Where Thou Lodgest

By Ruth Wilson

Deborah Wayfaring is a woman of faith who is always sensing and feeling something different for her future than what is seemingly her destiny. Determined to follow her dreams and not afraid to take risks, she is the epitome of elegance and beauty. Sadly, even though she has been married, Deborah has never experienced love in its purest form.

Now single, Deborah is ready to follow her love path to see where it leads and ends. When she finally believes she has found the right guy in Reverend Hal Grayson, he seemingly cannot reciprocate her feelings. While trying everything to make him see her, Deborah makes countless mistakes that eventually transport her directly in the middle of a love triangle. Another man wants to marry her and raise a family. But Deborah has already given her heart to Hal. Will she follow her heart, her head, or her divine assignment as she searches for her happily-ever-after?

In this captivating love story, a woman seeking Mr. Right and her life purpose must learn to trust God’s plan after she unwittingly becomes immersed in a love triangle.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: May 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9798765241806

Ruth Wilson

Dr. Ruth Wilson works as an educational consultant and curriculum writer with special expertise in the area of early childhood environmental education and other initiatives in connecting young children with nature. Dr. Wilson recently worked with the Brookfield Zoo in developing their NatureStart professional development program and served as a curriculum writer for California’s Education and Environment Initiative. Dr. Wilson also worked with Sesame Street in designing nature education programs and served as an evaluator with the nature preschool at the Schlitz Audubon Nature Center in Milwaukee.  Dr. Wilson’s career includes working as a classroom teacher in both regular and special education settings and as a teacher educator for over ten years at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. She works with Children and Nature Network (C&NN) as curator of their research center.

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Copyright © 2023 Ruth Wilson.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the Holy Bible, King James Version (Authorized Version). First published in 1611. Quoted from the KJV Classic Reference Bible, Copyright © 1983 by The Zondervan Corporation.

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4179-0 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4181-3 (hc)

ISBN: 979-8-7652-4180-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2023908057

Balboa Press rev. date: 05/05/2023

I dedicate this book to my family, especially to my mom, Louise. I love you, Mom. You have always been excellent support for me. You instilled in me great morals and excellent values for a successful life.

I also dedicate this book in memory of my sister, Maggie, and her husband, John, who passed away in 2022. Thank you, Maggie and John, for your contributions, along with those beautiful homemade cards that encouraged me so much on this strange journey.

Thanks to all thirteen of you, my dear siblings, for the unique roles you played in my life.

A special thank you to my beautiful children, Tasha J., Van Jr., and Matthew V. You are my greatest inspiration and most incredible supporters for authoring this book. I love you.

CONTENTS

Preface

Chapter 1 What’s in a Name?

Chapter 2 Caged Emotions

Chapter 3 Marriage Variables

Chapter 4 The Card

Chapter 5 There I Am Also

Chapter 6 Vantage Point

Chapter 7 Distinct Sounds

Chapter 8 Spilled Memories

Chapter 9 The Battlefield

Chapter 10 The Dreamweaver

Chapter 11 User-Friendly

Chapter 12 Under His Microscope

Chapter 13 Open Your Eyes

Chapter 14 Shut the Door

Chapter 15 Checklist

Chapter 16 Fleeting

PREFACE

My deepest regret as a pastor’s wife is that I was not able to stand up to all the challenges life threw my way. Life’s tests and trials sometimes get a little too heavy to bear. And now, my greatest concern is for the emotional strength and well-being of women who are married to men in power, especially preachers’ wives.

Having wondered about true love and how it feels, this collection of words attempts to explain how a person can passionately pursue that goal.

For an oppressed woman, truth is the power to transform her from mediocre to extraordinary. Truth can liberate and give her the freedom to creatively express herself.

This book is a humble beginning to finding love, and what it feels like to be loved. Authoring this book was helpful therapy for me. This literary journey spanned over five years.

In many instances, my insecure subconscious was on high alert; it pleaded with me to prematurely end this creative pursuit. Nevertheless, I persevered and pressed forward to bring my story to life.

You will find many Scriptures and footnotes to help you navigate your reading experience. For your convenience, in some cases, I shared entire Scriptures—and some I footnoted.

You can use this book as a reference tool and personal road map on your journey to finding true love. You may even find some ideas that are useful in the bedroom.

CHAPTER 1

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What’s in a Name?

S he was unknown to the vast world of the greatness she was destined to become. Neither did she comprehend the true essence that had been bestowed on her through a name. She lacked fame, fortune, stardom, prominence, and royal status. However, eagerness, zeal, and determination would one day be the catalyst to drive her into a world where she achieved unprecedented success. This intuitive little girl had faith, passion, desire, a discovering nature, and a quest for ascertainment. She would become prominent in life, even though it was not yet revealed what or who she would become. There were undeniably some distinctive characteristics from birth that drove Deborah to find answers to her existence.

