Twenty-Two Letters from Ukraine: A story of hope, courage, strength and endurance

By Katya Tokar

‘No one chooses to be a refugee. To leave your home – all that’s familiar – all that you love. The war in Ukraine has added many millions more to the 70 million people who are being forcibly displaced around the world. Every year. No one chooses to be a refugee. But we can choose how we respond. Now. And always.’
This is the story of Katyar Tokar, a young married teacher from Kharkiv, who survives the first terrible assaults of a vicious enemy, witnesses her home destroyed, and her life thrown into confusion. This is her own story, moving, descriptive and evocative in turn, a story of so many in Ukraine after the illegal invasion of 24 February 2022. It is a gripping story of courage, hope, strength and endurance. For no-one chooses to be a refugee.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bryn Stowe Publications
• Release date: Jun 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9781839786785

Book preview

Preamble

From Katya Tokar Kyiv 2022

Dear readers,

If these letters move you, I and my family will all be thrilled and it will be amazing for Ukraine!!!

If the story they tell manages to inspire you to action and to write in our support, or do something worthwhile and important, we will be immensely happy and grateful. And if this publication manages to raise a little money to help people survive the war it will be an incredible help. We are confident that together we will succeed in Ukraine! For ever.

We would also love to have a book on our shelf with this part of our history, because one day we will once again have a shelf to put books on. Repeatedly I thought about how to collect all the important events of this journey together. To create a library of all the memories and fix it all onto paper as a series of written letters, a declining art perhaps, but one way to create a permanent record.

Now is the best time for it. My life is still great for me because I have hope, but this story says a lot more than anything that has happened in my life so far. It deserves special attention because it concerns the entire Ukrainian people, not just myself and those I love. This is war through our eyes. Millions of other eyes look at the war differently. The thing that unites us all is the feeling of injustice towards us, Ukrainians. We are all united against this horror, no matter how bitter the fate that befalls each one of us may be.

I propose not to waste any more time in my life on unnecessary topics, but to focus on the main challenge, the one that appears now in this our published journey; a journey by millions that is now part of our national history.

Let’s try to take this journey together? Perhaps it will touch the hearts of many people? I decided not to use a pseudonym and not hide from reality. This is my story, the story of one family, my family; we have nothing to be ashamed of.

Such is life and we must love every day of it, no matter what surprises it brings. Moreover, the photos and maps may help to show you our story. They are included so that you, the reader, can see the conditions in which we, and many Ukrainians, sometimes had to survive. There are millions of such stories, everyone has their own, bitter and painful in their own way. I will share ours. For you.

Thank you everyone for reading and responding to the story of our journey away from war and towards peace. It is an unfinished journey, perhaps it looks like an endless journey, but right now the journey is more real for us than the destination, a destination of a free democratic Ukraine which fought for everyone to live freely in a world where we can all be at peace once again.

With love to you all,

Katya

Katya and Alex before the war.

Twenty-Two Letters from Ukraine

The main towns of the journey across Ukraine to find a safe refuge

Introduction

Dear readers,

10 October 2022. ‘Since the morning, 75 missiles have been launched into the territory of Ukraine. About 45 missiles have been shot down by the air defence system. The situation in Kyiv is extremely tense. One air raid after another. Schools and kindergartens are closed so only distance learning is possible. There are power outages. Many workers have been sent home because the entire map of Ukraine is glowing red. Everywhere there is anxiety and I am reading about more and more bombings in different parts of the country. Various sources of information are starting to talk about three days of protracted shelling. Since we are now living on the twelfth floor, right in front of a tank repair plant, we have decided to move for a couple of days to be with my Aunt Nelly in a residential area away from any military infrastructure. It is usually easier for everyone to cope together rather than on their own isn’t it? This decision will help me deal with the stress more easily and help suppress my total, overbearing, sickening, anxiety…’

12 October 2022 ‘…The shelling of Ukraine yesterday and today, 11 and 12 October has not been as massive as the day before on 10 October, but today the thoughts twisting in my head do not allow for any sort of calmness.’

