Dreaming Into Reality's Mirage

By I J Nayak

"Dreaming Into Reality's Mirage" invites you to explore the fascinating potential of the human brain and delve into altered states of consciousness. I. J. Nayak, in this captivating literary work, delves into the realms of dreaming, consciousness, and the enigmatic mi

• Language: English
• Publisher: I J Nayak
• Release date: Dec 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9798869053473

Book preview

Dreaming Into Reality's Mirage

This text was originally published in India on the year of 2023.

The edits and layout of this version are Copyright © 2023

by I J Nayak

This publication has no affiliation with the original Author or publication company.

Dreaming Into Reality's Mirage

I J Nayak

India

2023

CONTENTS

Introduction

Magical Thinking

Dream On

Holidays from Reality

Puppets on a String

Wonder Child

Ayahuasca

Ending of Ego

The Lightness of Being

The Empty Differences Between the Dreams

Epilogue

Introduction

Are we living a dream within a dream?

Edgar Allan Poe, in his work 'A Dream Within a Dream,' describes an encounter between dreams.

A French woman in her early thirties who spoke multiple languages fluently was assigned as the shaman's assistant and her role was to translate Spanish instructions, provide calm reassurance as necessary and lead us safely towards toilets in darkness. I told her I felt fine; to which she responded in kind: 'That's good; do you want another drink now?'

It certainly felt like a hospital ward when I entered a ceremonial hut called maloca, built upon stilts above a muddy stream in Peruvian Amazon. Sitting or lying on wipe-down plastic mattresses strewn across each side, my fellow patients held puke buckets close by for when we needed urgently to relieve ourselves during the night. More organised individuals brought their own torches to provide illumination during any urgent runs to relieve themselves that would inevitably have to occur during our night together.

At this jungle ward in February 2017, we had come to find healing for various afflictions: drug addiction, depression or past traumas were just a few reasons we came together. Others, like myself, simply desired more meaning and purpose in their lives than mainstream religion was providing; an antidote for frustration and cynicism of middle age. For several weeks leading up to our operation, we abstained from sexual activity as well as followed a diet free from red meat, spices, salt and pepper; oils; animal fat dairy; carbonated beverages tea coffee and alcohol; in preparation for what would happen at dusk the female shaman would lead us in preparation.

Ritually cleansing us with wild tobacco smoke was followed by ceremonially administering our doses of bitter medicine known as Ayahuasca or Yage; once inhaled it could prove hazardous. Once swallowed there would be no turning back and once fully engaged we were strapped in for what could prove a terrifying journey.

As soon as I told Ian Sample, the science editor for London's Guardian newspaper, what my plans were earlier that month via email, his response had been immediate and convincing: 'Are You Sure About This?! It Sounds Fun/Terrifying/Bonkers.' But at first, I was certain.

Before European settlement and Christianity spread across the Amazon in the late fifteenth century, indigenous Amazonians employed ayahuasca extensively for religious, rite of passage and medical ceremonies and treatments. Under colonialism however its use was severely suppressed, remaining only accessible in parts of Upper Amazon; but more recently plane-loads of Western tourists have visited to drink this psychoactive drink while simultaneously scientific research into its uses has seen exponential growth.

My trip to Peru was driven both by research for a Guardian article and by my desire to improve my own wellbeing. A few months before departing on my adventure, I read an intriguing study suggesting ayahuasca can alter an individual's outlook by making them less judgmental and emotionally reactive while improving their mindfulness in challenging circumstances. 1 Another study hinted it may also have antidepressant properties while some also suggested it could help treat addictions or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).2,3 All this seemed too good to be true but since I had interviewed some of these scientists responsible, it seemed fitting for me personally to try the medicine myself! Luckily enough before leaving I interviewed several scientists involved who gave their insights in interviews while now it seemed worthwhile taking it myself!

After filling out several medical questionnaires in which I painted an optimistic picture of my physical and mental wellbeing, I was delighted to receive an invitation for an Ayahuasca retreat at Peru's acclaimed Temple of the Way of Light near Iquitos. Their intensive treatment programme offered much promise in my recovery journey.

Over nine days, five ayahuasca ceremonies would be conducted with experienced Shipibo healers present, along with personal consultations with facilitators, workshops and cleansing 'flower baths'. All events would be run in English accompanied by English-speaking facilitators to ensure an unforgettable experience.

