A Perfect Heresy

By Courtney Maguire

Dystopian science fiction perfect for fans of Ursula LeGuin's Left Hand of Darkness and The Hunger Games.

 

The City was prosperous once, a beautiful utopia made up of perfect people unplagued by disease or infirmity, existing under the benevolent eyes of the Mother. Its high walls guarded it from the ugliness of the world, making it possible for its Citizens to live by the Mother's will.

 

But then, the Outsiders rebelled.

 

Tired of being oppressed and exploited by the City for their resources, a Resistance rose up against the City's rule, attacking its soldiers and drawing them into a genocidal war in which there were no winners. Jax, once a City soldier, now a Heretic, is just trying to make xyr way home when xe meets Koi, a sick Outsider in search of xyr last remaining family, a sibling abducted by City soldiers. Jax's fragile faith will be tested once again as their journey to the City center exposes truths neither of them were prepared for. Can two people from opposite sides of the wall help each other find what they're looking for?

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Courtney Maguire
• Release date: Jun 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798987462935

Book preview

PROLOGUE

In the time before time, there was only the earth, the sky, and the Mother. The Mother walked the Earth and trees sprung from the footprints left behind. The air was silent, so the Mother created birds that filled it with song. The forest was empty, so the Mother created animals to fill it with life. Every creature was made in pairs. One bore the fruit, the other the seed, and only when they came together did new life spring forth.

Though the birds of the sky and the creatures of the forest were beautiful, they didn’t think or speak. So out of loneliness, the Mother created the People. The People were also created in pairs, the fruit and the seed, and they were perfect. They were more like the Mother both in form and intelligence than anything created before. They built great civilizations that filled the Mother with awe, created art and music to please the Mother’s eyes and ears, and built monuments to show their love. And the Mother loved them in kind, more than any other creature on the Earth.

But unlike the animals of the Earth, the People began to fight. The seed-bearers killed each other for their wealth, which they wore like a peacock wears its feathers. Those that bore the fruit accepted only the most colorful display. The Mother wept as great civilizations destroyed each other and monuments burned, the People’s love forgotten and replaced by greed.

The Mother was angry, angry enough to wipe the People from the earth. How could they squander the gifts they’d been given? How could they use their great intellect to create wonders only to burn them in pursuit of their selfish urges?

But then, the Mother heard a song from one of the burnt monuments. A child appeared, sweeping up ash and soot with a broken broom, wiping the charred altar with a cloth stained black. Xyr voice lifted in praise and the Mother felt once again the love of the People. They were not all lost after all.

And so, the Mother tried again. Late at night, while the moon was high and bright in the sky, the Mother passed a hand over the People as they slept. What was two became one, the pair became whole, resembling the Mother now more than ever before. The Mother found the child sleeping on the steps of the monument and whispered in xyr ear.

You have no more reason to fight, no more reason to fear, for you are now perfect, the Voice said. You who have never forgotten my love will carry my Voice to the People. Tell them to rejoice, to rebuild their great City in my name, and as long as they never forget the gifts they were given, I will bring them peace and prosperity everlasting.

The sun rose and the People rose with it, finding themselves changed. The child conveyed the Mother’s words to them from the steps of the monument and they fell onto their knees in gratitude, vowing to no longer seek self-gratification but only the perfection that so pleased the Mother. They rebuilt their City with the monument at its center.

CHAPTER 1

THE OUTSIDER AND THE HERETIC

It’s funny how something that was once a symbol of oppression can turn into a coveted commodity, an irony that never escaped Koi as xe passed up rows of canned goods, toiletries, and various dust-covered luxuries on xyr way to the dispensary tucked in the back of a ruined storehouse. Faded ration tickets crumpled under xyr feet, and metal shelving loomed in the dimness like the bones of a great beast, all but picked clean by scavengers. Koi remembered coming to this place as a child, remembered the City Soldiers in their black uniforms scowling down their noses as they gathered their meager rations or stood in line at the dispensary for the medications vital to their survival. Xe saw them as gods and in practice, they weren’t far off, cold and omnipotent and untouchable.

A familiar dread curled in Koi’s stomach as the dirty glass partition came into view. Xe pictured the sour-faced Citizen that used to stand there, could practically hear the distinct rattle of pills in bottles. The City’s gift to the Rim. How many would xe get this time? Would they be there at all or would xe be turned away with an unfeeling wave of a hand? Medications were always the first thing to go, the first thing they threatened when quotas weren’t met.

