Cheese Grits and Hissy Fits: Small Town Girl, #3

By Jann Franklin

The Town of Graisseville, Louisiana needs leadership, and Jen Guidry's ready to help!

 

The village council has resigned. Who will take on a job paying twenty-five dollars a month? Can Jen's father-in-law forgive the people who turned their backs on his grandmother Evelyn Fontenot when she married Wade Guidry?

And what about the star-crossed romance of Acadian Fontenot and Gracie St. Clair? What happened in the past to cause such awkwardness seventeen years later? Would either of them find love? As always, God had a plan.

 

Don't miss the final adventures!

 

Grab your copy of this small town book and follow along as Jen navigates a life she never expected to love. How will this Southern heroine save her village and help her friends?

 

This book is the third of the Small-Town Girl Series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rougarou Press LLC
• Release date: Jan 29, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224674039

Jann Franklin

Jann Franklin lives in the small town of Grand Cane, Louisiana.  Over three hundred other people also live in Grand Cane, and many of Jann’s chapters came from her weekly visits at the downtown coffee shop.   She would like it on the record that Grand Cane’s current mayor and aldermen are nothing like the characters in her book.  They are definitely larger than life, but in a good way. She and her husband John enjoy Sundays at Grand Cane Baptist Church, dinner with family and friends, and watching the lightning bugs in their backyard.  Their kids come to visit, when they aren’t too busy living their big-city lives. She graduated from high school in Russellville, another small town in Arkansas.  She obtained her accounting degree from Baylor University in Waco, Texas and moved to Dallas in 1989.  She still dabbles in accounting but has taken up writing to satisfy her creative side. Like Jen Guidry, she never appreciated her small-town upbringing until she was encouraged to move back to one.  Now she cannot imagine living any other way. If you ever make it to Grand Cane, stop by 4C Coffee Shop and say “hi.”  Rhonda Cox and her employees make amazing coffee, and they will save a seat and a smile for you.

Book preview

Cheese Grits and Hissy Fits

Jann Franklin

Copyright © 2023 by Jann Franklin

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

Contents

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1.How Did I Get Here?

2.Political Possibilities

3.My Daily Dose of Meddling

4.Whiners Aren't Winners

5.Losing Tempers Is Better Than Losing Children

6.How Much Do Strawberries Weigh?

7.Wonder Twin Powers Activate

8.Our Resident Romeo

9.Why Can't I Live in a Normal Town?

10.The Community Garden Coverup

11.Star Crossed or Just Stubborn?

12.Firefighters and Birthday Parties

13.A Midsummer Night's Mutiny

14.God Blesses the Broken Road

15.The Truly Terrible Trade Day

16.Bourbon and Bible Studies

17.The Gifts That Keep On Giving

18.An Ark Without the Animals

19.Why Are All the Animals Against Me?

20.Coffee and Criminals

21.Television Stars and Lemon Bars

22.Selfies with Shepherds

23.Bicycles and Banshees

About the Author

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www.jannfranklin.com

Small Town Girl Series

Jen’s life isn’t perfect, but it’s beautiful. A beautiful mess.

Jen was living her best big city life, until her husband Mike uproots them to small town Louisiana. Life throws you curveballs, but you’ve got to keep swinging.

This heartwarming series resonates with joyful, almost nostalgic feelings of encouragement. Readers living in big cities will feel the quaint, small-town Southern charm leaping off the pages, and experience a yearning to visit their very own Graisseville. And readers from small towns will see versions of themselves and their own community in these characters, nodding and laughing along with Jen and her family. There is something for everyone to relate to and thoughtfully consider.

Trading Bright Lights for Lightning Bugs

Shining Stars and Mason Jars

Cheese Grits and Hissy Fits

Small Town Girl Mystery Series

Why is murder so much fun?

Evangeline Delafose found Graisseville, Louisiana just as she remembered—boring and uneventful. Until she solved a murder. Now she’s hooked.

Follow Ev as she takes on each mystery, with her frustrating but loveable private investigator by her side. And, of course, a bit of insider info from the quirky residents of her small town.

You’ll laugh, cry and roll your eyes at the antics of this charming small-town Southern sleuth and her exasperating private investigator.

Muffalettas and Murder

Boudin and Bloodshed

Fruitcake and Fraud

Mardi Gras and Mayhem

Sweet Tea and Suspects

Chapter 1

How Did I Get Here?

