Downside of Inside: Hidden Perspectives

By Chris Eckhart

The emotional cocktail resting on my chest is suffocating uncomfortable thoughts of death. I no longer have the peace of mind to stop its spread. Pins and needles. Pain. A shark nibbling, tearing a limb from Its once secure socket, would have felt better, cleaner. Forced to remain still as if I was buried alive, I held my breath. Fight or flight are my only choices, with my life hung in the balance. Jennifer has been in this place longer. You can see it to look at her. Flight is her response to the monsters that roam the streets here- moving to and from hiding spots. I can't imagine my wife and daughter in this place. The pain of losing them here, the constant drive to search for them, is heartburn in my soul. No matter what my choices are, they led to more unspeakable situations. More terror winding up my spine, freezing me in place. Will I find my wife and daughter? Are they already lost to me? I don't even understand how I came to be in this nightmare. When Jennifer and I find the light, will entering it free us from this place?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chris Eckhart
• Release date: Nov 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781778250606

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Copyright © Feb 2021 Chris Eckhart.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

ISBN: 978-1-7782506-06 (Digital Copy)

Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Names, characters, and places are products of the author’s imagination.

Edited by: Heather Fitt

Front cover image by Ryan Schwartz

First printing edition 2022.

Chris Eckhart Books

Toronto, Ontario

www.warofthecreators.com

The Downside of Inside

Written by Chris Eckhart

Inevitable

I had to squeeze my wife's last suitcase into the back seat of her Jeep Grand Cherokee since there was no more room in the trunk. I made sure to leave enough space for our daughter, Millie, to sit, but that was the last free spot in the vehicle. Once everything was secure, I stood up, stretched, and closed the car door. I scratched my head and took a deep breath looking at the overloaded Jeep.

It never made sense to me how attached my wife is to her things or why she needed all this stuff for just three days in the country. If it were up to me, I'd settle for some old fashion camping. Tents and sleeping bags, that's all you need. Oh well, after fifteen years of marriage, I got used to the fact that my wife has her version of what is necessary. I also know that if we forget something (that she thinks is required), we will have to turn back and get it. Otherwise, Myra will be in a foul mood the entire weekend. Considering this was the last long weekend with cottage country weather, I didn't want anything to spoil the fun. I crammed her stuff into the car without complaining or cracking jokes about the Jeep breaking down under the weight (like I usually do). I even suggested that we leave Saturday morning instead of Friday afternoon, so Myra had plenty of time to pack all her shoes in peace.

There was a dull pain at the small of my back, just above my waist. I tried to massage my aching muscles. You’re getting old, I told myself out loud, catching my reflection in the Jeep’s tinted window. I had a little grey in my beard, which I kept trimming to keep it neat. There were some wrinkles around the eyes, but I always had flowy dark hair, dark blue eyes, and sun-kissed skin tone. Still got it. I smiled and winked at my reflection. Working construction my entire adult life kept me in shape, alongside an occasional visit to the gym.

It was a perfect end of a summer day with scattered, puffy white clouds and a light warm breeze. The sun was high in the sky, and some trees had already begun changing colour. I always enjoyed that smell summer brought with it. The fresh smell of new growth and new life. Man, I wish this summer lasted just a bit longer. The suburban street was peaceful and calm except for a few birds. Although it was almost noon, there wasn’t much going on. I assumed most of my neighbors had left for their cottages the night before. Most of the driveways were empty, and the houses were dark and quiet. Boring and normal.

I looked over our house, noticing it needed a new paint job. We bought this two-story home about six months after Millie was born. Myra’s dad made sure to remind me how he co-signed for it every chance he got until the day he died. The bay windows overlooking the street had a white trim that was already peeling. I promised Myra I’d fix it almost three months ago. I’ll get to it... I thought as I walked towards the front door.

Excited to finally get away for a weekend, I hopped the two front steps and almost busted through the door into the foyer. Alright. Let’s go! I called out loudly, my deep voice echoing through the halls. There was no answer.

We are ready! I called again. Let’s hit the road, ladies! Nothing.

Where are those girls? I muttered under my breath. What is taking so long?

