Tales from the Writer's Realm: A Short Story Collection

By Harry Chong

"Tales from the Writer's Realm" is a strange, funny, and wonderful collection of short stories by award-losing writer, Harry Chong.

 

There are 13 stories in total, all inspired by beloved short stories, fables, and fairy tales: Hansel and Gretel, Jack and the Beanstalk, Aladdin, The Midas Myth, Time Enough at Last, The Cat in the Hat, The Story of Ferdinand, The Three Little Pigs, The Scorpion and the Frog, Beauty and the Beast, Princess Mouseskin, The Tell-Tale Heart, The Gift of the Magi, The Egg, The Lottery, and 'Button, Button.'

 

Of course, the stories written by author Harry Chong are parodies, poking fun at cliches, tropes, and all the silliness in the world of writing. These stories are stories for writers, and appreciative readers, those who adore the written word.

 

Here, you are invited to take a look at this book, and come on a whimsical adventure, filled with fun, laughter, and surprises. Thrills, chills, witches, wishes, dragons, and magic -- they're all here!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Harry Chong
• Release date: Oct 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223993339

Book preview

Introduction

Good evening, ladies, and gentlemen! Thank you very much for taking a look at this book. What's ahead of you is a nice, little collection of 13 short stories.

These short stories are parodies of popular short stories, fables, and fairy tales, which I hope you find humorous. What I have written here is about writers, first and foremost, and their readers.

This book is a book for those who appreciate writing. Though it's not for everyone, I'd wager that something here will amuse you.

And don't you want to be amused?

Stories List

This medium-sized book has thirteen short stories in total: Hans & Greta, The Writer's Touch, The Writer in the Hat, Fernando: The Reading Bull, The Three Little Writers, The Ukrainian & The Russian, Beauty and the Writer, More Than Paper, The Tell-Tale Typewriter, The Gift of the Writer, The Omelette, The Lotto, and The Weird Button.

...I hope you enjoy them!

Hans & Greta

In the year 1847, in eastern Europe, in a forest, in a crappy cabin, there lived a family of poor white people. The family had four members: a father, whose name was Ludwig, Ludwig's second wife, Karen, and their two children, Hans, and Greta.

Hans was a 7 year old boy, and Greta was a 4 year old girl. They were gingers, and so were not very popular. Karen, their stepmother, thought they were hideous.

After Hans, and Greta had their supper with their parents, which was boiled potatoes, they were put to bed. The beds were just hay with some thin fabric on top. It wasn't very comfortable, and falling asleep on it was difficult.

While Hans, and Greta tried to fall asleep, their ears were open. They heard their parents, Ludwig, and Karen speaking just outside. They were having an argument.

We have to do something, said Karen, or we'll all starve to death.

I know, said Ludwig, I'll write another book.

You fool! That's the reason we're hungry. Your writing of books has put us in the poorhouse!

Hey, you're a writer, too.

Yes, but I do other things. I cook, I clean, I sing to the moon. And what do you do, Ludwig?

I grew those potatoes. I chop firewood. I collect water from the well. I'm not some lazy pig, Karen.

Okay, but everything you're doing isn't enough. You're the man of the house! You should be bringing home the bacon. Instead, you get us boiled potatoes, and bugs for protein.

Ah, another thing I do. I catch bugs to eat.

I don't want to eat bugs!

You are such a little princess, Karen. Bugs are delicious.

You know what's holding us down?

What?

Those kids. We have to get rid of those kids.

But who would adopt them? They're gingers.

No, listen. We take them out into the forest, and abandon them. They're stupid. They'll be completely lost. Then the wolves will eat them.

You're a psychopath.

No, I'm a Karen.

What's the difference?

So, are we going to take the kids into the forest to abandon them, or what?

No!

While Ludwig, and Karen continued talking, Greta was in bed worried. Her brother, Hans, told her not to worry. That they would not get lost in the forest.

When Ludwig, and Karen finally went to sleep, Hans snuck out of their cabin, and collected pebbles outside, and put them in his pockets. He returned to his room, and laid himself down in bed.

What did you do outside? Greta whispered.

Go to sleep, Hans replied. You need not think about this.

Okay, said Greta, and she closed her eyes.

*****

When the morning came, Ludwig put on his boots, and left the cabin with his axe to go collect wood. While he was chopping at an innocent tree somewhere in the forest, Karen yelled at Hans, and Greta to wake up.

She took them outside, and started leading them down a path.

Mother, said Greta, where are we going?

We are going to pick some berries, said Karen.

Where is your basket? Hans asked.

So many questions! said Karen. We will put them in your pockets. Now, be quiet.

As the children followed Karen, every now, and again, Hans would drop a pebble. Eventually, all his pebbles were gone. Karen, Hans, and Greta were now somewhere deep in the forest.

Okay, said Karen, you two stay here, while I go pick some berries.

Can we not come along with you? Greta asked.

No, said Karen. You two need to rest. I will get the fruit.

And Karen abandoned her children. After waiting half an hour, Hans stood up.

Alright, he said, we can go home now. All we have to do is follow the pebbles.

So, Hans, and Greta followed the pebbles, and went home. Ludwig wasn't surprised to see them, but Karen was.

What is this?! said Karen. I thought I abandoned you two in the forest!

You tried to abandon our children in the forest? said Ludwig.

Ah-ha-ha, said Karen. I was only joking. It was just a joke! Relax! Calm down! Take a chill pill, buddy!

No, she tried abandoning us in the forest, said Hans.

But we got home by using a trail of pebbles we made in secret, said Greta.

How clever, said Ludwig.

I didn't try abandoning them in the forest, said Karen. You believe me, don't you, Ludwig?

