The House on Capitol Hill

By Jeffrey Lynn Stoddard

Tommy and Geoffrey were in for a surprise. A great big gob heaping-teaspoonful of a surprise. Little did they know when buying they house that the beautiful mansion came with its own excess baggage. The two men began to experience the ever-increasing taste of a haunting... and it didn't taste good. Tommy bore the brunt of the spirits evil misdeeds, although Geoffrey was well-aware of the frightening circumstances and was thus worried for his partner's health and peace of mind. The haunting was horrifying and also a burden upon their relationship. The frightening journey begins with the turn of the first page.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jeffrey Lynn Stoddard
• Release date: May 30, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215035276

Jeffrey Lynn Stoddard

* Born in Concord, California. Raised in South Lake Tahoe, California.* Avid fan of true-life haunting and ghost stories. Even lived in several haunted houses and has some psychic ability.* Major roller coaster fanatic. This fanaticism is only surpassed by his love for Disneyland which proves that Jeffrey is either an eternal child or certifiably insane.* An ordained minister of the Universal Life Church. Proof that Hell has, indeed, frozen over.* Lives in Washington State with his partner, Vincent, and two cats, Kodora and Koji.* Was an announcer in radio for many years, where "I got paid to sit in front of a microphone and talk to myself."* Favorite Quote: "I like children. If they're properly cooked." W.C. Fields.* As a teen, he was once denied entrance to Disneyland because of a hole in the knee of his jeans.

Book preview

The House on Capitol Hill was my first attempt at dipping my toes into the gay horror genre, and I am rather astonished of my accomplishment. It was a lot of fun letting my imagination run wild. A good part of it can be attributed to my dealings with spirits in several houses in which I lived. This story went through several edits, cuts, and additions, but the flavor remains just as juicy as it was in the original draft. This is not a short novel, as can be seen from the TOC. Beginning this story, I had absolutely no idea that my imagination (and fascination with hauntings) would become a novel-and-a-half. Nevertheless, the background into the haunting forced me to delve a little deeper than usual into the past, and the ultimate reason for the haunting. I hope that you will find that it is an easy read, and one that just may prompt you to turn on all the lights in the house.

Pleasant dreams.

Home Sweet Home

Geoffrey, have you seen my car keys? Tommy called out from the bottom of the stairs.

What? came the reply of a disembodied voice as it traveled down the stairway from somewhere beyond.

Raising his volume two decibels Tommy tried again. My car keys! They’re not on the table! You see them up there anywhere? Instinctively he glanced down at the round heavy oak pedestal table set in the middle of the large circular room that served as a foyer to the various other rooms in the mansion; knowing that he’d checked several times before that morning (just moments ago, in fact).

I didn’t see them in the bedroom, hon. Geoffrey offered as he appeared at the top of the majestically curved staircase, straightening his tie one last time.

I thought I put them right here on the table last night. Damn it! Why do I always lose those damned things when I’m late… it never fails!

Geoffrey started his ascension on the old warn carpet runner covering the center portion of the dark mahogany stairs, one hand running lightly down the smooth polished banister of the same wood. Calm down, babe. They’ve got to be somewhere. Did’ja check the pockets of the pants you were wearing last night?

Of course, I did. I’m not an idiot…

Hmmm, let’s see… he said thoughtfully, you walk through the door… I see you… what is it I always say? …something… sounds like; ‘Good, the idiot’s home’… Nope, you’re wrong, he grinned while stepping onto the ground floor of their two-story home and giving his lover a peck on the cheek.

Uh huh… Tommy grumbled. Be gone, before somebody drops a house on you, too. With this little quip having been delivered (and rather maliciously at that) Tommy’s head followed his eyes as they continued to scan the room and floor for any indication of the missing item. This is ridiculous.

Come on, I’ll drop you off on my way to work.

This is the second time this month I’ve lost those stupid things… Tommy growled, shoving his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans.

Pulling his own keys out of his slacks pocket with a slight jingle Geoffrey grinned. Where’d they turn up last time you lost them?

Tommy pointed to the table. They were exactly where I thought I’d left them… right here on the table.

Well, they say the mind is the second thing to go, Geoffrey said, patting him on the ass.

Childishly, Tommy jerked himself away from the hand. "Yeah? What’s the first thing to go?"

If you don’t remember then far be it for me to…

If you’re referring to my abilities in the bedroom then I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about.

Oh, I dunno…

The slender six-foot man with black hair glared at his partner. You want a repeat performance of this morning? I can still run circles around any 20-year-old.

No time, Geoffrey said with a smile. We’ve got to get to work. You ready?

I suppose.

Okay, let me grab my… Geoffrey began before stopping himself mid-sentence while casting his own eyes about the room.

What’s wrong? You look like you lost your best friend.

No, just my briefcase. I thought I left it down here last night.

There, see! You’re a fine one to talk about me losing my mind! Tommy told his lover with an evil smile.

