Only Changed the Way of Speaking: 48 Psychological Conversation Skills with Anyone, Anytime, and Anywhere

By Suhyang Oh

Understand a little of psychology to moves human mind and behavior!
And then you can earn more money, make more success, get real friends and love.
Just add ‘psychology’ to your speech!

Communication is psychology. Humans are 90% driven by psychology, and human psychology is 90% driven by words. Thus, understanding the psychological rules that move people’s minds and changing our way of speaking allows us to work better, and our relationships will change dramatically. If we use words properly, we can earn money, get along with our partners, and have a happy marriage. All we need is to add ‘psychology’ to our speech.

This book tells the ‘psychology of speech’ that moves people’s minds using 48 psychological skills, from the ‘Johari window’ in the mind that hinders communication to the ‘letter effect’ that excludes negative prejudices. It guides the know-how in detail about how we can make the other person behave or not when we use a certain way of speaking.
From now on, let’s change our way of speaking very slightly. That alone will positively change our life. No matter how shy or poor at speaking, if we practice with this book, we will be able to speak well enough.

If you read this book, you will learn the psychology guide of conversation as like belows, and how to use it to your daily conversations:

Why do misunderstandings get worse the more we talk?
How do we get the other person to say ‘Yes’?
How can we speak so as not to get ‘No’ from the other person?
How do we make others do what we want them to do through words?
How do we make things work out smoothly through conversation?
How can we strengthen our human relationships?

THEN GET THE BOOK NOW! and start growing your skills to strengthen your conversation with anyoney, anytime, anywhere!

• Language: English
• Publisher: METASEQUO
• Release date: May 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9791197845109

Book preview

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Every person has four windows

in their mind

First, you’ll sit down a little away from me, over there, in the grass. I’ll watch you out of the corner of my eye, and you won’t say anything. Language is the source of misunderstandings. But day by day, you’ll be able to sit a little closer….

This is a saying of the desert fox in Saint-Exupéry’s . The little prince tells the desert fox that he needs to find a friend. The desert fox then says the prince should tame him patiently if he wants a friend.

The way to tame the desert fox is simple. The little prince sits in the grass with the desert fox and slowly approaches. There is no need to talk. It is enough for the desert fox to watch him out of the corner of his eyes. Why does not the desert fox want conversation, the essential requirement of a relationship? The reason is irony. Words are a bowl for one’s mind. However, it is not easy for almost everyone to make a bowl that fits their mind. It isn’t easy to accurately read the mind of the person who sent a bowl just because the other person was also handed it containing his mind. Thus, the desert fox says:

You won’t say anything. Language is the source of misunderstandings.

In reality, we experience misunderstandings during conversations. There are numerous unexpected misunderstandings and embarrassing events in private or public relations. We will frequently come across these phrases when our common conversation goes wrong:

Why can’t you understand my words?

I don’t mean that….

Why are you talking like that?

There are many reasons for misunderstandings, such as incorrect pronunciation, body language, inaccurate vocabulary, poor tone, conversational habits, and attitude with preconception.

More fundamental reasons can be found in the psychological aspect. Johari’s window theory, established by two American psychologists, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham, demonstrates this. They viewed that an individual’s state of mind influenced human relationships and likened it to quadrant windows.

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The first is the ‘public window’ known to oneself and others. People with a wide area of this tend to show their minds transparently without hiding them from others. In this case, it is easy to communicate with others. No matter what they say, the other person understands it well, so they don’t misunderstand.

The second is the ‘private window’ that I know, but others do not. People with a wide range in this area tend not to open their minds to others because they have secrets and complexes. The conversation is not smooth. Misunderstandings begin to arise.

The third is the ‘blind window’ that I do not know, but others know. People with a wide area of this tend to be unaware of what everyone around them knows. In this case, smooth communication with others is impossible. Misunderstandings begin to arise.

The fourth is the ‘unknown window’ that neither oneself nor others know. People with a wide area of this tend to be dominated by the unconscious world. At this time, severe misunderstandings and obstacles arise in conversations with others. There is always a quarrel whenever they begin to speak, as words become a source of misunderstanding.

