The Bonds We Break

By Robin Michaels

Charlie and Izzy had the rest of their lives figured out. Finals were wrapped, graduation was in a week, and their move to Atlanta was right around the corner. They were ready to kiss their small college town goodbye in exchange for the big city. But that all changed when a knock on the door, one fateful night, turned Charlie's world upside down

• Language: English
• Publisher: Robin Michaels Author
• Release date: Jul 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9798218208721

Book preview

Prologue

What are you doing? No! Stop! Back off! She screams as she realizes she's falling to her imminent death. Her green eyes stare back at me with fright and confusion.

I stand at the edge.

Watching.

Waiting.

Frozen at the realization of what I just did. 

Just before she hits the ground, I wake up. 

Fuck. They’re back.

One.

Present Day. Atlanta, Georgia.

The ticks of the second hand from the clock hanging between Charlie's bookshelves counted down the seconds like a bomb about to explode, the subtle reminder of the weekend events ahead of her.

Charlie desperately tried to ignore the irritating repetition, shaking off the prickles over her skin, forming with anticipation. She felt the pins and needles collect at the base of her neck, causing her to shudder as she avoided checking the time to stall the inevitable.

Her compulsions got the best of her, forcing her to check her phone.

7:42 a.m. Shit, I’m going to be so late.

Charlie's suitcase sat face open on her bed, filled with everything on her packing list and then some. Nothing stood out to her as missing, though the tornado that blew through her room while she packed could have easily hidden a forgotten essential.

She tapped her toe while staring down at the bag going through her mental checklist.

It’s only a four-day trip she reminded herself. If she missed anything, she could pick it up locally.

The zipper barely made it around her suitcase without getting stuck; the extra grunt she let out aided in her struggle. She couldn't fit another thing in there, even if she found it hiding under the pile of clean clothes that had yet to be hung.

Charlie's room resembled the aftermath of a child's birthday party, but despite the mess, everything had its designated place.

Yoga mat? Under her bed. Bill from her dentist? Under the three uncracked books, on top of her dresser. Favorite pair of running shorts? Bathroom floor next to the tub with her sneakers from the errands she ran three days earlier.

Organized chaos. It was the only way she functioned, dismissing the appeals from her tidier friends that a clean room meant a clean mind.

Charlie crinkled her nose. The chaos of her life started to reflect the chaos of her room. Maybe her friends were right. But cleaning would have to wait until she returned when she had time to dedicate to getting her life together.

Getting through this weekend took priority.

She tossed her makeup bag and curling iron into her carry-on and zipped it up, checking off the last items on her list.

I way over-packed.

The two pieces of luggage may have been overkill, but the New England spring often threw the gamut of weather to its residents.

Charlie opened her flight tracker app, checking the status for the tenth time that morning.

On-Time.

If only her obsession with making sure she wouldn't be late to every event transferred into the messiest parts of her life.

Satisfied with the current flight status update, Charlie switched back to her Spotify playlist and put on Fleetwood Mac to soundtrack the rest of her morning.

Not her standard go-to band, but lately, she wanted to feel closer to her late father. The memories of listening to their reunion concert as loud as the speakers would go brought a feeling of comfort to her, the rumbles of the base mimicking a massage chair.

And if she needed anything this weekend, it was comfort.

Ever since she agreed to go back, dread consumed her waking hours. She did her best to stay positive in the weeks leading up to her flight, but between the cold sweats and the loss of appetite, she couldn't elude the feeling that something would go wrong.

Within seconds of tossing her phone onto her unmade bed, the chime of a text came through, interrupting the chorus to Tusk. 

Oliver. 

[Oliver]: Just landed in hotlanta! I’ll meet you at the gate.

She rolled her eyes at the hotlanta remark. He said it to piss her off. No one who lives there calls it hotlanta. Ever.

She typed back quickly.

[Charlie]: Leaving for the airport now. Scouts honor. I might be cutting it tight though.

She didn’t have to wait long for the incoming text bubbles to appear.

[Oliver]: Girl, if I don’t see your ass at this gate in an hour, I’m calling the police to escort you directly to the plane.

[Charlie]: They can do that?

Charlie quipped back just as quickly. An escort through Atlanta traffic sounded more appealing than Oliver would ever understand. 

[Charlie]: Please send them now then if it means I can bypass TSA!

[Oliver]: See you soon Charls

Though he would never admit it, Charlie knew Oliver intentionally booked his flight to have a layover in Atlanta. He could have easily gone direct from Orlando to Connecticut but determined it necessary to meet Charlie at the gate and ensure she got on the flight.

Deep down, she didn’t want to return to Connecticut, especially not her alma mater, ever again, but after all that came to light in the last few months, going back became necessary.

