More to Life: A Personal And Prejudiced View of Life's Subjects

By Lester Wertheimer

More to Life is a series of entertaining and personal observations on a wide range of subjects. As a legacy to benefit grandchildren, individual essays are derived from a lifetime of personal experience from which others may also benefit.

The essay on Religion, for example, begins before anyone believed there was a supernatural deity who exists today for nearly everyone. The previous thousands of years that lacked such an individual is rarely considered. Other essays deal with personal issues like Marriage, Happiness, and Aging. There seems no greater interest for grandchildren than the wise examples that comes with a grandparent’s advancing years.

More to Life discusses several important subjects that are likely to change your attitude, such as Trust, Risk, and simply Getting Along with others. The essay on Movies should interest those who have enjoyed movies for several years, but have no knowledge of its history. Readers may also enjoy the essays on Money, Wealth, and Luck, which often affects us all.

Readers may not care about Politics, but they certainly care about Pain, which is frequently the result of deficient politicians. Essays on Beauty, Color, and Personality affects many of us to one extreme or another. Readers should now turn to the opening page and enjoy what follows.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Aug 14, 2023
• ISBN: 9781663254610

Lester Wertheimer

Lester Wertheimer was born in Chicago, educated at U.C. Berkley, and now lives with his wife in Southern California. He is licensed architect who continues to practice, travel, and write.

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Copyright © 2023 Lester Wertheimer.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-6632-5460-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6632-5461-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023913129

iUniverse rev. date: 08/09/2023

Contents

Preface

Aging

Beauty

Color

Communication

Discipline

Education

Family

Getting Along

Happiness

Heroism

Housing

Insurance

Killing

Kindness

Kvetching

Luck and Superstition

Magic

Marriage

Money

Movies

Nutrition

Pain

Personality

Politics

Religion

Risk

Scoundrels

Sports

Time

Trust

Wealth

Preface

My wife and I had five children from previous marriages, and when those children eventually grew up and married, they produced children of their own. So, we now have eight attractive grandchildren, consisting of four boys and four girls. They are perfect in every way, of course, since their own parents were also products of perfect upbringings.

Becoming a grandparent is generally beyond your control; it is entirely up to your child and his or her spouse, and often may be influenced by their childhood experiences. But don’t kid yourself; you had little to do with it. If your children choose to remain childless, the grandparent experience will have passed you by, and you might consider buying a puppy instead.

It should be obvious that being a grandparent is considerably different from being a parent. While most parents stumble through the quirks of child care–often unsure if they are doing the right thing–grandparents committed their blunders long ago, making them considerably more certain these days about those difficult decisions and proper courses of action. Whether or not your child accepts grandparental advice, most will at least listen to voices of experience before rejecting them outright.

It also helps to recall one’s own experience with grandparents, though in my case those encounters were minimal. The father of my father was conscripted into the Austro-Hungarian army and fought in one of those endless wars around the end of the 19th century. Returning home one evening during a snowstorm he peeked in the window of their house before entering. His children spotted him and cried, Daddy’s home! They rushed outside and found the collapsed body of the returning warrior, who had just suffered a fatal heart attack. My own father was about six months old at the time and had no recollection of that incident–or of his father. So, of course, neither do I.

My mother’s father immigrated to this country with his wife and their six children, including my mother, who was less than a year old. That grandfather had been a baker in Kalvaria, Poland, and was married three times; the first two wives having died in childbirth. This prolific man produced a total of twenty-four children among his three wives, and one cannot help wonder when he found time to bake even a single bagel. It also remains a mystery how he remembered the name of every kid. In fact, it was discovered years ago that he actually gave two daughters the very same name.

I remember that grandfather as a gentle man with a long gray beard, frequently sitting at the kitchen table, reading a foreign newspaper and drinking hot tea from a glass. We never spoke, as he knew no English, but he often patted me softly on the head. He died when I was five and now remains no more than a footnote in my life.

Learning how to be the perfect grandfather, therefore, without actually experiencing one myself, was pretty much a do-it-yourself project. As the closest grandchildren live nearly a three-hour drive away, and the others even a far greater distance, a spontaneous round of charades or even a quick game of Old Maid is not possible. The entire family does gather for a week each summer at a Mexican resort, where shoes are optional, the water is warm, and close relationships are renewed and relished. But the extent of my influence has been little more than that of an absentee critic and advisor, neither of which is totally satisfactory to the grandchildren or to me.

