Lipstick Chronicles - The Warfare of Inclusion

By Dr. Nomvuselelo Songelwa

This collection reflects the many untold stories of women and men who have faced gut-wrenching challenges in pursuing their careers. It also tells stories of triumph and where things have worked - the winning formula.

 

All too often these challenges faced by leaders are masked by the glamourization of their success, which all too often disguises the anguish, the marginalization and the psychological impacts of choosing to lead.

 

In the same breath, we also need to acknowledge the progress made in the transformation of the workplaces and beat the drum of jubilation for those who have found the sweet spot and are thriving. We trust that the book not only provides insights, but serves as a validation of their journeys that must be inked into our history.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dr. Nomvuselelo Songelwa
• Release date: Nov 7, 2023
• ISBN: 9780796106209

Book preview

Concept: Dr Nomvuselelo Songelwa Compiler: Thabisile Phumo Transcriber: Luanette Kuipers Editorial Assistant: Sibusisiwe Ncama Designer: Veracity Designs

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This book is dedicated to my mother, Nomonde Patience Songelwa

Malanga was a name she was given as part of the marriage custom in our culture. As a married woman, she was named after her clan name.

Bhele, Langa lokulunga, Khuboni, Ntshikose, Mafu.

In the first anniversary of your passing, I dedicate this book to you.

Your voice was never silenced, although your spiritual gift was silenced, and is misunderstood.

You have taught me resilience, to blossom and to love.

I am privileged that you held my first book and I invoke your blessings upon this one.

Let no other woman be silenced.

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This collection reflects the many untold stories of women and men who have faced gut-wrenching challenges in pursuing their careers. It also tells stories of triumph and where things have worked

- the winning formula.

All too often these challenges faced by leaders are masked by the glamourization of their success, which all too often disguises the anguish, the marginalization and the psychological impacts of choosing to lead.

In the same breath, we also need to acknowledge the progress made in the transformation of the workplaces and beat the drum of jubilation for those who have found the sweet spot and are thriving. We trust that the book not only provides insights, but serves as a validation of their journeys that must be inked into our history. 

ENDORSEMENTS

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But I just said that...

This seems to be the phrase that echos in many women’s minds, at least those who never have the courage to say it loud, in the workplace.

This is one of their responses to the pressures of their environment that con- tinue to silence their voices and opin- ions in sophisticated ways.

Another major response is flight. And that’s where I entered into the journey with Dr Nomvuselelo Songelwa as she explained her work with women to me. That many very powerful women in the workplace leave the workplace because the silencing and sometimes uncon- scious persecution, and sidelining be- comes too much and the ecosystem too hostile.

After many months of reflecting on personal experiences as an executive, painstakingly going through pieces of research, interviews, more conversations, and even more research, Coach Umalusi, as she is known, has put together this insightful piece of work on experiences of women in the workplace. Not to cast aspersions and complain, but certainly to expose and surface the usually unspoken about challenges of the apparently ‘empowered’.

It is not one of those books that blame men or indeed white people for these challenges, although it does acknowledge this as well. It is a book that is first raising awareness, saying Here, this is what you might not know about how modern women experience the workplace, and then proceeds to engage us in what can be done by all of us to move from redress, to inclusion and now integration. It’s a work of all of us, men AND women, and it starts with taking the first step after reading this book and asking, Am I contributing to the silencing or the repowerment? I coined the phrase repowerment because I believe women already have the power, and are no longer just looking for empowerment, but a recognition of their power and how they bring it to bear in workspaces regardless of what and how the ecosystem responds.

- Dr Mongezi Makhalima

Dr Mongezi Makhalima is Thinkers Top 50 Global Coach Winner – 2019,

40 Organisational Culture Champions in 2022, an organisation development specialist, organisational learning expert & Executive coach with 30 years of working with organisations and leadership in corporates and NGOs.

He is the founder and President/ Chairperson of Africa Board for Coaching, Consulting and Coaching Psychology (ABCCCP), and also sits as non-executive director on several boards in the NGO, film and music sectors.

Dr Mongezi is also one of the founding members of the Special Interest Group on Consulting and Coaching psychology with the Society for Industrial and Organisational Psychologists of South Africa (SIOPSA). He is one of the global founding members of the International Society for Coaching Psychology (ISCP).

Mongezi serves as a faculty member in the Faculty of Commerce, Law and Management of the University of the Witwatersrand as well as the Wits Business School, teaching Masters and advanced programmes in leadership and coaching.

ENDORSEMENTS

Lipstick Chronicles is an important book that talks about women, espe- cially African women executive lead- ers’ life experiences, challenges, and triumphs. It is a wonderful entry point for reflections for all of us on women in leadership. Dr Nomvuselelo Songelwa (Mvusy) allows us an honest and sel- dom permitted gaze into the corporate boardroom where women such as her- self, as a pioneer leader, have to nego- tiate many hurdles and counter stereo- types. Mvusy opens an important door to explore through lived experiences, the ulture of silencing of women lead- ers often found in corporates around the world. It also celebrates the women and men who offer support along the way and encourage lessons related to the im- portance of such camaraderie especial- ly for future generations. Her call for gender equality, emotional and spiritual support through mentoring and coach- ing is one we should all adhere to. She also shines a light on self-motivation and investment in one’s own leadership journey.

