The Family Flame

By Deanna Harper

A riveting and page-turning story of survival and of experience. A heartfelt emotional rollercoaster you won't be able to put down. From childhood experiences being the middle daughter of an exotic dancer to Milton Hershey School in my formative years and experiencing an entire new way of life. From there to the military where I deployed with the Tenth Mountain Division, there is an array of detailed imagery in which describe the heart-wrenching emotions of war, rape, abuse, delusions, the backstabbing from a "family friend," and the loss of a child to the foster care system as well as the new addition we were not expecting. The story is not over, this is the beginning, and where it goes is filled with deep emotion and intrigue. Poetry and narratives immerse the reader with gratitude, faith, hope, and a fresh new perspective, but most importantly redemption. This incredible story will have you on the edge of your seat. Sit back and explore a chaotic war of love and loss.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 3, 2023
• ISBN: 9798888328040

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The Family Flame

Deanna Harper

ISBN 979-8-88832-803-3 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88832-804-0 (digital)

Copyright © 2023 by Deanna Harper

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

References

About the Author

My mother laid the foundation for my life. She was murdered in 1998 on Fifth Street in Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania. As an exotic dancer, she slept with her clients and partook in various drugs while I sat in the car and waited for her to return from a night of work. She was constantly in and out of abusive relationships, the unfavorable effects of which often bled into my childhood. My sister and I never knew whether we were enough, and we never understood what was or was not our fault. The beatings we received suggested that we fell short—that most things were, in fact, our fault. Until I had my own children, I truly thought this treatment was love. Now I understand the difference, and I protect my own with the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cubs. I vowed to myself that I would not turn into my mother, and in stepping away from the detrimental flames of cyclical abuse, I managed to kindle my own fire for my children—one to keep them safe and warm. I stepped up and promised to be better.

My primary objective is to be a nurturing, sober, and understanding mother to my children while I live every day for them. I would like to say that I have always been this way, but I have not. I had my daughter when I was in the military, and I was not being treated for PTSD at the time, so I continually recycled the same violence I experienced as a child. However, I began treatment in 2016 after having a schizoaffective episode on our very own Bloomsburg University Campus. While this would spur a difficult road to recovery for myself and my daughter, I have taken essential steps that have made a world of difference. For instance, I breathe a deep breath when my daughter upsets me, which helps center my anger before I act. I also maintain a mental image of ideal outcomes in any given situation, so I act according to these ideal circumstances and, therefore, practice positive parenting to achieve the best possible outcomes. I avoid violence, and if I feel like I am being triggered, I breathe in fresh air and smoke my medical marijuana to calm down and revisit the issue.

For as long as I can remember, I wanted a family and children. My first marriage only lasted for three short years; it was the most promiscuous and tumultuous relationship I have ever experienced. From naked card games to threesomes, wild, drunken sex was the basis of my life with Derek. My daughter was only two months old when they deployed me to Iraq; I was still breastfeeding, yet this other life overtook everything. For six months, I longed to hold her, kiss her, support her, and fuel her development. It was not until after I came home that I noticed she was not walking, crawling, or behaving with self-sufficiency. She did not want me to hold her because I was unfamiliar to her. Although we used Skype consistently while I was away, she no longer needed me, and that broke me emotionally and mentally.

I decided to move to El Paso, Texas. Her father hadn't changed, and I had had enough of his unstable lifestyle. Although I sent him off to live with his mother in Alabama with my beautiful daughter, I quickly began to file for divorce and fight for full custody. I was granted both in 2009, and I went to retrieve my daughter. Up until five years ago, when my son was born, it was just my daughter and me. I still feel as though I gave birth to her only yesterday. I have since strived to rebuild our fractured relationship. Now that she is a teenager, I do not feel as wanted or needed as I once was. But she still longs to hear stories and have discussions that will help her mature and grow into a wonderful young lady, and I happily oblige. My goal is for her to grow up respectful, conducting herself with morality and compassion. I want her to know I only have her best interests at heart, and I hope she understands where I come from as a parent. I hope she listens to me yet holds enough knowledge to conduct herself intellectually. In order to facilitate these qualities, I provide a comfortable familial atmosphere for her by listening to her problems without judgment and offering her advice whether she wants to hear it or not. She can take the advice, or she can learn the hard way. It is her choice. Generally, I try to put myself in her shoes to understand the problems she faces. I believe this is essential in making her feel heard and understood,