However, Oliver didn’t realize she only made him think he came up with the idea to return for Alumni Weekend when she had all along. Charlie didn’t need any convincing from him to say "yes." 

She brought it up over FaceTime about a month and a half prior. They had their monthly drunken call to catch up, and the perfect opportunity arose to plant the seed of going to the reunion.

Oliver questioned Charlie as to why she wanted to suddenly return to campus, having previously refused any opportunity to go back, but after a few drinks, they convinced each other that of all the years to make the trip, this was the year to do it. Flights were booked that night.

Oliver and Charlie met during their freshman year of college. They grew up one town over from each other. But, with Charlie having gone to a private Catholic high school and Oliver attending a regional high school, their paths never crossed until move-in day at Connecticut State University, or CSU for short. 

They became instant friends and found themselves spending all their free time together. Others on their floor thought they were dating, and while the potential for a budding romance had crossed her mind, Charlie realized quickly she wasn't Oliver's "type."

He hadn't officially come out to her until recently, about five years ago, but Charlie kept his unsaid secret to herself until he was ready to tell her.

When Oliver did come out to her, they were at a bar during one of her many visits to Florida, and he dropped it casually in the middle of a story about one of his closest friends at work.

Charlie didn't make it a big deal; she simply hugged him and expressed her happiness that he had found a place where he could feel safe to be his true self. And they continued their conversation.

That’s how their relationship worked — true acceptance of each other. No caveats. No judgments. They could tell each other anything and had each other’s support no matter what. 

Well, almost anything.

Charlie had been hiding two big secrets from Oliver for the last ten years. Her only hope was somehow he would find it in his heart to forgive her when they eventually came out this weekend. 

Charlie gave herself a once over in the mirror. Her bronde hair, styled into two French braids down the back of her head, kept the bedhead at bay.

She leaned in close to her reflection and picked at a stray grey popping out from her part. She scoffed at the sight of the unwelcome hair in between her fingers.

The last few years had caught up to her, mentally and physically.

She examined her face, running her fingers along her jawline. The concealer and mascara did nothing for her complexion.

Charlie grabbed her makeup bag from her just-zipped-up carry-on and swiped bronzer and blush across her cheeks and forehead. It wasn’t perfect, but enough to ward off wandering eyes at the airport.

She didn’t know why she cared so much; it wasn’t like she would find the love of her life in the baggage line. 

Charlie grabbed her mint green zip-up hanging on her wall and tied it around her waist, trying to hide the 20 lbs. she gained since her had dad died.

Yoga pants and baggy t-shirts had been her uniform for months. It was the only thing she felt remotely comfortable in, and that wouldn't change, especially for a two-hour flight.

She tucked a stray hair behind her ear and heard the small disc-like charms on her bracelet clinking as her wrist brushed against her head. She gave herself a sympathetic smile, shrugged, and smoothed down the fabric on her hips to lay flat.

Charlie tried her best not to be too hard on herself; her body had been through a lot.

This will do. 

With a long stride, Charlie approached her bedside table, turning off the lamp in one quick swoop. The flash reflected off the metal picture frame that sat by her bed in every apartment she had lived in since moving to the city.

The frame was cold, but the warmth radiating off the girls hugging each other tightly in the center of the basketball court warmed her soul. She lightly caressed the blonde with stunning green eyes, wishing she could give her one last squeeze.

It’s time, she said out loud to no one. 

Charlie collected her belongings and dragged her suitcase down the three flights of stairs that led to the Lyft waiting for her in the parking lot.

She climbed in the back seat and let out a deep sigh. Her stomach turned at the thought of returning to the campus where her life changed dramatically.

She knew she had to go back, though, now more than ever, even if it meant coming clean to Oliver and facing her past.

After all, it had been ten years since Izzy jumped from the South Parking Garage, and the rumors of her involvement in her best friend’s death needed to rewritten.

She needed to clear her name once and for all and finally lay Izzy and her past to rest.

TWO.

Hartsfield-Jackson was surprisingly empty for a Thursday morning, and Charlie breezed through security in record time. A rarity.

The shortened wait time allowed Charlie to walk the airport tunnels rather than take the train. Her body relaxed as she entered her favorite part of the airport – the rainforest between A and B concourses.

Decked out with blues and greens, the sounds of rain falling, and animals in their natural habitats, the walkway took passengers away from the mundane look and feel of an airport and dropped them straight into the Amazon. Charlie could spend hours down there if she had the time. The soothing sounds let her mind take a break from the fast-paced environment the airport perpetuated.

Her foot stuttered at taking the first step onto the escalator, forcing her to leave the sanctuary, bringing her back to reality.

As the fog of the Amazon lifted and she approached gate B24, Oliver sat against the window with his signature backward hat and Beats headphones around his neck. The Florida sun did wonders to his already beautiful mixed skin, giving him a healthy dark glow that accented his crystal-clear blue eyes.

