Dark Watchers

By Richard Stevenson

An offbeat poetry collection for middle grade kids and adults. The poems are quirky and humorous and run the gamut of science-fiction, fantasy, and horror, focusing on cryptozoology, fearsome critters and monsters around the planet. The performance pieces draw on rock, funk, blues, alt country, jazz and reggae.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dancing Unicorn
• Release date: Jun 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781915692580

Book preview

Acknowledgments

Poems in this collection have previously appeared in Altered Reality, Bewildering Stories, Black Petals, Bumbershoot, Crows Toes Quarterly, Feathertales Review, Granfalloon, New American Legends, Runcible Spoon, Rune Bear, SciFaiKuest, Senary (Flying Octopress), Space Cadet Science Fiction Review, Trouble Among the Stars, and The Were Traveller.

My thanks to the editors for their support.

Table of Contents

The Billiwhack Monster     9

The Wog       10

The Awful       11

The Lake Koshikonog Monster    12

Big Red Eye       14

Dewey Lake Monster      16

Dark Watchers      17

The White Stag      18

Appalachian Black Panther     20

The Crosley Monster      21

Space Penguins      22

Drunken Bear       23

Mississippi Mud Man      24

The Demon Leaper      26

White River Monster      28

White Screamer      29

Catzilla       30

Spectre Moose       31

The Pink Mess of Goose Creek Lagoon   33

Alabama Metal Man      34

The Whoompus Cat      35

The Grunch       36

Block Ness Monster      37

Muck Monster       38

Moon Eyed People      39

Normie       40

Seven Sci Fi Tanka      41

The Muhuru       44

Carnivorous Algae      47

Blue Space Brains      48

Tsuchinoko       49

Glastonbury Glawackus     51

Mountain Boomer      52

Old Greeny       53

Willy        54

Were Otters       55

Third Eye Man      56

Giant Cockroach      58

The Albatwitch      60

Ogua        62

Pocomoonshine Lake Monster    64

The Gowrow       65

Whale Eater (Kronosaurus)     67

Wood Devil       68

The Allegewi       70

Bear Lake Monster      72

Argopelter       73

The Billdad       75

The Blue-Headed Black Bear     76

Crocodingo       77

The Bassigator      79

Tokoloshe       80

Lizzie        82

Prestwood Pete      83

Footloose Bull Goose Moose     84

Goblin Shark       85

Teratorns       86

Inflatable Hedgehog      88

Ufiti 2        89

Neanderthals       90

Maero        91

Nain Rouge       92

El Cuatlacas       94

The Man Bat of Northern Mexico    97

Mantis Man       99

Leelanau Lake Monster     101

The Butler Gargoyle      102

DeSmet Lake Monster     104

Boar Man       105

Selbysville Swamp Monster     106

Mu        107

Jenny        108

Living Mammoth      109

Jarbridge Monster      111

The Flintville Monster     113

The Creeping Unknown     115

Shadow Boxing      117

Pantoum of the Hairy Hands     118

Dover Demon  ( Mannegishi )    120

Sasquatch       121

Spontaneous Human Combustion    122

Out-(Per)cussing a Pesky Poltergeist    123

The Ghoul       125

Radioactive Hornets      126

Paranormal Parasites      127

Do The Funky Cryptid     129

The Billiwhack Monster

Tall and apelike with horns like a ram,

the Billiwhack Monster terrorized

Santa Paula during the years

just before and after World War II.

Allegedly an attempt by the government

to create a super soldier, the beast

escaped the lab.  Began pelting citizens

with rocks and pounding witnesses’ cars.

Heavily muscled, with long grey hair,

the beast might not have been so mean

had officials seen fit to make him a mate.

Instead, he took to jumpin’ cars in lover’s lane.

Well, wouldn’t you?  Knowing you’re the only one.

Thump, jump, pelt, and rage against

the creatures who gave you a heart and lungs,

but no reason or desire to carry a gun.

The Wog

A denizen of a boggy pond

near Winder, Georgia, the Wog

is a demon dog the size

of a pony with long black fur

and longer front than back legs.

Looks like he’s squatting on

his long-plumed tail, just waiting

for you to come down the trail

to greet him.  Until he presents you his

burning ember eyes, lolling forked tongue.

Better be a good runner then.  The Creek

didn’t call this mud volcano Nodoroc

because they liked the sound.  It means

gateway to Hell, and the Wog is

Its Wal-Mart greeter, dude!

Only he doesn’t want you to grab

a cart and start shoppin’.

He wants yer heart, kidneys, and

the warm gentle plash of yer intestines

on his plate, pas de condiments, Bud.

I’m not jokin’!  He don’t even

Strip yer bones; just crunches

‘em up like pretzels as he chases

‘em down with a great gulp

of yer pumpin’ jugular blood.

The Wog – yeah, I know, a racist

name for black immigrants in England;

I’ve heard it before.  This guy ain’t

no half-savvy racist honky though, Bud.

He’s man’s worst friend.  Final greeter.

The Awful

Gnaw-ful appropriate, the name:

grey skin, long serpent-like tail,

twenty-foot wingspan, huge claws

that could easily grip a milk can.

Not some Heidi’s milk cow or

sheep herdin’ mutt, but a roof-clatterin’

leather-winged beast whose fire red eyes

glare at you from a neighbour’s gable.

Could easily grab you and fly away.

Folks tend to stay indoors and avoid

such ill-fated trysts.  Would rather hide

under their beds than under a piece of lettuce.

Nah. The Awful’s more than a gnaw-ful

name on folks’ dance cards.  He’s

a somnolent samba of a ride

down a warm, damp, dark gullet.

A must-miss kiss with the devil’s playmate.

The Awful’s got a jaw full of pointy

razor-wire sharp teeth,  You’d admire

his pearly whites, if you had a camera.

The Lake Koshikonog Monster

The Lake Koshikonog Monster

of Jefferson county, Wisconsin

boasts a ten-foot neckline,

is forty feet long with

a neck eight inches thick

and head like a horse.

Yer standard lake cryptid –

Not interested in duck hunters

or fiberglass blue burrito canoes.

Just up to scope out the bay,

practice a few tumble turns,

maybe scratch his back on the rocks.

Harrumph and a hump or two –

that’s all we get – not a snort

or howdy do.