The Fall changed everything. A long period of drought meant crops died in the fields and factories didn’t run. But the gods in their City must have their offerings. The inability to meet the City’s demands led to further oppression and eventual rebellion, and the gods sealed the walls of their great City. Nothing went in and nothing came out. But the City depended on the Rim for raw materials as much as the Rim depended on the City for their products. So now they both starved, too stubborn or too broken to do anything else.

Koi swiped at the sheen of sweat forming on xyr brow as xe slipped around the partition and pulled open cabinets and drawers, one after another, tossing the unwanted contents onto the floor. Xe’d been lucky up to now, managing to find what xe needed but xyr luck was running thin. Xyr stash had run out and the ache in xyr chest grew by the day. Xe couldn’t read, but xe was sure xe would recognize the shape of the word when xe saw it. Xe squinted at labels, pushing through the pain and ignoring the shortness of breath that made xyr head light and xyr vision blur.

Xe could have wept when xe found the little white bottle tucked in the back corner of a cabinet behind stacks of office supplies. Pushing a strand of white-blond hair behind xyr ear, xe wrapped xyr delicate hands around the bottle, clutching it to xyr chest. Xe tore the bottle open and poured its contents into xyr palm. Five pale blue pills about the size of a pinhead. Enough to get xem through another week at most.

Well, aren’t you a pretty one.

Koi jumped at the sound of a baritone voice. Xe spun around, back pressed to the glass cabinets behind xem to find a tall, barrel-chested man blocking the entrance. A Citizen. Xe could tell by xyr posture. Head high, back straight like one who had never carried the weight of not knowing where xyr next meal would come from or where xe would find a bed for the night. From the looks of xem xe’d given up little more than a regular shave even after the Fall. They were venturing out here more and more, anxious to steal whatever they could use but ignorant to what was truly valuable.

My knapsack is over there, Koi said, pointing a trembling finger toward a tattered canvas bag in the corner. Take whatever you want.

The Citizen sneered and licked xyr lips as xe raked xyr eyes over the little Outsider’s long, lean body. Koi pressed xemself even harder into the cabinets, praying xe would somehow melt into them as the Citizen snatched up xyr bag and rifled through it. Containers fashioned from tin cans and filled with foraged vegetables clanked against the concrete floor, along with plastic water bottles, crinkled and thin from use. Xyr scowl deepened as xe turned the bag inside out and shook until it was empty.

Where’s the rest? xe snarled.

That’s all I have—

You lie, Outsider! The Citizen’s hand shot out and snatched Koi by xyr high ponytail and spun xem around, slamming xem face first into the cabinets. Xyr vision blurred with the force of the blow. Xyr precious medication scattered across the floor and the glass case shattered, cutting xyr cheek and xyr hands as xe scrambled for purchase. The Citizen pressed xyr body against Koi’s back, pouring stinking hot breath into the crook of xyr neck.

Tears poured down Koi’s face, burning across the cut on xyr cheek. I swear on the Mother’s name—

Now you blaspheme? the Citizen spat, xyr words thick with disgust. You really are no better than animals. I should kill you and line my boots with your hide.

Please, Koi whimpered. Xyr vision darkened around the edges and xe squeezed xyr eyes closed. Please, spare me.

All at once, the Citizen’s hand disappeared, xyr hot presence against Koi’s back with it, followed by a crash and a string of curses. Koi crumpled against the case as a second person appeared between xem and xyr attacker, brandishing a wooden bat. The Citizen, having been thrown to the floor, scrambled to xyr feet, face flushed and eyes wide. With a feral roar, xe threw xemself at xyr assailant. The newcomer was smaller but strong, xyr leonine frame packed with hard, lean muscle that pulled tight like rubber bands.

The Citizen caught the newcomer’s bat across the chest and they both went tumbling backward through the dispensary door and into the warehouse. The squealing crash of metal shelving and a flat, wet-sounding thud echoed off the concrete. Koi stood frozen in the silence that followed, eyes pinned to the door. Xe pressed xyr fingers to xyr sternum as if to still xyr pounding heart.

Breathe, Koi.