His thumbs were moving fervently as he stared at his phone, deep in thought.

Olly! Charlie yelled across the gate.

Startled, Oliver snapped his head up from his phone and searched for who called his name. He spotted Charlie approaching and quickly grabbed the iced coffee sitting at his feet.

Unsweetened, no milk, he said, offering the cup as he wrapped his arms around her, trying not to spill.

It’s the least you could have done, she said with a chuckle, releasing him and taking a sip. Ahh, that’s the stuff.

It’s great to see you too, Charls, he said with a wink. I’m glad you’re here. 

The sincerity in his voice reassured Charlie.

Though their monthly FaceTime dates were great, seeing Oliver in person made Charlie glow. She felt at ease around him, but fidgeted with excitement and anticipation; happy he had made the trip.

So. Alumni Weekend. Charlie exhaled as if she had been holding her breath since she arrived at the airport.

You ready? Oliver asked.

Not in the slightest, Charlie mused, almost too quickly. Why are we going again? Who let the drunk people book flights?

It’s been ten years, Charlie, and this will be good for you. For us.

I really hope you’re right, Olly.

I am.

They both let out a half-hearted giggle, but their legs bouncing and feet shaking in unison radiated each of their uncertainties.

Like Charlie, Oliver had been away from campus for several years and never returned for Alumni weekend. His anxieties weren't as high as Charlie's, but the anticipation of bringing up the past had resulted in sleepless nights and a few empty bottles of Tums by his bedside.

Charlie slumped down in the seat next to Oliver, wiping the condensation from her cup with the sleeve of her hoodie. The mint green darkened into a cheetah like pattern that slowly faded away. The metal of the arms poked into her thighs causing her to shift uncomfortably. She took a few sips of her drink, watching travelers run to their gates or search for a bathroom.

The gate area filled in quickly, businessmen dressed in suits and ties, older couples returning from their snowbird winter homes, all starting to line up, ready for the boarding doors to open. A young dad chatted with the gate agent as his son, adorned with a mouse eared hat, played with a souvenir from their amusement park vacation. Charlie could hear him trying to get his dad’s attention, before being waved off and returning to his make believe.

When was the last time you were home? Charlie asked as Oliver rifled through his duffle and grabbed a pack of gum.

Ooof. Oliver tapped his fingers on the container before popping the cube in his mouth. Probably five-ish years? Maybe more. I haven't been back for a while. You know my dad. Always trying to win me over.

His chewing muffled his words, making it harder for Charlie to hear.

Yeah, but don't you miss going to the games? I know I miss dancing on the court during halftime. Charlie said wistfully as she mimed the hand motions to their fight song.

The games? Obviously! Going with him? Not in the slightest. Besides I always had way more fun with you than some crusty old professor, even if he is my dad.

Oliver grabbed Charlie's hand mid-movement and placed it in her lap, shaking his head in disgust.

No.

Charlie’s protruding bottom lip and sad puppy dog eyes in response had no effect on Oliver. He refused to let Charlie make a spectacle of herself in the middle of the airport.

Though she wanted to prod Oliver more about what happened between him and his father, Charlie chose not to push the topic. Oliver made it clear he didn't like to talk about their lack of a relationship, constantly changing the subject in previous conversations when she brought him up.

Curiosity plagued her as to why their relationship had been so rocky ever since graduation. She had an inkling but didn't dare broach the subject with him.

So, do you think they managed to book Andy Cohen to host this reunion? She quipped, sitting up a little straighter.

God, wouldn't that be a spectacle? Could you imagine if there were reality shows like that when we were in school? The DRAMA! Oliver fanned himself like a caricature of a southern belle sitting in a rocking chair on a wrap-around porch.

Cassie would definitely be cast as the villain. Starting all the rumors. She made a perfect cheerleader back then, smiley on the court, but a bitch the second she stepped off.

Harsh, Charls!

Charlie leaned away from Oliver, clearing her throat purposefully. Her eyes narrowed at him.

Don’t defend her, you know what she put me through! She would so be type-casted and you know it.

Don’t give me that look. He said, mimicking her. All I’m saying is that she had some redeeming qualities. Like the multicultural center? All villains have something that makes you want to try and like them.

Oliver took a sip of his coffee, rattling the ice that was left in the almost empty cup.

True… Charlie trailed off, hating that Oliver had a point. But redeeming qualities or not, it didn’t negate how Cassie treated Charlie over the last few years.

Charlie took a sip from her coffee and absentmindedly swirled the cup, putting her in a trance-like state as she followed the liquid around the plastic.

She pictured all her classmates coming together for the semi-dysfunctional family reunion. Reliving the glory days and reminiscing about hookups and breakdowns. The stage lights blinding and hot, everyone strategically placed on chairs and couches to get the best reaction shots. Cue cards and cutaways, making for great T.V.