Umm… He snapped his fingers. In the office! I’ll meet you in the car.

While the taller of the two (marginally - at six-foot one) scurried off toward the back of the house Tommy stepped out through the heavy wooden doors with inlaid stained glass in either one and paused beneath the pillared overhang. He lazily looked out upon the Seattle skyline which was somewhat hazy though brightly lit up by the Washington sunshine.

The air smelled cool and fresh after yesterday’s rain and he noticed that the circular driveway was still damp in spite of the fact that the rain had stopped early last evening. But, being the middle of October, things weren’t drying out as quickly as they had during the previous summer months which had broken all kinds of records with the relentless soaring heat that, all the way to mid-September, showed no signs of abating. But when the mercury finally did begin to drop the entire city breathed a collective sigh of relief and enthusiastically succumbed to the accustomed ritual of adding layers of clothing.

Tommy sauntered out to the paved drive and paused beside Geoffrey’s black Hummer, leaned with his back against the car and looked up at their house. It stood proud and strong with deep roots and a history that spanned over a decade, or so they were told by the realtor last spring when they first looked into buying the place that was styled loosely after that of the grand southern mansions. It wasn’t the largest home in the city but with 18 rooms it certainly held its own with its stately demeanor and bold straight lines. Its age was revealed mainly in the usual wooden creaks and groans that one would expect to be associated with a house of its age but while that was something that one became accustomed to it most certainly did not detract from the overall grandeur of the place.

The selling price had been amazingly low considering the great condition it was in as well as the view it commanded from the front portion of the house, indicating to the two men that not only had they gotten a stupendous deal but that the owner was obviously pretty anxious to sell.

…or desperate…

Okay, Geoffrey said closing the front door behind him with a jiggle of the handle to make sure it was locked. Which store are you going to today?

Did you check the back door?

Yup.

Okay… just making sure. I was planning on going to the Alki store today but since I don’t seem to be able to drive myself, he growled at his misfortune, just drop me off at the 5th street store and I’ll get a ride from Akando when he shows up this afternoon.

You sure? Geoffrey asked, unlocking the car doors with the remote on his key chain. I can take you over to Alki if you want.

Pulling the door open Tommy pulled himself up onto the seat. You’d be extremely late in the morning rush hour traffic. That’s all right.

Mmm, okay. What about tonight? Where should I pick you up?

Probably in Alki, but I’ll give you a call and let you know.

Hopping in behind the wheel Geoffrey shoved the key in the ignition unceremoniously and together they headed down the driveway lined on both sides with squared hedges, having had to first swerve around Tommy’s dark blue Jeep which had been parked in front of Geoffrey’s car. I still don’t see why you don’t just hire another manager for your stores, hon. It isn’t as if you can’t afford it. Why not just take life a little easier.

You know that I can’t just sit around and do nothing. Besides, I’ve built these places up from scratch; they’re a part of me.

I know, but you’re killing yourself trying to manage all five places.

Tommy looked over at him. "Oh, come on, I’m not ‘killing myself’. I’m working just like everybody else in this city."

"Au contraire; your employees work - you slave. You treat them better than you do yourself."

"I am not going to get into that with you again, Geoffrey."

That’s because I’m right. I just wish you’d have a little more faith in your employees and their abilities in… My God, again?

What?

Geoffrey, who was both grinning and frowning at the same time, kept glancing across to Tommy who appeared to be feeling himself up - and not being too covert about it, either. Don’t you ever get enough?

Yeah, yeah. I’m trying to find something in my pocket.

That’s not where your pocket is, dear.

With a frown Tommy scooted forward so he could get his hand inside the pocket. Get serious. I remember putting it in my pocket yesterday before I left the store so I wouldn’t lose it.

What are you looking for?

The delivery invoice for the shipment to the downtown store. Last time they shorted me five bottles of syrup and I didn’t have time to check the stock yesterday, so…

Why not just leave the invoice at the store? They don’t usually just up and walk away.

No, but I had an order sheet at home that I needed to check it against… which I forgot to do, damn it.

I swear, you make more homework for yourself than a teacher.

Tommy switched to his left pocket and dug inside. Son of a bitch. What the hell happened to that? The back pockets were inspected next, all leading to a dead end. First my car keys, then the list… What next; my head?

You probably won’t miss it, Geoffrey told him with a smile, bringing them to a halt at a stop light.

Miss what? The invoice, my keys, or my head?

A mischievous silence erupted along with a matching grin from the driver.

Funny… Tommy grunted, then stuck his hand into his shirt pocket. I know I didn’t take it out of my pants pocket…

Maybe it fell out of your pants when you put them on this morning. It’ll show up.

I suppose…

So, getting back to the problem at hand… Geoffrey began again as Tommy cast a suspicious glance to his left.

What problem? I wasn’t aware that I had a problem other than the entire contents of my life disappearing before my eyes.

I think you’re working yourself too hard.

