All I'll Ever See

By Nell Iris

The night Kieran bangs on Theo’s door and kisses him changes both their lives forever. Theo has never been in the closet, but Kieran isn’t out and risks losing everything -- his inheritance, his relationship with his family -- should his parents find out.

But their feelings for each other can’t be denied, and Theo agrees to keeping their budding relationship a secret. But can their love grow and flourish when hidden away in the dark? Or will it wilt and die before they have a chance to live happily ever after?

• Language: English
• Publisher: JMS Books LLC
• Release date: Sep 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781646569007

Nell Iris

Nell is a forty-something bisexual Swedish woman, married to the love of her life, and a proud mama of a grown daughter. She left the Scandinavian cold and darkness for warmer and sunnier Malaysia a few years ago, and now spends her days writing, surfing the Internet, enjoying the heat, and eating good food. One day she decided to chase her lifelong dream of being a writer, sat down in front of her laptop, and wrote a story about two men falling in love. Nell writes gay romance, prefers sweet over angst, and wants to write diverse and different characters.

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All I’ll Ever See

By Nell Iris

Published by JMS Books LLC at Smashwords

Visit jms-books.com for more information.

Copyright 2021 Nell Iris

ISBN 9781646569007

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Cover Design: Written Ink Designs | written-ink.com

Image(s) used under a Standard Royalty-Free License.

All rights reserved.

WARNING: This book is not transferable. It is for your own personal use. If it is sold, shared, or given away, it is an infringement of the copyright of this work and violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review.

This book is for ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. It may contain sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which might be considered offensive by some readers. Please store your files where they cannot be accessed by minors.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are solely the product of the author’s imagination and/or are used fictitiously, though reference may be made to actual historical events or existing locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Published in the United States of America.

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I always owe all my thanks to Kris and Addison, but even more so this time. Thank you for helping me on such short notice and with such a tight deadline. Also thank you to my morning writing crew: writing is so much more fun in your company.

For J.

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All I’ll Ever See

By Nell Iris

Chapter 1

2014

A banging on my door, booming through my apartment, scares me awake. I fly out of my bed as though I’m shot from a rocket launcher, legs still tangled in the sheet, and fall flat on the floor. Luckily, I have enough time to catch myself on my hands, avoiding face planting and breaking my nose.

More whacking on the door frenzies my heart rate, makes my breathing shallow and ragged. Frozen to the floor, I try to blink the sleep from my eyes as my mind races a million miles per minute. What’s going on? Is someone trying to break in? What do I do? Find a weapon? Do I even have a weapon? Do I call the police? Hide under the bed?

A muffled voice accompanies the next set of thumps. Theeeeeo, wake up. Even through the door, I recognize the voice and the fear evaporates from my body as quickly as it came.

I scramble to my feet and hurry through the apartment and fling open the door to my late-night visitor. Kieran, what the… I don’t get any further before the man in question, my best friend Seamus’s older brother, the man I’ve been desperately in love with for as long as I can remember, falls through the open door as though he was leaning on it and I’d yanked away his support.

I grab his waist to steady him, and Kieran winds his arms around me, which doesn’t help. He’s taller than me. Bigger, shoulders double my width, so I buckle under his weight, and we stumble, but the wall catches us before we go down.

But even when we’re steady, he doesn’t make a move to let go. Instead, he tightens his grip on me, rests his forehead on my shoulder, and mumbles, Sorry.

I kick the door closed behind him and try to make him stand up straight so I can look him in the eye, but it’s no use. He reeks of booze, and his limbs are uncoordinated, soft and floppy, and uncooperative as I start walking backward in the general direction of the den and my couch, pulling him along.

What are you doing here? I ask as I struggle to keep us upright. I rarely have visitors—my apartment is too small to entertain—he’s been here once or twice with Seamus, but never alone. Never in the middle of the night or unannounced. Never drunk. In fact, I’ve never seen him drunk before; whenever he even drinks, it’s in moderation, so this is new. And worrisome.

His build isn’t easy for me to maneuver, and his