The Poignant Tale of Megalha: A lamentable story shared by many a woman

By DUKE R SILVA

A story of a female life shattered in dreams and truncated in its animation by the cruel effects of a childhood molestation, whose trail extends rearward to remote peaceable shores of an island itself detached from the modern world, later leaping onward to the latter modern land for the greater aggravation of its psychosomatic behavioral symptom

• Language: English
• Publisher: DUKE R SILVA
• Release date: Dec 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9798869071736

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A book by: Duke R Silva

Introduction by Duke R Silva

Editing & artwork by Duke R Silva

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registration code: NRC112004

Published by the Author himself, Duke R Silva.

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No part of this publication may in what manner soever be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, without the written permission of the author and publisher, same restrictions altogether and exclusively reserved from now and until the end of time. © US Copyright Office.

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f its whole and without any deductions therefrom, this book’s content were solely a product of fiction and/or the author’s own opinion, suppositions and creative thought. It all shall so remain true from its inception and publication date and until the end of time, notwithstanding coincidences in names of people and characters, places and things, regardless of a true existence of them in real life, (either past, present or future). Stories relating to real persons of the author’s acquaintance all remain as mere best recollection of his, narrated, as so, under his view of such. Opinions herein stated should not be construed into any inferences by the reader, that the author were in what manner soever an expert on the matter of either science, politics, or the likes of such.  End!

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Dedication:

The chief and most profound inspiration that motivated to and aided with the construct of this fiction/philosophy fusion in literary work, were my firsthand experiences bore of past interchanges that sadly reflected the effects of same sufferings in women apart, though no less important were those others evidently active psychological deficiencies in the ail actuation of many women unknown to me, all to whom this book is equally dedicated in respect, solidarity and true empathy. It could well be said of such dire cases too often to remain buried within the suffered souls devoid of aid into any significant amelioration, being this one more reason to empower the dialogue and the seeking of help. There is no shame to be attributed the victim, only the offering of kindheartedness and succor. May inasmuch a simple word herein contained help ease the pain, heal the wound and revive the spirit onward!

A note regarding the Author:

D

Duke R Silva is an industrious thoughtful author, whose works are of twofold rank; the one in poetry, and the other in Philosophical literature. On the one he seeks to touch all Almas (souls) through their relating and fashioning to common life and experiences, aimed at uplifting the spirit and nourishing the reading mind. It could be said of his poetry to be a true image of his soul, conveying stories, messaging ideas and sentiments, while ironically criticizing the human life where it failed its higher acme potentials. His such work ranges from poetic styles in Abstract, Ballad, Dramatic, Free Verse, Elegy, Lyric, Epigram and Narrative, with exhibited predominance in a palate for free verses and prose. He arranges his writing materials formation emulating Life’s experiences and hardships, Romance and matters of the heart, human bond and shared values, culture and customs, social justice and equity, socio-political critique, blended with metaphysics, existentialism and moralism philosophical principles and systems of though. He follows poetic history while inspired by Ancient Bards and prose logicians.

On the other, as a faithful student of the Free Science, his chief endeavors comprised of Philosophical inquiries pertaining to human experience, being the thirst for broad knowledge and universal cultivation that which magnetized his curiosities, all greatly inclined toward creative arts and free abound inquiries into the matter of human animation as aided by the Polaris faculty in moral philosophy. However far his explorative thoughts strayed, yet they landed him back unto the province of humanistic philosophical systems of thought and, therein, samewise, other principles concerned with the human life as a whole, and the social cause for justice and equity. Born on February 28, 1962, on the tropic shores of the peaceable and loving Rep. of Cabo Verde, he settled in the USA in 1980 along with his loving siblings, to join and fulfill his parents’ dreams. His scholastic feats have been sought through the hard trails of life dating back to homeland’s good teachings. Least concerned with credentials and other symbolic proclamations or honors, such as could be sought and attained through regulated and agenda-oriented institutionalized entities of learning, rather he wished to remain free and amply afforded as to immerse into unrestricted researches and study, lost in contemplation and its abound quests for knowable matters.

Prologue:

Lifeless lives are many a woman condemned to living, communally herded whilst the societal demands, within the malign yoke of human tendencies, at the mercy of masculinity laws. Somehow not strange to that of men, yet their sufferings are the more stifled and unheeded, conditions which are domestically inflicted and, as an inadvertent status quo, familial and socially upheld. She is to wear fine sculpting garments and enhancing makeup too, to forth a captivating image of beauty, desire and pleasure aimed at the compulsory satiation of the male’s erotic anticipatory perceptions; in sensually-paradoxical state, she is expected to behave in only certain requiring ways so to command man’s sanctions, and yet readily be of the ability to rouse his libido in simultaneity. All along a woman is yet obliged to attend to must duties of great human and societal worth, and to satisfy a world of demands within and without the household of her assigned control. Always somehow submissive to man in a society plagued with the incurable viral machismo and acute masculine upper-hand, her life is most often dismayed, constrained and forfeited. For even as liberty was to in her existence be portrayed as authenticated through emancipative measures of equality and freedom of both her mind and her actions, perceptions together remained yet fragile and biased, in a gloom state of affairs conspired to unjustly down and hurt her.

