New Address

By Sajesh Shakya

Adam has been struggling to make ends meet and cope with the trauma of his past. Living with his father, mother, and sister in a lower-middle class neighborhood, Adam's hatred for his cousin and uncle, the ones who have caused him so much pain, intensifies when they decide to move away. But when a new tenant, Howard, moves in, Adam is met with a conflict he never expected. As Howard interacts with Adam's sister, Kathy, and her mother, Helen, he finds himself becoming more and more attached to them. Little do they know of the feelings Howard is concealing and the danger it will bring to the family. 

In "New Address," readers are taken on a thrilling journey as they explore the dark depths of family trauma and secrets. If you enjoyed the heart-pounding suspense of "Gone Girl" or the exploration of family dynamics in "Where the Crawdads Sing," you'll love this gripping novel. Buy now before the price changes!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sajesh Shakya
• Release date: Jun 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223189374

Book preview

Sajesh Shakya

New Address

New Neighbor Triggers Past Trauma

First published by Sajesh Shakya 2023

Copyright © 2023 by Sajesh Shakya

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

Content Warning: This story contains scenes depicting abuse, murder, violence and sexual assault. The graphic nature of it may be triggering for some readers.

Discretion is advised.

First edition

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Contents

PROLOGUE

Part I

Howard

Adam

Howard

Adam

Howard

Adam

Howard

Adam

Howard

Adam

Howard

Adam

Howard

Adam

Part II

Howard

Adam

Howard

Adam

Howard

Part III

Helen

Adam

Helen

Part IV

Howard

Epilogue

A Note from the Author

PROLOGUE

Blood poured out of his busted lips and his bruised chin. From there, it traveled down to his chest, as young Adam tried to move his mouth away from under his cousin’s knee. He was a fat man, four inches or so shorter than Adam, but unlike him, much bigger, and for now, stronger.

He had used his strength and size against Adam many times before. The fat ass didn’t used to be this violent. That was because Adam was too naïve then to realize the difference between pranks and abuse.

Once Adam learned the difference, he started to fight back. His cousin took his retaliation as an excuse to cause harm. Fight fire with fire, fight slaps with punches and kicks. He used his weight as a weapon and sat on Adam or walked over him any chance he got. Sometimes, he jumped on him when he was distracted. As if barging in his room wasn’t uncomfortable enough.

Back then, Adam was skinny as a beanpole and not very strong, but he was fast. So, he used that to his advantage. Fat people were slow and took their time doing things—such as getting up off the ground. One of his knees was on Adam’s face, the other was on the floor balancing the rest of his body.

Adam had been on the living room couch when his cousin decided to jump on him and bury his knee in Adam’s face. He didn’t want to be in this apartment, but Dad was determined Adam was going to do things his way—whether he wanted to or not. Dad wanted his son to be a man and not a pussy that ran from a fight.

Adam kicked the one standing knee and as expected, his chubby cousin collapsed onto the floor. Adam took the opportunity to spit in his eyes and kick him in his face. Humpty Dumpty fell on his back. Before he could get up, Adam ran across the hallway to his apartment. Dad was across the living room playing cards with Uncle when the fat bastard had attacked Adam.

Adam didn’t ask Dad for help. He knew he wasn’t going to get any. Especially with Uncle sitting right next to him. Both playing the same old card game, with Uncle even wearing the same old green leather jacket. Dad would swallow a stranger’s semen before he swallowed his pride. Adam caught his father’s gaze, and the man looked away as if disgusted by his own son. Mom was at the doctor’s with Kathy who had caught a persistent cold. Not that her being here would have improved matters by much.

Mom knew exactly what went on in their house but was powerless to stop it. All she could do was treat the wounds. She only helped him get through it, not stand against it. Adam wasn’t surprised. People like Mom—spineless—couldn’t stand for herself, let alone tell others to do so.

Mom only ever suggested to him to avoid things. He promised himself he would avoid it when he could but if something came to him, he would also fight it. If Dad was going to use boys will be boys or be a man as an excuse to let his son get beaten, Adam was going to turn it around and feed all of them those very words over and over.

