Absolute Perfection

By Stephanie Burke

Prince Taza is a seahorse, the sole male offspring of the Coushrin king, and heir to the throne. Sounds great, right? Not really. For one thing, two crazy female seahorses are vying to impregnate him and become the next queen of the Coushrin dynasty because seahorses mate for life. He doesn’t want to be just a breeder while his wife rules the seas. But if being the prey and intended brood-stallion of two insane females isn’t bad enough, Taza’s also being chased by a human who’s determined to attain immortality by eating him. Stir fried, easy on the garlic.

What does he do? Flee to a vampire bar on the surface world, where he meets Astika, a Hindu Naga god. Astika’s been dispatched on a fool’s errand, because his advice to his uncle and grandfather’s harems is causing mayhem in the kingdom. He wasn’t supposed to meet a seahorse prince, save his life, and end up mated in the process. But when Astika saves Prince Taza from the human who might just be crazier than the two seahorses chasing him, Taza does the only smart thing and pledges himself to the Naga. For life. Since they’re stuck with each other, Astika might as well see what it’s like with a seahorse. Together, out of the wildest circumstances imaginable, these two lovers create Absolute Perfection.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Changeling Press
• Release date: Mar 4, 2023

Book preview

Chapter One

You’re a dick, and I don’t think I like you.

Chris growled the words while leaning with arms braced on his bar.

I have a mighty fine dick, thank you very much, and I really don’t care what you think. Astika stared at the bartender as he answered with all the sarcasm he could muster. I just need some information and some quiet, and in that order.

I can tell you the same thing I told your contacts. I don’t have the information you seek no matter what your family told you -- the bartender began to grin a little maniacally -- but boy, do I have the perfect drink for you.

I don’t drink.

Maybe you should start. This came from what must be the bastard of a bartender’s wife, the Naga decided. She peeked out from behind the swinging doors to the kitchen before she disappeared again, no doubt to fry up some small, defenseless creature for consumption. It just might soften your disposition a bit.

Everyone knew that the vampires who operated this bar worked as a team, and it was said that the female was often more trouble than the male.

I really don’t care if you do or if you don’t -- the vampire shrugged inelegantly -- but I have to agree with her and say that maybe drinking would improve your attitude. Chris gave him his words back, smiling as a small frown curved down the corners of Astika’s rather thin lips. You came into my bar tossing your name and title around and demanding things, Naga, and it’s my job as the best bartender in the tristate area to see to it that you leave with exactly what you need.

But not what I want.

Buddy, haven’t you heard that you can’t always get what you want? called a youngish female voice.

Astika felt his frown grow deeper as he looked around the place. There were two small children staring back at him. It was the girl child who had spoken the sarcastic words, her dark eyes glowing as she stared up at him. Her brown hair was styled into two ponytails, and she had the same countenance as Chris, the bearded asshole of a bartender who refused to give him straight answers. She appeared to be around seven or eight -- with vampires it was hard to tell the age of their young ones -- but her eyes looked ancient.

The boy child was a bit smaller than her, with dark blond hair and green eyes and looked just like the female who’d popped out of the kitchen earlier to add sage bits of advice. The family resemblance was stunning.

But the young male vamp said nothing about the antics of the adults, merely shaking his head at their childish behavior. He absently rolled a chess piece between two fingers before boldly reaching out to the board that sat between him and the small female who could only be his sister. He then blithely moved her queen a box over before making his own move. Checkmate, he declared, his face looking as innocent as a preacher’s daughter.

Cheater! his sister squawked, turning back to their game, and then the familial arguing commenced as the pair proceeded to ignore the adults once more.

You make that sound like a threat. The blue-haired Naga disregarded the goings-on of the young ones and focused his attention on the bartender again.

It sounds like fact to me. Chris sucked at his front fangs as he reached for a collection of tall bottles and a metal shaker. You would do well to listen.