By the marking effects of the all-too-common compulsory cultural and traditional practices, aided by the truncating unhealing psychosomatic scars occasioned her through the thorny trails of a hard ingrate life, a woman has much to bear as proof of hardships. As human-masculine, we had been psychopathologically enslaved into thinking and sentimentalizing in sexist of ways. The dire spirit of machismo, its neurotic sense of virility and ruling, has consumed men beyond their wishes, invading with ailment their mind and spirit, in ways so deep and stronger than their very will could overcome. But it was for the dated and underdeveloped societies to of their past behavior worsen with and persist in time. No rest is there for the weary, no sparing of suffering to the misfortune, the desolate. Often unconsciously prejudiced by their own endured castigations and traumatizing events of life, so rose they (men) did to the epitome of darkest .casters of malevolence against their pair. Excuses do not cool the pain, even as one would effort to rationalize behaviors of destruction, taken by a topmost objective thought process, and the ethical justice of science and analytics. Even when together taken, two wrongs never do rise to or amalgamate for a right. And yet right is itself might and plausible. Wherefore, where is the miracle whence emanated a true remedy for such an horrid domestic and social ailment? A deflection of blameworthiness from the actor to his ancestry’s customs or to his own past ordeals both must fail credible acceptance as reasoning for the behavior, since neither remnants of past sufferings of oneself could rise as justification for one’s own casting of like agonies upon another, as one trauma served not of any relief soever, by its unjust bearings toward another. The contrary actually is that which is amenable to reason, to humanity, to the spiritual prosperity of men, that a selfless approach to kindness and justice rose the spirit.

The sense of prudence, goodwill and nobility, should only help to sprout in a man an ardent desire and deep passion to detest seeing the descending upon others the existence or manifestations of what had once upon us pained so our very soul. It was regarded as preferable to a man aimed at righteousness that he offered of his own a thousand fold to the heartless evil of his peers, than merely to fathom the excruciating thought of causing one sole harm an innocent being. For the suffering is all the greater to a good soul when cognized as of its own authority and execution, than when of an estranged other, even as the bearing was upon it. The perpetuation of evil may seem satiating to ill-emotions and false perception for grandeur while in such command -be it rendered in the fermenting abstract, else acted upon as experience of tangible realism-. But its results always fail to provide for the prospective amelioration of the ill or that of his outward relations; nor would they ever cure those past afflictions, but instead exploit them into reopened wounds of more torment and sufferings. Man has often recurred to measures beneath humanity and plainly satisfying of his egocentric expectations of pleasure, to the callous discounting of a woman’s best interests and natural rights. Culminating the matter to an unpardonable uppermost cruelty, they yet sought to stifle, manipulate, intimidate, and even they had assaulted their female victims into domination and control, in a heartless effort as to save their skins and drown the latter in these hypocritical highly-biased societies. Such ill acts need not bear the face of evil in order that their result were excruciating. Simply they had better create an amenable portrayal in gestures and designs, as is usual, while bearing the like ill acts that caused same results. It would do us well to beware of the silent beast that concentrated all its violence into the calm of its ferocity. If they could of my words make their own, they thus would agree we have a serious social problem sprung of our acts. For I speak in no uncertain terms and of no doubt as to my own fault in the matter. For even as deepmost regrettable my soul remains over acts of imprudence and wrong, of same which unsparingly I must remain culpable and under due reprimand. There are dark things of our doing we wish to forget, and transgressions we desire annulment over, samewise as often we dreamed of turning back the hands of time. These are things impossible. And the problem is that of an emergent, chief concerning and implacable sort, whose remedies rest with one sole prerogative: -equal rights under all treatments there are, for the worthy most dear women of our encircling. But rights alone do not cause to go away the pain and the inherent bad culture that forge such behaviors. Reparation must be in order, samewise as an enforceable social rule to cause to curb the tendencies and modify the behavior of men. Those habits long since established can nowise at once be modified to any palpable or effective degree by any statutory laws and their equitable giving, or by the instituting of rules anew within women’s circle participatory. For the just consideration of this premise, suffices that proper attention were dedicated to the fact that human beings have shown to lay roots deeper than any comprehension may fathom, within that which their passions had taken hold of. We must fear not any loss in our attractions in women, or of our stature as men, so long as we see our concessions necessary for the betterment of our relations to them, and a birth of mutual respect that would make of them more desirous to and trusting of us. If love were that which of them sought we, then all the truer ought this supposition to be considered, for such spiritual wonders of which love makes a dear part may only descend from a nature that had been well nurtured and allowed its inherent development without hurry, without pressure. Anything falling without the realms of this natural equation were but mere manifestation, captivation, either/or. None of these derivative fruits or shallow manipulative theatrics have proved either prudent, worthy or lasting. No person can feel true love, nor the desire to freely give away of themselves, if deep within the affronted spirit and clouded unconscious, stirred a whirling sense of nobodyness, shame and fears. That tender female soul that had once been heartlessly betrayed, or unscrupulously injured on her way to love and unto the arms of a figure believed protective and caring, shall forever sense a significant degree of past revelations and fears, and of future encounters with another a deep reservation the least. The wrong seen on a woman’s behavior is the same deposits of man’s evil in times past and acts discounted. While one can be of ease as to concoct fables, chameleonize portrayals and evasively convince oneself to participatorily belong and superficially self-indulge or self-amuse to the fashions of circumstances same which were silver-platered by people, places and things, yet in subsequence the bitter nest which forcibly retracts to it all minds and spirits, after the glories had dulled, is itself always of same penitence, gloom and sorrow, infested with a dark past, exposing a yawning chasm whose remedy continued to be denied. And then the harsh symptoms of withdrawal, and the forlorn prolongation of a life in the realism of ugliness, bitter cold and despair. Men must become sensitized to the needs and worthy status of women as equal people to them, even as the both carried on in a fervor romantic event or a settled marital union. We know of emotions to cloud the mind, and in such pleasurable transitory satiations, reason to forego its authority on a person. Then again, it is because the numbness and ecstatic feeling of intoxication is so enjoyable, that folks think little of the adverse consequences to be gathered afterwards, and the reality to rise the more demanding of them in the followed state of sobriety. Beneficially, such altering feelings yet afforded human beings those spiritually civilizing and mutually enjoyable qualities which positively differed us from the beasts in the wild, in that we are able to sentimentalize, tame our worst of instincts and adhere to some behavioral principles of superior beings. Whence descended the sense for care, compassion and romantic love... but the aforementioned changes are in order at their uppermost urgency and need. Perhaps, and after all, such changes could only come to benefit men into taming them to women a tad, as a naturally-required calibration in the relation of sexes. Forlornly, the days of romancing the girl into hypnotism or sedation has been by men cancelled, in great dismay to the contrasting staleness and abuses that followed under abstinence and reason. In the verses that follow, a saddened story by many malign events to a girl’s life will be exposed. And though much of it -most critically those of greater relevancy to her infancy suffered traumas- took place many moons ago on remote lost shores of the world, she would here the greater be reminded of her pain and suffering, by the persistent wrong ways of men that know neither time nor place. We know of no other disease so painful, lasting and destructive, than that of the range of the psyche. Living in the dark abstract of the human central command of reason and spirit, in a constant malign strife it can mutably persist in castigating the ill, without mercy and without bounds, a life-over. Alas, a life rendered lifeless!

