The Business of Relationships: Using the Wisdom of Great Executives to Create Thriving Personal Connections

By Tom Hagerty

Can a quote from a business executive, taken out of its original context, be instructive in our most personal relationships? Tom Hagerty thinks so and he has written over fifty essays using these leaders' quotes as the foundation for developing better perspective and resilience, greater trust and commitment, a sense of risk and priority, and other qualities necessary for vibrant connections with our families and friends.

Hagerty writes for everyone who wants to be better at the tough stuff of being in relationships that really matter. Some of the quotes he uses to create an actionable plan for improvement are

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life" (Steve Jobs).

"Each one of us is more than the worst thing we have ever done" (Sheryl Sandberg).

"Clock watchers never seem to be having a good time" (James Cash Penney).

"When you lead change, sometimes you get arrows in your back" (Carly Fiorina)

"When you are creating things that are new, you have to be prepared to be on the edge of risk" (Michael Eisner).

"If you think you're too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito" (Anita Roddick).

"Change before you have to" (Jack Welch).

"The rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield" (Warren Buffett).

Written in an accessible and reflective tone of empathy, The Business of Relationships is a book that can be referenced to work on a specific quality or read from start to finish. Part biography and part self-help, it delivers simple insights into the most challenging yet rewarding aspects of our vital interpersonal relationships. And some of these nuggets could even become a daily mantra!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887935546

Book preview

The Business of Relationships

Using the Wisdom of Great Executives to Create Thriving Personal Connections

Tom Hagerty

Copyright © 2023 Tom Hagerty

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2023

ISBN 979-8-88793-531-7 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88793-554-6 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

To Amanda, Greg, and Matt. You gave me your love, grace, and mercy; and you took me on the trip of a lifetime. I love you. Always.

Introduction

Chapter 1

Relationships in General

Chapter 2

On Perspective

Chapter 3

On Honesty

Chapter 4

On Integrity

Chapter 5

On Change

Chapter 6

On Risk

Chapter 7

On Commitment

Chapter 8

On Respect

Chapter 9

On Priority

Chapter 10

On Trust

Chapter 11

On Engagement

Chapter 12

On Humility

Chapter 13

On Resilience

Chapter 14

Final Thoughts

Let's Connect

If you'd like to initiate a dialogue about more ways to blend business savvy into your most important personal relationships or to inquire about a speaking engagement with Tom for your company or organization, feel free to reach out at [e-mail].

To purchase bulk copies of The Business of Relationships at a discount for large groups, please contact [e-mail]. or visit www.ingramcontent.com/contact.

Thanks for reading this book, and here's to healthy, vibrant, and exciting relationships!

About the Author

Page Publishing supports the right to free expression and the value of copyright. The purpose of copyright is to encourage writers and artists to produce the creative works that enrich our culture.

The scanning, uploading, and/or distribution of this book without permission is a theft of the Author's intellectual property. If you would like permission to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), please contact the Author directly at [e-mail]. Thank you for your support of the Author's rights.

The right of Tom Hagerty to be identified as the Author has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Design and Patents Act 1988.

The Business of Relationships is a work of non-fiction. Every effort has been made to ensure that information in this book is accurate. No liability can be accepted for any loss incurred in any way whatsoever by any person relying solely on the information contained herein. No responsibility for loss occasioned to any person or corporate body acting or refraining to act as a result of reading material in this book can be accepted by the Publisher or the Author.

For information about bulk purchases, please contact [e-mail] or visit www.ingramcontent.com/contact.

To Amanda, Greg, and Matt. You gave me your love, grace, and mercy; and you took me on the trip of a lifetime. I love you. Always.

Introduction

This book is my first and possibly my last, or maybe not. It is something I have thought about for a long time and then began in earnest to get down in writing. It started in 1998 when I began to read a lot of business articles and books with greater intensity than ever before. It is a series of quotations, often little known and seldom cited, from major American and international business leaders. The difference is that unlike a mere compilation of stuff famous people said, I have tried to take some liberty with each quote to illustrate how it might also enlighten us to create more productive and stable relationships. The quotes are real, and the observations are my own into what may enhance the various relationships that are the foundation of our lives.