I don't believe you, said Ludwig. I'm divorcing you!

Well, who gets the kids? said Karen.

Obviously me, said Ludwig. You're just their evil stepmother.

*****

The divorce happened, and the kids went to Karen. But of course, women are better at taking care of children, aren't they? Well, today, Karen took Hans, and Greta out to the middle of the forest, and abandoned them.

However, Hans, and Greta were not able to return home. Karen had taken away Hans's pebbles, and the breadcrumb trail the boy had made was quickly eaten by rodents.

So, Hans, and Greta were lost. Their parents often travelled through the forest, and knew it well, but they did not.

What do we do? Greta asked.

Don't worry, Hans replied. God will help us.

So, Hans, and Greta walked around though unsure where to go. They were afraid, especially after hearing the howling of wolves. They held each other's hands, and continued to trek through the forest, hoping they would find someone—or something.

But after several hours, they were still lost. The only light there was was from the moon, and the stars. It was now dark, and chilly. Hans hugged Greta, and told her not to cry, that their father would soon find them.

When they felt like giving up, and Hans thought about making a shelter to sleep in, he saw a little, orange light in the distance. It was moving.

Hello? he said. Is anyone there?

The orange light came closer, and then closer again. Hans, and Greta realized the light was from a lantern. This lantern was being held by an old woman wearing a black cloak.

Oh my! said the old woman whose name was Jezebel. What are you two delicious children doing in this forest?

Hans raised an eyebrow. Delicious?

Jezebel shook her head. No, no, no. I said, uh, ambitious. What are you two ambitious children doing in this forest?

Oh, we're lost, said Hans.

How did you get lost?

Well, our mother abandoned us.

What an awful woman. Why did she do that?

She hates us.

Do you want to go back to her?

No. We want to find our father now.

I don't know where your father is, do you?

No.

So, you should come, and stay with me for a while—what do you think?

Hmm... Okay.

Please, follow me, my dear children.

And Jezebel, in the night, took Hans, and Greta to her home which wasn't too far away.

Wow, said Greta, looking at Jezebel's home. It's beautiful.

Jezebel's home looked like it was made of delicious gingerbread, and sweets.

What a wonderful home, said Hans.

It's even better inside, said Jezebel.

Then Jezebel, using a skeleton key, opened the front door, and let in both Hans, and Greta. Inside, Jezebel told them to sit at the nearby table. They did as told, and while they were sitting, the old woman made a fire to warm them.

When they were warm, and comfortable, Jezebel gave them drink, and food. She gave them sweet milk, jam biscuits, pound cake, and chocolate.

How is it? Jezebel asked.

Delicious, Hans replied.

Jezebel looked at Greta.

It's yummy, said Greta. Thank you for feeding us.

You're welcome, said Jezebel. You know, I really like watching you two eat. It fills me with joy. I promise, I will keep feeding you two, and I will only stop when you tell me to stop. Isn't that nice?

Hans nodded.

And you will become plump, and delicious, said Jezebel.

She poked Hans's belly, and then licked her lips.

*****

Bellies full, Hans, and Greta were taken to a room, where they went into a big, comfortable, warm bed. The pillows their heads rested on were stuffed with goose feathers, and their blanket was softer than wool.

After Jezebel tucked in Hans, and Greta, she kissed their foreheads.

Goodnight, the old woman whispered, and she then left the children alone to sleep.

Greta looked at Hans.

Hans, she said.

Yes, said Hans.

Do you think the old lady would adopt us if we kindly asked her to adopt us?

We have a father who loves us very much, Greta.

Where is he?

He's looking for us.

If he isn't looking for us...

He is looking for us, Greta. Now, go to sleep.

Okay, but tomorrow I'm going to ask her to adopt us.

...

Hans did not reply to his little sister as he had fallen asleep.

*****

When Hans opened his eyes, he found that he was not in bed. He was atop a pile of hay, and trapped in a metal cage. He tried pulling off the lock, and pushing against the door to free himself, but it did absolutely nothing.

He held the bars of the cage, and looked around. He was in a small, musty room with a tiny window.

Hello! he said. Hello?!

As he sobbed, the door to the room opened, and Jezebel appeared.

My pretty, said Jezebel, don't cry. It will ruin how you taste.

What? said Hans. Are you really going to eat me?

Of course. I'm a witch. We eat little children.

Why?

Number one, we hate children. Number two, children are delicious. No, no, no... Number one, children are delicious. Number two, we hate children.

Hans continued crying. Jezebel pinched his cheek.

Oh my, said Jezebel, you're so nice, and soft. I think I will eat you tonight.

Hans pulled his head away, and shook it.

Please, he said, I don't want to be eaten.

Sorry, said Jezebel. You can't always get what you want.

Where's my sister? Hans asked.

Ah, that little cutie, said Jezebel. Don't worry about her. She won't be eaten. I made her into my slave. You know, I am a witch, but I'm an old lady, too. An extra set of hands around here is a good thing.

Hans was relieved that his little sister Greta wouldn't be eaten, but he did not stop crying. Jezebel giggled at him, and then left the room. She went to the kitchen where Greta had a chain attached to her leg.

Greta, said Jezebel, put the wood into the oven, and make a fire.

I don't want to, said Greta. You are going to use it to cook my brother.

Jezebel slapped Greta.

If you do not do it, she said, then you will also be cooked.

Reluctantly, Greta started putting the chopped wood into the large oven. She was slow in doing so. She kept thinking about her big brother Hans.

Hurry up! said Jezebel. Why are you so slow?'

I am but a little girl, said Greta.

Just make that fire.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll be back. If the fire isn't roaring when I return you will get a good whipping.

Greta didn't reply. She just put her head down,