The question of moral conduct is often given a deaf ear to, as humans headlong dove in the indulgence of nourishing magnetizing craves, be these of the physical or of the emotional rank. Everyone wishes to rise brave and convinced to morality and order, but the ostensible outward portrayal of such committed adherences miserably failed them most before the sacrifices required to such earnest ends in reality. Therefore, the show is always preferred to being, pretending to the reforming. This is in no manner remote to that other call to truth, wherefore all wished to be its disciple until such commitment robbed them of pleasures and conveniences. It is not that people altogether do not know of their failure and resulting losses, or what the benefits in succeeding stood to be; it is that the road commonly taken were that which were usual, easy and familiar, readymade, commonplace and effortless. Before the sacrifices in rising above common mediocrity, most would choose to fail in benefit of their shallow happy insignificance instead. And in all such actuations, the essence of evil the greater comes to the upper-hand of the one least moral, likewise least willingly capacitated in the areas amenable to goodness. The tendency of gaining advantage over our peers is evident no more in others, than in the scenarios involving romantic affairs. Reasoned resistance, clarity of thought and authority of the will are greatly diminished, while the opportunist in such equations devoured upon the weaker partner. Love is blind; -so it had long been said. But it was conveniently omitted from same proverb, the fact that it too is irrational, bewildering, and sedative, and deafened… as is custom of man, denial must remain part component of every perception, expression or act, in order to allow for the perceivably necessitation for the palatable, the emotionally-amenable. Which is, perchance, reason for the preceding omissions in the public proverb encompassing love. But we make no better of truth itself. Truth is only genuinely itself and wholly, when spoken as raw, naked and for its sake solely. But who either handles or offers it as such? Not very many a man, perhaps. The inherent preoccupation of the psyche is to please the outworld first and foremost. And, for the unspoiled attainment of such an objective, so are our percepts expediently fashioned in an all-readiness of ways. The general condition of the psyche reveals prognosis of great obscurity, insecurity, and an abundant myriad of weaknesses and propensities. When taken together, as it were, in the formulation of thoughts, assumption of sentiments and commands for actions, save as it was for the sentinel and guidance of a potent and wholesome reasoning mind, actions only stood the miracles of divine fortune. I remain afraid that the waiting on the blessings of divine powers could well leave a man at the perilous mercy of a widened sense of darkness, frivolous inaction, distorted perceptions and behaviors, and, lastly and forlornly, as self-defeating. Assuming we equally all believed in the powers of such a divine intervention descending from behind the heavens up above, in so doing, and as precedence, we shall then agree to have had been blessed even as we stood of present; for we are able to see, hear, smell, feel and to think, either/or. This, to say the least in how fortunate we are of our awesome capabilities, and to solely be referring to the essentials of sensory species. Every and all of these faculties, are priceless gifts of proliferating measures. I should wish to start with the latter capability, to wit, to think -to reason in the abstract, in my little story to follow: -A devout Christian leaves his usual Sunday mass, and proceeds to his place of seclusion in a day sacred where to find some reflection. He discounts the news and refuses obedience to the meteorological orders for evacuation due to impending inundation for the area. Still, law enforcement officers come to his rescue by automobile, but he refuses them obedience too, believing the divine powers shall decide for him and protect them. He enjoyed not only of certain freedoms through his State conferred civil  rights, but mostly so of a belief in the heavens and his precious Lord; And he remains stood. The rainfall is accelerating and water is rising dangerously. Law enforcement officers again came to his rescue, this time in a motorboat, as cars no longer were able to make the commute in rising waters. Despite their pleading with him, again he refuses them obedience and remains, believing the divine powers shall decide for him and protect him. Things are now worsening beyond proportions, and most have left for the safety of higher grounds. Sitting on the roof now, as water is just too high in Town, a helicopter comes overhead and the loud speaker instructs him to take the life-saving rope and harness support, to be rescued. And again and finally he refuses and believed the divine powers shall decide for him and protect him. Well, he died in the flood as a result. And when in heaven, he then rushes to confront God and express his grief and dissatisfaction with him for not saving him, for not coming to his rescue. And that was one of the rare occasions when the latter power would lose his patience and scream, as he stated: -what do you mean I did not come for you? I send the law officers by car on my behalf to rescue you, and you refused and stayed. I had them again return by boat, and the same thing happened. They yet made another try at my order, and you steadfastly refused them obedience to board the helicopter, and stubbornly remained to your own chosen peril, thereby causing me to assume you just preferred to die instead. And I felt of allowing you a wish so persistently hounded, in-light that I had already provided you with a brain to think with, and a mind to reason and decide. Well, it is evident we already have (so long as we were under the bearings of a healthful mind and body) all we need with which to promote a change in our lives. And no different is that in the manner in which we corresponded with the other sex, or accorded it like rights and privileges.

