The Quest for an Identity... It’s not yet over

By Richard Pitso Zwane

Dr Richard Zwane's heartfelt memoir The Quest for an Identity... it's not yet over is the story of a patriot and a freedom fighter who endured hurtful, cruel experiences in Swaziland. It highlights the internal conflict that sparked unexplained hurt, anger and resentment.

 

His tale of activism led him to deeper internal conflicts and the bitterness that settled in his gut suddenly exploded into small victories. In persevering with the atrocious acts of a cruel regime, Zwane built a successful career as an education leader, life coach and clergyman.

 

However, his life has been plagued by distractions and expurgated by his childhood memories and the continuous mind torture he experienced in Eswatini Royal Regime. This was driven to the extreme when he learnt about the passing first of his mother and later his father, both of whom he described as his heroes. He was then fixed on one idea…keep moving in the direction set up by his creator Yahweh, but his resilience landed him in a new predicament: 

 

"There comes a time in life when one must take a position that is neither safe nor political nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right." American civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jnr.

 

Zwane experienced an unexpected mood swing that he deemed as spiritual hunger. These fluctuations would sometimes appear as night visions and he was later called to become a pastor, ministering in a church he established.

 

Throughout the book, readers realise surrendering to misery was never Zwane's stance. Growing up, his only desire was to become a medical doctor. While not working in a large hospital in line with his dreams, he became a doctor in the hospital of life when he graduated as a Doctor of Philosophy.

 

The book concludes with a cluster of insights into life where Zwane highlights his thoughts on the capability of the subconscious mind.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Richard Pitso Zwane
• Release date: Aug 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223560265

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Copyright © 2023 Richard Pitso Zwane

Published by Richard Pitso Zwane at Smashwords

First edition 2023

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Richard Pitso Zwane using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Nasreen Rasool for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.org

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Richard Pitso Zwane

[e-mail]

"It is not great men who change the world, but weak men in the hands of a great God. This is the beauty of our creator who meets us where we are and takes us through a journey of a lifetime unknown to us, but clear as daylight to Him."

Memoirs

Dedication

To my mother and father, Jane Refiloe Makgata and Luke ‘Butinyana’ Zwane, who were my first and most valued lifetime teachers. You both left this earth too soon, but I feel your influence every day.

To my wife Angel, my number one fan and best friend, thank you for your endless support. Dear Nokwanda, Tsepo and Higherlife, I pray that this book will encourage you.

To all readers of this book, may you discover and find a sense of identity for your life’s calling and purpose.

Acknowledgments

I wish to express my heartfelt and deepest gratitude and appreciation for the following:

● First, to Jehovah (Yahweh), for bestowing upon my life the grace to persevere and the wisdom to apply throughout the writing of these memoirs. Oh God, your love is amazing! Who is like our Jehovah?

● Second, I am so thankful to every single person God has placed in my life’s path, for their prayers and support throughout the writing of the memoirs.

● To Dr Kgale B. Mampane, a friend who has sacrificed everything – especially his intelligent and dependable assistance, priceless support, and inspiration towards the completion of these memoirs. I remain indebted to him for my growth as a writer and justly accredit this art to him for his unending encouragement. Your editing skills are amazing Doc.

● To my colleagues at the Quality Council for Trades and Occupations, thank you for encouraging me to finish these inspirational memoirs.

● To Pastor Thomas Thabiso Morajane, a true friend, for his encouragement, wisdom, and prayers. Thank you, Sir.

Prologue

Swaziland never quits my mind

In these memoirs, I describe both my childhood and intellectual journeys in six explosive chapters. These chapters begin with my upbringing in former Swaziland, now called Eswatini, to the days of my further education and training in South Africa. After fleeing Swaziland more than two decades ago, and you will understand later why I fled, I had no choice but to become an architect of my own life path. This was to fit into the new environment I had found myself in. I decided to forgo simply looking for a job, as that would not offer me serious opportunities to advance my actions explicitly. In my mind, I have always desired to believe there is more strength in living a full life. I took every day as an adventure and as an unfinished tale to be lived. Instead of being chained down by the idea that life simply ends, I have sought to see one enlightening moment after another. Although enrolling in school was one of the options, I developed a different outlook; I found myself in a completely different lifestyle. I became a disciple of Christ after becoming a born-again believer. This was extremely difficult, as I was a devoted political activist. I asked myself the question: Can Christianity and political activism co-exist?

Studying the street economy from the point of view of an ordinary South African helped me not only to have a better understanding of the post-apartheid state of South Africa, but also helped me to better connect and understand Christianity and political activism. In my quest, I was able to understand the Swazi struggle into which I was born and bred. This was one sticky situation that forced me to think deeper about the political situation of the Swazi people.

I spent the 2000s combining work and study. This turned me into one of the finest educators in the Mpumalanga province of South Africa in teaching Physical Sciences. I stayed in a town called Ermelo and later moved to Volksrust. Ermelo became my second home. Here, my life was resurrected. My teaching career began here, and I later resigned from it. This is where I raised my three children. It was not an easy journey.

I spent 21 years in Swaziland before returning to South Africa, the country of my birth. Since the year 2002, I have not only become a leader in education, but I have also become a mentor, coach, and clergyman to many souls in Volksrust, Mpumalanga. In these two decades, I have been trying to establish myself as a writer, researcher, musician, and prominent education leader. I later moved to the heart of South Africa’s capital - Pretoria.