Oh, that…

"Yes, that. We’ve got money all over the place and you don’t need to do this."

I know that, but I… watch out for the…

I see her, Geoffrey assured his lover while maintaining a steady pressure upon the brake pedal for a wayward pedestrian who didn’t want to wait for the light to change in her direction before crossing.

She needed to cross. Didn’t have time to wait. Was important!

What case are you working on now? Tommy asked, changing the subject.

If I told you that, I’d have to kill you, he joked, receiving a glare in return. Well, anybody with a sense of humor would think that was funny. It’s some corporate antitrust suit - should bring the firm close to twenty million bucks when all is said and done.

A nice tidy sum.

At least!

Stepping on the gas they were off again and rode along in silence for a couple blocks before Tommy finally spoke up in a somewhat timid voice.

Are we okay, Geoffrey?

He looked over with a confused glance. What?

You and me… Are we doing okay?

What kind of question is that? he asked with a growing concern.

I just worry that we’re getting so caught up in our working lives that maybe we’re drifting off in opposite directions somewhere and losing each other.

The turn signal went on immediately and Geoffrey steered the car into the nearest available parking space beside the street. Okay, now you’re scaring the hell out of me, Tommy, he said placing a hand on the man’s shoulder. You know how much I love you.

And I love you, too. But it worries me that…

I can assure you that you mean more to me than anything or anybody ever has in the last seventeen minutes. Geoffrey’s grin was infectious, causing Tommy’s smile to widen as well. No, seriously; if you think something’s wrong then let’s work on it.

No, I don’t think anything’s wrong, honey. I’m being paranoid. I guess it’s my insecurities coming out and biting me.

Geoffrey pulled back. Well, bite ‘em back. As far as I’m concerned, we’re doing fine.

Okay.

Okay, then. Let’s get you to work so you can make lots of money and lavish me in the style to which I wish to become accustomed.

Merging back into traffic again the two continued toward the downtown section of Seattle while, back at the house on Capitol Hill, their possessions and furnishings sat in obedient submission within the sturdy and silent walls of the home in anticipation of their eventual return. The heat pump out back droned away quietly in its successful bid to stave off the bombardment of solar heat and maintain a constant internal temperature against the bright sunlight that was shining in through the sheer paneled curtains covering the windows, and even though its success was being proven by a majority of the digital thermostats within the house that continued to register an even 72 degrees, there was one in the upstairs hallway that had suddenly begun rapidly dropping. Coinciding with this continual decline in the temperature within this one area of the house was a creaking of the hallway floor which seemed to follow a path toward the master bedroom; Geoffrey and Tommy’s bedroom, as if to suggest the advance of an individual whose identity remained hidden by the absence of a physical presence within the empty hallway.

No shadows forced exposure by the sunlight streaming in through the window at the end of the hallway for there were no obstructions within the area to do so, and yet as the bedroom door slowly swung open it became clearly evident that the house was not entirely unoccupied. Inside the bedroom the thermostat now began to mirror that of the hallway in its sudden decrease, bottoming out at 28 degrees while the curtains of the window overlooking the front yard and driveway slowly parted under the influence of two unseen hands, remained that way for a brief period, and then slowly returned to hang normally.

That evening soft footsteps padded down the upstairs hallway over the Kashmir runner that spanned the entire width of the house as Tommy made his way into the bedroom at the front portion of the mansion; a piece of bread in one hand and his keys jingling in the other.

Geoffrey, who had just changed out of his suit into a T-shirt and Levi’s and was now seated on the side of the bed tying on a pair of tennis shoes, looked up. Oh good, you found them. Where were they?

On the kitchen floor by the sink.

Must’ve dropped ‘em there last night sometime during dinner, he proclaimed, finished tying the knot and sat up straight.

Must have, Tommy agreed, taking another bite off the bread before offering it to Geoffrey who eagerly bit off a piece. Except that I didn’t take them into the kitchen.

Thanks. Mmm, damn that’s good stuff. What is it? Apple and cinnamon?

Yeah, from Costco.

So, what are you suggesting?

Tommy stopped chewing for a moment. Suggesting? I was agreeing with you; it’s apple and…

Not that. What are you suggesting about how your keys got in the kitchen?

Oh, that. I don’t know. Probably an imp running around the house hiding things from me. Oh, and this… Tommy added, pulling a folded-up piece of yellow paper from his front pocket.

That the invoice you were looking for?

Yes.

Where was it?

Rolling his eyes Tommy’s lips slowly spread to what could best be described as a shit-eating-grin. In my pocket.

Uh huh.

I swear it wasn’t there this morning, Geoffrey.

Uh huh.

You saw me trying to find it.

Uh huh.

Shit, he mumbled, shoving the paper back in his pocket. I don’t know why I even talk to you.

Because you love me.

That can be debated right now, Tommy teased and gobbled down the remainder of the bread. I’m gonna get some more. You want a piece?

"Of bread, or of you?"

