughed, watching her tongue hang adorably out of the side of her mouth. I wouldn’t want to dethrone the queen now, would I? Let’s walk if you don’t mind. If we cut through the park over there, it’s only like a twenty minute adventure. Ethan nodded and put his car keys back in his pocket before turning and allowing me to walk ahead first.

Ladies first. He gestured, holding his arm out ahead of us, suggesting for me to take the lead.

Why, thank you, sir. I curtseyed before stepping ahead of him. The night had begun to cool nicely, and the crickets and frogs had begun to sing. The wind blew softly, and the shadows cast from the streetlights created the perfect silhouette of Ethan’s face as I looked over at him out of the corner of my eye. I had already made one mistake tonight and made it very obvious that I had been watching him. I didn’t need to make it worse. So... I breathed out, clutching my phone in my hands nervously, not able to take the silence any longer. It didn’t seem to bother him, though, as we walked. The silence. It was almost as if he was more comfortable not saying anything than engaging in even a small conversation. So... I said again, shuffling along next to him, listening to the sound of Jessie’s dog tags clanging against one another. What was it about this guy that made words just disappear from my mind?

So... He repeated, looking straight ahead but turning his eyes ever so slightly, so they were clearly looking in my direction.

Why do you keep repeating the things I say to you? I asked, reaching up to redo my bun in one of my uncomfortable-in-my-own-skin moments.

Do you want the truth? He said without taking his eyes off of Jessie, walking at his side. The response caught me off guard, and I wasn’t one hundred percent sure how to respond, but I finally had him talking, so now was the time to agree to anything that kept the awkwardness at bay.

Yes. I replied nervously, laughing and shuffling my feet through the grass as we approached the park.

You have a tendency to say something and then pause for a long time when you are trying to start a conversation. If I just let you linger there… in the silence… you look uncomfortable. I don’t like it.

You don’t like the silence, or you don’t like that I look uncomfortable? I asked, slowing down my pace and looking directly at him.

I’m fine with the silence. He didn’t even pause and just kept moving forward as I fell behind. He shrugged. But I repeat what you say to kind of keep the conversation going because I can tell that you are not. I stopped walking, and my mouth dropped open.

WOW! I laughed. Am I that obvious? I felt myself blushing, and he stopped and turned towards me in the dark.

In a good way, he whispered softly, taking a deep breath and staring into my eyes as though he was trying to figure me out. Even in the darkness of the night, I could see his eyes shining back at me. He really was handsome. I licked my lips as we stood silently only feet from one another, and my knees began to get weak. Ethan opened his mouth to speak but almost instantly shut his lips and turned away from me, starting to walk slowly in the direction of my house. I blinked, totally thrown off by this guy. One moment I feel like he’s starting to warm up to me, and the next he’s shutting me out. Nothing like stringing a girl along. I wonder if he even knows what he’s doing. He seems too nice to be THAT kind of guy. Are you coming? He turned back to me, and I realized that I hadn’t moved for a while. Without hesitation, I started walking again to catch up to him.

Ok… I’ve got a question… I began.

Ok... He never took his eyes off the darkness ahead of us. Every now and then, he would look as though he was scanning the space around us, but it was so fast I was sure he didn’t think I saw it.

When is your birthday? I figured that would be harmless enough that he’d want to answer it without shutting down on me.

Really? He laughed. Oh my god, I made him laugh! He reached down and took Jessie off her leash. Even without the leash on, she walked patiently by his side, waiting for him to let her go.

What?? I laughed. It’s a perfectly legitimate question. I shrugged, shoving his arm a little as he walked beside me. The moment my hand touched his arm, I could feel the muscles beneath his shirt, and I wanted to feel more. I wanted to see what he looked like without the black shirt that he wore so well. You could tell the touch made him uncomfortable, but he was kind enough to allow me to do it and even made it seem as though I was strong enough to push him a few steps to his right.

You could’ve asked a million things, and you asked about my birthday? He crooked an eyebrow and ran his hand through his hair before patting it back down, still not taking his eyes off of the world around us.

