Chasing Time: A Journey Through Grief

By Lena Marocco Paulauskas

Grief can feel so lonely.
You are not alone.

After her father died, Lena Marocco Paulauskas found healing in sharing her story with others walking through loss. Now in a debut collection of poetry, Chasing Time candidly explores the grief journey through the eyes of a woman who understands the pain, the sorrow, and the healing that accompanies loss.

When you lose someone you love,
Your life is changed
Forever.
Life seems so different.
Empty.
Even the good memories
Are plagued with sadness,
Knowing you can’t
Make any new memories with them.

Will you walk through grief with me?

I can’t promise Joy.
You won’t find empty platitudes.
You will find:
Honesty,
Solidarity,
Understanding.

“Lena’s collection of poetry gives voice to grief in breathtaking ways. She holds space for vulnerable emotion and honest hope and reminds us to live and love well. Chasing Time is a gift—for your own grieving heart, and for those you love.”
—ANGELA DONADIO, Ministry Leader, Author, Host of the Make Life Matter Podcast

“If you’re looking for a sense of purpose or a moment of understanding, Lena’s words will surround you in a much-needed embrace.”
—DANIELLA MASON, Singer, Songwriter

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Jul 13, 2023
• ISBN: 9781664299764

Lena Marocco Paulauskas

Lena Paulauskas is a poet, playwright, performer, and teacher. Her work has been performed throughout the U.S. including NYC and Hawaii. She is a graduate of the University of Evansville and has served as a public-school theater educator in Texas for more than twenty years, directing thousands of students in plays and musicals. She shares her passion for writing and theatre with the next generation by leading workshops for students and teachers. Lena has lived in California, Hawaii, Indiana, and England, but currently resides in Texas. She believes that growing up in Maui, Hawaii, has given her a unique perspective on culture, arts, and performance. She is a proud military wife to her husband, Lance, and together they try to keep up with their three spirited children. Lena has the uncanny ability to find common ground with almost anyone she meets. She seems to know people wherever she goes, and if she meets a stranger, they aren’t a stranger for long!

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Copyright © 2023 Lena Marocco Paulauskas.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

WestBow Press

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®.

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.™

Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked CEV are from the Contemporary English Version Copyright © 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society, Used by Permission.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from the ESV Bible® (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked ASV are taken from the American Standard Version Bible (Public Domain).

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked MSG or The Message are taken from The Message. Copyright 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture taken from The Voice™. Copyright © 2008 by Ecclesia Bible Society. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-9974-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-9975-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-9976-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023908754

WestBow Press rev. date: 07/12/2023

Contents

A Note About the Photos

Ode to My Father

Numb

Birthday Card

Fog

Time

Mission Statement

Empathy

Chaotic, Lovely Mess

The Box

I’m Trying, Daddy

Knickknacks

Headstone

Stuck

The Symphony

Waymaker

Experience the Rain

Peace

Champion

It’s Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be

Yesterday

Best Dream

The Grass Is Not Always Greener

Those Days

Dad’s Car

Running Out of Time

Safe

Red Winter Vest

Legacy

Everything Redeemed

Foolish Things

Tonight

Tick, Tick, Tick

Stuck at Forty-Two Seconds

The Map

The Mantle

Uncertainty

Beautiful

Stop and Smell the Roses

Will I Go

Shadow of Grief

Even If

Spacious

With Us

Unfinished

Resurrected

Acknowledgments

Notes

Praise for Chasing Time

Lena’s collection of poetry gives voice to grief in breathtaking ways. She holds space for vulnerable emotion and honest hope and reminds us to live and love well. Chasing Time is a gift—for your own grieving heart, and for those you love.

—Angela Donadio

Ministry Leader, Author

Host of the Make Life Matter Podcast

As a professional in the death care industry for thirty-seven years, I am touched by Lena’s willingness to be transparent in her own grief. Chasing Time is a soothing read. It’s comforting to know that others are dealing with the same emotions as you.

—Mark and Sylvia Dean

Owners of Guerrero-Dean Funeral Home

In the months after my mom died, I found that poetry, which had always been a mystery, suddenly opened itself up to me. The words of Mary Oliver and David Whyte suddenly spoke to me. They were a balm to my overwhelming grief. Lena’s work speaks to me in the same way. She gives voice to all the specific little moments that make up a life: the tenderness of a father’s touch, the faithfulness of his prayers. Her poems both break my heart, and also help me heal. They speak to a deep and mysterious truth in me and point me toward a greater love than I can imagine. Lena’s poems become my own prayer and give voice to my own longings so that I too join my voice to hers when she writes, I want a front row seat to the rainbow after the flood…

—Shane McRae

Stage, Film, Television Actor

Silo, Sneaky Pete, Paradise Lost, The Help

This truly inspiring work will both fill you with hope and take you on a faith-filled journey through some of life’s most challenging experiences. I found myself profoundly impacted by the author’s delightful wisdom, uncanny wit, and transparent way of capturing the joy of new beginnings that sometimes come in unexpected larger than life packages. I highly recommend this book of poetry to everyone seeking a renewed sense of faith, hope, and love which is available to all in an endless supply.

—Tommy A. Casarez, PhD

Associate Professor of Historical and Systematic Theology

Associate Dean, Division of Theology

Vanguard University

Grief is something we all experience but something we experience in different ways. One of the beautiful points that Lena makes in this collection of poems is that we are not alone in our journey through grief. The words creating the themes throughout this beautiful collection will serve as gentle reminders of the peace and comfort offered to each of us by our grace-filled Father. It is my prayer that Lena’s example to us through her journey will inspire others to help someone else along the way.

—Toby Slough

Founder of Goby International Ministries

beagoby.com

The grief club is not one you ever want to