If I were in your shoes looking over this book, the first question I'd ask is why. Why should I care about what any business executive has to say about anything outside of his or her business? Why should I believe it might have any relevance to me and my life and especially my relationships? Why should I believe that quotes such as these could be interpreted to have any broader meaning? These are fair questions, and I'll try to give some good answers.

First, I think that business leaders—regardless of company size, nationality, age, race, gender, and industry—have unique qualifications that afford them the ability to be insightful on a number of topics of concern. Too often, they are pigeon-holed into a category or two because they only run a business. The leaders whose quotes appear on these pages have achieved success of the type few of us can imagine. They have also experienced the pain of and responsibility for failure. Many have been publicly pilloried for perceived shortcomings, and most have lost their positions at some point in their career. Some have pioneered entire industries while others have rescued iconic brands from the trash heap. A few have been to jail while many more count famous artists, musicians, athletes, politicians, clerics, and fellow business leaders among their close circle of friends. All of them have met payrolls, agonized over product introductions, expanded or contracted workforces, fended off rivals and regulators, sweated the details with lenders, and dealt with the demands of shareholders. They have succeeded in one of the most excruciating yet rewarding environments ever conceived—that of the capitalistic free-enterprise system.

It seems somewhat silly to me that we tend to place great relevance on a movie star's every utterance and believe that their pronouncements on relationships, religion, politics, and even food must be captured for the ages and revered as gospel truth. Talk radio hosts who traffic in snap judgments and inflammatory rhetoric are elevated to oracles of our age on a wide variety of subjects when their contributions frequently don't surpass the knowledge available to a high school student on a Google search. Authors of every stripe are now self-publishing books about nothing much more than their opinion. Millions of bloggers are posting their insights to a global audience that scarcely stops to consider their motivation, not to mention expertise. Athletes who freely proclaim that they are not role models consistently score above teachers as a significant influence in our children's lives.

Michael Jordan is more recognizable than Michael Dell but has created nowhere the jobs, sales, profits, dividends, or long-term value for investors, much less personally revolutionizing such concepts as a global supply chain with governmental accountability. Tom Brady's nutrition regimen is better chronicled than Tom Peters's management insights into the best and brightest companies. We have all enjoyed the various smirks, winks, and leers of Jack Nicholson on the sidelines at the Los Angeles Lakers games, and invariably the announcers would treat us to a lengthy palaver about his greatness. Did the announcers ever recognize Jack Welch in the crowd? Have they commented about the fact that he tripled shareholder value and completely changed the culture and operations of a lumbering industrial giant? Martha Stewart's temper and Oprah Winfrey's weight receive far more attention than their string of successes in almost single-handedly building and driving two of this country's greatest woman-owned entrepreneurial businesses. Doesn't this seem like we've lost something in our translation of real value? If it does, then you can begin to recognize why I think that business leaders are perhaps uniquely qualified to also give us insights beyond just their own businesses.

As for relevance in your life, that is something only you can assign. What I can offer is my mother's advice that just because everyone else is doing it doesn't make it right. I hated hearing that when I wanted to see a movie that wasn't approved by the church or when I wanted to just loiter at the mall with my friends who, like me, had no money to spend. Just because all your friends queue up to hang on to every word of Yellowstone or memorize all the words to Taylor Swift's or Ye's latest songs doesn't make it right. Isn't there some room to consider that people who have not only personally succeeded but also brought along thousands of other individuals and families might have something to teach us? Is it possible that it can be about more than their business acumen? Is it likely that their quotes could be instructive in broader areas and provide some guidance about relating to each other? I said at the outset of this paragraph that I can't answer that for you.

For me, however, I believe that their achievements, grit, and courage give these leaders the clear benefit of the doubt. In an era when everyone seems to demand a voice, theirs resonate with a clarity that very few even approach. As we go deeper into the abyss of mass amateurization afforded us by the internet and social networking, the accomplishments of these executives are well-documented and utterly transparent.

