A Reckoning: The Reason Black Men and Black Women Cannot Get Married or Stay Married

By Delores Allison

Black men have been complaining about black women for decades. They've accused black women of everything - from not being supportive of their wants and desires, to not being feminine - all while not being good protectors or providers. Delores Allison has compiled her research and data to prove that no matter where they go, or who they date and marry, black men continue to fail in their relationships.
Although black men spend a disproportionate amount of time complaining about them, the same could not be said for black women. As a matter of fact, black women have much better success rates when they date and marry men of other groups! Who knew? This is a long-awaited topic that will hopefully lead to a much deeper and broader discussion between black men and women.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 3, 2023
• ISBN: 9781667894676

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© 2023 Delores Allison

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Print ISBN: 978-1-66789-466-9

eBook ISBN: 978-1-66789-467-6

A discussion waiting to be had by intelligent Black people desiring to get married

Table of Contents

Preface

Prologue

1985 The beginning of the end of the Black community

2017 - Until Now The age of YouTube

Dear Black Content Creators

CANNOT

Mr. and Ms. Wrong for You

Choosing partners for Courtships

How to treat each other during the Marriage

A synopsis of the following Information:

Final Thoughts

Preface

The reason I decided to author this book was thanks to a close family member sending me video clips from YouTube. Video clips of different young men, some not so young, a couple of them my age and older, complaining about women—black women, feminists, women in America, etc.

I couldn’t help but ask, Where in the world are they meeting these women? They were complaining about women not being able to cook, women not willing to cook if they knew how, and women not wanting to clean their homes. They were complaining about women having tattoos, women wearing wigs and weaves, and women’s behaviors. If there was a woman on the scene, there was a problem with her in one way or two.

I began thinking, If he is watching this stuff, who else is viewing this content? So I decided to ask around, starting with none other than my brother-in-law. He filled me in on lots of different information, including the ideology coming from black YouTube as a whole. How these guys were thinking when it came to dating, marriage, and a bunch of other different topics.

After speaking with my brother-in-law, I decided to talk to others in my family, including my nieces and nephews. I was hoping they could lend their perspectives on what was happening, being that YouTube is more geared toward millennials and Generation Z. Although everyone I spoke to watched YouTube, everyone watched different content creators. I had no idea that YouTube had grown to the platform it is today. There are entire short film productions on YouTube, which was quite impressive from when I first discovered it back in 2005.

The most popular subject on YouTube, after various ways to make money, is dating. I saw black men complaining about black women and their small pool of dating options as it applied to dating and marriage. After watching different video content, it seemed most men on YouTube were complaining about their small pool of good women.

The one common denominator among most content creators was feminism. The white guys were blaming American feminists for their dating issues. Black men blamed feminism, black women, the government, and everything else they could for their dating and marriage issues, which caused me to ask the question, When did black men become so marriage-minded?

As I discussed with my brother-in-law, the men who are out there, still single and never married, over the age of 40, deserve exactly what they got! No one to live with and share their lives with. No children to share their old war stories with and pass on a legacy to, if any, much less grandchildren! These men lived in an era where it was easy to date. It’s no one’s fault but theirs that they chose to sleep around with as many women as possible, instead of trying to find a good marriage mate. They weren’t looking for good marriage companions. While of marriageable age, between 22 and 26 for Generation X and between 18 and 22 for the baby boom generation, they should have made better choices. So, shame on them. Too bad. Who cares?

In the mid-90s, when I was thinking about marriage and starting a family, there were few options for black women if they wanted to marry black men. I’ve always recalled white guys starting to look around for wives right around age 25, but black guys? Other than a small percentage of them, marriage was something they put off until they went to jail or until they had some illness. Unless he was involved with a religious group, the subject of marriage didn’t come up.