Sometimes life throws you curveballs. I had the perfect life in Dallas, including the excitement that came with the big city. It kept my calendar full and exciting. Mike, my husband of seven years, and I wrangled our two boys in and out of our home through a constant circle of activities. Busy people are content, right?

One fateful evening, Mike delivered his earth-shattering news.

Jen, I’ve really got to talk to you. There’s something on my mind I need to say, but I don’t think you’re going to like it.

My heart stopped, then started. This was it. My husband had traded me in on a younger, flatter model. As my brain calculated the assets to divide, Mike continued talking.

Honey, I’m so unhappy. I hate my job and this house with the tiny backyard. Our life is suffocating me. I can’t breathe.

Steady, Jen. You can handle the anvil Mike just placed upon your chest.

There’s a store for sale in my hometown, Big Ed’s Parts ’n’ More, he continued. Let’s buy it and move to my hometown. We’ll get a house with some land, I’ll run Big Ed’s, you keep working from home, and our boys will have space to just run and be kids.

Mike’s smile was so big, it almost evicted his eyes and nose from the premises. Something told me that space wasn’t only meant for the boys.

Move our family to Graisseville (GRACE-vil), Louisiana? Population 298? Umm…no thank you. My hometown in Arkansas gave me a distaste for all things small. I hesitated, glancing back at my husband’s brown puppy dog eyes—were they actually dancing? Sigh…

Was that my mother’s voice? Jen, marriage is about compromise. It’s about putting your spouse first. Darn mothers!

But Mike, do they have a coffee shop? Coffee was essential in my household. Everyone knew to avoid me until two cups of coffee entered my system. Good, strong coffee gave me the will to live. Mike spoke words that, while not exactly lies, definitely were not on a first-name basis with the truth.

Not that I know of, but Mom heard a rumor there might be one going in by the end of the year. To his credit, he followed up with a bribe, And you can have all the gourmet coffee and creamers you want shipped to our new home. I promise! To sweeten the deal, my mother-in-law guaranteed free babysitting, with three hours’ notice.

And so, within a few months, Mike and Jen Guidry became the newest residents of Graisseville. Henry, age five, and James, age three, became the newest residents not yet driving. Besides Big Ed’s Parts n’ More, my new hometown boasted Graisseville Gas n’ More and Graisseville Tires n’ More. Did every successful business in town include n’ More in the name for their expansion plan? From over a million neighbors to under three hundred, I struggled in my fish-out-of-water situation. But I didn’t give up.

After a few misses, I scored a home run. While registering Henry for kindergarten, I met Maggie Wheeler. That girl saved my life! Not only did she pull out a thermos and refill my cup, but she became my best friend. A few months later, she opened Maggie’s Coffee Shop, making my life even better.

God puts you where you’re needed. While Mike whipped Big Ed’s into shape, I dove into our community. Along the way, I met Annelise Trahan and Amy Melancon, who became two of my dearest friends. Let’s not forget the dog.

A young border-collie-looking dog with brown and white fur wandered onto our property and called it her home. Henry named her Sadie Two, after his kindergarten teacher Sadie Mathers. In Henry’s words, Because if someone names their dog after you, well, that’s the greatest honor you could ever get. Our Sadie delivered five puppies a few months later. My proverbial cup overflowed…with puppies! We gave four away, kept one and named him Colt.

Life wasn’t a complete bed of roses, though. Graisseville suffered a major financial setback, thanks to our mayor. She resigned immediately, with five months remaining in her term. Clay Terry became our mayor and asked for my help.

While working with Clay to raise money for the village, I discovered others who also needed my expertise. From organizing community events to helping with the new village theater, I still found time for matchmaking. But I constantly struggled not to lose sight of God’s blessings for me and my family. I also had to deal with Mike’s concerns that I bordered on the village busybody rather than community organizer. He preferred I keep my nose out of it all, especially the matchmaking.

Despite a few missteps, my special events committee brought in enough money to pull our village out of financial crisis. Mayor Terry definitely did his part by finding vendors to lease the entire downtown. With rent and sales tax coming into the village bank, all appeared to be good. Except for the illegal gambling.

Unknown to Maggie and the players, a village ordinance prohibited residents playing card games except in the privacy of their homes. Clay had asked Maggie to use her secret coffee room to play poker once a month with his buddies. The deputies shut down the game and arrested everyone, including Maggie. The entire Naughty Nine (as they came to be known) paid a twenty-five-dollar fine and performed ten hours of community service at the animal shelter. Unfortunately, our mayor and three aldermen were four of the Naughty Nine.