At about one week before my flight, however, I began having doubts. Not the few but widely reported fatalities among thousands of Western tourists who had consumed ayahuasca in South America over recent years (on closer examination most, if not all, of these deaths turned out to be related to poorly run retreat centres or unrelated factors such as reactions to psychoactive drugs or road traffic accidents); rather it was my family history of bipolar disorder which caused concern.

There is something exciting and mysterious about watching someone use an incredible amount of energy just to withstand an ordinary situation like their everyday life. So it is no coincidence that one can easily find themselves involved with such practices as these when visiting new places. I don't personally suffer from bipolar disorder or schizophrenia; however, drinking or smoking ayahuasca, with its psychoactive component dimethyltryptamine (DMT), has been proven to 'unmask' symptoms for those genetically predisposed.5 The same holds true of all classic psychedelics. When the hellish properties of LSD were first identified in the forties, scientists were more fascinated with its ability to induce psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions than its potential for medicinal use. As part of its MKUltra program in the 1950s and 60s, the CIA conducted clandestine research projects utilizing LSD as part of a mind-control weapon against enemy officials before important meetings or speeches; using mental torture techniques on foreign agents for confessions; or brainwashing subjects into becoming robot agents (Robot Agents). Unfortunately these investigations were ultimately abandoned when its effects proved too unpredictable; not before hundreds of unwitting subjects had been dosed without consent!

LSD, DMT and psilocybin (found in magic mushrooms and truffles) are considered classic psychedelics.

All psychotic substances work by binding to one particular molecule in the brain - the serotonin 2A receptor. Serotonin, one of the receptor's binding partners, is a neurotransmitter that promotes nerve signal transmission and has been proposed as a possible stress response response pathway; some researchers even hypothesize that serotonin plays an active role in controlling extreme levels of stress responses. Concerningly, certain antipsychotic drugs appear to work by blocking serotonin from binding with its 2A receptors. Once the initial effects of classic psychedelics have passed, psychosis or mania risk is minimal, even among individuals like myself who may be genetically predisposed. However, studies estimate that up to a third of those exposed will go on to develop schizophrenia or bipolar disorder6 This was becoming frightening; was I willing to risk my precious mental health simply out of curiosity?

Accidentally, I hadn't disclosed my bipolar family history on any screening questionnaires for Temple of the Way of Light. Furthermore, I failed to reveal an experience at university decades earlier in which I felt wired for several days and nights seemingly for no obvious reason - was it manic episode or simply genetic? After taking some Valium prescribed by my GP at the time brought my symptoms under control quickly enough that they never recurred; yet their memory continued to make me nervous about taking ayahuasca.

Once I revealed my family history of bipolar disorder to the Temple of the Way of Light, they quickly withdrew my participation from its program. Mental breakdowns after ceremonies are rare but difficult for some attendees; unfortunately we do not possess professional psychological staff to safely support these individuals'. According to her email, any general medical clinic (let alone hospital) was only accessible via two hours hike through jungle and boat trip through Amazon; my request to attend ceremonies as an observer was also denied on these grounds.

My presence could interrupt shamans in their delicate healing work with participants.

But my flight was already booked and I was determined to experience at least one ceremony in and around Iquitos. If it proved sufficiently reassuring, then I might take the plunge myself; provided it would involve only low doses with no commitment required from multiple ceremonies over multiple sessions. Finally after several failed inquiries and just days before my departure flight, a reputable retreat centre 20 miles outside Iquitos agreed to accept me on these terms.

Dios Ayahuasca Sanaciones was just what we expected - a collection of thatched huts in a clearing about half an hour's walk through the jungle from Highway 11. There was no electricity or running water; but this place was clean and well maintained. My confidence was growing rapidly as both staff and guests were friendly, relaxed and welcoming - although some spoke little English themselves. My trust began to flourish. Through a translator, I spoke with the shaman running the center about my family history of bipolar and asked if it would be wise for me to consume a small dose of medicine during that evening's ceremony. He looked deeply into my eyes for several seconds as if trying to detect whether my mind was stable, before nodding and assuring me everything would be okay. After being turned away from the Temple of the Way of Light, eight days after being turned back I was sitting on a mattress against a wooden pillar in the centre's maloca waiting for my first psychedelic trip. I had some knowledge of biochemistry of what was currently happening within my body. Ayahuasca's genius lies in its combination of DMT from Psychotria viridis shrub and chemicals from Banisteriopsis caapi vine known as'monoamine oxidase inhibitors' which block an enzyme which would otherwise break down any potential psychotropic substances before having any significant impact on nervous system activity.