Now to the question of why these quotes should have any broader meaning. I think it's really pretty simple. Intelligent communicators have always been interpreted, and their spoken and written words have always been analyzed as to their deeper or hidden or other meanings. It is the essence of nuance and extrapolation. I think it is entirely possible to infer other meanings from a quotation and use them as instructive, illustrative platforms for gaining awareness in other seemingly unrelated areas. It seems unfathomable to me that we would say Steve Jobs's quote about the thought of death helping him make big decisions is any less relevant and meaningful than a great line from Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon about racing through life, only to end up shorter of breath and one day closer to death. Do we need synthesizers and wailing guitar riffs to have meaning? Do we need music to read something larger into a memorable quotation? I certainly don't think so, and I firmly believe that the leaders quoted in this book have much to say about our lives and relationships.

Next, I'd be asking a couple of what questions if I were still considering a commitment to reading even further. After all, it's still my first attempt, and you've probably only spent a few minutes with this book. There may even be others next to your chair if you're at the bookstore. Asking the reason for the book and my qualifications to write this are certainly appropriate. After all, it's your money and your time we're talking about here.

A big reason for the book is really pretty visceral. It comes from a gut-level passion for reading about and engaging in discussions about business. I am fascinated by the courage and perseverance of these leaders often in the face of scary economic conditions and long odds. I am awed by their vision and ability to rally people to it. I am inspired by their foresight to create trends, turn wants into needs, and capitalize on opportunities all the while generating wealth for employees, shareholders, suppliers, and strategic partners whom they may never meet or interact with personally. I am somewhat envious of their strength to stay the course even in the face of withering criticism from a media that salivates at the slightest hint of controversy. I am humbled by the enormous commitment of time it takes to run these enterprises, and I chuckle at how I stress over the relatively small issues surrounding my own little business in Cincinnati, Ohio. Do I think that these business leaders have focused on their own reason for being? Do I think that they can illuminate some areas in our lives that deserve more attention, specifically our interpersonal relationships? I say yes strongly to both, and that's a big reason for this book.

Another reason for the book is even simpler. There's nothing like it that I've seen, and I spend a lot of time reading and resupplying my brain online and at various bookstores. Any good marketer will tell you that success happens when you create a need and then fill it. In addition to my aforementioned passion for business, I am resoundingly committed to growing my relationships. I hope you are too. A few years ago, as I began to collect and organize and reflect upon hundreds of these quotes, it occurred to me that the business of relationships was something I could write about. Better yet, it was interesting to me, and I was willing to put in the hard work to make it happen. I won't tell you that I did it by candlelight while caring for sick parents and walking barefoot both ways uphill to my job. But I did make sacrifices, and I think that's really the point. In every quotation and reflection you'll read, I hope the overarching message is that relationships take work and hard work makes them better.

Finally, you may ask, What qualifies you to write this? I am not sure I'm the best person to answer that. I'm equally sure that if you're reading this, it means I'm published and some critic has probably already weighed in on that question. Anyway, here goes.

At this writing, I'm sixty-nine years old, and I still enjoy my position as the oldest of ten children. Nine of us are still alive, and we all still live with the pain of losing our brother to cancer in 1990. Paul was only thirty-four years old, and he was my best friend. My dad died in 2002, and my mom passed in 2006. She was my supporter, and he was my judge. I felt loved but maybe not liked. Many times, I'll admit, I wasn't easy to like and may not have deserved their love.

I grew up with severe asthma prior to pocket inhalers and all-day medications. I remember thinking I was going to die in an oxygen tent and my family wasn't there. Asthma limited my activities and sometimes brought ridicule in the days before we all got politically correct. My last memory of an attack was at about age fifteen, but I carry some of the residue with me even now. It taught me self-reliance and gave me a bigger dose of independence. I am not certain that's all good.

I was raised Catholic and have certainly waivered from the doctrine that my parents spent so much time and money to ensure was embedded in my every fiber. Through grade school, high school, college, and postgraduate studies, I had a heaping helping of nuns and Jesuits. They taught me to think critically as long as it wasn't about the church. I grew up feeling that I had to earn everything, including my reward in heaven. I was convinced that I wouldn't measure up and would lose the approval of my family as well as any chance of air-conditioning in the afterlife. It took years to change that. Today, I'm a participating member of a nondenominational Christian church, and I've finally realized that someone really died just to save me.