I decided, therefore, that my most valuable legacy would be to write a series of short essays on subjects I consider important in life, for example, Religion, Kindness, and Politics, in the hope that our grandchildren might benefit from our life experiences. Those who know me realize I have–as the subtitle of this book states–personal and prejudiced views on most subjects, especially life’s important subjects. This might not qualify me to offer foolproof advice for avoiding the potholes of life, but it may serve to make more bearable the inevitable frustrations one will likely face.

The following chapters are personal observations, sentiments, and opinions, developed over several decades that form a legacy intended for the benefit of grandchildren. It is hoped that others, as well, may find them beneficial and perhaps even entertaining.

Aging

Every person wishes to live long,

but no person wishes to be old.

Jonathan Swift

Picture this: A maternity ward in any hospital in the U.S. You hear the initial cry of a new infant who has just entered the world. If it’s an average boy, he can look forward to living 76 years, while a typical girl will live an additional four years. On the following day the infant has aged one day, so now our baby fellow has 75 years and 364 days to go, while the girl has 79 years and 364 days left before her time on earth is over. This is what is known as aging - the process of growing older. Whether it’s an infant or a ninety-year-old, and whether it’s an hour or day older, all mortals have a limited life span, and there is little one can do about that except to live wisely and cheerfully. Along the way people may realize their days are numbered, but most don’t generally think about that until they reach their 50s or 60s. That’s about the time hairlines have receded, most are wearing corrective lenses, and facial wrinkles are more prevalent than the lines on a Subway Map of New York City.

Little kids have a different concern; they can’t wait to be older. I want to make my own decisions one may say. I don’t need to go to bed at nine o’clock, and I want chicken nuggets three times a day. As time goes by, the complaints multiply like pet rabbits. Why do I have to be home by ten o’clock, or why must I wait until I’m 16 to drive? What do you mean my skirt is too short? Most girls wear shorter skirts. Many youngsters don’t realize that youth is a gift that doesn’t last forever. You will be older next year, and with any luck, you will be wiser, more experienced, and God willing, you’ll complain a whole lot less.

Since the beginning of time, longevity has tended to increase because of medical advances and lifestyle improvements. Paleolithic people during the Stone Age rarely lived as many as 30 years, while ancient Greeks and Romans were delighted to survive a year or two longer. During the Middle Ages people died at the average age of 35, but that number was so miserably low because it included youngsters who died prematurely of diseases, injuries, or accidents. Those surviving such dangers often made it into their fifties or beyond, but the average included countless early deaths.

The average life expectancy during biblical times ranged between 30 and 35. So, how can we understand the extraordinary age of some biblical characters, such as Methuselah, who allegedly keeled over at the unbelievable age of 969? As the Gershwin brothers wrote in Porgy Bess, "The things that you’re liable, to read in the Bible, they ain’t necessarily so". The same goes for Adam and Noah, each of whom allegedly lived more than 900 years. Defenders of biblical accuracy imply the number of years recorded was merely symbolic, though they fail to explain the symbolism. Another defender suggests that when the bible speaks of years, it actually denotes months. Desperate explanation, I think, but even so, Methuselah would have lived to be a mere 80, which still boggles the mind, since his neighbors undoubtedly dropped dead about 45 years earlier.

When it comes to longevity, you may have noticed that females live longer than males. This is not only true for all humans throughout the world, but also for mammals, such as female kittens, as well as a jungle lioness who lives at least fifty percent longer than the MGM male logo. The explanation for this phenomenon ranges from biology to behavior, and often, speculation. One early thought was that physical labor, like hunting and plowing, put stress on men’s bodies, leading to early male deaths. Another theory is that men have always led riskier lives. Wartime soldiers, for example, are primarily male, and more men than women die in car accidents, mountain climbing, and during bank robberies. Males also drink and smoke more than females and often overindulge disproportionately at the buffet table.