Now, at the age of twenty, her inquisitiveness, being direct and to the point, injected some beautiful accessories into her eccentric personality. Sitting on the bed next to her feeble father, John Wayfaring, she asked him this question: Dad, why did you give me the name Deborah, instead of one of the oldest children, George, Benjamin, or Marjorie?

Even though John Wayfaring only had a third-grade education, he was a smart man. He made sure each of his eighteen children had a top education, which gave him the greatest joy. All of his life, he worked hard from sunup to sunset as a sharecropper. When that ended, he made a living as an off-season carpenter, and as a fish guide. And being an incredible jack-of-all-trades, he also took on many odd jobs in the neighborhood to provide a good living for his huge family. John’s carpentry skills came in handy because, as he and Elizabeth increased their family’s size, he added more rooms to their small dwelling place.

That being said, his dark brown eyes stared back at Deborah with a perplexed look on his face. John was not able to articulate an answer to Deborah’s question in a way that was suitable for her. For, one day, her life’s greatest adventure would require the right answers. However, at that time, she accepted his answer, thinking she would get another opportunity to pursue it. Sadly, shortly after Deborah had returned to Taylorsville University, John Wayfaring passed away that same month in February 1974. There was no chance for her to ever again question him.

Always sensing and feeling something different for her future, it was not an unreasonable or wrong question to ask John Wayfaring. Nor would she easily give up; she would chase it until she found the right, suitable answers. After all, for some reason, her dad and mom bestowed this dominant name to the child they thought worthy to carry it. Besides, at the time of birth, they must have seen something different or special about this child, which prompted them to give her this illustrious name, Deborah.

History points out that wearing the right name links you to esteem or notoriety. Therefore, Deborah had to know the truth, and she would not give up until she got all the right answers. Your name also links you to fame and fortune. The wrong name can link you to hardship, deprivation, and poverty. A name determines how well you rank in society. A name can lift you up or tear you down, as with Jabez.¹ A name suggests greatness or worthlessness. A name can put you in the face of great men and women, or it can close doors in your face. A name can also take you places or block your path.

Deborah was a freshman in college, and amazingly, she was on winter break from the university. Therefore, she was that sibling who spent some of the last days with her father, John Wayfaring, before he passed away. Right when Deborah had planned on returning to Taylorsville University, a bad storm hit and crippled the state of Ohio and all of the East Coast. As a result, all flights were canceled—arriving and departing from Columbia, South Carolina. She had no choice but to be still and enjoy her free time and remaining days with her father.

And now, after being away for over forty years, working, traveling, and putting her fingerprints on the city of Annapolis, Deborah moved back to South Carolina, where her undetermined future began. Deborah realized this same question she had asked her father was still fresh in her mind, but it would have been an impossible question for her mother, Elizabeth Wayfaring, who had Alzheimer’s disease, to articulate. Nevertheless, she gave it a try.

She simplified the questions as one trying to explain something to a baby. She asked, Mom, do you know why you and Dad named me Deborah? What does Deborah mean to you? Does my name mean anything different to you? You know, like, am I supposed to do something different in my life?

Sadly, Elizabeth Wayfaring didn’t remember who Deborah was, let alone what her daughter’s name meant. It was very difficult for Deborah to vocalize everything she now faced. At that moment, Deborah was shocked to find out the severity of her mom’s affliction. Elizabeth now suffered with a severe case of Alzheimer’s disease. Deborah wondered, how did this woman, my mother, who was the smartest person I knew as a child, get to this condition? After working all day in the fields, Mom would come home and fix dinner. Afterward, she would assist all the children with their homework. That work earned us an A or a B. My admiration for how smart she was always made me want to be just like her. She knew all fifty states, all of South Carolina’s counties, the original thirteen colonies, the Gettysburg Address, and many other historical events. It was awesome!

In addition, she participated in our afterschool and day-school activities, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, and May Day programs. Wrapping up the Maypole celebration took place on the first day of May, a traditional fun festival at my grade school. She attended all my parent-teacher conferences. But now, she can’t even remember my name.

When Deborah’s siblings asked her to move to South Carolina and take care of their mom, they didn’t convey the seriousness of Elizabeth’s condition. And now it had become a guessing game of who among the remaining fourteen children would inherit the dreadful disease. Consequently, finding answers to Deborah’s dilemmas was no longer a priority. She would tackle the subject at a later date. Instead, she now wanted answers to how her mother had gotten that way. And how many years had she suffered with Alzheimer’s disease? Most importantly, she wanted to help her mother regain some sense of normality in her life; some everyday functions, some communication skills, and some reasonable conversations took precedence.

On the other hand, Deborah could not dismiss all those puzzling questions that kept nagging at her. She tried to think of which family members left alive could answer her ambiguous questions. Most of her uncles and aunts, who might have known why her parents gave her that great name, had already passed away.

