Bloom

By Robin Stone

Beth Carter longed to be something more than what she had been. As a teenager, she hadn't known that her decisions would cost her so much. She also hadn't had much of a choice. Will the secrets she carried one day come back to destroy her? Or will she be able to overcome the pain of her past and finally...Bloom?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Higher Ground Books & Media
• Release date: Nov 11, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223211655

Book preview

COPYRIGHT ©2023 BY Robin Stone (Higher Ground Books & Media)

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without prior permission by the copyright owner and the publisher of this book.

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Higher Ground Books & Media

P.O. Box 2914

Springfield, OH 45501-2914

www.highergroundbooksandmedia.com

1-937-970-0554

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in the work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Printed in the United States of America 2023

Bloom

Robin Stone

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the strongest woman I know, my mother. She has shown me my whole life that I can overcome any struggle if I put my faith in God and just keep moving forward. Thank you for teaching me the important things, Mom. I love you.

And to my sisters, also strong women who have had more than their fair share of struggles. You’ve got this, ladies! Love you both!

And of course, to my daughter. Always the love of my life. You’re doing great and you’ve got a wonderful future ahead of you. Thank you for being my greatest blessing.

Author’s Note

Sometimes our memories don’t accurately reflect what actually happened. This is especially true when we’ve experienced trauma. Memories are a collection of our fears, our dreams, and all of the influences in our lives. When we’re young, we may think that something happened a certain way, but later we realize that our perspective wasn’t completely correct and that we were seeing things through a lens that didn’t quite include the whole picture (or even half of it in some cases). Whether we fail to see the whole truth because we’re afraid of what it all means or maybe we never allowed ourselves to see it to begin with, looking back on life after having lived a bit more often provides us with the context we need to understand all of the lessons that once made no sense. That’s what Bloom is all about. I hope you will enjoy this journey with Beth as she struggles to understand what her life has been and after a little healing, what it can be.

Thank you for reading.

Robin Stone

Foreword

Let the dead bury their own...

Beth Carter longed to be something more than what she had been.  As a teenager, she hadn’t known that her decisions would cost her so much.  She also hadn’t had much of a choice.  Would the secrets she carried one day come back to destroy her?   Or will she be able to overcome the pain of her past and finally...Bloom.

CHAPTER ONE

Clarkston, Ohio, June , 1989

Tears streamed down her face as she looked around for her friends.  Everyone else was celebrating; laughing and carrying on like it was the best day of their lives.  But not Beth.  She was looking down the barrel of another lonely summer and probably one of the worst years of her life.  Not that she knew for sure, but she was certain that she’d made some decisions lately that would keep her trapped in a life that she had long since been ready to escape. 

It was graduation day at Clarkston High and most of her peers had already chosen their path for the next four or five years.  Beth had been so focused on getting into a military program that would have paid for her college tuition that she hadn’t made any backup plans.  When the program had fallen through, her options had been cut to nothing and now she was stuck.  I was supposed to be a lawyer, she had thought to herself.  What the hell do I do now?  It was probably for the best.  She had two younger sisters at home who still needed her, and she would have worried herself to death being so far away from them.  But she had really thought that she could do it.  She thought she could get out and then come back for them, but that hadn’t been the case.  Just like with every other thing she’d ever tried, as soon as she was sure enough to step out in the middle of the room, the floor caved in.  The bottom dropped out and now she wouldn’t even have school to lean on for support. 

Beth’s parents fought constantly.  There hadn’t been a night in the past four years that she hadn’t spent consoling her sisters and shielding them from the arguments taking place in the family kitchen.  She had always ushered them up to their bedroom and gotten them involved in a board game or some other stupid thing to keep them occupied.  They were young and they didn’t understand the yelling.  But Beth did.  She heard every word as she sat out in the hallway, listening for the end and hoping that one didn’t kill the other.

For a while, she prayed that God would stop the fighting.  And then one day at school, she had stumbled upon some information about a Navy program that would allow her to go to law school and become a military attorney.  She had always wanted to be a judge, so this program was exciting to her.  With years of training and experience, she might actually be able to do what she wanted to do.  Her father, of course, was against the whole idea.  He had been in the military when he was younger, and he hadn’t liked it at all.  Whatever he had seen during his time in the Army had soured him on the whole idea and he spent most of his time discouraging Beth from going in.  When he wasn’t drunk, that is.  Her mother understood why she wanted to go.  Beth had wanted to leave since the fighting had started, but she was only 17 and things had been so broken for so long she was afraid of what might happen if she left her sisters to deal with the mess on their own.  They were just kids; 8 and 12 years old.  What could they do to protect each other? 