We also have issues with black women. Yes, black women! There’s lots of complaining about not being able to find marriage-minded men or men who qualify for marriage. All while having children with these same men. There are too many black women, starting in the late 70s until now, giving birth out of wedlock. If these men are good enough to lay up with, they’re good enough to shack up with. And if they’re good enough to shack up with, they’re good enough to marry! (As the old folks used to say.) It didn’t make sense to me or any of my associates. Of course, people can and will do whatever they please. But understand that once you’ve made a complete mess of your lives, no one has to show up with brooms and mops to help you clean up your mess. This goes for both men and women.

I had a conversation with my husband and others on my team about deviating from earlier writings to do the research and draft this book. Some of the information I wanted to write was going to be based on experiences involving my own life and that of family and friends. Then there was going to be other research that I had to do that included scientific studies and data. After doing the research, some of the information looked and sounded familiar. While other information was shocking! I was clueless about a lot of the information I was researching. Well, at least it shook what I had believed in some areas of life.

This book is for black men and black women looking to get married. As we’ve noticed, no matter how so-called angry white men and white women will get at each other, they usually come out on top. Not only financially but also as it applies to their relationships. Other groups of people also continue to have higher marriage rates than blacks. It is blacks, for whatever reasons, who usually finish last.

We respect everyone’s personal preferences. Again, if you would like to remain single, the information in this book is not for you. Something we would also like to take a moment to address is the fact that we’re not talking to every black man and woman. There is a substantial percentage of black people who need the information in this book in some way in their lives. But understand, as with anything, this book is not meant to be a solve-all. We understand that no two people or groups think exactly alike. We are addressing some disconcerting issues affecting the black community as they apply to dating and marriage.

We saw black men with passports saying that they are traveling to places such as the Dominican Republic, Brazil, Columbia, and other places in search of women. It appeared to us that no matter where these men landed in their search for love, they seemed to turn up empty. What I mean is that months and years later, they continue to be single. Not saying this to put anyone down, but it might be time to seek psychological help. There’s nothing wrong with doing the work.

No matter who they marry, black men don’t appear to stay married long enough to file for a marriage license. Although they complain about their relationships with black women, they get along better with black women than they do with women of other colors. (This is according to years of research and data, not my opinion.)

As it goes for black women. It was difficult to find content creators who said they were traveling the world in search of husbands. All the same, there’s nothing wrong with getting help before going into a relationship that leads to marriage. It is with these thoughts in mind that I decided to write this book.

Although I wrote this book with people ages 30 and older in mind, those of you who are north of 40 will find this subject a lot easier to digest. You will find that most, if not all, recommended changes are something you can at least tolerate. That is, if you’re willing to be honest and do the work. Not that this book can’t help those of you who are 29 and under. But your dating issues might stem from much larger problems, such as social awkwardness.

After all, it was your generations, the millennials and Generation Z, who grew up with technology and computers in their pockets in the form of phones. We understand how much online dating and other social media platforms contributed to your social deficits. It would better serve you all to learn to socialize and interact with people in person before dating. Both black men and black women will find the information in this book conducive to their dating and marital needs.

This is not a religious book. This information is for everyone struggling to understand relationships and marriage. Please read this information with an open mind. It is only then that you will discover a need to change and develop.

Prologue

The year was 2016, in beautiful southern California. I had decided to drive for Uber to make a little extra money. Our oldest son was graduating from high school this year, and I wanted to give him the extras that came with being a high school senior.

Could not help but notice

Like most married women my age, I was oblivious to the dating world around me. Coming and going, in and out of my car, single men by the droves. Night after night, from one club to the next. Party after party, back-to-back social scenes. Some handsome and well dressed. Some average and well dressed. No matter the situation, they seemed to come home as empty as when they left.

Friday Night

Three young white guys, appearing to range anywhere from 25 to about 28 in age, got into my car. Damn it! Said a young man as he slammed my front passenger car door. "Hey, careful there buddy! I said as the three of them got into the car after they had been drinking. Sorry, Allison. I’m so teed off. Okayyy? I spent the last two hours talking to this beautiful girl. I even bought her a couple of drinks. I thought the two of us were