After swallowing the foul-tasting liquid, I convinced myself I could feel its steady journey through my body from guts into veins and ultimately reaching my brain before spreading like wildfire across my entire being.

As DMT took control of my senses, sweat poured down my forehead and into one eye. As the night progressed, nocturnal chorus of hoots, barks and growls in the jungle seemed to increase in volume - answering shamans' melancholic but mesmerizing medicine songs known as icaros which summon plant spirits. Close by where I was sitting I could clearly hear rhythmic rattle of chakapa (a rattle made from dried palm leaves) close behind me but upon turning my head there was nobody there but nevertheless the rattle continued unacclaimably!

My Macedonian neighbor several feet to my left was well acquainted with ceremonies and began reaching for his bucket, dry-retching into it and laughing joyfully - I too began feeling queasy but failed to recognize its humor. Apart from experiencing vomiting and diarrhoea - both common effects - first time Ayahuasca users often feel an immense sense of fear on their trip, feeling as if their ego has been chemically stripped away - something similar to death can occur. Submerge yourself in the experience, had been my advice from an experienced user a few weeks earlier. If I allowed myself to experience it fully, sensations of extraordinary bliss and peace may ensue; vivid visions of exotic rainforest creatures, healing encounters with Mother Ayahuasca herself, mind-blowing adventures awaited me!

My other neighbour - a Londoner in his thirties - and I were waiting for the ceremony to start about an hour earlier when we reminisced about a trip he had taken last year in which they flew an actual space shuttle through a jungle canopy at nighttime. He saw pyramids emerging through gaps between floorboards at a ceremony taking place far below. My visions, after taking less medicine, were comparatively less dramatic. Closed my eyes and I found myself standing on a colonial-style monastery balcony looking out onto an expansive courtyard full of seething, brightly-hued geometric forms. What filled me with joy and wonder most was listening to the shaman's plaintive song; its volume, beauty, and ineffable meaning all enhanced by ayahuasca.

Soon afterwards - I thought it must have been near dawn, but in reality only hours had gone by - the effects began to dissipate; there had been no terror, no ego dissolution; only an overwhelming sense of wonder about this perception-warping, magical experience. My stomach had been grumbling and I was feeling queasy since drinking the concoction from the shaman's assistant, yet there had been no urge to use my bucket or rush off to the restroom since intaking its contents. So when she approached to ask if I wanted another sip, it tempted me. As soon as I remembered the risks associated with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia in my family history, I decided that enough was enough. Not wanting to push my luck too far, I declined my invitation and declined further participation in any study or activities related to them. Soon afterwards, I regretted my initial hesitation to explore more deeply the extraordinary realms of consciousness I had heard others describe, leaving with an uncomfortable sense that my life would have been richer for having done so. Since that initial timid experience I have taken bolder leaps with positive results that will be described later in this book.

Taken a psychedelic drug is an act of faith. No one knows in advance what will unfold inside one's inner world once everyday reality has been temporarily suspended, nor what the lasting impacts may be. At first blush it may sound alarming; yet every night when we turn off our lights to sleep we take a similar leap into unknown. Who knows what nightmares may emerge? But there are also parallels. Dreams tend to be completely isolated from external sensory reality and predominantly visual in nature. People often report seeing hypnagogic visions of random, abstract shapes when falling asleep that recall geometric patterns they witnessed on trips. Dreaming and tripping both distort time perception, creating vivid, first-person experiences unlike anything available through film or TV dramas. Perhaps these similar mechanisms explain both biological purposes for dreams as well as therapeutic potential of psychedelics?

Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, theorized that dreams offer a safe channel to fulfill repressed sexual desires; by interpreting dreams skillful therapists could reveal these desires and help their clients to explore them further.

Neuroscientists now believe that rather than unearthing suppressed urges, neuroscientists believe it's the unsettling suspension of sensory reality checks during all altered states - from dreams and hypnosis to psychedelics and deep meditation - which unlocks their potential benefits; in so doing they also expose a truth about ordinary consciousness which could prove uncomfortable.

Altered states of consciousness are temporary deviations from our normal, baseline, waking state that involve changes in perception, cognition, emotion and arousal levels. They may occur spontaneously due to trauma, epileptic fit or near-death experience or may be intentionally induced through drugs or practices such as sensory deprivation fasting breathing techniques or focused awareness - or they can even dissolve longstanding beliefs about what's probable or improbable and dissolve any distinctions between self and other.