As she stood there looking around the stadium, Beth was awakened from her reverie by her friend Stacy.  She had run over and playfully bumped Beth in the shoulder, Hey girl!  We made it! she’d said.

Yeah, we did, Beth said.  She tried to sound cheerful, but the tearstains on her cheeks gave her away.

So why are you standing here looking so damned sad? she said.

Oh, I’m okay, Beth said, Just overwhelmed, I guess.

Nothing to be overwhelmed about, girl, she said, We’ve got parties to go to!

Stacy herded Beth over to where the crowd was disbursing, and they talked for a few moments with some other friends.  Beth wasn’t particularly close to anyone except Stacy, and even that relationship was a bit tenuous.  It wasn’t like Beth’s parents would even let her go to parties.  Even though she was 17 years old, her parents still treated her like a child.  This was partly because they’d been so preoccupied with their own problems that they hadn’t noticed she was growing up.  She told Stacy that she would catch up with her later and she got in her car and drove home.  Her parents had already left the stadium and told her not to be too late, but she knew that they meant to get home as soon as she’d had a chance to talk with her friends.

As she drove through the neighborhood, she looked around at all of the houses that she had only seen in passing over the last four years.  She had never been allowed to visit any of her friends on this side of town.  So, although she knew that Stacey had lived just down the block from the school and the boy she’d had a crush on lived about three blocks away from the stadium where they had just graduated, she knew little else about the community she had grown up in.  The streets that she and Stacey had cruised down many times over the last few years were dangerous, but that hadn’t stopped her.  She usually told her mother that they were going to the movies and then they would spend the next few hours roaming the streets looking for guys to flirt with.  But this was all over.  Stacey would be leaving for college in just a couple of months and she’d be living in Florida.  There was no way Beth’s car would make it all the way down there.  And she was sure that Stacey wouldn’t be eager to come back to Clarkston, Ohio anytime soon.  Once she got out, who could blame her.  There was nothing here worth staying for and Beth had known that for a long time.

Clarkston, OH, December, 1988

She had been dreaming about leaving Clarkston for the past four years.  Ever since her mother and father had lost their business and gone bankrupt, they had been at each other’s throats.  At one point, she had thought her mother would leave him, but she never did.  Night after night, he would stumble in after being at the bar all afternoon.  He would yell at whoever he saw first and complain about never having what he wanted for dinner.  He would gripe about the house not being clean enough or the kids making too much noise.  None of his complaints were actually warranted, but he was always stinkin’ drunk so that didn’t matter to him. 

Whenever she could, Beth had picked up shifts at the local grocery store so that she could make some money to set aside.  She had been working there for over a year and had only been able to save about $500.  Instead of putting money back each week, she had been taking her sisters out to see movies and get something to eat.  It was better than hiding in their bedroom and trying to keep them from hearing all of the screaming that was going on downstairs.  This past year they had seen every new animated film that had been released.  That’s how often they had needed to get out of the house.  She often wondered what would have happened if she had just taken the girls and ran away.  Would anyone have come after them?  Would they have even noticed?

She was driving around now and she didn’t have anywhere in particular to go. She could go home, after all, she was just a block from her house. But she knew that if she went home now, she would probably be walking into an argument. She didn’t think she could stand another one. Her thoughts trailed off as she drove. What would have happened if I’d just taken Melanie and Katie? She would be 18 soon and after she graduated, there would be no reason for her to stay here.  She couldn’t leave them behind, but would they go willingly?  It was a crazy idea.  Besides, where could she go with just $500 and two kids?  What would she be able to do? 

Her thoughts were all over the place as she drove and she missed the turn-off to her street.  She kept driving until she reached the state park that was about a mile from her house.  She’d spent many afternoons there in the summer; walking and listening to music while she had dreamed of ways to run away from this life.  She pulled into the parking lot and took a spot close to the Ranger’s Station.  It was winter, but they hadn’t had much snow and so, it was just cold and a little sad. As she placed the car in park, she looked around the lot to see if anyone else was nearby.  For now, it was clear.  No one else was there and everything was quiet.  Beth sat back in her seat and closed her eyes.  It was never going to get any easier.  This was always going to be her life and there was nothing she could do to get away from it. 

A knock on the passenger side window startled Beth out of her sleep.  Everything was dark, except for the two faint lights outside the station.  The figure outside was dark, but she could see that it was a ranger.  He had on a uniform and the light was shining almost directly on his name tag.  The tag said, Jim.  She carefully rolled the window down enough to hear what he was saying.