Koi jumped back when the newcomer’s head appeared in the doorway, xyr long, black hair tousled and falling in xyr eyes. Xe leaned for a moment on the door jam, breathing heavily, before raising hard black eyes.

You okay?

Koi pulled back tighter against the cabinets, hands clutched in the hem of xyr shirt.

I’m not here to hurt you. The dark-haired Citizen leaned xyr bat against the wall and took a step away from it.

Tears burned the little Outsider’s eyes. In a mad burst of panic, xe dropped to the floor and swept xyr hands along the baseboards in search of xyr dropped pills, coming up with only two and a handful of blue dust. From five down to two. A week cut down to a day.

The newcomer watched in relative disinterest, xyr hard expression never changing. The toe of xyr boot knocked against something hollow and xe bent to pluck the little white bottle off the floor. Xyr eyes flicked across the label, the corners of xyr mouth pulling down even lower, before holding it out to Koi.

Koi stared at the newcomer’s hand, dirty and stained with something dark. Xyr stomach lurched as xe noticed the bat colored with a splash of blood. The stranger jerked xyr hand back and scrubbed it on the leg of xyr pants, expression hardening. The muscles in xyr jaw rippled and something caught the light as xe turned to walk away. A flash of sapphire in a cloud of black. A gold earring set with a bright blue stone hung from xyr left ear, swinging lightly as xe moved.

You’re Citizen, too, aren’t you? Koi asked, wiping xyr eyes.

Does it matter anymore?

Of course it matters. Koi stood up and puffed out xyr small chest and gestured defiantly to xyr spilled bag. Take whatever you want. With my gratitude.

The Citizen’s sharp features twisted into a scowl. It’ll be dark soon. You should patch yourself up and find a place to hide.

Koi’s chest tightened as the Citizen retrieved xyr bat and walked away. Hide? Where could xe possibly hide? More and more Citizens made their way past the Wall every day, eager to pry what little Outsiders had left from their hands. The one that attacked xem may have been dealt with, but what about the next one? The one after that?

Citizen, wait! Without thinking, Koi dashed out the dispensary door, almost immediately tripping over the feet of xyr attacker sprawled across the floor in a darkening pool of blood. The other had stopped to pick at the cans of food littering the shelf, pausing only briefly at Koi’s appearance before returning to squinting xyr already narrow eyes at a can of creamed corn. Koi shuffled on xyr rear away from the dead body, xyr stomach lodged firmly in xyr throat.

Please. Citizen—

Jax, xe said, dropping the can of corn into a duffle bag at xyr hip.

What?

As opposed to Citizen.

Oh… Koi pulled xemself to xyr feet, rolling xyr hands in the hem of xyr shirt, xyr lip pulled firmly between xyr teeth.

Did you need something?

Koi’s heart flopped around inside xyr ribcage. Xe didn’t want Jax’s help. Didn’t want to be anywhere near xem, but xyr recent attack had left xem shaken. Koi looked at xyr feet and Jax released an exasperated sigh. Dropping a few more cans in xyr sack, xe turned xyr back on the Outsider and moved away with long strides. Koi lost xem for a moment as xe disappeared down a far aisle, only to yelp in surprise when xe reemerged beside xem, hands full of gauze and antiseptic ointment.

Well, come on, xe said, giving xem a nudge with xyr elbow. There’s gotta be a storeroom or something we can lock you up in.

CHAPTER 2

BLUE LIGHT

Koi and Jax sat on a pair of overturned mop buckets in what was once a janitor’s closet. Koi sat with xyr arms wrapped tight around xyr abdomen as Jax laid out the supplies at xyr feet in a neat row: a clean cloth, bottle of water, antiseptic wipes, bandages. Xe pulled off a few pre-measured strips of cloth tape, tearing them between xyr teeth and sticking one end to xyr thigh. All so precise, methodical. Koi’s eyes tracked xyr movements, watching the little blue stone swing from xyr ear, casting spots of blue light on the walls.

Xe noticed everything about Jax. The way xyr straight, black hair curled only where it touched xyr collarbone. The faint pinkish purple of a fresh bruise forming just under xyr collar. The way xyr thin cotton shirt stretched over xyr back as xe bent to retrieve the cloth. Koi hugged xemself tighter as Jax dampened the cloth with the water, clear rivulets making their way down xyr olive-skinned forearms and dripping from xyr elbows.