A surge of grief coursed through her body, her muscles ached, and her heart dropped at the thought of Izzy not being there.

Hey, when we get to campus, I have a few errands to run. Will you be okay by yourself until happy hour? Oliver asked, keeping his attention on his phone.

Mmmhmmm, Charlie replied while staring off into the distance, not fully engaged in the conversation, waist-deep in a mental spiral about the past.

Charlie hadn't ever had the urge to attend Alumni Weekend or return to campus at all, for that matter, especially since her senior year ended with the death of her best friend.

Her connection with the school, the athletic department, and most of her friends died with Izzy that night.

On top of it all, Cassie, who blamed Charlie for everything that happened to Izzy, had been president of the Alumni Board for the last four years, so Charlie knew she wasn't welcome. The guilt Charlie felt since graduation was perpetuated by the callous rumors Cassie spread.

It was hard enough knowing the last words she said to her best friend were the worst she could ever utter, but Cassie telling everyone those words were why Izzy jumped, made the guilt stack like cement bricks in her heart.

As she sat at the gate, panic built in her chest. She didn't know how to face those people, especially with what happened the last time she returned.

Three.

Nine Years Ago.

Connecticut State University.

Charlie stood at Johnathan's Banquet Hall entrance, building the courage to walk through the doors. A drop of sweat crept slowly down the middle of her back as her stomach gurgled.

Seeing her former classmates for the first time in a year terrified her. She clocked the nearest bathroom to the left of her.

Just in case.

The sound of Fall Out Boys’ Sugar, We're Goin' Down echoed throughout the room in front of her. She wiped her clammy hands on her jumpsuit, thankful she wore black to hide the dampness she felt washing over her body.

She reminded herself she would want Izzy to show up if the roles were reversed, even if her classmates made her the pariah of her graduating class.

Now or never.

She wished she had picked the latter.

Charlie lifted her hand and quickly grabbed the door handle, trying to stop the tremors from cascading down the length of her arm. She took one last deep breath before giving the door a forceful yank.

To her surprise, it swung open with ease and hit the wall with a thud. The crash echoed throughout the room, prompting everyone to turn towards the clamor with bated breath.

Her skin began to tingle as she stood in the threshold, the stares of her former classmates making her feel exposed like she had been caught naked in front of her entire class. She tried to hide the worry on her face with a tight grin and shy wave.

I shouldn't have come.

Charlie took a few timid steps forward into the room, searching for a friendly face or the nearest bar, whichever she saw first.

The stares followed her as she walked through the crowd. Her ears burned as whispers from the students and alumni swelled with each step.

She showed… why is she here…how dare she show her face…that's the girl, right?... I heard she told her to jump… what a horrible friend… she should go back to wherever she lives now….

The room started to close in on her, and Charlie's vision blurred as the cacophony began to resemble a hive of bees buzzing. The queen bee, not daring to show her face, hid while her workers did the dirty jobs.

The scene in the banquet hall was quite the juxtaposition from the last event she attended at Johnathan's, dancing the night away, celebrating senior year with Izzy and Oliver. The crowd around them whispered just as much, but back then, the topic du jour entailed their drunkenness and the latest drama Izzy found herself in.

The music filtered out any negative energy being thrown their way.

What Charlie wouldn't give to travel back to that night and change how the following weeks played out.

Charlie and Oliver hadn't a care in the world; they knew wherever Izzy went, drama followed. She always pulled some stunt to keep the chatter abundant.

This time around, everyone gossiped about how she streaked across campus with nothing but her California beachy blonde curly hair covering her breasts and jumped into the lake at 2 a.m. after a night of dancing on a table at one of the local bars.

A dare no one gave to her but herself. 

The story made the front page of The Campus Howler's senior edition.

Thankfully her charm and some sweet talking to the arresting officer from Oliver's dad, a tenured faculty member, kept her out of jail that night, but the lake temperatures didn't keep her out of the infirmary.

Oliver refused to go with Charlie to check on Izzy. He hated her antics and no longer entertained her by actively dismissing her attempts at getting him to participate or react. Ignoring her worked for Oliver, but she didn't care. His apathy didn't faze her; she fed off it, each act getting more brazen.

Despite the rumors and gossip about Izzy, the friends made a pact to have the time of their lives as they closed out their senior year, especially at the Senior Soirée.

Oliver put his growing disdain for her on the back burner to celebrate his hard work over the past four years. He refused to let Izzy steal that from him.

But little did Charlie and Oliver know their celebrations would abruptly end a week later.

Izzy's suicide came as a complete surprise to the CSU community, but as they always did when Izzy Daniels created chaos, the rumors started to swirl.

This time, however, Charlie's involvement headlined the talk around campus, and that lousy press couldn't