I walked towards the living room and found Millie sitting on the staircase to the second floor with her earbuds connected to her phone. Her head was nodding slightly to the music and completely immersed in her screen. Her backpack was on the step right above her, ready to go. She didn’t even look up at me. I wasn’t sure if she didn’t hear me call or just chose to ignore me. Probably listening to that same foreign sappy rock band she keeps raving about. I kept my thoughts to myself and stood in front of Millie to get her attention, smiling as hard as I could to the point my face started to ache. Upstairs I could hear things shuffling around, falling, and Myra moving. I looked up. What on earth is your mother doing there? I asked loudly so Millie could hear me over the music.

No idea... earrings or something, Millie replied without even so much as glancing away from her phone.

She didn’t even bother to take her earbuds out. I sighed, hiding the sting I felt by being second to a bloody phone. Millie, looking down at the screen, meant I couldn’t make her expression. Her long thin fingers were constantly typing like they had lives of their own. Millie’s liked having her golden blonde hair tied up in a ponytail. She let enough hair out to cover her eyes.

When Millie was small, I used to call her Dora the Explorer after the TV show character. She was always so curious, always eager to explore new things. When Millie was four years old, she climbed on the countertop and made her way to the top of the fridge. She decided it was an expedition. She decided to make herself a home in the cabinet above the refrigerator when she couldn’t climb down. After two hours of searching, we found her there, filled with anxiety and dread. Myra almost lost her mind with worry. To me, this experience feels like yesterday. Even after all these years, it is one of my favourite memories of Millie. I’ll never forget the determined look she had on her little face. Today, it is all about smartphones and apps and fast chat – or whatever app Millie uses to talk to her friends.

I was hoping this trip would allow for some quality time with Millie. She used to tell me everything, I thought. There was so much I didn’t know about her life. I leaned close to Millie and called loudly, There’s no service in cottage country! Millie looked at me, squinting her eyes in resentment, which made her nose twitch.

I kept smiling, almost grinning.

Millie shook her head from side to side, disapproving of my actions.

At least I have your attention! I teased. This comment won me an eye roll. Same look as her mother.

I checked the time, 11:30. "Damn! Everyone would be trying to get out of the city."

I was doing my best not to lose my patience. Sometimes it felt like I spent most of my married life waiting for Myra. The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. I can’t imagine my life without her. Myra is an honest and passionate woman; she cares about everything she does. Everyone knows how dedicated she can be. That’s what makes her a great real estate agent and a wonderful mom. The thing is, Myra is two different people entirely when it comes to organizing. I built Myra’s home office right after buying this house. It still looks new, and she keeps it immaculate. Everything is carefully organized, sorted, and in place. She could tell you where every paperclip was. I also built her a walk-in closet in the master bedroom, and it’s a mess. If you opened the closet, you’d find a large pile of clothes, shoes, hats, books, and other random things – like an occasional screwdriver. I’m sure my favourite hoodie is in that pile (from when she was cold last time we went to the drive-in) alongside my college jersey and my favourite sweatpants. The shelves in her closet are almost entirely bare. This was the pile she’d tear through when she looked for something, a place to start searching. She’s probably digging in that pile right now. God, I love her, but she always keeps me waiting.

Do you just want to go? I asked Millie jokingly. Let’s see how far we can get before your mother calls us to come back and get her.

Millie looked up at me for a moment, seemingly deciding how she should react. She smiled faintly, shaking her head but didn’t answer.

No comment, huh? Smart kid.

I was getting more and more frustrated. If we don’t leave here soon, there’ll be nothing but weekend traffic waiting for us. The thought of sitting in traffic for hours was almost unbearable. Getting out of the city will be a nightmare.

Myra! I called up, trying my best not to sound annoyed and impatient. I was also trying to get across a hurry the fuck up without Millie catching it.

Five minutes! A call quickly echoed from upstairs as I could hear something falling in the bathroom.

I looked back at Millie. This doesn’t annoy you even in the slightest? I asked her.

Millie looked at me again and smiled without spreading her lips. Only one corner of her mouth curled upwards. Does she feel sorry for me? I thought, looking at that half-smile. Oh well, at least I got a smile.