But of all violations against women, the case of chief crime of treason against them and, too, humanity as a whole, is that of sexual advances and/or assault against a child. Where conniving methods failed, men then relied on romantic trickeries of emotive control to subdue and commit women.

It was once asked, if we (every each one of us) knew what of our childhood helped shape our character and aligned our psyche into today as men and women. Fewer, shy of none, least dared responding with any certainty of memory. Nobody knows for certain of such an answer… but some of our beloved women do express a reasonable cognitive sense toward a signifying marking event therein their past. Some relive those traumas suffered in the evil hands of man daily, and this suffering condemns them unjustly to live a life of torments and sorrow, truncated against their dreams, always seeking a gulp of relief in between the sobbing and weeps of their sufferings. The pain whose roots you can point to, may at times be put to a mentally-created closure and made peace with, thus freeing the sufferer at some degree, from its malign bearings. But only that whose source to memory remained a mystery, and yet so real and constant may itself be enduring and ever-piercing to the soul, restlessly whirling the mind into finding answers while mired in same agonies. No less, might we kindly hereto make not of, were those who manifested themselves against the males either, for we know too well and painfully that many a boys had too been injured and, at times, disfigured of a character by like abuses. In sum, we know very little of our self, in-fact very little ever did we invest in inquiring for our own, because little do we possess with which to so do, and the effect of the controlling denial syndrome overwhelmed us! Of those very few who efforted to satisfy their partaking, speculation then became their best means, as true and clear answers remained a mystery still. But when the obvious and pensive question became if they recognized within themselves any signs that their behavior and constitution had been moved by something in their past, now to this all responded with a resounding and indubitable unanimous YES. Wherefore, we suspect of the whereabouts of the beginning of our troubles, but rarely with precision could we make such axis to be, nor of its makeup clearly know. Greatly seldom are we to rise capable of pointing toward the essence of psychological problems which have followed us all of our lives, and now are suffocating our spirit and perturbing the peace out of our future. What we also seldom are under is a doubt that something is profoundly wrong of our past. As we introspected and steeply within inquired, the keener we realized that the more we sought to retro-travel in our lives, the more convinced we became of matters rising to the affection of our psyche, whose effectual influence were chief to the formation of our character and self-apparatus. Yet these are not always of negative cause, fortunately. In-fact, as we seek of ourselves and find of our contemplative analyzes, we were all predominantly benefitted of good upbringing and healthful social exposure. How else were we to judge of our recent past, when it were taken together and in contrast with those darker and ravaging times in the humanity stages of untaught animals, unrefined and savages? And perhaps such fortune would the more relevant become in the struggles with the contradictory other interactions we faced. In the latter reasoning, some of us would have enjoyed of a stronger will and/or a capacity to discern and formulate a sentiment than others would of same giving. Thence would some be of fortune to supersede scarcely scathed or in a seemingly better post-state diagnosis than others, before one same scenario of shock or of emotive harm to the psyche. At times -and perhaps somewhat inopportunely- it had become the easier a thing to do, to criticize, to reprehend or even as low as to scorn those who did not make it. Those less fortunately bequeathed of the mental means with which to manage the self against such calamities. This mildly we must think, for in the end we are all likewise flawed and somehow tormented. Being different strokes for different folks, our ugliness is only that way when appearing to eyes apart of our own, for to our own it seemed always better and more acceptable, and with it perfectly livable we were.

Our rigid personal biases made of us their most faithful slaves. Of us pleasurable deniers, readymade hypocrites, banal vagabonds and unfaithful pretenders. Still we found ourselves prone to debase a fellow for his shortcomings with all the ease a great world would afford us. But unless by wrongly so doing we would stand to awake ourselves to the recognition and reform of our very own lacks and evil, such acts would then only the greater had served to worsen both us and our fellow as one, having thus no positive or constructive end for its making. For what good might come out of acts that aimed but at destructive outcomes for the inner-pleasure of one? At the very least it may, after all, perhaps, be worth taking under advisory, the wisdom that only through the critiques of others, was that of our own faults and lacks we would have become better aware. And, maybe, this principle may rise as true perceiving, as kindly we looked at ourselves and what conducted us into harshly criticizing others in spite of our paltry own. We neither would be of the ability to successfully deflect elsewhere, nor to purify our own of those inborn sentimental stains and thorny ways, no matter the efforts in such ends through malign treatments of others, or the pretenses in images put forth. What we sought to of Nature deny and detest, our very own thereto we forfeited. That we hated in them that which we firstly had long come to realize as detestable of our very own, although biasedly we sought to keep this to ourselves; that we are all pretty much the same, a mere flawed incompletion in characters seeking amelioration… that is irrefutably true. By a remedy afforded our spirit by a consoling wisdom, we learn reasonably happy to live with all our inadequacies else perceived as faultlessness alike. Always is a fellow a similar reflection of our own. if we look carefully, we would see in them a resembling reflection of our very own image, which would be that innata imperfectio naturae -the innate imperfection of Nature. Hence an approach so the humbler before that which we disproved in him might rise as a recommendable tame moral gesture of that chosen philosophy for humanism and peace. For then was it, when the makeshift luggage of our messy lot, itself lacking better stock would have risen all the more clearer to our own cognizance… and then the self-probing for virtues and vices... Whilst it could be taken either as a most inquisitive premise, else a certain prophecy, that unless one was at once lamentably callous and narcissistic, or wholly deprived of those charitable sentiments known to exist in refined brotherly humans, would such notion fail its birth within the breast. Be such as it may of fortune, -praiseworthy or else blameworthy-, of a man to act as it was accorded him by the moral sentiments of his soul, or the lack thereof, still one thing appears widely true and asserted in our beliefs, when such was providentially afforded us by sound-reason; -that none of us is righteous, nor faultless, nor invincible. Oppositely, all men are imperfect animals, themselves desperately seeking refinement, answers and suffering of an angst for the latter.