Bread.

You’re no fun.

We can negotiate the terms of my unconditional surrender when I get back, Tommy said with an evil smile and walked back into the hallway… and then stopped just outside the door. Geoffrey?

Surrendering already? I’d hoped to make you grovel a little before…

Come here a minute, I want to show you something.

The man leapt off the bed. Now we’re talkin’, he exclaimed while slipping up behind his lover and throwing his arms around him.

Do you feel that? Tommy asked in all seriousness.

Not yet, but I’m working on it. Geoffrey’s hand was slowly moving down his man’s stomach but was stopped mid-way by Tommy’s grasp.

"Not that… the cold. Don’t you feel it?"

If you’re cold I can warm you up from the inside with a great big…

Stop that, I’m serious.

So am I, Geoffrey cooed and began to slide his other hand down, this one being stopped as well.

You’re not listening to what I’m saying. It’s cold here.

So come in the bedroom where it’s warmer.

But why’s it so cold just in this spot? Look, he said and moved them both (since Geoffrey was still attached) two steps to the left toward the stairway, it’s nice and warm here, but if you step back, which they did, …see? It’s like 30 degrees colder in this one spot.

Must be a draft somewhere.

How can there be a draft when the air isn’t moving? It’s perfectly still… shit, I can see my breath.

Sure enough, with a quick blow Geoffrey, too, was able to see the air leaving his mouth. To this he separated himself from Tommy, looked up to the ceiling, down to the floor, then to the window at the end of the hallway ten feet to the right.

See? Tommy asked with a look over his shoulder.

Yeah. Weird.

Suddenly robbing them both of ten years’ life was the loud crash of the bedroom door to their backs as it slammed shut causing the blood pressure level in the hallway to soar sky high and bringing both men swiveling around in wide-eyed wonder.

…I guess… Geoffrey told his friend while trying to get his heart out of his throat, "…there was a draft after all, huh?"

…damn…

Well? he whispered after a brief interlude of fearful silence.

"Well, what?" Tommy whispered back.

Open the door.

With a quick glance at his partner Tommy shook his head vehemently. "You open it."

"It’s your door."

What, I live here alone? Tommy’s voice unintentionally but automatically began to rise in accordance with Geoffrey’s increasing volume. "Both our names are on the mortgage, so you open it."

No. You do it.

You’re the lawyer, not me.

What’s that supposed to mean?

You’re used to busting down doors and things like…

That’s the police, not lawyers! he insisted with a growing smirk. I make sure criminals go free so they can commit other crimes. Remember?

Exactly, so you’ve had experience in…

Just open the damned door! Geoffrey insisted, making sure to back up some so that Tommy would now be the closest and most likely candidate to perform this simple task.

…I’m afraid to… he admitted quietly.

What’s to be afraid of? Look, he said from behind, blowing into the air, the cold’s gone now. That proves that it was only a draft. Now stop being a baby and open the door.

Well… Tommy moaned, okay… Very gingerly his hand approached the waiting doorknob, his fingertips about to make contact when (as if the timing had been carefully choreographed earlier) the doorbell rang causing both men to jump out of their skin (although this time producing an embarrassed grin that was shared amongst them both).

Well… Geoffrey said with an audible shaking to his voice, "obviously today’s lesson is: How to scare the hell out of tenants."

Who do you think it is? Tommy asked in a voice that scanned an entire octave.

Again, the doorbell.

Whoever it is I hope they can stay awhile, Geoffrey told him. At least until my nerves return to a normal level.

Both men - sticking very close to one another - strode down the hallway, gaining speed as they neared the circular staircase that hugged the rounded wall and ascended to the front door.

Thank God it’s you, Akando! Geoffrey told the young, tall, tan-skinned Native American man on the other side of the door as he opened it.

Troubles prying Tommy off you again? he asked, shaking his head as he walked in past both men and giving Tommy a particularly evil eye.

No, Tommy complained while Geoffrey closed the door.

"You two do realize that the honeymoon is over now, right? Sex stops after the first year and you’ve been going at it for almost three! You’re throwing a wrench into the national average. Knock it off!"

Tommy frowned. It’s nothing like that. We just had the life scared out of us because of a door and you stand here making snide…

Yeah, Akando grinned, doors scare me all the time, too. My neighbor has a really scary one; all wood…don’t you just hate that?

Akando, you’re such an asshole. I’m not talking about the door, Tommy insisted with an embarrassed grin, I’m talking about what it…

"Although you’d really like the one I have on my bathroom…it’s really hung."

"Oh, you’re hilarious. I give up; Geoffrey, you talk to him, he instructed the man beside him who probably would have spoken up if he could, but at the moment he was too busy snickering over Akando’s wisecrack. You should both join the circus. I’m going upstairs to the bedroom," Tommy demanded and stomped up the stairs, disappearing around the corner at the top with one hand (and one particular finger) being displayed before it, too, disappeared from sight.