Biological evidence indicates that the male sex hormone, testosterone, often leads to a shorter life, not only because it is related to risky activities, but it decreases the immune function while increasing the danger of heart disease. An interesting example is found in a historic study of eunuchs. A eunuch, as you may know, is a young male that has been castrated, and therefore is unable to produce testosterone, an essential element in sexual relationships with females. The bizarre activity of producing eunuchs took place long ago when such odd fellows were employed to guard women’s living areas at Asian royal courts. Records show that eunuchs lived about fifteen years longer than uncastrated men. But some might question why fifteen more years without sex is worth a longer life.

Biology also reveals that female hormones offer added lifespan benefits. Estrogen appears to have an antioxidant role that can prevent DNA damage leading to disease. It also helps to maintain normal, healthy cell function. So, could the negative effects of testosterone or positive effects of estrogen, or the combination of both, be responsible for women living longer than men? It probably has some effect, but it remains pretty much irrelevant. That’s nature’s way, and as many say, That’s life.

The Center for Disease Control suggests that genetics is an important factor in many causes of death. Therefore, if Heart Disease, Cancer, Chronic Respiratory Disease, Diabetes, or Alzheimer’s runs in your family, those same conditions are more likely to affect you as well. My father had three brothers, and the eldest two died at the age of 57. When my father reached that age, he spent twelve agonizing months as a nervous wreck waiting to turn 58 and beating the perilous odds. You can curse to the heavens about the injustice of genetics, but look on the brighter side; you also inherited your mother’s good looks, your father’s full head of hair, and Uncle Elmer’s sparkling wit. So, lighten up, and count your blessings. Genetic factors also affect life span; so, if your parents aged well and lived to a ripe old age, it is likely you will, too. However, you shouldn’t let this influence the amount of life insurance you need.

Oddly, most substances of our body do not grow older during our lifetime. as many body parts regularly repair and replace themselves. For example, cells lining our intestines completely replace themselves every four or five days. Similarly, our red blood cells are entirely replaced about every 90 days; and our white blood cells are replaced about every week. Skin cells live about two or three weeks, and even the brain can grow new cells. This is probably distressing news since all of this activity happens without your knowledge or awareness. It is believed that nothing in our body is more than ten years old, and the organs of a 90-year old are little different from those of a child. Before rejoicing, however, you should know that certain key body parts, like heart muscle cells, do not replace themselves. Also, eye and inner ear nerve cells cannot be restored. Thus, those of us experiencing progressive loss of sight, hearing, or memory are more or less up the creek without a paddle, as they say.

For those wishing to live forever, following are a number of important considerations:

Where you live definitely matters. A popular song from the 1940s claimed:

It’s so peaceful in the country

It’s so simple and quiet

You really ought to try it...

You’ve probably heard about the wonders of rural life; the fresh air, babbling brooks, and lack of traffic noise and chaos. Well, that cabin in the woods may never look more romantic and charming, but statistics confirm you will live healthier and at least two years longer in a large city. And the reasons are numerous. For example, if an emergency arises, city dwellers are within minutes of the police, firehouse, and hospital. Making friends in a city is much easier, especially with those of the opposite sex. There are more doctors, more free clinics, and more available access to mental health care. Cities have shops that stay open late, endless cultural attractions, and many recreational choices. Finally, every recent study has confirmed that city living is linked to greater happiness and definitely, a longer life. Who knew?

Higher education is also linked to improved longevity, as life expectancy for those with a bachelor’s degree live about two years longer than those without a degree. At the other extreme are people lacking even a high school diploma; those unfortunate dropouts live about nine years fewer than people with a college degree. According to the CDC, higher levels of education are also associated with lower levels of obesity and tobacco use. So, if you need another reason to stop smoking and hit the books, a longer life will await you at the end of your rainbow.

Unmarried people seeking a longer life should immediately propose to the person they are currently dating, because on average, married folks live longer and happier lives than single people. Wedded folks have improved mental, as well as physical health, less loneliness, and fewer unhealthy habits. Some may refute that view by suggesting that marriage means a loss of personal freedom, the added stress of in-laws, more potential conflicts, broken dishes, and poisonous glares. It is essential, therefore, to analyze your true love objectively prior to a walk down the aisle. Don’t be blinded by family fortunes, good looks, or remarkable sex, because marriages may last a long time, while those desirable factors may fade faster than your luck at the roulette table.