The fat ass was on his feet. Adam sprinted across the hallway to his apartment. The worst part about his cousin, other than his abusive nature, was that he lived right next door. Adam reached his apartment and looked back.

His cousin stood next to the door, his arm leaning on it, his stomach rising up and down as he smiled. He didn’t walk, he limped. Adam slowed down once he reached behind the door and stood there. For a second, he thought he may take on the fat fuck, but the moment didn’t last long.

His cousin wiped the blood and saliva off his eyes and licked it off his fingers as Adam watched. Adam slammed the door, so he wouldn’t have to look at that face. The slam woke Damian up and he came to Adam’s aid. Adam picked the bulldog up and took him to his room. The only company he wanted by his side.

Dad stayed with his uncle and cousin for as long as they let him, which meant hours. So, Adam finally had some time to kill. If only he could actually kill. If he could get away with murder and had a good enough excuse, he knew who his targets would be. But he also knew the gift of strength was not on his side—yet.

He wouldn’t be this weak for long however, Adam knew that much. Once he hit puberty, he would grow taller, even if a little more. He would be stronger too, and then he would make them all miserable. He wouldn’t break that promise. He washed the blood off his face and thought of the steps he needed to take. Get a job. Get athletic, become not only a man but the man of the house. He would make Dad the pussy. Then he’d strike his uncle and cousin. He’d make each one of them pay no matter how long it took.

Years later, Adam was at work when his uncle and cousin moved out. By the time Adam got back home, the apartment next door was empty. A sight that would have pleased him years ago, now disappointed him. Adam needed someone to fight, to argue, to insult. Who would take the brunt of that frustration? His father.

Part I

What we see depends mainly on what we look for..

All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

– Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Howard

It was time to move on. It was time to move in general. Howard and Sarah had just moved to this new apartment, temporarily. His house was about to be painted. He couldn’t stand the color—the colors Cate’s mother chose for the house before her death.

The same colors he and Cate painted together all over the house, only for his 9-year-old to leave him too. What good is a million-dollar house if everyone dies in it before making enough memories?

Sarah suggested selling the place. She took the thought back when he didn’t answer. On one hand, it has the loss of two people Howard loved most in his life. On the other hand, it also contained some of the best memories he ever had. Cate’s mother, Jane, died giving birth to an angel. Then that angel died of cancer before she even got to live a full decade.

Feels like just yesterday Sarah and Cate were getting to know each other. They had met for the first time during Cate’s fourth birthday. Sarah and Cate liked each other from the start, and it was enough. Things are about to get good, he had thought when he saw them smile and play together. Everything would be fine. He was wrong.

Sarah was trying to be as helpful as she could while stuck in the tiny apartment. She was in the hospital consoling Cate in her last hours. It must’ve hit her just as hard, yet here she was, trying to smile as much as she could to make him feel better.

Howard nodded along with his wife’s happier disguise, faking it together, as if his daughter had died years ago and not months. As if her memories didn’t haunt him every single day.

An older man walked out of his apartment across from the one Howard was about to rent and glanced in his direction. Their eyes met. He smiled awkwardly; Howard returned the gesture. Before either of them could let a word out, the man walked away. Only he did not walk—he sprinted.

Howard shrugged it off. He had other things on his mind, like the door for example. It was the same size as the door to Cate’s room. He shook his head; he knew he was overthinking again, it was just a door after all. They were all the same size. Even the one he lived at before he sold his business was the same size. The only difference is the lock. The old one had a weaker lock, one that could be opened by a credit card. Otherwise, they all mostly consisted of the same things—wood, hinges, nails, and a small gap underneath—only in here, they had a somewhat larger gap.

The gap between the door and the floor in his house was small enough to slide things through. He used to slide in all sorts of things. Like movie tickets, a slice of cheese on paper, stickers, and birthday cards etc. Here, he could slide in two check books stacked on top of each other at once. He used to slide things from under Cate’s door. She used to do the same for his door. It was their thing. A thing neither of them could remember how it started, a thing he was going to miss. One of many things that won’t happen anymore the way it used to.