Then with a few deft moves, Chris made the bottles dance. It was an art form the way the muscular brunet juggled three uncapped bottles, tossing them over his head, behind his back, and twisting them in midair, never allowing a drop to spill where it wasn’t supposed to.

Finally, in short, controlled flicks of his wrist, measured amounts of liquor were poured midjuggle into a tall metal shaker. Once the proper amounts were reached, he flipped the bottles back into their places and took up the metal container.

The bartender capped it and began to shake it gently as he eyed the blue-haired man. After a moment and a few considering looks, he placed the shaker on the bar and retrieved a tall, frosty glass. He poured the pale-colored mixed drink with a flourish. And after a final squirt of juice from his bar gun, he whipped out a cherry from its dispenser and tossed it into the glass before he slid the drink in front of the frowning Naga.

Not impressed? Chris asked, flashing just a bit of fang from behind his neatly trimmed mustache as he grinned widely at his customer.

Astika just glared.

Too bad. He attempted to sound remorseful and failed. And I gave you the free show and everything.

I don’t drink.

You’ll drink this. Chris chuckled. After all, it was tailor-made just for you.

Astika reached out with long, thin fingers and tapped at the condensation beading up on the glass before him. He pulled it closer to himself, eyeing the slightly blue liquid, before inhaling deeply. He raised an eyebrow as he stared at Chris.

I’m not getting anything out of you until I drink this, right?

Smarter than you look. And from the look in Chris’s eye, his estimation of him put him somewhere between arrogant ass and airhead lackey.

He looked behind Chris to stare at the mirrored wall behind the bar and tilted his head, trying to see what the vampire was seeing.

He had long, flowing deep blue hair -- not the electric stuff you find in bottles, but a deep dark blue that had subtle purple highlights. His eyes were beetle black, no light escaping and allowing no emotion to show. His nose was rather aquiline, his nostrils thin and flaring, his face narrow with a slightly pointy chin.

His body gave off a useless-pretty-boy facade as well; he was thin and tall with a model’s body and tight musculature. But most damning was that he was quite feminine in the face. He knew he was the epitome of the word twink. He appeared childlike but was saved from being almost too cute to be male by his height, the thin lips, and attitude.

Gee, thanks, he deadpanned before lifting the drink to his mouth. What is this called, anyway?

Well, they don’t have a drink called jackass yet, so I did you one better. This, my friend, is perfect for you. It’s called an Absolut Fucker.

I’m not your friend. The Naga paused with the drink in his hand, nearly to his lips. And you may call me Astika.

He frowned again. The kids chuckled. Chris grinned.

Astika shrugged, lifted the glass fully to his lips, and was just about to take his first tentative sip when the doors to the bar exploded open and a terrified shriek filled the air.

He’s going to eat me!

Before the blue-haired Naga could move off his bar stool, what appeared to be a fall of silver highlighted blue hair slammed into his chest and burrowed beneath his arms, hiding as best it could.

Astika’s black eyes widened as he stared down at the female -- male? -- creature that was now trying to do its best to burrow under his shirt, shivering in what smelled like fear and… french fries?

What the hell?

He’s going to chop me up into little bits and eat me with malted vinegar and salt!

By now the smaller creature had managed to work its way behind Astika, pulling along with him what had to be yards of hair and a slim, compact body. He somehow managed to get all that hair and his small frame underneath the back of Astika’s shirt. Astika’s muscles tensed as he caught a wisp of very real fear and cooking oil.

He looked up at the brunet barkeep. Chris’s blue eyes were wide in disbelief, his mouth open enough to show more than a hint of fang as he leaned on the bar. One finger was still in the air as if poised to make a point, and he was bending aggressively forward, his eyes locked on Astika and the thing that was trying its best to burrow into him from behind.

No help there, Astika realized before he began the delicate feat of turning without destroying his human clothing and extracting the little thing that was now shivering and blubbering behind him.

Scaler! He had a fish scaler and a filleting knife!