People are primarily governed by one of these four windows of the mind. When the first ‘public window’ is expanded, human relationships and communication are smooth, but when the fourth ‘unknown window’ is enlarged, significant impediments in human relationships and communication occur.

Everyone has a different window in their mind. Some people are primarily dominated by ‘private windows,’ ‘blind windows,’ and ‘unknown windows’ except the first window. Psychologically, a state of mind influences conversations. Thus, it is natural that communication with others goes wrong regardless of how we express our feelings with any excellent verbal skills.

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Misunderstanding is

an instinct of people

The dictionary meaning of ‘misunderstanding’ is a failure to understand something correctly or a disagreement. This phenomenon frequently occurs when people are talking. This is because they may not accept the truth itself in several cases. Human beings cannot avoid misunderstandings because they inherently delude themselves preposterously. Even when we have doubts, ‘Can we misunderstand those words (or things like that)?’

In 1999, American psychologists Daniel Simons and Christopher Chabris conducted an interesting experiment. They divided the six students into two teams of three respectively. Then, one team wore white jerseys, the other team wore black jerseys, and the students passed the basketball. The research team recorded these images on video and later showed them to students and asked the following question:

Ignore the team in black jersey and count the number the team in white jersey passes.

The students counted, concentrating on the number of passes by the team in white. Shortly after the video ended, the research team posed questions to the students.

Have you ever seen anyone other than students?

The video clearly showed a student passing by pounding his chest in a gorilla costume. However, surprisingly, half of the students didn’t notice it because they focused on the team in white.

Even though an object exists in front of us, we may not recognize or mistake it if we do not pay attention. This type of cognitive illusion is called the ‘invisible gorilla.’

People are seriously mistaken in their thoughts and opinions. Many people unconsciously fall into these thoughts when meeting at universities or companies.

A lot of people will agree with my opinion this time.

This is an illusion completely different from the truth. People instinctively assume that other people will think similarly to them. In psychology, this is called ‘false consensus.’ Humans are not perfect. We are often mistaken for something obvious. Therefore, misunderstandings are inevitable in communication.

Suppose we are having a conversation with a person with a poor impression, and he smiles brightly and is considerate of the other person. However, we frequently misunderstand that he is intentionally nice because we have already judged him negatively. Many people exclude these cases, even though practically attentive behaviors may come from the true heart.

Conversely, misunderstandings often occur when talking with a person who has a good impression. Assume that the individual is kind and considerate of the other person. Then people naturally think that he is nice because he has a good impression. It is also a mistake. This is because the person may intentionally be kind. Many people do not consider these instances, so they are trapped in a misunderstanding.

Delusion and misunderstanding appear to be different on the outside, but they are the same in reality. The only difference is that the former has numerous processes of perception, and the latter has a lot of procedures of thinking. But both of them may distort the truth.

Humans are delusional animals. Likewise, they are misunderstood animals. Therefore, if we hope no misunderstandings in our conversation, it is almost impossible to make it happen. Misunderstandings are inevitable and ordinary in any conversation, anytime, and anywhere. However, we can reduce them by compendiously controlling the degree and number of times.

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The first impression determines

the success or failure of a conversation

Appropriate communication methods depend on the target audience, such as office workers, executives, salespersons, show hosts, couples, and job seekers. However, the principle is the same regardless of field or subject. It’s a ‘first impression.’

No matter how many books of conversational method we read and acquire the know-how, it will be futile efforts if our first impression is unsuccessful. We need to remember that people’s eyes instantly determine whether they like or dislike us during the conversation. First impressions can be considered as determining the success or failure of conversations.

I emphasize the first impression in every lecture, but some students argue that the first impression is not enough to determine the success or failure of conversations. They claim that it is only meaningful in guessing and judging what the other person will be like in daily life.

Is it true? This is an underestimate of first impressions. We shouldn’t overlook first impressions profoundly influence conversations. According to statistics on an online job portal, 76.3 percent of corporate HR managers stated, during the interview, I’ve marked down due to the impression of applicants.

Regardless of how excellent our careers are and how good our capabilities and potential appear, we may fail in an interview because of our impression. Conversely, even