Miss, you’re going to have to leave the park now.  We’re closing the gate, he said.

I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep, she said, I’ll be out of here in a second.

No problem, ma’am.  Is everything okay? he said.

He was a nice-looking guy, with dark hair, cut short around his ears and a bright smile.  His skin was dark, and she could see the outline of his biceps through the short sleeves of his uniform.  She definitely hadn’t seen him around here before.

Oh, yes, everything is fine. I just came out here to think, she said.  I lost track of time, I guess.

It’s a good place for that, he said, But you really do need to go now.

I understand, she said.

Well drive safe and come back soon, he said.  He stood up straight and gave the top of her car a light pat before walking around the front of it and up to the station.

He seemed like a nice guy.  Those were certainly in short supply.  She rolled up the window and then turned up the heat.  She watched him unlock the station door and go inside and then she pulled out of the lot and back onto the road.  The car radio said it was 9:30. She was going to be in so much trouble.  Her parents were probably going crazy trying to figure out where she had gone to.  She tried not to speed down the road as she hurried toward her house.  She was dreading every minute, but the sooner she got there the better.  At least if she got there before 10, it would be before curfew.  She didn’t know why they went so crazy if they didn’t know every step she took anyway.  Why couldn’t she have a little time to herself? 

CLARKSTON, OH, JUNE, 1989

As she approached the house, she saw her father’s truck parked at the curb.  This couldn’t be good.  He was usually at the bar until at least 11.  Why was he home now?  What was going on?  She parked the car at the curb behind his truck and sat there for a moment taking in a few deep breaths.  It’s no big deal, she said to herself, I just graduated from high school, they should be proud of me.  Surely they aren’t sitting in there waiting to put the smack down on me for not calling in.

Nothing could have prepared her for the sight she saw when she walked in the front door.  Her mother was sitting in the middle of the floor, covered in blood.  She had a baseball bat in one hand, and she was staring blankly at the wall.  Just three feet from her, her father lay in a pool of his own blood.  He had been beaten to a pulp and he didn’t appear to be breathing.  Beth stopped short at the sight and then she let out a yelp.  Mom, what the...? she said.  What happened?

Her mother was shaking, but she seemed to wake from her stupor at the sight of Beth standing in the doorway.  She looked at the bloody mess on the floor beside her and then at the bat she held.  Before Beth knew what was happening, her mother jumped.  She ran over to her and said in a very calm voice, You’ve got to go.

CHAPTER TWO

Sedona, AZ, September 2020

You’ve got to go, she’d said.  The words still whispered in Beth’s ears, even after all this time.  Her mother had given her all of the money she’d had in her purse and the money she’d been able to get out of her father’s pockets as he lay there bleeding.  Take the girls and go.  Get as far away from here as you can, she’d said. 

Without another word, Beth had run upstairs and packed two bags for herself and for her sisters.  She ran back downstairs and gave her mother one last look before she headed out the door.  When she got to her aunt’s house, she went inside and woke them up and carried the youngest outside while holding onto Melanie’s hand. Once she had buckled them into their seatbelts, she got in and started the car. She had driven away from town as fast as she could and she’d never looked back.

Today, over thirty years later, she could hardly believe this had been part of her life.  The girls had grown up and moved away.  Beth had been in Sedona for almost twenty years now.  After the girls had graduated, she had stayed on with them until they had both figured out where they wanted to be.  Melanie had gone off to New York to study music.  She was an excellent vocalist and had gotten a scholarship to one of the top music schools in the country.  Every once in a while, Beth had flown out to see her perform, but they weren’t as close as she’d hoped they would be. 

Kate had been a different story.  No matter what Beth and Melanie had done to help her, she just kept making bad decisions.  She was always with the wrong guy or at the wrong job or doing the wrong thing.  They had eventually lost track of her and one day received word that she’d been found dead in a crack-house in San Francisco.  Apparently, she’d overdosed on heroin and her body had been there for weeks before some homeless person found her.  Beth had received the call one morning as she was heading out the door for the airport.  When she told Melanie, the two of them had sat together for hours without saying a word.  What could they say?  They had failed Kate.  And there would never be anything they could do to fix it. 

Flagstaff, AZ – June, 2002

Ma’am, I know this is incredibly difficult news to hear, but we’re going to need someone to come in and identify the body, the officer had said.