I figured it was a good one. I laughed, feeling my socks starting to get wet through my sneakers from the dew-covered grass we were shuffling through.

No, it was… next you will ask my favorite color. He joked, fiddling with Jessie’s leash that was hanging around his neck. It was a little hard to read him as he spoke, but I was pretty positive there was a slight hint of sarcasm in his voice that he put there to be funny. Even if he wouldn’t outwardly show it or admit to it, he was trying.

If you are lucky, I winked at him. He looked away, but not before I saw the edges of his mouth form into a smile. He shook his head slowly. Yeah, you can’t get away from me that easily. I saw it.

July 20. He sniffed, clearing his throat, and looked down at Jessie. Ok, clear it. The words no sooner left his mouth, and she took off into the dark. I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me extremely uneasy.

You are just going to let her go like that? I looked around nervously, trying to see her. I could hear her feet on the ground and her tags hitting one another on her collar, but I couldn’t see her anywhere.

She’s not going to go anywhere, she’s just taking a break. She will come back in a few or as soon as I call. She can take care of herself, he said with nothing but confidence.

She won’t go in the road? I asked worried, pointing at the very empty neighborhood road beside us as though it was a full-blown highway.

No. He shook his head, taking a deep breath and holding it. He was really starting to look uncomfortable, and for a moment, I wondered why he had offered to walk me home if he clearly had such a hard time just talking with me.

Year? I pressed, trying to keep the conversation going.

Now it’s getting serious. He raised his eyebrows again, trying to be silly without actually being silly. Somehow, I could read his humor. It was slight and reserved, but it was there.

What year? I smiled, asking again as Jessie came trotting up to us from behind. At some point, she must have circled around, but I didn’t hear it.

Good girl. He patted her head as she began to walk next to him again. 1989.

God, you’re old! I said, pretending to be revolted by him. In reality, he was only two years older than me, but for the sake of the conversation, it was funny. He snorted and feigned insult while pressing one of his hands to his chest as if I hurt his feelings.

How about you? When is your birthday? He asked, surprising me. So far, any of our conversation tonight at the cookout or during this walk had been heavily one-sided and driven by me, so the fact that he asked me a question was a relief.

May 15.

Year? He asked, stepping up onto a wooden beam that held the wood chips around the swings in the park.

1991. I squeaked out, ready to catch shit for giving him a hard time just moments ago.

Hypocrite, he replied dryly while a very faint smile overtook his face. Caught you again! You think I can’t see it because it’s dark, but I made you smile again!

Hey, I never said that I wasn’t old too. I giggled. You couldn’t see it because of the light tonight, but I’m actually full of wrinkles and grey hairs.

Of course, he laughed. My god, that was an amazing sound. It wasn’t much, and it was soft, and if you weren’t really paying attention, you would’ve missed it. It was clear he was trying to keep me at arm’s length, but little by little, I was getting through.

Ok, so this is a start. I know your name is Ethan, last name unknown. I know you are in the Army and you don’t have to shave your head, just don’t tell Mark. I know your dog’s name is Jessie and she’s amazing. I know your birthday. I continued counting on my fingers. Which is July 20, 1989. I watched Ethan nod as if confirming each of the facts I listed off. And that’s it. I let my arms drop down by my sides.

You know more… He said without looking at me. He kept his eyes trained ahead into the dark as if trying to avoid continuing his own train of thought.

What do you mean? I asked, with my eyebrows furrowed and kicking the wood chips beneath my feet.

You know I don’t drink. I scrunched my face painfully, hoping he couldn’t see it in the dark. Good one, Kara.

I did notice that, didn’t I? I said, trying to play off the amount of time I actually spent watching him tonight.

You did. He nodded, watching his feet as we got closer to the pavement of the park’s parking lot. My house wasn’t much further away, and our time together was coming to an end faster than I really wanted.

I mean, it wasn’t hard to notice… you barely got out of the chair. I scratched the back of my neck nervously.

Watched me all night, did you? He looked at me out of the side of his eye and leashed Jessie back up as we made our way onto the sidewalk. I stopped walking and covered my face with both of my hands. I could feel the blush creeping up my neck.