These entries I wrote from Kyiv towards the end of this story, and on our darkest day. In this my journey and the journey of the various members of my family as internal refugees there have been many such days. Not many have been as bad as this one perhaps, and 24 February 2022 will stay in all Ukrainian minds as the worst day of our modern history. And the day that will never be forgotten.

The destroyed council house in Derhachi

But in the journey I am going to share with you there have also been many days of brightness, of solidarity, of love for our fellow Ukrainians, of determination, strength and unity against the common enemy. Never have we been so united, so determined, so strong. It is this that will allow Ukraine to survive. Never will it be defeated. But to make sense of this story it is necessary for you to know something about the characters who appear – my family. And so I will share them with you, my readers and now I hope, my friends.

Our Family

Dear readers,

It is now February 2023 as I write this. One whole year has passed since the war started. The letters have all been sent now and the editor, David, is busy completing the text ready for the press. I am writing this to finish the introduction to the book at his request. In the course of the following letters, you will no doubt discover more about each member of my family for yourself, but first it will help you understand how many main people are in this story and who we are to each other.

We are five. Myself – Katya, my husband – Alex, my ‘Mom’ – who I often call ‘Mom Olga’, my sister Alice, and our little dog – Ella. So that the main story told through my letters is not interrupted, you can read all about my family in the back of the book but I will just tell you a little about us all here first.

Please bear in mind that I do not yet speak English so the text has had to be translated, and then edited by David with the help of my Ukrainian friend Helen, who is now in the UK helping him with the task.

Before the war, at home in Derhachi

Me: Katya Tokar

Hello! I have many names, but my passport says that I am Katya. My relatives call me by everything, Kate, Katherine, Cat and other funny names. The story that you are about to read was lived in exactly the way you see it in this book.

I am an ordinary girl, 24 years old, a teacher of elementary grades in a school. I have a husband, parents, grandparents and my charming sister, Alice. And two years ago, Ella the dog joined our family. I do my best for my family, and on my list of priorities their well-being is my number one. For me, a person’s life begins with their family.

My husband, Alex

Of course, I cannot leave my husband out of the story without giving him a special mention.

Alex experiencing a display of ‘Batyar’ a form of Ukrainian sub-culture

Together we will win this war, all of us with your help. Ukraine will stay free. Home is where the heart is so this is my word today.

‘Here my soul and body rest. Here is my harmony and comfort. This is my favourite place today.’

My Mom, ‘Mom Olga’

Looking at my mother, every time I am overwhelmed by a wave of pride for her. With deep hope, I talk about her virtues, about her successes at work and life to anyone who asks about her.

There is so much energy in her, so much life and enthusiasm, so many ambitions and plans that even I feel ancient next to her. I figured out her secret; she simply lives in absolute harmony with herself and the outside world.

Her body says a lot more about her than her tongue and at 44, she has excelled in her career where she is a Doctor in Veterinary Sciences, an Associate Professor, a teacher of anatomy and Deputy Dean for International Students at Kharkiv Biotechnological University. She writes manuals for students, has published several scientific books for Ukrainian students and has developed anatomy workbooks.

She regularly publishes articles and takes part in various conferences in her specialisation and she actively works with foreign students, helping them with their admission to the university and graduation diplomas. She was on an internship at one of the universities in Poland before the war disrupted absolutely everything.

By the way, she successfully gave birth to Alice at the age of 38. I am grateful for my sister. Alice is my crystal vase and I protect her with all my might and contribute to her development to the best of my ability and time. I will tell you about her next.

My Sister, ‘Hurricane Alice’

I will not finish this letter without giving special attention to my little fidget, Alice. My sister, my life, my angel, who brought so much joy and colour into my life, so much fun and love that I fully understand how really great it is to have a sister. What an incredible return can be given from such a little person. She absorbs everything new and unknown like a sponge, she is ready to listen at any time of the day or night. Children know how to love absolutely, purely, and disinterestedly. This is their greatest charm and Alice is no exception.