I have been fortunate to have a very interesting and vibrant business career. It hasn't necessarily translated into a robust bank account. You haven't heard of many of the companies I've worked for, and it's inconceivable that many of you know the consulting firm that I've had since 1998. My careers have been in car sales, law enforcement planning, jet engine manufacturing, industrial process controls, advertising and marketing communications, and retail display design. My consulting firm was a business fixer that dealt with small privately held companies that certainly were suffering, if not in downright trouble. In the past few decades, I have merged four companies, dissolved a limited partnership, introduced several retail products, shut down two manufacturing operations, developed and implemented several strategic plans, secured bank financing and private equity for a few start-ups and turnarounds, and even counseled a client through a heart attack preceding his divorce.

Over the years, God saved me from more than stupidity. I have suffered from depression, abused alcohol and drugs, and wrecked a fair number of friendships and relationships. It took some hard steps and a lot of love and family support to make me human again. I nearly lost everything because of selfish, self-centered behavior. I work with others and try to demonstrate every day that as long as we persevere, we have a shot at happiness. A friend of mine used to sign his emails with Falling down is not the problem. Not getting up is. I believe that.

I suppose those are my answers about qualifications. I don't pretend to think they are unique or special, and they are certainly not tragic. They are simply mine. What I think they show is simply a man who was willing to persevere. I didn't always take the right path or hang with the right crowd. I misplaced people but never their debts and slights. I looked for justice and frequently didn't show mercy. I allowed comparison to be a thief that stole my joy. But through it all, I am standing today.

I count integrity, honesty, commitment, respect, and acknowledgment of others' needs among my foundational qualities and desires for living a good life. Curiously, these are foundational for great relationships of every sort. I embrace wise risks, establish priorities, try to innovate, and grow and change. It would seem these are essential too in healthy relationships. The bottom line is my qualifications don't disqualify me. A lifetime of life is what I bring to the table. Whether that's enough is up to you.

Chapter 1

Relationships in General

Abraham Maslow, the great twentieth-century American philosopher and psychologist, said, The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short. Even if it is only partially true, it is incredibly sad. Think of all the common and seemingly noninvasive ways we tell ourselves we don't matter. We say, Why bother voting? It doesn't matter. Don't waste your breath. He won't listen. Nobody cares what I say anyway. I can't change her, so I'm not going to even try. Do whatever you want. I don't care. He wouldn't give me the time of day. I wouldn't even dignify that with a response. It's the least I can do. Call someone who cares.

We have to remind ourselves with manufactured holidays so we can think of each other. Sure, the big ones are a given—Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Easter, Passover, Thanksgiving, Father's Day, and Mother's Day. But what about Bosses Day or Administrative Assistant's Day? National Hugging Day? Do a Grouch a Favor Day? Be Nasty Day? There is a Good Neighbor Day and a Middle Child's Day. And if all else fails, we even have a Make Up Your Own Holiday Day. For the record, if yours isn't already covered, go for it on March 26. We can say that having such observances does no harm, and generally I don't disagree. But should we have to remind ourselves to hug each other or to be good neighbors? Does it say something about us if we routinely forget?

We even have bumper stickers and T-shirts that express our distance and disaffection for one another such as SSDD, My dog is smarter than your honor student, I'm with stupid, or There's an idiot in need of a village. One of my all-time favorite T-shirts is geared for motorcyclists. The male version has on the back If you can read this, the bitch fell off. The female version has If you can read this, the prick wouldn't let me drive. That I remember first seeing it in New Orleans many years ago probably is a testament to how the negative sticks with me too.

Our airwaves are filled with vitriolic rants that can pass for music, political commentary, or religious education. Much of what we scream is in the name of personal freedom. Too little resembles personal responsibility or accountability. All of it acts to separate and alienate. Our communication technologies afford the ability to create more distance between us than ever before. We fail to understand because we fail to really learn about each other.

If Maslow was anywhere near the mark with his observation, he clearly spoke of a life not many (if any) of us would desire. Do you ever think it's acceptable to sell yourself short? Is it okay in your mind to strive for less? Is resignation and acceptance of defeat just a normal situation for you? Even though the widely circulated Serenity Prayer states that we want God to grant the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can, I think too many of us accept while too few exhibit courage. This is especially true in our national ADHD approach to the crisis of the moment. It seems we lurch from one breaking news story to another, frequently failing to stop