Not all night… Christ, I wish I could disappear.

Don’t worry, he said, stepping back to me. If it’s any consolation… you really suck at horseshoes. My head snapped up as he turned and continued down the sidewalk. Holy shit… was he watching me? I smiled and bit my lip while running to catch up with him and Jessie.

For the next few moments, we walked in silence, thinking over what we had both confessed to each other. Is it possible that he was as interested in me as I was in him?

Well… I breathed out and began to slow my steps. This one is me. I pointed at my apartment building. It wasn’t much, but it was home. It had more character than your normal run-of-the-mill apartment complex. It was all one level, so it wasn’t like a townhouse, but it also wasn’t room upon rooms of multiple apartments. I had my own entryway to the outside world, so it made it seem much homier than you would’ve thought. The slight smile that had been sitting on Ethan’s lips began to fade as he turned to me but said nothing. Do you want a ride back to Josh’s to get your car? I asked, picking my keys out of my back pocket.

Nah... he shook his head. It won’t hurt Jessie to walk back. She likes it.

Are you sure? You want to walk alone? Before I could even stop the words that fell out of my mouth next, they spilled out into the air. Will you be okay?

Um... He cocked his head to the side questioningly. Yes… yes, I had just asked a man in the Army if he would be okay by himself in the dark. I sighed to myself. Just stop talking, Kara. Yeah… I think I’ll be good… besides… Jessie has my six. He patted her on the head. It was then that I realized that when he let her off-leash in the park, he must’ve asked her to check the area. My god, these two were amazing.

Of course, I laughed nervously. Well, Ethan… I had a really nice time getting to know you tonight. I fidgeted in my shoes, trying to convince myself to just ask him for his number, but every part of me was sure that it would scare him off.

Likewise, he nodded. I’m sure that I will see you again… probably at Josh’s?

That would be great. I smiled, stepping up onto the first stair to the front door.

Well, go get in… I want to know you are inside before I leave. He gestured at my door with one hand before returning it to the pocket of his jeans. SHUT THE FUCK UP, is this guy for real?

Thanks for walking me home. I waved slightly over my shoulder, hoping against hope he’d say something else so I didn’t have to leave. But unsurprisingly, he just let me go. I pretended to fight with my key for a moment just to give him a little more time, but he said nothing, and my heart dropped. It appeared as if my night with Army and Jessie was over, and I didn’t like it at all. He had somehow managed to grow on me very quickly, and I hardly knew anything about him. He was reserved and thought out and private, but at the same time seemed as though he craved more from someone. He wanted that connection… at least I thought he did. But as he let me walk into my apartment without saying anything, and I closed the door behind me, I wasn’t so sure that I would be seeing Ethan and Jessie again, and that made me sad.

Taking one last moment, I looked out the peephole of my door, hoping that he would still be there, but there was nothing but darkness on the other side. He and Jessie had disappeared into the shadows without leaving a trace that they had walked into my life tonight.

4 - How was the new kid

Hey Mel, you doing okay? I texted her once I knew it was late enough that she would probably be awake. It was ten a.m., and the day had started hours ago for many. I normally would be up by now, but it took me hours to fall asleep last night after my walk home with Ethan. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, wishing that he had said something instead of just letting me go. I stared blankly across my bedroom, watching the specks of dust float through the sunbeams that sliced through my curtains. My phone vibrating next to me snapped me momentarily out of the fog that I couldn’t get out of.

*Groan was all that hit my screen, and I laughed to myself, knowing that it was Mel and that she had had a little too much fun at Josh’s the night before.

That good, huh? I texted back, smiling, knowing that she was going to regret the next few hours.

*Sigh

LOL!

Shut up… How was the new kid? She typed back faster than anyone else I knew. I snorted to myself as I lay in bed, trying to decide what I wanted to say next. Ethan seemed like a pretty private guy who may not want anyone to know about anything that happened between us. The only problem was, nothing actually happened. There really wasn’t much to share.

If you are asking if I slept with Ethan…

"Grl I know you didn’t. Rachel said she doubts he's even talked to a girl in years.