What’s with him? Akando asked, still chuckling.

He was right; we did have a little scare. You want something to drink?

Most definitely.

Okay, come on. It started with a cold spot outside the bedroom… the story began, continuing down the hallway and, in its digest form, had actually been completed by the time the two entered the kitchen.

Sounds like a draft to me.

"That’s what I said. Old houses are notorious for drafts."

Certainly are, Akando agreed while poking his head into the fridge. Don’t you have a 7-Up? I’m really craving a 7-Up.

Geoffrey had planted himself in one of the chairs before a small table set in a little breakfast nook to one side of the sizeable kitchen where the final rays of the evening’s sunlight streamed in over the white tablecloth. Whatever’s there is all we’ve got.

What’s with all this V-8 juice? He glanced behind himself to Geoffrey. You take out stock in the company or something?

Tommy likes it.

"Nobody likes that shit! Oh… fine! Akando grumbled, withdrew a can, and popped it open, closing the refrigerator door with his foot harder than he’d expected to. Sorry."

So, ‘sup? Geoffrey asked while he watched the man cross over and take a seat opposite his.

I need to yell at your lover again.

What’d I do now? Tommy asked from the open doorway, causing both heads to swivel around to face him.

You screwed up on an order again today.

With his eyebrows lowering Tommy’s defense shield went up. What? How’d I screw up?

Producing a piece of paper from his back pocket Akando unfolded it and held it out it to him. Did you really mean to order this much coffee? Five espresso shops couldn’t use this much coffee in twelve years!

Tommy quickly crossed the polished black and white tiled floor, grabbed the sheet out of the hand and scanned it - and both Geoffrey and Akando watched an embarrassed smile grow across the man’s face.

Oops.

Oops? Akando told him, snapping the paper back.

I’m guessing that that ‘one’ probably shouldn’t be there, huh? I’ll take care of it tomorrow.

No need, I already faxed in the correction. Geoffrey, Akando said, turning back around, would you get this guy to retire and let me run the business like it’s supposed to be run.

"I’ve been trying, believe me! Geoffrey told him with a nod. He’s as stubborn as a mule."

Something has ‘conspiracy’ written all over it, here, guys, Tommy complained with a crooked smile. Why do I get the feeling you two have been talking behind my back?

Akando stood to face him head-on. "Okay, I’m talking to you in front of your front: stay home and let me run things. We love your pretty little face and your sexy bod and your generous ‘asset’ but leave the business to me."

I couldn’t have said it better, Geoffrey agreed with a nod and a wink to Akando.

I don’t have a big ass, Tommy complained while contorting himself in an attempt to view his own behind.

That’s not the ‘asset’ I was referring to, Akando grinned. Look, we all love you oodles but your mistakes are getting bigger, better and badder by the day…

Swell. This puts me where? In the Useless Americans Dumping Grounds.

"Well, now you know how my people have felt over the centuries, Akando told him, shaking his head. No, Tommy, I’m not putting you out to pasture yet. I’m just trying to point out that you’re taking on too much work with all five stores and making mistakes. This is exactly why businesses hire separate Managers and relegate responsibility. That’s half the fun of owning a business; you get to be a bigwig and walk around with your nose in the air while the underlings scurry around, cowering at your feet. Take advantage of it, dude! Hire some managers for the individual stores, they’ll all report to me and I’ll report to you. It’ll make things so much easier and lessen the chances of mistakes like this one, he said, shaking the paper in Tommy’s face briefly. Let’s catch up with the times."

Tommy studied the face that was almost on his own for a moment. How long have you rehearsed this speech?

Honey, you have no idea.

You’ve spent far too much time on this, Akando; you need to get yourself a man.

Tell me about it… he moaned.

Okay… Tommy backed away and stood beside Geoffrey. Well, you could be right about this. Let me sleep on it tonight and I’ll let you know tomorrow.

Good.

You joining us for dinner? Tommy asked.

Where are you guys going?

He shook his head. Nowhere. I thought I’d fix something here.

I repeat; Where are we going?

"I know how to cook! There’s nothing wrong with my cooking!" Tommy demanded with a defensive grin.

I hate to be the one to break this to you, Blanche, but if you’d cooked for our side Custer would have won without a battle.

Not believing what he was hearing Tommy (with his mouth open) turned to Geoffrey for a little support.

Taking his cue, the man looked to Akando. Tommy’s a good cook.

See!

The minute his partner looked away in triumph Geoffrey quickly and covertly opened his mouth and put a finger in it.

I saw that… Tommy growled, turning back to him with a scowl. I haven’t killed you yet, have I?

"Look, Bickerson’s, let’s give it up and go out and have steak tonight. I’ve been craving a big slab of meat all day."

Haven’t we all… Geoffrey said, ogling the man next to him.

"Tommy, don’t you ever service your man? I thought you were both joined by the…"

I’ll have you know I can hold my own, thank you very much.