The Naga did note that the creature also carried the tang of the sea and was still damp, something that was made apparent as his white shirt became transparent where the little beast was clutching at his sides.

Cocktail sauce! it wailed, burrowing its head in the small of his back. Cocktail or tartar sauce! He gave me a choice!

What -- Astika began again, only to have his words cut off by the door flying open, and a dark, towering figure raced into the bar.

The mermaid is mine!

The human was mentally off, Astika decided, taking in the scent of the man as his gaze swept the room before dropping to the floor at the doorway. He groaned as he watched those crazed eyes narrow as the human’s gaze followed the damp trail left on the floor where it led over the dark wood and tile, directly to him.

Of course. Trouble never fails to find me.

The figure behind him began to tremble harder, whimpering slightly, digging sharp nails into his side. Mine! the human roared, rushing toward Astika, fist balled up and drawn back in preparation to strike.

Oh, I don’t think so! Chris bellowed, but the human ignored him, completing his headlong rush toward Astika and his own imminent demise.

As he reached him, the Naga jumped to his feet, forcing the figure clinging to him to back up. Then instinct had the Naga turning his head to the right and leaning back.

The fist coming toward his face sailed harmlessly past him with a rush of warm air, missing him by several inches, but left Astika not a very happy Naga.

He reached out and gripped the elbow of the massive brown-haired man as he slid past his body and jerked, using the man’s own momentum against him.

The human went flying to the ground, landing hard on his stomach with an audible groan, all the breath flowing from his lungs at once.

Astika took a step back, but before he could follow up on his takedown, there was a growl, and the children were on the man, straddling his body as if daring him to move a muscle.

A positive, the girl on his legs growled, her eyes gleaming as she bared a conspicuously large set of fangs of her own. I’m sure of it.

The boy said nothing, but he began to pet the man’s face, his eyes dreamy as if he’d just been handed his favorite treat.

One bite, Papa? he asked, his voice breezy and whimsical. He, after all, did invade our kiss…

No one comes into my bar and starts shit, Chris growled, his face reddening in anger, his voice drowning out the noise of his excited children.

Chris nodded, and a huge shadow separated from the back wall, moving slowly toward the human.

It’s mine! The man whimpered, cringing from the children who were now snarling in earnest. Their mouths parted enough to show long white fangs made all the more scary by their thin, rose-colored lips darkening to black. Spittle slowly dripped down from the sides of their mouths, splashing near his face as if adding extra insult to their papa’s threatening actions.

I don’t know what ‘it’ you’re talking about, Chris snapped. But whatever it is you think you own, you won’t find it here.

You say that a lot, Astika observed, eyes wide, as the tall, dark, shadowy blob gently shoved the children away. Without a sound, it tossed the human over his shoulder before carrying the now cowering man to the door. The human offered no resistance and almost seemed to float in the dark thing’s arms before the door slid open unaided and the thing unceremoniously tossed him out on his ass.

Astika shifted his weight again, trying to reach behind him to pull the wet creature out from behind him. But it was stuck fast and too afraid to move. He could feel its claws digging into his skin.

Although it was rather uncomfortable, he refused to acknowledge that small and unusual pain. So he changed tactics. Instead of jumping and twisting like an idiot, he would appeal to a greater power -- in this instance, the power of words.

I say it a lot and I always tell the truth. Chris snorted his answer as the door silently slid shut and the amorphous blob dissipated. Turning back to his bar as the two pouting vampire children silently made their way back to their seats, grumbling about missed meals, he nodded at the glass still on the bar. Finish your drink.

I would rather you assist me in other matters, Astika growled, shifting from foot to foot, maintaining his balance despite the small lump hiding under his now partially transparent shirt.

Still attached to his backside was the damp and whimpering squirming form.

Finish your drink and get the hell out. Chris threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. The opening rush is going to start soon, and I don’t need the distraction of you hanging around and whining.

Whining… Astika was trying to sound assured and in command, but that was a wee bit hard when he was dancing from foot to foot while a wet