Millie had a gorgeous smile when she was genuinely happy. She quickly learned that flashing a big smile could get her almost anything she wanted as a little girl, especially with Myra’s dad. He was the one who got her this new smartphone. The old man even added a phone case signed by Millie’s favourite band. She paraded her new phone and case for weeks at school.

I thought about how I felt when I was growing up. My experiences were quite different from Millie’s. Everything is different now. As a young boy, all I wanted was to play outside, ride my bike and run around in the woods building forts. We didn’t have smartphones and tablets, and rock ‘n’ roll wasn’t moody. I just want my little girl to unplug for long enough to tell us more about her life.

For years Millie and Myra were best friends. I was happy that Millie confided in her mother; I can’t imagine being a girl. Still, I’m confident there is plenty she doesn’t even share with Myra. Typical for a kid her age, I’m sure.

Can you go upstairs and help your mother? I leaned over the railing to catch Millie’s attention. Maybe help her and speed things up?

Nope, Millie replied without a glance or pause. This time it was my turn to roll my eyes. Millie caught that and squinted at me again. I shamelessly fluttered back, imitating her expression.

MYRA! I called up the stairs again. Stirring up a shuffle and a door opening. I’m leaving without you. My wife knew that was a false threat, but it did prompt her to get going.

Yea. Yea! One minute! I’m coming! Myra called from our bedroom.

The infamous ‘one minute.’ I sighed and put my head in my palms in frustration. What could take so long? What earrings does she need? It’s just the three of us. How lost are they? Urgh! I bit my tongue.

I bet you $20 she left them at the office. I raised my head. Millie was grinning and looking right at me. She even removed her earbuds, amused by my torment.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Hun? I called upstairs. Do you think you might have left them at work? Myra had another office downtown she shared with a few of her colleagues. She usually only went down there for meetings and parties.

Myra finally turned up, leaning over the railing upstairs and looking down at me. Her green-hazel eyes caught mine, excited, a slight smile that raised my cheeks a little. Why would I take them off at— Myra’s expression changed as she stopped mid-sentence. She was probably visualizing the moment she had taken them off at work. The expression on her face changed from realization to apologetic for a moment. Myra raised her palm to her cheek. Oh dear, I must have left them in my desk drawer, she said, not quite looking at either of us. Oh well, no point to keep looking now, is there? Myra smiled softly, looking down again over the railing, Millie, and me. I’ll be right down, I promise. Myra disappeared from the second-floor landing, and I turned my head back to Millie.

Told you! Millie now had an authentic smile on her face. Twenty bucks, please! she raised her hand to me, palm up, demanding the money. Looking at me like she just won a million dollars on a game show.

Forget it! I raised my eyebrows. I’m not giving you money, kid. I never took your bet. Millie’s expression quickly changed into a pout.

Myra came downstairs, slipping past Millie with grace and carrying a large beach bag. She stopped at the last step so she could kiss me on my forehead without having to stand on her tippy toes. Her lips were soft against my brow, and I could smell her favourite lavender soap and a hint of fabric softener. Myra always had a calming effect on me.

Can we go then? I asked my wife. The car’s all packed, Miss Daisy, I added sarcastically. Or perhaps her majesty would like some lunch since it’s almost noon? I just had to tease her for making me wait. Here’s an idea, I can unpack the car and set up the BBQ!

Myra smiled, not moved by my sulking act. Yea, OK. OK, I know. Let’s go. She leaned in and kissed me again—this time on my lips. I could feel the anger and frustration leaving my body as she did.

I don’t know how she does that. I wrapped my arms around her. With just a little kiss, my frustration disappeared. It vanished like smoke, fading into nothing.

Get a room, you two! Millie got up and put her phone in her jacket pocket. Looking at us with abhorrence, like we had just committed a horrible crime.

We already have one, I whispered to my wife’s ear, pressing my nose and lips at the nape of her neck.

With a king-size bed, Myra whispered back, kissing my cheek. I could feel the smile on her lips.

Ew, I’d rather wait in the car. Millie slung her backpack over her shoulder dramatically