Geoffrey glanced at Akando. You know what he’s like.

Fuck you both! Tommy said, an evil grin on his face.

You already have, Akando retorted back.

"Yeah, but I did you before I even knew Geoffrey."

And why you chose that hunk over scrawny little me, I’ll never know.

If memory serves me, Tommy told him, "you were the one who dumped me. Remember?"

"And if memory serves me, you were falling all over yourself the second Geoffrey came into the store…"

Girls, Geoffrey interrupted. Let’s go get a steak. Whose car are we taking?

The Jeep’s in front of everybody else, Tommy can drive.

Okay, let’s boogie.

A short time later the trio were seated in the dark yet casual steakhouse that had become a home away from home of late, what with there being so little time in their hectic schedules to actually stay home and cook anything. With his head buried in the opened menu Akando perused the choices in silence before proclaiming his decision to any receptive ears. This idea was batted around by Tommy and Geoffrey before their appetites each commanded separate selections; all beef and all being craved now, not later.

I’m worried about that draft you two felt in the upstairs hallway, Akando said, looking from one man to the other. If I were you I’d get somebody in there to seal the place up before winter sets in…a place that big is going to be expensive enough to heat without areas letting the cold air in.

Tommy nodded. Yeah, I was thinking about that earlier. When we first got the place we figured we’d build lots of fires in the fireplace to help with the heating but who has time to build a fire?

Doesn’t it have gas in the fireplace?

No.

…oh shit… Geoffrey mumbled, digging into his back pocket with his left cheek raised about an inch off the seat. I don’t have my wallet.

We’ll use my card, Tommy assured him and then turned back to face Akando. Anyway, do you know any good fix-it people?

No, Geoffrey told his lover, now checking his left-back pocket. I know I put my wallet in my pants.

Don’t worry about it, I’ve got dinner covered.

That’s not the problem, Tommy. It’s got all my credit cards and personal information inside. I’m gonna go out and check in the car. Be right back.

With the horrors of having to call and cancel three credit cards due to the loss humming about in his head (not to mention the inconvenience of having to replace his driver’s license) Geoffrey hurried out to the Jeep and began tearing through it while Akando and Tommy stayed behind, placing their orders with the waiter, and talking ‘shop’.

Deliberately being avoided was talk of the Regional Manager position Akando so desperately deemed necessary in favor of the much less controversial subject of a new young employee at the downtown store whose sporadic hours (due to the inconvenience of college classes) was making it very difficult to schedule the boy where he was needed. Several solutions were discussed without resolution before they were again joined by Geoffrey who was looking both worried and frustrated.

Not out there, he commented flatly while again taking his seat in the booth beside Tommy.

Did you check with the hostess up front to see if somebody’d turned it in?

Yeah.

Well, Tommy told him with a reassuring pat to the man’s leg that was anything but reassuring at this time of worry, the only other place it could be is back home, either in the driveway or inside the house. I swear, he added, turning back to Akando, we’re losing more shit lately.

That happens at your advanced ages, he said with a grin, receiving a frown from both parties; a look that the attractive man brushed off with a grin. My parents both complained about misplacing things as they got older, Akando explained, donating this as sort of a peace offering over his last remark yet only making matters worse.

"We’re not that old, Akando, Tommy said with a stupid grin covering his face in a failed attempt to look really miffed. Besides, you’re as old as I am."

Shaking his head, Geoffrey subconsciously ran his hands over the tops of his jean’s front pockets under the table. This was never a problem before we moved out of our old place into the house on Capitol Hill.

Well, then, Akando explained, that explains it. Everybody misplaces things after they’ve moved into a new house.

Yeah, I suppose, Geoffrey admitted uneasily as the thought of his wallet being in the hands of some irresponsible miscreant continued to haunt him.

I remember when I first moved into my apartment over on Queen Anne hill I kept losing all my…Tommy, something wrong with your eye?

What? No. Why?

You keep blinking and rolling your eyeball around like you have something in it.

Oh, no, I don’t think…it’s…well, it’s hard to explain. It’s like I keep seeing a shadow out the corner of my eye but there’s nothing there.

Akando grinned sarcastically. Early stages of a cataract. See, I told ya’ you were getting old.

I have perfect eyesight, smartass.

Do you still see the shadow?

Tommy looked around for a minute before finally shaking his head. Um…no, not now. It’s gone. This being a relief he sat back in his seat and smiled for exactly two seconds before an abnormality registered in his head, deleting the smile previously occupying his lips. Wait a minute, he said somberly and reached for his back pocket. Hey, my wallet’s gone too!

Wallet Wallet Who’s Got the Wallet

What are the odds of us both leaving our wallets here at home? Tommy asked the naked man in bed beside him.

Geoffrey glanced over the top of the book he’d been reading. Apparently, better than we thought.

I know Akando didn’t believe that it was an accident when he ended up paying the bill for dinner.

