The Aishakutty Mail

By Maria Wills Thomas

My Vappichi owns a Chayakada (Teashop) which is famous for its Unna kaya (deep fried stuffed plantain), kaipola (steamed plantain cake), Arikadukka (fried stuffed mussel) and our famous keema samosa prepared using a secret family recipe. My Ummichi (mother) ran an Attar (perfume) shop. My Ummichi has excellent selling skills which was why there was a huge demand for her perfumes in our Kozhipuram village and also in the nearby towns

• Language: English
• Publisher: Book rivers
• Release date: Feb 27, 2024
• ISBN: 9789358424041

Book preview

CHAPTER-1

AISHAKUTTY AND THE SUPERSTARS

As-salamu alaykum!

I

t’s me Aishakutty aka Aisha koya from Kozhipuram village in Kerala. I am also the only lucky one in my family to escape from my family’s love for dramatic names. Ok let me take you through the flashback. My Vappuppa (paternal grandfather) was such a big Malayalam movie buff that he named my Vappichi (father) after the legendary Malayalam actor Premnazeer. Ironically, my Uppuppa (maternal grandfather) was a big Bollywood (hindi film industry) fan so he named my Ummichi (mother) as Mumtaz Banu after two of his favourite actresses Mumtaz and Saira Banu. When it was time for my parents to name their off springs, my Ummichi (mother) thought it was really passé to name after movie stars so they just named them after Rulers, my Ikka (brother) was named Shahjahan whom we lovingly called Shaju and Itha (sister) was named as Razia sultana. Luckily for me, when I was born my parents had gotten over their love for dramatic names and just named me as simply ‘Aisha’.

My Vappichi owns a Chayakada (Teashop) which is famous for its Unna kaya (deep fried stuffed plantain), kaipola (steamed plantain cake), Arikadukka (fried stuffed mussel) and our famous keema samosa prepared using a secret family recipe. My Ummichi (mother) ran an Attar (perfume) shop. My Ummichi has excellent selling skills which was why there was a huge demand for her perfumes in our Kozhipuram village and also in the nearby towns.

My Vappumma (father’s mother) thought that my mother was a very headstrong woman because of her success. My Vappumma mockingly called my mother ‘Attar Rani’ (perfume queen). It was not just my mother’s business savviness which irritated my Vappumma but also the fact that my mother’s family was quite well off. My mother’s family was into fish trading business and my mother had lead a very comfortable life. Her father my Uppuppa (maternal grandfather) had high hopes for her but unfortunately she fell in love with the irresistible Premnazeer that was my father. My Father’s only asset was his handsome face and a small teashop which was run by his family. My mother’s family was dead against the match as they could never imagine the offspring of Chayakaran Abdu (Chaya means Tea) to marry into their prestigious family. But at last the inevitable happened and they had to agree for the marriage. My Uppuppa did not want my mother to struggle monetarily after marriage so he opened an attar shop for her and her favourite brother Shameer mama (uncle) who was in Sharjah and who had an attar business there supplied her with the stock from there. My Vappumma (paternal grandmother) was a jolly good person but she loved baiting my mother by her remarks by saying that her family’s money stank of fish and crookedness. So whenever my mother and Vappumma came face to face there was an earthquake which was subsided by the charming intervention of my father.  

My Vappichi (father) was vain about two things in life. One about his youthful looks and another about his cooking skills.  People from our village knew exactly how to get free food from my father’s teashop which was to praise his cooking.  Dubaikuttan who was an NRI (non-residential Indian) from our village who was also a big gasbag, once told my father that he was as good as an Italian chef called Carluccio. Now none of us had ever heard of this chef but Dubaikuttan said that it was considered to be something great to be compared to that chef. But I am sure that Dubaikuttan would not have ever stepped inside an Italian restaurant or had any knowledge about the cuisine as he still had trouble deciphering the difference between an Idiyappam (steamed rice noodles) and pasta. But I really pity poor Carluccio as he became our very own Keralite Carlachan (the name was transformed into a colloquial name).

The villagers compared Vappichi to Carlachan which made him so proud of himself that he gave them free Pazhampori (deep fried plantain fry) when ummichi was not around. My Vappichi took extra care about his looks. Every morning we could find our Vappichi in neatly ironed colourful printed shirt and pant. He also had this trademark hairstyle of the 70’s which was set with Keokarpin Hair oil (a scented hair oil available in India).

My Vappichi with his clean shaven handsome looks was the heartthrob of many women in our village but according to him the Noori (light/angel) of his life was my ummichi. So welcome all to our utterly dramatic family and village and let me take you on a ride through the hilarious antics of various special characters.

CHAPTER-2

THE TWO RULERS

T

he two rulers of my house my siblings that is my Ikka (brother) shahjahan who was 20 years old and my Itha (sister) Razia Sultana 17 years old indeed ruled our house. There was also a fierce competition between them to win every argument. My brother was not at all good at studies, so after attempting three times to pass the 10th class exams he had finally given up on studies. But he could create amazing art using colours. He was also an introvert who hardly had any friends apart from Krishna Menon who was an amazing artist and my brother’s mentor. Krishna Menon whom we lovingly called Krishnettan (ettan means brother) had a studio near the beach where people and tourist used to come to buy his paintings. Krishnettan is a regular at my Vappichi’s teashop and after hearing about my brother’s struggle with studies and his talent with a brush and paint, he took him under his wing. Now my brother worked at Krishnettan’s studio following his passion. After my brother failed at his attempts to clear his 10th exams my parents became extra sensitive towards him. They did not want him to go into depression so their main aim became to cheer him up. Whatever he commanded, they were his faithful servants to carry out his commands and demands.  Me and my sister knew that at times he was using emotional blackmail to get his way. We had caught him literally grinning to himself after he emotionally manipulated my soft hearted parents. He had this beautiful dimpled smile which made me forgive anything he did. But my sister was not so generous. At every opportunity there was a fight between my brother and sister with them behaving like alley cats literally scratching and hurting each other.

My Itha (sister) was the genius of our house. She excelled at studies and won many prizes in quiz competitions but she did not look or dress like a nerd. In fact, her another great passion apart from studies was fashion and she was a trend setter in our Kozhipuram village. She had a good eye for colours and style which she used to create fashionable clothes with our limited resources According to our Vappumma, my sister had inherited her great dressing sense, which was highly questionable but quite fine if your style ran into too much bling and fluorescent colours. My sister never told her friends that her father owned a teashop, they were under the impression that our Vappichi was a big restaurant owner who had over 20 employees. Since her college was in the town, no one visited our home so they did not know that we lived in an old one storey house and not the mansion which my sister boasted about. She always preferred my mother’s side of family as they were well off and sophisticated. My Vappumma who was the mistress of nicknames used to call her Kochi Rajavinthe Kochu Magal which meant the granddaughter of the king of kochi which was a colloquial phrase used to describe a person with an attitude. I felt that there was no name which could describe my sister better than that. So the battle between Shahjahan and Razia Sultana continued in my house over trivial things. But I always felt that my Itha Razia was the one who triggered a fight by irritating my Ikka. I never said that openly because every Friday my Ikka got me cream cake from Best Bakery which was a famous shop in town and Itha got me