Give me your arm. Koi jumped at the sound of Jax’s voice, ripping xyr eyes away from xem and swallowing hard. Come on, I won’t bite you.

Xe reluctantly unwound xyr arms, exposing a long, ugly slice down the inside of xyr right forearm. Jax cupped xyr hand around xyr elbow, sending tendrils of warmth across xyr skin as xe gently dabbed at the blood drying around the wound.

What are the pills for? xe asked without looking up from xyr work.

Doesn’t matter. Koi bounced the two remaining pills in the palm of xyr free hand before popping them in xyr mouth. They’re gone.

Is that…bad?

Koi huffed. It’s not good. A hard silence fell between them, and Koi chewed xyr lip. Why are you helping me?

Why wouldn’t I? Jax answered.

You’re a Citizen.

Are you judging me for where I was born, Outsider?

Technically, we were born in the same place.

Jax’s expression twisted, xyr lips pursed as if tasting something bitter. Xe slapped the last piece of tape roughly across the bandage and pushed Koi’s arm away. Koi’s chest tightened as Jax gathered up the remaining supplies and stuffed them into xyr bag, standing and kicking the bucket back into the corner.

You’re leaving? Jax didn’t answer, the lines of xyr body pulled hard and jagged as xe reached for the door. Koi stood, toppling over xyr bucket and sending it rolling across the floor. I don’t understand. Xyr muscles twitched with shots of adrenaline, xyr small fists bunching at xyr hips. What was the point of all this if you’re just going to leave?

You’re not afraid I’ll use your skin for my boots? xe shot back in a mocking tone.

So, you’re just going to pen me up in here like an animal? Xyr voice shook and eyes welled with bitter tears. "That’s all we are to you, isn’t it, Citizen? Workhorses and breeding stock—"

Watch your mouth, Outsider, Jax growled, xyr easy demeanor giving way to something darker. You asked for my help. If you can’t trust me, then—

Why should I trust you? Koi took a step forward, fueled by bitterness. After watching Citizen soldiers march into the Rim, first with cattle prods and tranquilizers, then with bullets—

Stop, Jax hissed through clenched teeth, squeezing xyr eyes shut as if xe could see the scenes xe described projected on the little Outsider’s face.

Watching them herd us like cattle into the market square only to poison us with gas. Xyr voice cracked and the tears that had been quivering on xyr lashes fell down xyr cheeks. Xyr blood felt hot, boiling, turned to steam, years of rage making xem scream like an overheated tea kettle.

Jax’s eyes snapped open, flashing with a fire so hot it made Koi jump back. Ignorant, ungrateful Outsider, xe snarled, grabbing xem by the arms and pushing xem backward. Koi yelped as xyr body was pinned against the wall beneath the weight of the Citizen. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You throw curses and accusations at me and you have no idea—

Jax’s rant halted abruptly, as if the words stuck in xyr throat, and xyr wild-eyed rage morphed into a deep pain. Xyr grip on Koi loosened, xyr whole body sinking as if under an unbearable weight. Xyr head practically fell onto Koi’s shoulder and once again, xe became too aware of Jax’s nearness. Koi’s heart knocked against xyr ribcage and xe felt Jax’s knocking back. Xyr head filled with the smell of xem spicy like nutmeg and ginger. That blue light swung like a forbidden treasure from xyr ear.

Jax lifted xyr head, eyes hazy, and with a twitch, xe pulled away. Xe took two quick steps back, hands trembling as xe raked them through xyr hair. Weak-kneed, gasping, Koi grabbed onto the nearby shelving to keep from falling to the floor.

Jax cleared xyr throat, shoulders dropping as xe picked up xyr things and shuffled toward the door. I’ll keep watch tonight. Just…try to get some sleep.

The door clicked shut and Koi released the sob caught in xyr chest. Xe allowed xyr knees to buckle, sliding down to the floor. Even after a lifetime in the Rim, subject to the whim of the Citizens, xe had never felt so out of control. So angry and confused. Jax had done nothing but try to help xem and instead of thanking xem, xe had held xem responsible for the atrocities of xyr cohorts. Koi groaned and hugged xyr knees as xyr heart rattled in xyr chest once again.