To this Geoffrey grinned. You pay him well; he can afford it. Besides, it does him good to pay once in awhile.

How do you figure?

Makes him feel important. We’re always paying for everything when the three of us go out; he keeps offering but we never take him up on it, and tonight he got his wish.

I guess. But I’d sure like to know how we both managed to leave our wallets on the dresser - right beside each other – and not remember doing it…and then leave the house.

I’m just glad they were here and not out on the street somewhere, Geoffrey commented and lowered his eyes back down to the printed page before him.

Silently contemplating things for a couple moments Tommy crawled out of bed and approached the dresser without touching the two black wallets sitting side by side. You notice how they’re so precisely placed?

Again, Geoffrey raised his eyes. Hmmm?

The wallets; they look like they were put here intentionally.

We probably put them there when we changed our clothes after work.

Do you remember doing that? he asked with a glance back over his shoulder. I don’t.

No, but I do a lot of things without thinking about it.

Tommy turned back to the wallets. Besides, if we just tossed them up here what are the chances of them landing so perfectly beside each other like this? I mean, it looks like somebody used a ruler to make sure they were placed exactly so far apart.

What are you suggesting? That somebody broke in and rearranged our wallets? Geoffrey asked with a grin.

Tommy thought about this for a moment with his eyes glued to the two wallets. No, he answered quietly, obviously deep in thought. But don’t you find it a little odd?

You’re too much of a conspiracy theorist. We accidentally left them here, that’s all. Forget about it and come back to bed.

Tommy did have to admit to himself that his imagination tended to run off with him at times, often taking the logical to an extreme, and with a quick thumb through the contents of both wallets to make sure nothing was missing Tommy rejoined his counterpart; snuggling back down into the warm pocket he’d made prior to leaving the bed.

What do you think I should do? Tommy asked the man in bed beside him.

The book was again lowered. Hmmm? About what?

About what Akando said earlier; about making him a…what…Regional Manager?

"I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable doing. It’s your business."

He does make a lot of sense.

Mm, Geoffrey said noncommittally in spite of his full agreement with Akando.

"Maybe I am trying to do too much. That was a pretty devastating mistake I made on the order today."

Yeah, but he caught it in time.

Is he more competent than I am?

No, of course not. He just managed to catch something that you missed, that’s all. You’re human, get over it.

Yeah, Tommy admitted quietly before tilting his head to the left slightly. Do you hear something?

Geoffrey listened. No.

Sounds like water. Is it raining outside?

Not supposed to be.

"Hmmm. Well, anyway, maybe I should back away a little bit. I do trust Akando to handle things and it’s probably time for me to hire some more people."

Like I said, do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Mm. Well, I’ll have to think about it a little bit more.

Sure.

I wonder if I left the water running in the bathroom… Tommy wondered out loud and again dragged his naked form out of bed and headed to the adjoining bathroom while Geoffrey raised his book back up to resume his reading.

No, everything’s off in there, Tommy informed him after a peek into the bathroom. Still being convinced that he was hearing water he then grabbed his bathrobe off of the padded cedar chest at the foot of the bed. But there’s definitely water running somewhere. It’s louder in the bathroom. I’m gonna check the other rooms.

Okay.

Heading down the hallway Tommy turned on the light in the bathroom at the other end of the house with the same results as before, and yet he was again assured of water running somewhere in the house as the noise in the pipes was unmistakable. So, down the stairs he went and checked both the kitchen and the downstairs bathroom with everything seeming to be battened down tightly.

I think we’ve got a busted pipe or something, he informed Geoffrey when he re-entered the bedroom and began slipping on his jeans. The flashlight still in the kitchen drawer?

I think so, yeah. What’re ya’ gonna do?

I’d better check under the house to see if I can see water coming out of anywhere.

Geoffrey laid his book down on the bed beside him and threw his legs over the edge. I’ll help you.

No, I can handle it. You go back to your book. As Geoffrey’s sneakers were handy he slipped them on and trod out of the room and down to the kitchen where the sound of running water was louder than it had been in any of the three bathrooms. The flashlight, which was right where it should have been, was switched on and together Tommy and his light headed out the back door into the chilly dark night where absolute silence was being successfully warded off by the drone of the freeway traffic that was taking advantage of the perfect acoustical conditions to reach their house far above.

A crawl space was located at the rear of the structure and with the little wooden door removed Tommy got down on his hands and knees and peered into the darkness with the light in his hand scanning slowly from left to right. Nothing but posts, insulation, and dry land.

See anything? Geoffrey asked from behind making Tommy jump and bump his head on the top of the crawlspace doorway.

OW!

Sorry…didn’t mean to scare you, he chuckled, his hand covering his mouth.

Rubbing his head Tommy slowly stood. Nothing that I could see. But I can definitely hear it.

Yeah, I heard it in the kitchen.

You don’t suppose we’ve got a busted pipe somewhere in the walls do you? he asked, replacing the little door, and clamping it in with the two little wooden blocks that had been nailed onto the door frame.

