Branching Out: A Family's Path to Transgender Acceptance

By Olivia Fitzgerald

Written from the perspective of a mother whose adult child is in the gender transition process from male to female, the first chapter of Branching Out: A Family's Path to Transgender Acceptance chronicles the family's reaction to learning that their loved one is transgender and their process of acceptance. Throughout the rest of the book, the author provides resources and guidance to parents navigating their own adult child's gender transition. Topics covered include: coming out to extended family and friends, an overview of gender dysphoria and mental health concerns, gender-affirming medical and surgical treatment, social transition, legal name and gender marker changes, and more. The guidance is presented with the goal of a harmonious, supportive, and informed gender transition process for the whole family.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Olivia Fitzgerald
• Release date: Feb 11, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224899258

Book preview

Chapter 1: Our Family’s Story

Olivia - A Mother’s Story

This year was special; it was our first Christmas in the mountains after we had sold our home in Atlanta and built a life between a winding gravel road and a rushing creek. While we loved the life we were living away from the din of constant traffic and the ever-glowing city lights, we missed spending time with our old friends and family. Moreso, we missed our boys. Jason still lived in Atlanta, and we got to see him once or twice a month for a weekend, but Kyle lived a thousand miles away in Dallas, and we only saw him on special occasions. It had been a couple of years since the family spent Christmas together, and I had been aflutter with anticipation for weeks.

Gavin and Jason had spent the afternoon hiking in the mountains while I had waited for Kyle to arrive, just before dinner. After dinner, Gavin built a fire in the fireplace, and the four of us caught up all our latest happenings around it’s glowing light. We talked about Jason’s new job and his plans for a new truck, Kyle’s upcoming wedding to Janine, and all the planning to come to make their day special.

Within a few hours, Gavin and Jason both decided to turn in early, exhausted after their day of mountain exploring. Kyle and I, having had no such adventurous day, stayed behind. We poured ourselves each a glass of whiskey and settled in for one of our cherished chats.

The fire crackled and popped, casting warm amber light across Kyle's face as he sunk deeper into the leather armchair opposite mine. The mountain cabin, only moments ago so full of laughter and family banter, had quieted down to a still hush, allowing for the kind of silence that begs for whispered secrets and deeply honest heart-to-hearts. I swirled the ice in my half-empty glass, watching as it clinked against the sides, a slow dance of contemplation.

Marriage is a big commitment, son, I said with a gentle nod, sensing the hesitation in his voice. The lines of worry on his forehead seemed more pronounced in the glow of the fireplace. It's okay to have second thoughts.

Kyle fidgeted, his hands tightening around his glass. Mom, I... I don't know if I can do this.

Do what?, I asked, sensing that this simple question would have a complicated answer and knowing that it was an answer I needed to hear.

Swallowing hard, Kyle stared down into glass and was silent for a very long moment, until he said the words I hoped he wouldn’t say, I can’t marry Janine.

Nobody says you have to. Tell me more. My words were a life raft, but his eyes told me he was still drowning.

He hesitated before speaking again in almost a whisper, I feel like I'm supposed to be happy, right? But what if I'm not meant to be? His voice cracked, betraying a vulnerability he seldom showed.

In the seconds that followed, my mind raced to absorb what I was hearing. How could it be that this handsome young man with a good career and a wonderful fiancé is unhappy?

Is it Janine? Are you not happy with her?, I probed.

His hesitation hung between us, until he answered quietly, Yes...and no. I should be happy with her, but I’m not.

I leaned forward, closing the space between us. Happiness isn't something you're 'meant' to be, Kyle. It's something you choose and create; it’s something you chase. And sometimes, finding it means forgetting about shoulds and other people’s expectations of you. You have to be true to yourself to be happy, and I don’t think anyone has ever found a way around that.

Silence fell over us once more, heavy as the snow blanketing the pines outside. Then, with a shaky breath that seemed to pull from dark place deep inside him, Kyle looked at me, and told me the truth I needed to hear for the first time.

Mom, I'm a girl. I've always been a girl. His words hung in the air, fragile and fierce all at once. It should be me in that wedding dress. I’ve decided that if I’m ever going to have a hope of real happiness, I have to come out.

In that moment, my heart hit a crossroads of confusion and clarity. A million thoughts clashed within me—fear, love, uncertainty—but above all, an overwhelming urge to protect and support my child.

Sweetheart, I began, my voice a whisper against the weight of our shared world, When you were born, I gave birth to a human being, not a girl or a boy. You were my child then and you’re my child now. This doesn’t change anything between us. We'll figure this out together, okay?

We talked for hours after that point, though I can’t recall any more of the conversation. I know I asked a lot of questions, and I know that Kyle did too. In those blurry hours of late-night confession, I hope I said the right things, that my racing mind didn’t conjure any hurtful words.

As I stood up to retire, leaving Kyle with the space to breathe in the truth he'd just unveiled, I felt the ground shift beneath me. My sleep that night was restless, filled with fears about what Kyle would face in the coming years, mostly and most immediate, how my husband, my elder son, and Kyle’s fiancé would react. Yet, amidst the unease, a seed of resolve took root. We were venturing into unknown territory, but we wouldn't have to navigate it alone. By morning, I promised myself, I'd start reaching out to communities, therapists, anyone who could help us understand and embrace this journey towards happiness—for my child, for my daughter.

***

The next day as the sun finally pierced the gap between the curtains, I lay there in the early morning stillness, Gavin's steady breathing a comforting rhythm beside me. His 50th birthday loomed like a milestone marker, casting a long shadow over him as he pondered the fuzzy fading of his youth. It wasn't just his age that had me worried; it was the uncharted territory we were about to navigate. Gavin, with his set-in-stone ideas about gender, wasn't ready for our child's truth. I could almost hear his confusion—why would any man want to become a woman? His thoughts seemed to echo through the bedroom, though he slept silently.

Kyle's revelation couldn't have picked a more complex time, yet such is life: it doesn't wait for calm seas to send a storm. My heart ached for the challenge ahead, and I knew my role was clear. I needed to be the bridge between Kyle and Gavin, gently laying down the planks of understanding and acceptance. But first, Gavin's 50th birthday would