But the chief special problem is not that we are flawed and ever-permeable. It is that we adversely seek to pray on our fellows for the benefits of our own, at the unjust and evil downing of them, even as in so doing we veiled our intentions and plans with that peculiar utmost fineness and meticulousness found in vile traits of duplicity and deceit. In this aspect, the sexes have not shown to correspondently rise as equally guilty. The masculine is the greater a guiltier and heartless perpetrator of acts injurious to his feminine as prey, at the luscious or licentious satiation of his animalistic desires in return, after his conveniences and insecurities were pleased. Let us spare no more time in reaching the telling of the story of a life rendered decapitated and sorrowful, by the acts of men lacking moral compass, for only through the stories can man chance at realizing the evil of his true behaviors. Even if transiently were this revelation, it better had been worth the try.

Chapter I, The coming into the world.

Serene misty dawn in a tranquil Sunday of November, brought from the heavens the most precious gift of all to a humble couple, in a sweet, lovely newborn to the Pachecos. The year of our Lord was encrypted as 1962 to all men by it presents, one in which laments from rueful suffered hearts of resilient but worn islanders was evident. Things were hardening with the drying of the soils, the tightening by the ingrate departed ones, and rapacious repressive Portuguese colonial rules. As the modest picturesque village down below in the bold arid valleys receives its first warm sunrays from the eastern majestic mountains standing at a distance as ancient cinematographs, it rejoices in a smile, shaking off the night’s dews and embracing the chorus of livestock scented by the homegrown brewed beans. But today is no ordinary day for the family whose fortune has expanded under the heavens of blessings of grace. Even within the poverty consoled by the Christian prayers and adjusted calm souls of a grateful people, the exigencies of a newborn must overwhelm somehow. One more mouth to feed within an utter poverty that sees not its end, same which disquiet itself coupled with the fears for the eminent cases of succumbing to diseases, such were the thwarts to create in parent’s minds of faith, that familiar bittersweet state of lament in times least desired. And the comforting domicile must now stretch and make room for more good folks coming to visit and to bless the little one, while leaving behind their generous offerings afforded by the humble giving of the land. No hands are by custom to come swinging emptily, when visiting under such occasions. These altruistic kind folks had long adopted for the common, a steep social doctrine of charity and brotherly love, where every occasion called for the sharing of their bread with the other, no matter the loss it caused them. So is that the neighboring ladies who slept over to assist with house duties and midwife’s tasks, would then go on to fulfil the demands that the lady of the house could not for the moment attend to, due to her condition. And they take the kind liberty of preparing breakfast for the herd of children, dressing them up for the Sunday mass and clean after them too. The Man of the house kept to himself and out of site, with the exception of that one time of seeing the baby, once she was cleaned of the womb’s substances, and nicely bundled in soft rags of the household’s fresh cotton and polyester. He would departure the scene soon after, and retreat to the kitchen for his morning treat, in readiness for the mass himself. He came close to whining about the off hotness of his coffee mug and the lack of cleanliness of the table, as he was accustomed to, but somehow swiftly he remembered it all being fruit of actions of the good Samaritans next door, and the inopportunity for a home conflict… this  is a special day of heavenly blessings, and not one in which to fall into a sin, and he so of same religious rationale proceeded to convince his own into ignoring his dissatisfactions for the moment, and to sparing the abetting good ladies of communal affection the undue pains of what might as well had been perceived as an act of deep ingratitude and callused unkindness.

This time he had to forego his ego and passion, evidently, and to proceed onward with the day, as an kindhearted blessed man to all his peers. He left the table for them to clean, along with his dirty dishes and utensils, this he dared not demote his own to, and he stumbled in a hurry to his small sleeping quarters to suit-up and purify his soul for the Church. As he dressed himself up quite ceremoniously that fateful day, whilst those habitual religious mental orations and prayers, he was taken by this sudden profound sense of gratification and indebtedness to the heavens for what miracle was again bestowed upon him and his extended family. So happy of this sentimental session he rose, that he was able to discard the immediate fears for the lack of being able to provide for the newborn, as means ran ever so scarce those days and government hardly cared to provide for the people. This time, however, he refrained from praying while kneeling, being pressed for time and knowing in the sanctified house where he was headed, he’d be in the presence of God himself, where he could best thank him firsthand and make his face present for the congregation of godly witnesses. But he is under an overwhelming sense of emotional stress, nevertheless, placing him under mixed feelings with this wonderous birth of his prize-child. Aside from its many lacks, the impoverished Island placed in the downwind of Sahara and under the extended period of a devastating drought, yet offered many risks to the raising of a child after all, with the great lack of healthcare in the overcrowding of a domicile. Yet, the chaste sound of a baby cry nostalgically pierced his ears once more, as he knotted his necktie before a thoughtful solemn image of his own pensive persona in the corrodedly discolored and foggy mirror. God shall provide -said he to himself under that earnest stance. And he smiled within fleetingly, over the sounds of such a miracle, believing him too must have so done in times past, depriving him not of being the man he grew to be. Then, he kindly stuck his head past the threshold of an open entry to his place of dormancy, and told his wife he was about to leave. In a fragmented voice of a frail and pained person, she replied wishing him a good church, while asking him to prey for her and their newborn, to which he consented as he lowered his eyes to the floor in a seemingly combined posture of both respect, as well as certain unease in obeying her... but he knew this request to be within the desires of his Lord and savior, and a mandate of a faithful Christian. Oh, and think of a name for this angel -proceeded she… ask God for his wishes in naming her -shouted she in conclusion. He agreed in a quiet, but stale exclamation heads-down in between his vacating strides, never turning back of connecting his eyes with her. As he strolled through the cobblestone winding roads on his way to the cathedral that signifying mellow morning of an auburn crisp sunlight, he had to depend on a succor from renewed inner-patience and to thank the whole populace as he is constantly congratulated and wished blessings along the way. In the small populace of approximately 4,000 habitants, folks pretty much knew one-another, or somewhat the relation of descendancy for one. News speedily travelled through trickeries of gossip and expressions of a sense of alegria through the public, as wired announcement in developed lands. This factor had for effect, the entertaining of folks themselves captive to the monotony of this detached isle, and the preventative of wrong through advancely perceived feelings of shame and victimization through public pillory. During his walk to mass, from time-to-time, he too had to exchange a few words with the ones more of acquaintance to him, kindly to show value for their opinion and well-wishes. He finally entered the widened twin-door of the aged basilica, as customarily feeling that weight of a devote catholic, while meditating in God and his benevolences, fearing his power and thanking his blessings. After submerging into a momentary kneel-pray, he then lifted his own upright and faced the cleric with all his faith and deepmost esteem in him as the Shepherd of the almighty, taken by the whole ecclesiastical façade of his enclosure, and that gripping force within to his faith. Sensing the prying eyes of the congregation, however, with great caution so not to move his body much, he was soon after forced to deviate his eyes from the Altar, to concede to their thoughtfulness and care. After all, he was in that day, the man of attention, as the sole recipient of that greatest of all miracles in same parochial contour. For his tender child, the priest dedicated a prayer and referred to him as a loving father, committing further his compliance to the worshipers as they all turned to him kindly serene to express their prayers. It wasn’t until the extended sermon period that suddenly a name came to him, while listening to the priest’s never-ending speech, enough to bore out of attention, the most faithful; Megalha, he said to himself happy and relieved at last. Yes, that must be her name, he self-concurred, warranting so another prayer to the divine. This name, remembered him so, was one which an old fable speaks of in his childhood, a formidable story that stayed with him through the years.