He shook the thought from xyr head, chalking up the strange rhythm of xyr heart to going too long without being properly medicated. Xe didn’t even know this person, knew nothing about xem beyond xyr social class. Xe took a series of long, deep breaths, in through xyr nose, out through xyr mouth. Xe needed to calm down. Xe needed sleep. Mostly, xe needed to stop worrying about the Citizen standing outside the door.

CHAPTER 3

FIRST WATCH

Shit, this was a bad idea.

Jax eased the door closed behind xem and leaned back heavily upon it, xyr body still reeling from the wild swing of emotions brought on by the Outsider’s accusations. Xe shouldn’t have come here. Should have minded xyr own business when xe heard the commotion from inside the dispensary. Hadn’t xe learned by now that helping Outsiders brought nothing but trouble? But leaving someone to be preyed upon by jackals just wasn’t in xyr nature. If xe had, xe would be no better than the dead man leaking on the tile beside xem. Okay, fair enough. But the threat had been dealt with, the attacker sent to hell where xe belonged. The Outsider was safe, at least for the time being. Why did xe stay?

Jax slid down into a seated position and reached into xyr duffle. Xe drew out a stub of candle xe’d pilfered from…somewhere along with a pack of matches and a small medallion on a chain just big enough to press between xyr fingers. With a breath to clear xyr head, xe set the candle before xem and wrapped the chain around xyr hand until the medallion sat against xyr palm. Xe struck a match and lifted it to the sky, the words of the old prayers perched on xyr lips.

What’s the use? You don’t hear me anymore.

Jax shook the match out just as the flame licked at xyr fingertips and pressed the heels of xyr hands against xyr eyes. The word heretic spun through xyr mind and tightened around xyr heart sharp as barbed wire. Xe needed the Mother’s guidance but to ask for it felt like further insult.

It was because of that Outsider xe was in such a twist. Xe’d found a kind of peace with xyr place among the fallen, untrusted by one side, unwanted by the other. But for some reason, this Outsider’s bitterness, while not unearned, cut deep. It angered xem, lighting a fire so hot xe’d nearly lost control of it. Xe had half a mind to sneak off in the night after the Outsider had fallen asleep. But those eyes, those watery blue eyes, haunted xem hard with stubborn determination, but so innocent and so very, very afraid.

That soft heart of yours will serve you poorly.

Jax snorted at the sound of Tilly’s voice in xyr head. Xe saw the moment clear as a movie screen. Jax had laid xyr head on xyr partner’s shoulder, mentally and physically exhausted from xyr latest trip to the Rim, mind a jumble of confused thoughts. Tilly just smiled and kissed xem on the end of xyr nose. Everything was as it was meant to be. It was the will of the Mother. There was no use fretting over it.

Tilly never fretted over anything. Xe was an Escort by caste, bred for beauty and poise and had therefore led a life of privilege. Xe could have lived in the Center, doing little more than attending social events and making public appearances on the arm of a General, but xe chose Jax and a slightly less affluent existence in the Inner Circle, a reality that sometimes made xem prickle with guilt. Jax was simple, a soldier bred for strength and loyalty, and while xe enjoyed no less privilege, xe was keenly more aware of the price. A price carried largely on the backs of the Outsiders.

Xyr mind pulled once again to the one behind the door. Though it provided most of the raw materials and resources the City needed to survive, the Rim was little more than a slum. Clusters of small, drafty homes with few comforts bordered by farmland, belching factories, and iron-rich hills dotted with mines. Jax absently ran a finger over the shell of xyr ear and touched the bauble hanging from xyr lobe. Xe imagined the little Outsider pulling the stone out of the ground, xyr marble-white skin black with soot. Every luxury the Citizens enjoyed started there and yet they thought of them as lower beings, if they thought of them at all, speaking of them with condescension and disgust. Not one of them stopped to think about how they were one unfavorable mutation away from being in the dirt beside them.

Jax pushed xemself away from the door and onto xyr feet with a groan. Xyr whole body ached, thoughts of Tilly and a more generalized Citizen guilt souring in xyr muscles and making xem feel bruised. Xe needed to move. Night was closing in fast. Xe took quick stock of xyr surroundings: a small, rectangular space of about five hundred square feet, tightly packed with shelving and only one door. Not xyr favorite scenario. If anyone came poking around, they’d be cornered.

Xe frowned down at the corpse at xyr feet, poking at the tender spot on xyr collarbone. A repeat of earlier events