I hope not. Maybe we’d better call a plumber.

Not yet. I wanna check the outside faucets first.

I’m right behind you.

Tommy took his partner’s hand and together the two crossed over the lawn that surrounded the house on three sides; light shining on the dry silver faucets as they passed each one. The last one being checked, in front of the house, was found to be the culprit as water was gleefully gushing out onto the ground and Tommy quickly turned it off, thus closing the file on the Case of the Open Spigot.

Probably kids, Geoffrey said, looking about the area being lit by two street lamps lighting the circular drive.

Look at the flowers. Damn! Tommy cursed as he shone his light on the flowerbed below to find that his Belladonna Delphinium had been crushed by the torrent of water.

It’ll probably perk up again, Geoffrey cautiously suggested.

The stems are all broken.

Well, we’ll plant some more over the weekend.

Yeah… Tommy grumbled as he now joined in the visual search for any sight of the criminal mastermind behind this evil plot, but everything looked as it should with no strange or obvious shadows lurking about anywhere and no overt or indiscreet movements catching their eyes.

They listened momentarily in silence, hearing nothing over the low roar from the freeway but a faint boat whistle from the Sound beyond the city, along with the mixed assortment of crickets chirping away merrily in the yard.

Well, crisis over, Geoffrey said, put his arm around his man’s bare shoulders and led him back around toward the side of the house.

Both men were unnerved over the little water prank, of course, and more than a little concerned over the issue of their safety and vulnerability but if a couple of bent stems and a higher-than-normal water bill was the worst of it then life could probably go on pretty much as usual.

Should we call the cops? Tommy asked once inside the house where he returned the flashlight to the kitchen drawer.

Over water?

No, I guess not. Tommy agreed just as a thought hit him; Come to think of it, I don’t recall seeing any footprints in the mud around the flowers. Did you see any?

Didn’t notice. It’s mostly grass around there anyway; except for the flowerbed.

Mm…

What, you thinking the faucet turned itself on? Geoffrey grinned.

‘No, I’m not making up another conspiracy theory, Tommy said rolling his eyes and shaking his head. You’d think the lights would have scared away whoever was out there. What’s the matter with people anyway?"

Throwing an arm around Tommy’s waist Geoffrey drew him out of the kitchen and down the hallway. You worry too much. Come on, let’s get back to bed; it’s late.

I’ve got a creepy feeling. Maybe I should stay up for awhile and keep an eye out front, see if they come back.

Don’t worry about it. They won’t be back. We need to get some sleep.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just watch for a couple more minutes before I…

No, you come to bed. Besides, I have some pear-shaped ideas that just might interest you right now… Geoffrey grinned.

Well, in that case… Tommy said slyly, took Geoffrey’s hand and literally dragged him up the stairs.

Indications

In spite of Akando’s wishes Tommy showed up for work at the main store shortly after 9:00 the following morning and got right to work helping customers, although by the time he’d arrived the morning crowd had thinned out and was, for the most part, safely tucked away in the many offices and cubicles in the downtown Seattle buildings that reached high into the clear blue sky.

Akando busied himself with giving the La Pavoni espresso machine a thorough cleaning when he glanced over to Tommy standing beside him.

Pretty sneaky way of getting out of the check last night, he said with a grin.

I swear, we both lost our wallets, Tommy defended with somewhat of a sour expression.

You find them?

Yeah, he sighed, wiping cookie crumbs off the countertop with a rag. On the dresser at home.

That’s good. So, you given any thought to what we talked about?

A little bit, but we had a little trouble with the neighbor kids last night, so I really didn’t have time to…

Trouble? the man interrupted, rubbing a wet cloth vigorously over the steaming wand. What kind of trouble?

Oh, they left an outside faucet going full-blast and took off.

The cleaning came to an abrupt halt. Water? You catch them doing it?

No, didn’t see a thing. We were upstairs and I heard water running and, eventually, found the outside faucet running full blast.

Really…

Tommy looked up. What’s that supposed to mean?

"What’s what supposed to mean?"

The way you said ‘really’.

Nothing…just saying ‘really’, Akando told him.

"No, you don’t, you said it like you knew something, he warned, receiving just a smile from Akando as the man resumed his work. Anyway, no, I haven’t had time to really think over what we were talking about. Although Geoffrey thinks it’s a great idea…thank you very much for asking me right in front of him."

I do what I can, he grinned.

…yeah, well… Tommy groaned and returned to the task of restocking the biscotti in the giant glass jar.

The water, huh? Akando again asked, removing the brewing head for cleaning.

Huh?

The water was on outside.

Yeah…

And you didn’t see anybody do it?

No. Why? Replacing the lid to the jar Tommy lay the silver tongs on the counter and deliberately turned to face his friend.

Just wondering.

"No, you weren’t ‘just wondering’. You forget, we used to date, I know you; you’re leading up to