I can do that, she’d said.  And she had taken a detour to the county morgue on her way to catch her flight.  She had gone into that cold, white room with the morgue attendant and watched the monitor that was attached to the wall in the corner of the room.  When the attendant had gone in and removed the cover from the face of the corpse, she almost hadn’t recognized her. But after a moment, she could see that it was Katie.  Her baby sister.  Laid out on that slab, her face was drawn, and she had obviously been through quite a lot.  She looked so old, but in reality, she had only been 21.  Beth had nodded to the attendant to let him know that this was in fact Kate.  She hadn’t had any real ID on her when they found her.  Just an old library card from Ohio.  Why would she have kept something from so long ago?  There had been so little that we’d taken with us when we’d gone that night.  But she’d held onto this card through years of pain and chaos.  Why?

Sedona, AZ – 2020

Beth was looking through her e-mails and trying to eat a tuna sandwich while she waited for her sister to call.  She had been helping Melanie with some advertising for her next big project and the two of them usually had a call every morning at around 10.  It had been a good way for them to try and reconnect after years of being somewhat estranged.  They had stayed in touch, but there had always been an undercurrent of tension between them.  Melanie had blamed Beth for everything that had happened with Kate.  She had blamed Beth for everything that had happened before that, too.  She refused to hear the whole story and Beth had run out of energy and the desire to explain it all.

The phone rang and Beth clicked accept before even checking the number. 

Hello, can I speak to Beth Carter, please? the voice said.

Beth checked her phone, it was an Ohio number that she didn’t recognize.

This is Beth, she said, hesitating to add the last name as she hadn’t used it for the last thirty years. 

Ms. Carter, this is Officer Patton with Adams County Correctional.  We are contacting you because Susan Carter has requested that you be present at her parole hearing on September 7th at 1:30 p.m., the voice said. Are you able to be present for this?

Parole?  Her mother was eligible for parole now?  She hadn’t seen her for over thirty years.  Why would they be calling her now?

I-I’m sorry, but how did you get this number? she asked.

Ma’am, you are listed as next-of-kin for Ms. Carter, and she asked that we contact you, the voice said. 

I am? she said. 

Yes, you’re Beth Carter, correct? the officer asked.

Well, yes.  I am, she said.

You’re not obligated, she just wanted to extend the invitation to you.  Again, it is here at Adams Correctional on September 7th at 1:30 p.m., the officer said.  He then went on to explain the rules for visitors and gave her information how to get into the prison when she arrived.  It was all so strange that she hardly retained any of what he had said.  She had jotted the date and time down on a notebook she had in front of her, but other than that she could barely remember anything that he had said.  Her mother was being paroled.  So, now what?

The phone rang again in her hand and she jumped.  This time it was Melanie.  She answered.

Hey, she said.

What’s up? Melanie said.

Oh-uh, nothing, just got a weird call, she said.

Weird, as in heavy breathing? Or someone trying to sell you an iguana? Melanie said, joking around.

Weird as in Adams County Correctional, she said.

Melanie was quiet for a moment and then said, What did they want?

They asked me if I would come to Mom’s parole hearing, she said.

Again, Melanie was quiet. 

Parole, Melanie, she said, Like, she’s getting out.

It was obvious that neither of them knew how to feel about this.  Melanie hadn’t been a big fan of her mother’s before she had killed their father, but that anger had turned into bitterness over the years and Beth wasn’t sure if it was the murder or the disruption that had pissed her off.  She didn’t seem particularly bothered at her father’s death, but more that she was upset that she’d had to start over when they left Ohio.  She had always complained that the whole thing had set her back years because she’d been active in choir and band at her old school.  It had taken her two years to gather her courage back up to participate once they had settled in Arizona.

I hear that, Melanie said.  Is it for sure that she’s getting out? Don’t they have to vote or something?

Well, yeah, I imagine so.  I mean, I don’t have a lot of experience with being a criminal, she said. Did they call you?

Nobody called me, Melanie said.

Really? she said, That’s odd.  I would have thought they would call all of her family members.

Well, they didn’t, Melanie said. So, are you going?

To the hearing? she said.

No, to the zoo, Melanie said, Yes, to the hearing? Where else?

I don’t know, she said, I don’t really want to go, but she asked for me.  Shouldn’t I show up?

Do whatever you want, Melanie said, I wouldn’t go, but that’s just me.  She made her own bed.

Beth shook her head as she listened.  She couldn’t believe that Melanie’s hatred had only grown stronger over the years.  She hadn’t softened a bit.  Hadn’t she been the least bit concerned about their mother?  The woman had gone through a lot when they were younger, and she had always taken care of them.  Killing their father had been a last resort after years of abuse.  What was she supposed to do, let him beat her up and abuse the kids until they were grown