His donation to the House of the Lord that very day was itself both generous in quantity, and penal to his worrisome mind. He felt obligated to contribute to his parish a bit more than usual, and yet also became petrified that every escudo would now be worth more to his increased needs with his newborn. At the end of the service, he bowed to the altar and begged God’s pardon for his hesitations, most especially the one to do with his donation. He then felt somewhat equitably relief as he exited the Church. He was afterwards complimented on his outfit and of the birth of new Baby, by all those he encountered. Some of them he felt compromised to invite over for the traditional dinner in celebration of the birth. He walked in the company of friends and greeted those he passed along the way, all the way back home. There, he found the family quite occupied preparing the house affairs, in preparation for the expected guests and festivities. It was the usual hustle and bustle known to the occasion, and a hectic environment within the enclosures. A small goat came in as gift of the uncle in the interior of the isle, two chickens from neighbors, eggs and mild from other liberal locals, and the many helping hands from varied friends and siblings. The children were ordered to play outside, allowing room for grownups and guests, and freeing folks from their noise and getting-in-the-way of matters. The former were always happy to do so, as this meant greater freedom of space and behavior. They shared in the happiness even in a more special manner, within their innocuous spirit of jovial sensations and welcoming brotherhood. The largest pots again came into use, for the meticulous preparation of traditional bulk-cooking for large crowds, ladies worked tirelessly and high-spirited in giving all their offerings the very best of care. Some mannered the kitchen, others the cleaning, two hospitality and another two the shelling and separating of the corn for the traditional recipes. Many came to share in the celebration and pass their blessings, share a story and drink from the Portuguese wine jugs and laggers, the heavier others preferred grougu, the favorite island sugarcane rum, such as ladies liked to call it AGT for the abbreviation of água ardente-Ardent Water-. The children, even though could not take part on many stages of the gathering, shared in the happiness from a distance while enjoying the sudden freedom of playing with their little friends without the usual strict orders of parenthoods, the eating of the cakes and many sweets, and the drinking of cool aid beverages. Every now and then, an elderly passing them, taken semi-sedated and joyful by the altering effects of the liquors and special occasion, would gladly gift them some pocket changes, to which fortunes they rose quite happy indeed. Relative to sons of richer lands, how large and satisfying are meager possessions taken, seen no short of abundances by the content eyes of the Natives whose hearts are tuned to the nous of gladness and comfort in a land that bore no material wealth. Even as the main course is but little more than corn, beans, potato and kale based, accompanied with the cured pork meat season from the last yearly slaughter in the coolness of a clay pot, it all were nothing short of delicious and praiseworthy, taken as blessing. Poverty may itself greatly be reduced to a mere matter of an acceptable perception by necessity, in the eyes of those under a settled to comfort and peaceable spirit, as it seems. Poverty seems to be one notion of realism which is altogether refused assent in the spiritual rationale by same enduring brave folks, for of all that could be taken for spiritual wealth was at once gathered by them as the whole of personal possession. And this they were convinced rightly to own.

By the end of this togetherness, a godmother and godfather both meaningfully are chosen and ceremonially honored with not only the clerical positions for spiritual blessings and the legal formalities of entering the human pact, but, too, that of second parents for the child. It was believed that not only in the life of parents would they come in aid, but so too after their incidental passing, the surviving godparents would well fulfill their roles in the child’s life and needs. Early on the very first months, the baptism is scheduled with the parish and invitations started. We must send a telegram to the America tomorrow, -the husband insisted. We need to let our loved ones in the Diaspora know of the birth of our child, and I am certain they’ll find it in their hearts to send us another drum or crate of goods to assist with our needs in the next vessel due to arrive within the next 3 months. Maybe even some notes of greenback, -he exclaimed, as our needs are now a bit greater. This presumption was not at all an invented feeble one, as the laces between those gone into emigration and the ones who remained home were strong and dependable under most circumstances, for gone folks took the homeland, their brethren and fond friendships with them and maintained them all fresh in their breasts. Those lost in the diasporas throughout the wide world seldom forgot where they came from and those they left behind. So it were they often send not only things perceived of use to them, but some money too, to help in their struggles.