There is no doubt that longevity is directly affected by one’s economic status. In other words, wealthy people live longer, and they do so in generally better health. More money often translates to better physical and mental care, as well as fewer of life’s worries. The difference in longevity between the richest and poorest people in the country is between 10 and 15 years. So, if you want to live longer, inherit, earn, or steal more money. That’s not to say you can’t live a rich life with little money, but those few who achieve that distinction are bright, generous optimists with scintillating personalities and often very witty. Good luck chasing that ambitious dream.

There exists today both positive and negative attitudes about aging, though what gets most attention are the complaints. Loneliness is a common theme among the widowed, as well as the loss of longtime friends. Being old means unable to do a great many things you once did. Others sum up old age as, More naps, more pills, more pains, more wrinkles, and an awful lot of stuff I can’t remember. The more optimistic oldsters believe being old generates freedom, wisdom, and a mature perspective. If you are older, you have avoided fatal accidents, premature diseases, and have the satisfaction of surviving other life-ending dangers. Living longer is a benefit, a blessing, and in the game of life, you are definitely a winner.

Aging gracefully, which is probably everyone’s goal, has more to do with remaining healthy and happy than with plastic surgery, although a nip here and a tuck there could be appropriate when such a procedure might, for example, turn a Hunchback of Notre Dame into a Brad Pitt. However, most older folks need only to maintain a healthy lifestyle and do the things that bring happiness. Experts agree that one must stay physically active, embrace a sensible diet, avoid stress, and get plenty of sleep. It is also suggested that a sense of humor is helpful when sailing through the thunderstorms of life, but of course that’s true regardless of age. Finally, as many have suggested, one should not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many, and its greatest advantage can only be appreciated when considering the alternative.

Beauty

She got her good looks from her father.

He was a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

Before the age of four I would often sit on the kitchen floor with a pad of paper and draw pictures of animals, trees, and houses. How beautiful!, my mother would often exclaim. Since I was advised that mothers are always right, I believed I was creating extraordinary art. Many years later, when looking through a portfolio of my early sketches, I thought, What on earth was mother thinking? My images might have been charming for a four-year-old, but nothing in my portfolio even hinted at the launch of a new era of artistic expression. My conclusion, therefore, was that mother was being her inspiring self by expressing encouragement. Ironically, I became an architect, and suddenly recognized those early doodles foretold of my eventual life’s work. I also realized that mother had played a significant role in leading me toward a creative life. At the very least, she was my earliest fan who turned me on to the concept and appreciation of beauty.

Beauty is a quality that gives pleasure to the senses or to the mind. It is a high standard of excellence that may describe something you see, as a sunset, something you hear, as a symphony, or something of the intellect, as a mathematical solution. It is a positive concept that produces delight in observing everything from a dazzling female figure to the grandeur of a home run in the bottom of the ninth inning that seals the victory.

The concept of beauty has been debated throughout history, and in addition to its offering pleasure to the senses, it is often equated with perfection and truth. John Keats, the Romantic poet, once said, Beauty is truth, truth beauty - that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know. Fortunately for Keats, he lived before ye needed to understand basic electronics, rather than be driven crazy when the computer mysteriously stops computing.

Beauty is never offensive, as it generally promotes contentment and pleasure. It may be, controversial, however, since something one believes to be beautiful may strike others as just the opposite. It is a subjective experience often rationalized as "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". An example is the following exchange recently overheard at a local museum.

You call that piece of garbage on the wall fine art?

Yes, I do, and if you weren’t a hopeless Philistine you might agree.

Thus, beauty is personal; it is one’s opinion often leading to the popular notion that every person is entitled to his or her own bad taste. There is, however, almost universal agreement about the magnificence of established, historic icons. Who would dare criticize Botticelli’s painting, Birth of Venus, Michelangelo’s sculpture of David, Mozart’s opera, Marriage of Figaro, or Shah Jahan’s architectural masterpiece, the Taj Mahal? Most people also concur there is beauty in a full moon, a bouquet of roses, and nearly always, in the person you love.

Though some may appear oblivious to beauty, nearly every person responds emotionally to something attractive. Consider, for example, a row of well-kept houses on a tree-lined street, in contrast to a treeless neighborhood littered with graffiti and trash. People act differently in a beautiful environment; they clearly show more care about their surroundings. It has also been observed that those who embrace beauty as part of their everyday experience are usually happier people, possibly because their neighbors almost never litter.

Beauty