The Impossible Box: How to Get Your Dreams Out of Storage

By Kristen B. Hubler

I used to think I would never be able to run a marathon as 26.2 miles was an impossible distance. When I envisioned marathon runners, they were a separate category of humans. Occasionally though, just for a moment, I would imagine how great it would feel to cross that finish line. What an accomplishment! Just as quickly as the thought entered, I would laugh and shake it out. Nope, not possible.

Just like that, it went into storage; a place in the back of my mind I call the impossible box because once a dream was closed inside I wouldn’t even try. It would sit there next to the other things I thought I could never do or the goals I would accomplish someday. Can you relate? If you do, this book is for you. Not just inspirational, it explains methodologies to enact behavior changes to help you dream big, set goals, and follow through. By the time you get to the end of this book you will have the tools and motivation you need to succeed.

Throw out your impossible box. Take the steps that will move you in the direction you want to go and don't stop until you get there.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
• Release date: May 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9781662929038

Book preview

PREFACE

MY STORY

I don’t recall the specifics of the Boston coffee shop or the perfect collection of circumstances that led to my confession, but that was the day I finally mustered the courage to admit I wanted to write a book. Instantly my insecurities set in, and I tried to take it back by dismissing it with, But everyone wants to write a book. The moment that followed is one I’ll never forget. My friend challenged me by saying, No they don’t. I don’t want to write a book. So, if you want to write a book, you should do it. And I knew she was right. I should do it. And yet years went by and no book. Why? Because it’s one thing to admit it, and it’s entirely another thing to do it. It wouldn’t be until March 2018, when my brother died, that I would finally wake up.

After sharing Ray’s story, knowing that it ended too soon and that it fell short of the legacy he should have been able to leave, my younger brother Mike concluded his eulogy with these words: If there is something you dream of doing, do it. If there is something you want to change, change it … Ray did not intend this, but he’s giving us one last lesson, in that if you do not take action now, you might not get that chance again. It was another moment I would never forget, but the difference is that this one would change my life. I listened and thought about all the things I had dreamed of doing: run a marathon, write a book, be a consultant, travel more. The older I got, the more the list kept growing; and yet like storage boxes collecting dust in the attic, I would fail at every attempt to unpack them.

Somewhere along the way, I realized how ridiculous my situation was. I was a driven and successful person, who would never lie to a friend, let down a colleague, or leave a task list unchecked, and yet I was completely incapable of doing the biggest things I wanted to do. It would be one thing if this were how I was in every area of my life, but it wasn’t! I didn’t understand how I could be so driven and trustworthy at work yet drop ball after ball with my personal desires. The problem, I eventually learned, is that in our professional careers, we don’t just have dreams, we have goals. We have mission statements and objectives that provide clear direction. We have milestones and metrics so we can track progress and improve.

This book you are holding in your hands right now is a result of me following my own advice. As an expert in behavior change and adoption, I used the best practices and frameworks from the business world I work in every day and applied them to the things I had always wanted to do. Now, I want you to do the same. It took me over ten years of encouragement from numerous people to be able to pursue the things I really wanted to pursue. I don’t want you to wait that long. As you read these words, if there is something you have always wanted to do, do it. It’s time to take your dreams out of storage.

INTRODUCTION

THE IMPOSSIBLE BOX

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore—

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over—

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

—Langston Hughes, Harlem

In the far back of our minds lives a place where dreams go to die. Little comments: it would be so expensive. Harmless thoughts: I don’t have time for that right now. Engrained concepts: I’m not built to do that. Systemic constraints: the world won’t let me do that. These are the words that start to build our box, and one by one all the things we were created to do end up there. Like a dark attic or a long-forgotten storage unit, your box has been sitting there in the back of your mind collecting dust. Think about that box for a minute. What’s written on it? Do you have more than one?

When I think about you and your dream deferred, it makes me wish I knew you so I could buy you a cup of coffee, sit across the table, and listen to all the things you hope to do with your life. I want to hear about the things you think you might be capable of but are too afraid to say out loud. I want to talk about the reasons you think you’ve never tried and the people or circumstances that may have held you back. I want to listen and then I want to shout from the rooftops, yes you can!

It’s true that there are some things in life we may never be able to do. If you are five feet tall, it’s unlikely you will ever dunk a basketball. However, it’s also true that the list of things you’ve declared impossible is much longer than it should be. I may not be able to sit across the table from you, but I can write this guide that will walk you through the steps you can take to start taking your dreams out of storage. You’ll hear stories from my own experience and case studies from people who have spent their entire lives researching behavior and change. I hope when you reach the final pages, you feel inspired and invigorated to go after what you want, but I also want you to be equipped with practical steps that will make going after what you want just a little bit easier.

When I read Langston Hughes’ Harlem (often now known by its most famous line, A Dream Deferred), I think about the truth that a dream unrealized is not just something that remains in storage unnoticed, but rather something that can impact and harm you; it is not just a box, but a box growing toxic mold. When you don’t get to reach your fullest potential, it’s like the lid of a honey jar, long forgotten and crusted over, ruining not just the dream on top but preventing everything else inside from being used. It’s a heavy load that sags and slows down the person carrying it. We want to believe that anything in our Impossible Box is separate from our daily lives, but it impacts our current state of being because when we know we’re meant for more, but can’t get there, we only last so long before we explode.

The poem’s original title, Harlem, and the Harlem Renaissance in which it was written, carries a different meaning than just a dream we choose not to go after. Some of our dreams have been put in boxes by other people; they have been declared impossible not because we are too scared or busy to figure out how to get there, but because someone else declared it impossible for us, because the systems of this world made it impossible for us.

As someone who has stared at a glass ceiling, I am filled with a deep passion to give you everything you need to bust through whatever is holding you down. I’m going to break down the process of goal setting and try to make it as easy and straightforward as possible, but please know that I understand your world is complex. Your world is not easy and it’s not straightforward, but it can change for the better. The first step to getting things out of your Impossible Box is to recognize that you have one at all; to catch yourself in the moments where you start to believe that you are fixed and cannot change. That’s just the way I am … that’s the hand I’ve been dealt … I’m too young … I’m too old … it’s too late … anytime you start to think thoughts like I can’t I want you to add on the word yet: I can’t do that yet.

In her TED Talk The Power of Believing That You Can Improve, Dr. Carol Dweck opens with an anecdote about a high school in Chicago that would give failing students the grade not yet. According to Dweck, with the grade not yet it shows you that there is a learning curve, and instead of a fail that might stop you in your tracks it puts you on a path to the future.

In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dweck references countless studies proving the existence of two mindsets: growth mindset and fixed mindset. Before I give you any definitions, let’s try her exercise to see which side of the spectrum you trend toward. Read the following statements and note whether you agree or disagree with them:

• Your intelligence is something very basic about you that you can’t change much.

• You can learn new things, but you can’t really change how intelligent you are.

• No matter how much intelligence you have, you can always change it quite a bit.

• You can always substantially change how intelligent you are.

If you agree