We needed leadership. But who would want a job that paid less than twenty-five dollars a month, yet made such an impact on all our lives?

Let’s not forget the Guidry family had been recognized as a Graisseville founding family. The Fontenot family attempted reconciliation by including Mike and his family in their family events. My father-in-law Walt couldn’t forgive the Fontenot family. They had cut off his grandmother Evelyn Fontenot when she married his grandfather Wade Guidry. Would God soften Walt’s heart?

Chris Landry and Annie Gladstone set their wedding for June with James as the ring bear (as he called that important job). How well would James perform?

My thoughts wandered to Acadian Fontenot and Gracie St. Clair. What happened in the past to cause such awkwardness seventeen years later? Would either of them find love? My heart felt heavy as I pondered these issues. As always, God had a plan.

Chapter 2

Political Possibilities

Where would our village find a new mayor and three aldermen? Sue Lynn, our village clerk, said that to her knowledge, this situation had never occurred in the history of East Baton Rouge Parish. She couldn’t find a similar situation in the state government history either.

At the emergency village council meeting the week before, we had voted to make the nomination deadline the following Friday. That meant in three days, we’d meet again and complete the nominations. Who could we pay less than $25 a month to run our village? Who was even eligible? We had decided not to nominate anyone related to the Naughty Nine, which eliminated many people. I told my husband, Mike, that he was an excellent candidate, being a business owner and a founding family member.

Nope, don’t even go there. He grinned at me. "Jen, you’re the one interested in government. Which Guidry attends the monthly village meetings, while the other feeds our children pizza and dozes in front of the television?"

My husband was right; I was the more logical choice. Hmmm… a life of politics? Could I still wear my favorite jeans and t-shirts? I would definitely decline the nomination if I had to dress up. Hmmm…unless there was a chauffeured limo involved. I could definitely wear a power suit if I had a chauffeur.

During our next coffee chat session, I approached the subject with my convicted felon bestie. Okay, it was just a violation of a village ordinance, but the word felon sounded so much edgier. Maggie didn’t care for her new nickname, but she did like the idea of having friends in high places.

Jen, I think you’d be a great alderman! Or do you want to be mayor? She looked at me with a half grin, showing she was only half joking.

I knew my bestie well. Oh, I think being an alderman would be fine. Alderwoman? I looked at her in confusion.

It’s alderman no matter which gender you are. Like you’re a human no matter which gender.

If I didn’t even know what my elected title would be, was I even qualified?

Maggie brought me out of my thoughts. Cal Trahan has agreed to run as alderman. I think he’d be great! I heard Yvonne Breaux also wants to run.

She glanced around at her empty shop, ensuring our conversation was private. In fact, I’ve heard Acadian’s name thrown around as a possible mayoral candidate.

My good friend, Acadian Fontenot, had gone from the black sheep of Graisseville’s founding families to a respectable owner of both a business and a home. He had hosted a tiny New Year’s Eve party in his tiny home, and we had all enjoyed ourselves. Could it be that I’d dined at the home of our future mayor? Would the village movers and shakers agree to the mayor living in a tiny home? I doubted that Acadian would want to be mayor if he had to give up his jeans and t-shirts emblazoned with environmental statements.

At any rate, Jen, I’d be happy to nominate you. Being part of the Naughty Nine has made me a celebrity, like the famous outlaw Belle Starr.

My best friend beamed at me proudly. Maggie’s husband, Greg, had affectionately compared his wife to the bootlegging horse thief from the 1800‘s. Maggie embraced the nickname, although at first it irritated her. Greg confessed he found it kind of sexy that his wife had spent a few hours in the slammer, but he asked her not to make it a habit. If Maggie had committed armed robbery or forgery, Greg’s opinion would definitely be different.

Maggie nominated me for the position of alderman, but she was not the only one considering me for political office. No less than three other people asked me to run as well. Mike began calling me, Her Royal Alderman, then Her Royal Highness, then HRH. Did Kathleen Blanco, Louisiana’s first female governor, have a husband who fancied himself hilarious as well? But I had other issues to worry about. Already my political campaign was in the red.