And goes Megalha’s childhood started out ordinarily, in like ways of other children of her vicinity. Life in such remote corners of the Earth, isolated from the outside world and its conflicting states of evolution can itself be a tale of phantasies, or a deception to logic. On the whole, folks were organic and prodigiously virtuous in their ways, insofar as their intentions were the driving force for their actions. The underdevelopment and wretched state of colonial lands, themselves torn by the neglects of dated settings and violated of the little resources they naturally once possessed, is always forlornly abundant to view and human pain, an absolute lament to the mental office of morals and its laws. When coupled with residues of primitivity in the perception or behavior of their indigenous, this situation could amount to even more undesirable results. On the one hand the virginity and quiet simplicity of such people, when compared to troubled lifestyles and fatigued behavioral adoptions of those of progressed masses, would itself seem pleasantly desired for on the surface, truly envied in nature. For, at glance, it offers all the desired qualities of a total simplicity and peace, an umbrella of social amicability, environmentally sound and unthreatened conditions overall. It lacks what we had come to, at-first, enjoy and yet later fall to those cornered dismal senses of dismay and abhor in the industrialized and wasted-freedom lands, themselves blessed with copious materialism, though under a state of constant power and prestige rivalry among classes. But simple folks of remote, outmoded and monotonously peaceable shores knew no such realities, save for very few amid them who themselves dared rarely making such case known or placed under criticism, as such undertaking would readily be taken with a great degree of affront and sense of betrayal. All that the children were lead to believe, was the same as the elders gallantly sought to preserve as instituted beliefs of comfort and gratitude over the gracious blessings descending often in those barrels, drums, crates or envelopes with that distinct scent and alms of America, the ever-rich land especially blessed by God himself, where abundance and perfection emulated paradise. Little was known the scent itself to had been but that of moth balls to prevent the long trip’s deterioration of fabrics along the way in the salinized heat of ship’s belly. The warmth radiating off the faces of the good-spirited people of these far arid and empty lands is something quite awe-inspiring to had been envied by the others, however.

It will come a time and place in this manuscript where the following will have adequate relevancy to the person and story of her life.

Why live, if living itself solely was unduly to be truncated by the meager services of the living herself? Why live long, if the path to one’s destiny was to be rendered uncertain and insignificant by one’s very adopted doctrines and actions, or the lacks thereof. Why, if all which could be seen thereupon her lengthy path, was a mere milieu of incoherence and unprincipled acts? Why live, I ask, especially, if life was itself condemned to in its entirety remain unexamined, exempt from self-critique, unquestioned, thus unknown by the very merit of its unchecked animation… But if one earnestly had espoused the commitment to a life of meaning, a life worth its living -as was it of early so it should be of its continuum-must one redirect one’s actions in ways such as they must accord one those objectives worthy of a person, and praiseworthy of same invaluable experience. This should be considered a task of virtue, a morally pious act. Yet, and woefully so, we see that not all are of fortune to share in that experience in ways merited of people. In-fact, those there are whose chances run thinner, whose past has been anything but an example of a projected splendid future. Megalha was one of such people. The human psychological tendencies is to repress certain such feelings which otherwise would have, when once ostensibly, deprived it of happiness, peace and a sought-after sense for self-respect, as thereby perceptibly advanced by the rational purview of a conscious self. Wherefore in the dim corners of the unconscious same senses would then be given seclusion, though not an altogether extinction in nature or effect. These are the buried traumas this book is concerned with, as it seeks to give portrait to a strife-life of plight and sorrowful disquiet, which beheld an innocent child through trails of fustigations and grief, devoid of peace or closure, in the poignant life of poor Megalha.

Repressed undesirable feelings and tantalizing thoughts tend to become coiled therein the unconscious as dormant intuitive negatives and sensitive muddle. They are traits of an eminent fire within the psyche of spontaneous ignition that would promptly bring to life in acts the dire results of long confined restraints and repressed forces of time. Their afforded behavior are often sporadic and impulsive, defying rationale and order