In Lipstick Chronicles, Mvusy offers us all a generous and life-affirming leadership masterclass that includes findings and recommendations. The voices of South African and African, women and men that she included in this book are allowing us an honest glimpse into their journey, hoping we are empowered and strengthened by their experiences. Reading this book in August 2023, when we celebrate Women’s Month in South Africa, is an empowering experience as it reminds us of the journey that we are on and the road ahead. It also allowed me some self-reflection about my own personal journey of leadership in South Africa and beyond. As the founder and first executive director of one of the largest museums and educational centers on genocides and their lessons in Africa (Johannesburg Holocaust and Genocide Centre), working across the African continent, I had to go through the journey, many times alone and without any ‘shortcuts’. The valuable lessons offered to us by Lipstick Chronicles will certainly support the journey going forward for many others, making the challenges seem a little lighter and enhanced by some useful tools to make the road less daunting.

- Tali Nates

Tali Nates is the founder and director of the Johannesburg Holocaust and Geno- cide Centre (JHGC) and Chair of the South African Holocaust and Genocide Foundation (SAHGF). She is a historian who lectures internationally on Holocaust and genocide education, memory, recon- ciliation, and human rights. Born to a family of Holocaust survivors, her father and uncle were saved by Oskar Schindler. Tali has been involved in the creation and production of dozens of documentary films, curated exhibitions, published ar- ticles and contributed chapters to books including God, Faith & Identity from the Ashes: Reflections of Children and Grandchildren of Holocaust Survivors (2015). Conceptualizing Mass Violence, Representations, Recollections, and Re- interpretations (2021) and The Routledge Handbook of Memory Activism (2023).

Tali serves on many Advisory and Aca- demic Boards including the Contested Histories Initiative, the Interdisciplinary Academic Journal of Babyn Yar Holo- caust Memorial Center and the Academic Advisory Group of the School of Social and Health Sciences, IIEMSA, South Af- rica.

Tali won many awards including the Kia Community Service Award (South Afri- ca, 2015), the Gratias Agit Award (2020, Czech Republic), the Austrian Holocaust Memorial Award (2021) and the Goethe Medal (2022, Germany)

Table of Contents

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER

INTRODUCTION

A PAN AFRICAN PERSPECTIVE

WOMEN IN LEADERSHIP – SOUTH AFRICA

THE CONCEPT OF CORPORATE SOCIO-SILENCING SOME GLOBAL STUDIES

FINDINGS

LESSONS LEARNT

WAY FORWARD

REFERENCES

LIPSTICK

CHRONICLES

JUST WORK HARD

UNSILENCE YOUR VOICE

SERVE THE TEA...

I WISH THAT WOMEN CAN  WORK TOGETHER MORE...

STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

BAKE A BIGGER CAKE

DO NOT GET SWALLOWED

MEN’S

PERSPECTIVES

LOSE A BATTLE AS LONG AS YOU

WIN THE WAR

STAND YOUR GROUND, SO STAND!

THE POWER OF LABELLING

APPENDIX 1- GUIDING QUESTIONS

NOTES

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I want to thank all the leaders in this book who heeded the call to inspire the aspirant women leaders and shared their ‘untold’ experiences in the workspaces. Imparting this wisdom and wealth of experience, is not only a reality check for individuals (both men and women), but also for corporates on how they can make workspaces safer and healthier for women in general, and especially those who are expected to bring impactful and transformative leadership.

Mr Scofray Nana Yaw Yeboah from Ghana, a Transformational and a certified Ontological and mBIT Coach, challenged me to the core after a six-month transformation journey to give birth to this book. He clarified my thoughts about the next chapter of my life. No words can express your spiritual generosity to take me out of my comfort zone and have the courage to be authentic.

Dr Mongezi Makhalima, a.k.a. Dr Mo, was the wind beneath my wings during this project. When I shared this project, you were the first one to say, ‘Let’s do it!’. From opening your office, your professional spaces (symposium, conference) and the Vuka Online Radio platform was truly empowering. As I transition, I rise because of you.

Thabisile Phumo, a special thank you for your willingness to share ideas, to guide me as a sister, and a professional. Thank you for making this book a reality.

My friends of more than 20 years, Judy Jennings, Prof Sibulelo Vilakazi, Clementine Mbatani, Singatwa Mnqandi and Buyani Zwane, I single you out for the emotional, spiritual and sometimes the financial support that you have afforded me during this period.

To all my children, grandchildren, my mother’s children (we call each other ‘Mntakamama’), my departed parents and the entire Songelwa family and community of Tsilithwa at Qumbu village in the Eastern Cape Province of South Africa.

"I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified,

because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We’ve been taught that silence would save us, BUT IT WON’T"

- Audre Lorde

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr Nomvuselelo ‘Mvusy’ Songelwa

Dr Nomvuselelo Songelwa, also affectionately known as Mvusy, is as an Executive and Leadership Coach, facilitator, and an author of, Life lessons of a cattle herder: reflections from the Boardroom. At the time of writing her first book in 2020 during the global lockdown, she needed to release her emotional trauma from the life of being a CEO of a company she started from scratch, a public-private initiative by the government and private sector of the Tourism Industry in South Africa to becoming unemployed.

When she braved to pioneer the company, in what would have been a permanent position having had a