Even though we were all running unopposed, Acadian cautioned us we still needed to campaign. If we don’t campaign, Jen, then people will think we’re overconfident and believe we have the election sewn up. Get enough unhappy people together, and they could pull together opposing candidates. You could lose to a write-in. I’ve seen it happen before.

He paused for a breath, then continued. Just tell Mike you’re diverting some of your grocery money for a month, and cut down on your daily coffee shop visits.

He realized the absurdity of his words almost as soon as I did. Okay, scratch that. Keep your daily coffee visits with your bestie. But you’re going to need at least $1,000 for your signs and newspaper ads.

We ended our conversation on a financial note, which I didn’t appreciate.

How was I going to pull together $1,000 before the election in three weeks? My grocery budget could cough up about $100. Henry and James would eat hot dogs indefinitely, but Mike would be a harder sell. What about campaign contributions? Maybe I could convince people to give me campaign money. But then they might want favors. My father-in-law, Walt, had told me the story of Louisiana Governor Richard Leche—a man convicted of accepting bribes in 1940.

Jenny girl, that Leche got in a fair amount of trouble taking money from people. You’d be best off funding your campaign from other places. Here’s twenty dollars—that should help.

Thanks to Walt and my soon-to-be fewer grocery bags, I was short just a measly $880. Was taking his money going against his advice? Probably not, since I would help him out of a jam no matter what.

How bad was this Richard Leche? My friend Google found a newspaper that had quoted Leche as saying, For Louisiana politicians, bribery is an occupational hazard. When I took the oath of office, I didn’t take an oath of poverty.

We’d had enough trouble with our elected officials being arrested—it was all over the state news. My cousin in Oklahoma called to say she’d seen the story on a national television channel. No, my plan was to stay well above any potential lawbreaking.

After speaking with Yvonne, who was cash poor as well, we pooled our resources to campaign together. Vote for Yvonne and Jen, poor but honest! Or something like that. My new running mate suggested hosting another Yarn-A-Thon, only this time the money would go towards our campaign instead of the village. Yvonne’s shop, A Good Yarn, had hosted one during Founders’ Day several months ago and it raised over $2,500. She still had a list of the previous participants, so she split it with me, and we set a date for the next Saturday.

We called and texted and emailed our little hearts out. We changed it up a bit, asking for a twenty-five-dollar registration fee. We raised $1,250 and decided this amount, along with Walt’s twenty dollars, would be our campaign budget. My grocery budget was saved!

A stop by the Graisseville Gazette gave me a chance to chat with Naughty Nine celebrity and ex-alderman, Hugh Cormier. Jen, what can I do for you today? Can I offer you a bottled water? He smiled warmly and motioned toward a seat.

Drinking more water was one of my spring goals, and I nodded my head. Yvonne and I need to run a campaign ad, as cheaply as possible, please. Our budget is tight.

Hugh handed me the water and switched to a more serious look. I see. Well, we’re just two weeks from the election, so you’re only looking at two ads. How big are we looking at?

We negotiated back and forth and struck a deal. Hugh would put a half-page black and white ad in each of the two editions to be printed before the election. All it would cost me was almost half of my campaign budget. Hopefully, the yard signs would be cheaper.

Being a copywriter, I wrote website and social media content until the cows came home. Or until I had to pick up my kids from school, whichever came first. My skills helped me brand our campaign and create social media accounts to blast our political virtues. My young friend Ethan Bergeron, digital media extraordinaire, created a fabulous video for us. Yvonne and I played the heck out of that reel on every internet avenue in existence.

Did we really even need yard signs? Yvonne, being older and therefore more old school, said we did.

Jen, I get the whole internet thing. But we are a small community and we still do things the old-fashioned way. We’ve got to get out there and meet the people. If I look next door and across the street and see Joe Smith’s yard signs, I know who’s voting for him. And I’m more likely to vote for him, too. That was fine, as long as meeting the people didn’t cost more than $635.

The sign guy did not appreciate my negotiation skills. Look lady, the price is the price. We don’t make deals, so you can stop offering me less money. Either place an order or leave.

The man didn’t respect the spirit of capitalism, upon which our great country was founded. Did Kathleen Blanco have these problems when she ran for governor?

Fine. Let’s go with one box of two-foot square double-sided signs with two colors.

My sign dealer thanked me for my business, but his eyes reflected relief as I exited the store.

Two days later, I picked up my 100 campaign signs, which left $190.64 in our budget. Yvonne and I now understood why poor and middle-class people didn’t run for office very often.

Pulling