Dreams are an ancient, everyday state that we all experience, yet many remain mysterious in their purpose. Even before birth, dreams prepared the way for your arrival into this world. Your mother may have had an ultrasound scan at thirty weeks' gestation which would have revealed almost constant rapid eye movements (REMs), characteristic of dreaming sleep. No one knows for certain what your dreams were in the warm darkness of the womb, but your brain was almost certainly imparting two essential skills. As you clenched and unclenched your fists (unlike later in childhood and adulthood, when your muscles still worked in your dreams), you were learning what it means to be an active agent located within a physical body, known as 'core selfhood.' And second, as your eyes darted around under closed eyelids as if following some hidden drama - like they were following action - these first lessons taught how to see were also being taught.

Dreams were once seen as mere superstition, but we now understand their power to shape highly adaptable brains - not only in humans but also other mammals and birds - including foetuses of both species. Perhaps that explains why human foetuses appear to benefit so greatly from dream-inducing experiences while they develop in utero.

Infants and children often dream, which has long been recognized as being important. Dreaming can also serve to consolidate memories for unfamiliar and complex tasks undertaken for the first time, as well as regulate emotions and stimulate creativity - as we will see shortly.

Dreams may serve as a training ground for our daily activities; but what if I told you that everything that you see, hear, taste, smell, feel and touch is only virtually real? Words on a page, feeling of holding a book or e-reader in your hands, hearing distant traffic or conversations and your body occupying particular space and posture - none of these experiences come directly from data gathered by photoreceptors in your eyes, touch receptors in fingertips and microscopic hairs in inner ears as well as proprioceptors recording muscle position and movement. Evidence indicates that virtual realities created by your brain using its same neural machinery that creates dreams is likely not what we thought it was.7 Instead of passively building an accurate inner representation of external reality, according to this troubling new paradigm your mind is constantly adapting and drawing on past experience to predict what's going on around us; sensory input remains valuable in reality-testing the guesses your mind comes up with, though not given much consideration itself.

Perception's virtual nature helps us understand why so many self-deceptions, sensory illusions and hallucinations occur in daily life - why else would distortions of reality, like those found in dreams, seem so convincingly convincing? Humans face a realization almost as shocking to Keanu Reeves' character Neo in The Matrix when watching a spoon held by a girl bend under his gaze before quickly springing back upright again. No trickery was required here - simply realizing the truth is all it took: 'There is no spoon! It is you who bends'8

Like Neo, it is time we all came to terms with the discovery that our minds play an essential role in shaping everything we feel, see, hear, smell, taste and touch. This doesn't imply there is no objective reality outside, but rather that our perceptions are the product of the brain's inbuilt virtual-reality generator. Neuroscientists now believe that visual perception, for instance, does not rely on our sensory cortex manually reconstructing a three-dimensional internal representation made up of edges, lines and blobs in raw sensory data; rather, what we see is effectively just the concept of spoon encompassing all that we know and have experienced in terms of spoons. At birth and during infancy, we begin constructing our perceptual concepts from scratch by collecting multisensory associations and cementing them in memory. As a baby transitioning away from milk and learning to understand spoons, you learned how to associate their visual characteristics with those of food and your parents as well as how it felt in your mouth, taste of food, and any sensations of hunger being satisfied by using one. But as you grew, more you relied on internal virtual spoon data instead.

As the brain evolves, perceptions begin to transform from direct sensations into more-or-less predictions shaped by context and similar past experiences; like templates held up before one's mind's eye in order to judge how closely they match sensory input from outside sources. The brain appears to take care in choosing templates which best correspond with sensory data streaming in from its senses - perhaps updating this template over time to minimize discrepancies or prediction errors by selecting those with optimal matches; further improving them as needed so as to minimize mismatches as much as possible.

All this occurs unconsciously and instantaneously; if we could take a slower look at how it might work it may look something like this: imagine you hear a knock at your front door; upon opening it you find a knocker who looks familiar - who could it be? Your brain uses contextual factors (time of day, whether someone was expected, etc) to generate likely scenarios - the postman, a friend, neighbour or complete strangers might all make appearances; ultimately it chooses one of them which minimizes prediction errors as its final choice - that one being its final choice and thus its success in making its prediction errors calculations; ultimately this decision-making will minimize its prediction errors thus increasing accuracy by keeping prediction errors down by choosing which of those scenarios

As soon as sensory data are limited, templates become essential to processing them accurately and creating meaningful