While travelling across South Africa due to my Quality Assurance Practitioner job at the Council for Trades and Occupations, I have interacted with different people from different walks of life. Later, I describe a personal account of moving without resentment across the country, linking the self to the rest of culturally opulent humanity in pursuit of my true urge. From being a political activist, my memoirs continue with my journey to becoming a pastor. It also includes my journey to graduating as a Doctor of Philosophy at the University of South Africa. In all these memories, Swaziland occupies a central role throughout this account because it is where I was brought up, and its influence permeates my whole story. In chapter 7, I conclude by writing my thoughts on ‘life as a journey’.

The following is the story of my life...

’When we search within, we find abundance. We have the same ability to create, believe and achieve… we can turn things around. History doesn’t have to imprison us. One must never let circumstances dictate the outcome of their life… you dictate the outcome. Declare yourself the captain of your soul.’’

Chapter One

From Springs to Lavumisa - the Village of Misfortunes But Inspiring Credos

Springs and Lavumisa represent contrasting world views. Both of their designs and landscapes give us a sense of what mother nature is capable of presenting to humans in terms of ‘beauty and ugliness’. Venturing into both places evoked beautiful experiences and gruesome incidents that shaped my life as it is today.

I am exploring here how the village of Lavumisa where I was brought up has shaped and influenced my continuing quest for identity as an education leader, mentor, and clergyman. Such an identity would integrate all my major life experiences while pointing to a universal notion of humanity as a whole, society as a whole, to ‘the globe’ and to forming one’s personality. All I knew growing up, all I saw, was poverty; where young people, men, and women, had to go through life without means, having to accept poverty as the default position through which to live their lives. This quest has led me to dismantle the restrictions of growing up in a poverty-stricken community, to a higher life obtained in following our dreams. I have embarked on an identity quest, and have embraced the opportunity presented to me. As inquisitive as I am, and sometimes robust towards life itself, I am becoming a seasoned life coach, mentor, and minister of God’s word. What I have to say in the next few episodes takes the form of a personal memoir, arranged roughly in a chronological sequence of my life’s account.

My life began on February 12, 1972. I was born into a family of eight children from the same mother but different fathers. We are five boys and three girls. Two of my elder brothers and my elder sister share a surname. I did not grow up with them. I was only told the story in my teenage years. As a result, I don’t have any experience of what it was like to have an older sister or brother, or a younger brother or sister. I waited until I was 19 years old to find out I had siblings.

Three years after my birth, I was relocated to Swaziland from KwaThema, Springs, then a slum in East of Johannesburg (Ekurhuleni) in South Africa; to a village called Lavumisa, which I would like to refer to as a double rural village; double rural because besides being submerged in poverty, it is situated in a very hot-weathered Lowveld region of Southern Africa. At Lavumisa, living a decent life was almost impossible. Life was tasteless, and life’s harrowing challenges brought only suffering and hardship into our lives. Water was extremely scarce. As a natural resource, when water was found, it was treated as gold. I was essentially moved there to grow up under the guidance of my paternal grandparents. Their strict authority pounced hard on my daily routines. I never knew the actual reason why I was transferred to Swaziland until I was 19 years old. My biological mother explained the actual reasons.

When I met my mother for the first time, she narrated the following story. These were her words:

In the ’70s, South Africa suffered terrible political turmoil. The apartheid regime led by white Afrikaner people grew vicious. The system’s brutality sparked significant international and domestic opposition. Your father was somehow involved in the underground movement of the ANC and Umkhonto weSizwe. During this period, things got worse for black people, while the internal resistance to the apartheid regime became increasingly militant, instigating merciless crackdowns by the National Party government. It was prolonged, separatist, and conflict-driven violence that left thousands dead or in detention. Some reforms of the apartheid system were later undertaken, including allowing for Indian and Coloured political representation in parliament but these measures dismally failed to appease most activist groups. On the other hand, the chieftaincy succession dispute within your clan, the Zwane’s, erupted and became heated. It added salt to the wound. The clan chieftaincy came with certain privileges such as receiving extensive farming space, running the traditional affairs of the clan, and more. Hence, it was the most contested space in traditional politics. Your father had agreed to allow one of his sons to resume the Zwane clan chieftaincy headship within the ranks of his family structure. In the course of events, some members of the clan rose against him. It was very tense. Thus, fearing that others within the family had ganged up against him, he became scared for the lives of his children, especially you. You were appointed by the family authorities as the chief in waiting. Fearing all those things unfolding, as your parents, we decided on this difficult conclusion. The scuffle did not only involve you but also your paternal grandfather. He, too, had to flee to Swaziland to avoid losing his life.

After hearing this story, it dawned on me that hiding in Swaziland was the most sensible option under the circumstances. Thus, the motive was primarily for protection and life preservation in the first place. But that was not the interpretation I previously assumed. I had different opinions altogether. I was full of hurt, resentment, and anger. There was only one thing on my mind: my parents hated me, and I was an illegitimate child, an illegal product of promiscuity. This incident often caused a lot of distraction in my quest for identity.

My paternal grandparents resided under the then Chief Tsekwane of the area who was a close relative of the late king of Swaziland, Sobhuza the Second. He commanded significant influence, even in matters of the country as he was deemed the eldest brother to King Sobhuza the second. My grandad was not a close relative of the king, nor the chief, except to say, he was the most loyal person