Megalha was, after many casual and typical teething, learnings, playing and alerting, brought under the sacred water of her family’s parish cathedral in what was celebrated as the baptism-in-Christ, administered by the Island’s most revered Italian capuchin, proudly bearing the name of the late charitable and saintly Padre Pio. He descended from Italy into this Island, and thereupon remained most of his life as though one of its natural sons, speaking the language and relating to people in special kind of ways. He was from the order of Franciscan friar living under most humble simple manner. For such time-honored special occasions, the poor family found ways to ignore its obvious scarcities, and instead to go through scrupulous measures so to belong to certain social expectancies, and to rightly attend to its sacrificial religious beliefs. So is that all her older brothers and sisters wore then some humble new garments hand-tailored by one the island’s favorite outfitters who made house calls for such an occasion and therein reside a few days completing her tasks. For tops, the boys all enjoyed one same baby-blue eggshell fabric of a neighboring shop, a material composed of higher percentage of polyester and a lower one of rayon. And for bottom they displayed knee-length shorts created of rough khaki cotton. The girls on the other hand, wore ankle-length unfitted dresses made of haircloth, all to the propriety of respectable tradition and religious demands. But they were fortunate enough to wear some cowhide sandals, while the boys would go barefoot, as usual, avoiding the sharper edges of the cobblestones paved winding roads, and the piercing dry weeds grown in-between them along the way. The ceremonial mood was itself deep-set and contagious. Not only it forced upon the observing family its strict moral and emotive narrow rules and demands, but also compelled the remainder of attendees to those same guides. In that regard, it would not be at all surprising to see much of the congregation itself rise a notch to the principle of conformity in both its appearance, as well as its cooperative conduct. But it was all the more incumbent upon the immediate other families, their children especially, to even share in the same attire and its fabric, in partaking this ritual experience. But despite their joyous anxieties, the impatience is what cruelly consumed the young ones during such an eternal sacrament, as the thought of the scarce good cuisine and delicacies which awaited back home, incessantly tormented their hunger self-subduing crave. To them, it was detested the seemingly slow manner in which those assisting the household were operating, as the anticipation was too overwhelming. Worsening their condition further, was the savory teasing of the Holy Communion which did them great appetizing injustice, by falsely instigating their hunger in vain. Every minute that passed, seemed as an enduring eternity, launching them through the reveries of manifestation, by which false perception they smelled and tasted the generous bounties, all in suspense. But as all things must have their end, so did the service finally. They hardly could contain their own in following the elders home in such a tedious group-march pace. Every mass turned into a longwinded procession home afterwards, so felt the children especially on this very day. Every time they had to stop for another exchange of salutation among grownups, it was nothing short of a stab in their wounded sense of starvation. But at last, home they were, where all the hustle and bustle of the party underwent its course. And yet, as usual, they are given secondary priority to the elders and guests. Children are directed to wait their turn, while the latter folks enjoyed their meals, drinks and humor. They found the pleasure of playing out in the loose dirt yard while waiting, but not without some advanced strict warning to exercise due caution in not dirtying or damaging their new and costly outfits. They were finally given the table to savor the long-awaited meal, treats and sweet beverages, a not so usual indulgence differing itself from the typical scraped meals and conserved rain water collected from the red porcelain rooftops to the underground concrete cistern. On this occasion, there were still some ethnic coarse crushed corn, cooked with green fava beans and kale. But there too were some buttery boiled rice and string beans, goat stew, chicken and rice soup, Dry cod casserole and homemade cornbread. For beverages, they had at their disposal some flavors of Kool-Aid and room-temperature water. For dessert, there were some delicious homemade cakes, turnovers, sand cookies and custard pudding. But no meal was to ever be enjoyed without the prayer blessing of a volunteer, for which reason Estêvão, a young man neighbor’s child, was reprehended at his first rushed-in bite. All afterwards resumed ever savored by the boys and girls of the house, as well as their visiting friends, until Benjamim, a kid from the next house over, started telling a story just learned the other day, at the table. Then was when a supervising elder shouted, instructing them all to remain quiet and composed, sitting upright, elbows off the table and forks on the left hands. Good Christians and well-behaved people do not speak while eating, except as to ask for something on a far end of the table. Jesus is among us at this table, kids! -concluded same elder in no uncertain gestures of gravity.

Comfortably fed and indulged, children then and after passing their porcelain-coated camping metal dishes to the washing concrete tub in the kitchen, proceeded to exit to the front patio of the house to play some more. Some chose to play hide-and-seek, other boys experimented with threaded toy tops or soccer. Girls brought their worn-out dolls, and some crochet for pastime. But no moment goes imperceptible to the older ones who made it their untiring business to watch over young ones at all times. With a serene and yet daunting look, half-disguised by a dry reserved smirk that was too peculiar of them, they would beam their prying eyes upon the children, shadowing their very souls at times. At one certain moment of excitement among them, for instance, one certain young lady sitting on a retaining wall separating the upper patio from the minor road, with her legs crossed while wearing her three-quarter length dress was severely reprimanded by an old lady presiding over them. Excepting for bimbos, boys only sit while crossing their legs, that is not lady-like -said she. You girls need to move and play over here, away from the boys, and none of you will play boys games," she concluded in severe trembling voice. But, jointly they would all become pacified a bit as the men had begun to unshackle themselves from their customary restrains and hardened personality, for the most part; how much power does liquor bear upon them… one nicer man passed the boys playing outside, and with a radiant smile spoke sweet words to them. The boys stopped in great respect to him and out of shock for his unexpected humble kindness. He looked over and told them: -play on, boys. Enjoy your youth. This is your time to shine, we have had ours… seeing you children enjoy yourselves freely and full of energy, gives us all the more reasons to feel alive and be happy. Then he reached deep into his pocket and brought out a handful of coins dividing them between the boys.

Most properties in the poor township had as part component of it a useful extension parcel of land, upon which the owner farmed for the sustenance of the family in great part. There he raised his limited livestock (usually chickens, goats, pork and, of course, a donkey), and he harvested at the pleasure of the climate. But as the kicked soccer ball takes a wrong turn and lands in a certain neighbor’s lot, all goes silent and hesitant of the playful boys. Who wants to retrieve it? -one asks. The least bashful and always eager and risky Chico volunteers for the adventure, though his quickness was no match for the eyes of the vigilant grandma sitting in the shaded patio working on her crochet. She shouted that he be very careful with the corn plants and to watch his steps very carefully. She follows the youngster’s trail, and drags herself to the tiny eroded road to advise them to take caution playing, because with lack of the islanders and the uncertainty of the rain, everything is of high value.

And, impatiently the guys had to hold back their game, as she went on to describe in great nostalgia and through her wobbling tired vocals, just how fortunate it was in the old days, when the same island was always green and fertile, all its people provided for by Nature alone. It used to rain often and rain lots. All of these fields were green and fruitful.

From Coffee, corn and fava beans, string beans, squashes and cucumber, to bananas, papayas, passion fruit, quince, guava, sorrel, tamarinds and more… Even coffee, as I said, then grew in these rich grounds, for all to equally enjoy. But with the turn of times, the weather became bitter and bitter, to the point that now even our prayers sometimes don’t always seem to