Howbeit, the Bible, the best-selling book of all times, is informative, lifesaving, and it enlightens. It is a very successful reference tool, which pointed her in the right direction. This awesome Bible records the history and genealogy of this awesome world God created. Incredibly, on Deborah’s Bible train quest, she traveled through the pages of time. And it provided her some positive results. On that historical ride through the Bible, in the story of Deborah and Barak, she found much compelling evidence which shed light in her darkness.

In particular, one extraordinary passage in the book of Judges 4:8–10 reveals an enthralling conversation between Barak and Deborah.

It reads, And Barak said unto her, if thou wilt go with me, then I will go, but if thou wilt not go with me, then I will not go. And she said, I will surely go with thee: notwithstanding the journey that thou takes shall not be for thine honour; for the Lord shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose and went with Barak to Kedesh. And Barak called Zebulun and Naphtali to Kedesh, and he went up with ten thousand men at his feet: and Deborah went up with him.²

This verse is an impressive description of a strong, powerful woman and the role she played in biblical history, when for the most part, women were in the background and the Scriptures spotlighted God’s great men. However, there are still many great women in the Bible who the Scriptures highlight, including Ruth, Esther, Rahab, Mary, and Elizabeth, for example.

In the Hebrew language, Deborah means bee. To illustrate my point, bees are a key to our economic system, our prosperity. A bee represents the wise use of nature through pollination. No doubt, in comparison, at the time, Deborah was the key to Israel’s well-being and great victory over a heathen nation, which was now in control of some of God’s vital resources. Deborah was fierce and courageous, and she judged the children of Israel. She broke outside her culture’s box and performed extraordinary feats.

It seemed as though Barak had confidence that he would win the battle against King Jabin and his great army with Deborah by his side. But without her, he would experience severe causalities. Truthfully, I believe Deborah had so much faith that she would find grace in God’s sight, and she would defend her country from Jabin’s army. How did this woman, who had never been in battle, gain so much confidence and courage?

In a world where men are the kingpins and dominant force, I was captivated by this biblical chapter. Why did Deborah endanger herself so that she could help Barak win the battle? Was it that unselfish love for her people? Was she so confident in God’s love for her? Did she know all the right moves and techniques? Had she learned some strategic techniques from her husband, Lapidoth? Or was all that power and maneuverability a badass girl’s thing?

Deborah confided to herself, that passage alone gave me more faith and courage to triumph over anything that had previously blocked my way to success. Knowing about this great woman, I will not settle for anything less. After all, if she did it, why can’t I do it with God on my side? He is still the same God today, as He was yesterday, and as He will be the same God tomorrow.

And now that she had spoken those words, every fiber of her body—and even the atmosphere—had to line up with the greatness inside of her. Just reading the pages of the Bible brought life to the incalculable.

Additionally, many years ago, Deborah mentioned that a friend had given her a bookmark that read, Deborah means one who is courageous. Now, the atmosphere gave witness to the hypothesis surrounding her name.

Numerous pieces of that colossal puzzle have appeared in her path as she searched for clues and answers. However, to know the preeminence in her name, she could not force the pieces, because forced pieces will always cause problems later in life. Instead, she had to put each piece, whenever it appeared, in the right place before leaving planet Earth.

Unfortunately, sometimes, those pieces will pass authenticity, but God is the only one who knows and can provide the right answers, and He will reveal the truth at the appointed time.

Deborah’s parents also gave her a middle name, Ann, and it is also a great name. I often wondered about that middle name. Did they know at the time that it also had great importance?

Information I researched on the Internet showed that Ann means grace. Grace was the mother of Mary, who was the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus. Ann was the most widely used name during the biblical era.

Oh, wow! Let me put those pieces together. To me, all of those findings translated into this: Deborah is a biblical name which means winner of great battles, and a beautiful friend who is filled with grace.

Furthermore, when one reads the Bible story of Deborah, there can be no doubt in your mind that the connotation suggests extraordinary power, explaining why Barak wanted her to go to the battlefield with him.

Many patriots named their children for what they were destined to become in biblical history. As a result, some of them became great warriors, dukes, princes, and kings of nations, and some performed extraordinary feats in the Old and New Testaments.

Jacob’s name was later changed to Israel after he wrestled during the night with a man/angel of God, and he told him he would not let him go until he blessed him.³ Therefore, many of his children were prime examples of greatness.

Yet, some of the patriot’s children were evildoers, rebellious, and destroyers of the grand plan God had set for their lives. They refused to obey His commands for their extraordinary future.

So, Deborah spoke, I want to be able to share the massiveness in my name with the world. I want to accomplish amazing feats so that the world can see that my name means something astonishing! I want to use the power in my name to distribute those blessings to humankind.

Because of that, a few years ago, Deborah started searching to get some answers to those puzzling questions. She aspired to live up to