Alice before war came

My Dad, ‘Andrew’

My father’s name is Andrew. He is the same age as ‘Mom Olga’. I have the best memories of my father, especially from childhood. With the outbreak of the war, Dad decided to go into the territorial defence of our region and be useful, where his skills and abilities could come in handy. I respect his decision. We keep in touch no matter what, even the war; and no problem can be more difficult than this. Dad has continued to help us all financially. I try to call him more often when he is not on business trips. He is happy to share his stories from the life of the military with talks about his household chores on the weekend. He managed to save valuable things and equipment from our house and transfer them to safety. At this time, Dergachi, our home town was regularly bombed, and he risked his life every day. He is a Ukrainian hero.

Dad before the war took away our smiles

My family is very simple. Much loved and appreciated by us all. Who knows what lies ahead for us? Today we are for each other, in absolute unity and support. The rest will have to wait.

Ella. The Yorkshire Terrier

‘Hello everyone!

I am that smart dog Ella, who will be mentioned more than once in this story. I am called a Yorkshire Terrier. I have lived with my owners since I was two months old. I am a happy dog.

Everything else about me you will learn in the course of this unusual story. In the meantime, see you soon!

Love Ella.’

‘Twenty-Two Letters from Ukraine’

Hello again dear readers,

Now that I have briefly introduced my family and myself, leaving the details for you to read at the back of the book, this book of letters really starts here. I am writing this first letter in the book retrospectively, but I composed the letters that follow sometimes from my mind at the time, and sometimes a short time later from my memory. The thoughts I had at the time, every day when there was a change of place or some event that I felt it was more important to record there and then, I wrote immediately. However, it was often impossible to write at the exact moment because shells and missiles were falling all around us, but the record is always given from my recent mind and they are so indelibly etched into it, I doubt they will ever leave it.

Whenever I am writing to you and speaking as if it is at the very time of writing, these words appear in italics within the letters, but the main content of each letter is written as if you yourself were receiving the letters each day rather than the editor. I hope you will feel that this is more personal between us and that you are travelling with me on this, the journey of a refugee. The letters are shorter at the beginning because of the danger and the fear we were experiencing at the time, but as the situation became calmer for us so I had more time to think and to write. And of course, all the words have had to be translated, but I am hoping you can understand if some of the language occasionally appears a little strange to your ears? The maps show each stage of our journey and the one above shows the whole route.

Letter I

‘Retrospective from Kyiv’

July 2022

Dear readers,

Where I am writing from now, we are relatively safe. We are now living in the capital of Ukraine. It has been an endless journey to here since the first days of the war but now we are as calm and as safe as the situation in our country allows.

We are grateful to Kyiv for finding a refuge for us in it. Of course, this is not our home, not our hometown, but there is a main advantage here - life goes on, despite the terrible events and news every day. People go to work, walk in parks, dine in restaurants, play sports. It helps to distract from bad thoughts and worries about our house. The bustle of the city draws me in with its rhythm of life and there is nothing left but to go with the flow along with everyone else.

Kyiv: the River Dnipro

As for our financial condition, well, in Ukraine everything has now risen in price. Food prices have risen especially. In small towns, there is no work even for the natives, not to mention the migrants and it is also extremely difficult for migrants to find work in the capital because people are afraid to hire employees who may leave the city at any time. ‘Migrants?’ Because it is still hard for me to call myself a ‘refugee’. After all, every employer needs to spend time and resources, to train and provide an internship, and then how can they be sure that this person, me, will not return home soon? Of course, whoever seeks will surely find. Eventually perhaps? Most likely any work will be low-paid and not easy.

Katya and Alex in Kyiv

We have always been a middle-class family. There was enough money to live on, but there was never a lot of it. The war has taught us how to properly and rationally allocate our remaining finances. It’s very hard to be unemployed right now. In Ukraine, ‘migrants’ are paid a small allowance, which is not enough even for normal monthly meals. Recently, payments were made only to those escaping from the zone of active hostilities. My dad has sent us money for food