One of the worst things about loss is that whenever you think things are getting better, an old relic of a memory comes in to disturb the peace and remind you of what you lost. Howard especially hated how suddenly, yet consistently, these memories were intruding. They had been invading his mind for months, to the point he struggled to both stay still, and move around. A change needed to be made. Luck already made its move, now it was Howard’s turn. So, he moved.

Rent is due at the end of the month, the property owner, Miss Griffin said. They shook hands as the movers moved in boxes and the rest of the furniture. Howard inhaled harder and for longer when he saw Cate’s laptop table. It had a sticker of the Powerpuff Girls on it. He looked away.

Sarah noticed and pulled him closer. Howard tried to act calm and kissed her forehead before looking around the apartment again. He remembered the last time he had been in an apartment like this. He was alone, playing video games on his computer, games he made. Back when he lived in a place like this and met Jane for the first time. It felt like a century ago. Maybe living with Sarah will be similar, but hopefully with a different outcome.

He looked back at the boxes and noticed Cate’s shoes. The moving company probably mistook it for one of Sarah’s shoes and brought it here. Howard had purposely bought bigger shoes just so he could keep the receipt and give it to Cate when she grew taller. It was supposed to be a silly surprise from her silly dad. She never got to wear them. Now it’s a shoe too small for Sarah, and the storeroom was where it was going to stay. He did not have the heart to throw it out.

Is it okay if we go out for dinner tonight? Howard said, not wanting to stay among all the things. Too many memories flooded him. Sarah agreed and they went out half an hour later. As they prepared to leave, Howard strolled around the rooms some more. They were going to live here for a few weeks, maybe even months if he needed to.

He had chosen the apartment online, in hopes to have some of his younger, stronger, and more determined days back, however long it may take. Whether or not he would get his old model optimism back was yet to be seen.

Adam

Adam hit the nail on his kitchen chair even though he wasn’t planning on sitting on it. He liked to push the nail back, even if it’s destined to come out every time he moved while sitting on it. It’s an old chair, but he liked it, nonetheless. The oddly satisfying hammering of the nail was one of the few things he still had in his life he could call a quirk—an unusual one for sure, but also a free one.

He put the hammer back in the drawer under the kitchen table. He hammered the nail every now and then whenever he saw it poking out even if he rarely sat in the chair afterwards. It’s like polishing your shoes over and over again, not because you’re about to go to a party or an important meeting, but because it’s oddly satisfying to do so. He stood in the middle of the room when he felt like someone was behind the door. As was usually the case, his gut feeling was proven to be correct.

Even before the door opened, Adam already knew it was Dad. Only Dad would go out on a weekend, not realizing it was a weekend. That’s what happens when you have nothing to do all day but waste oxygen. Dad had always been a waste. Maybe he always will be.

The door opened and Dad stepped into the apartment. For a brief second, he caught a glimpse of the apartment next door. The place Adam once wanted to barge in the middle of the night and burn everyone alive.

That place now had a new tenant. Adam didn’t hope for this one to be better than the last. Even if a murderer or a drug addicted whore moved in next to them, they’d still have a long way to go to beat the last tenants in his eyes.

Adam? Dad said, startled at seeing his own son. Why aren’t you at work? It took him a second to realize it was a Sunday. I’m sorry, I forgot.

Where did you just come from? Adam asked, skipping over his millionth I’m sorry within the week. Those lazy words meant nothing, not anymore. They’re only ever hard to say in the beginning. Once you get used to saying it, they become irritating, especially when spoken by a fraud like Dad.

I had some things to do. Dad looked away, unable to make eye contact, which meant he’s trying to hide something. Maybe, he was somewhere he shouldn’t have been. Maybe with someone he shouldn’t have been with, either.

Like? Adam pressed, glad Dad had closed the door so he wouldn’t have to see the apartment across from theirs anymore. He would’ve moved out too if not for financial reasons. Not to mention Kathy’s school and his work were both closer from here.

I was looking for a job.

Did you find one? Adam asked, even though he knew what the answer was going to be. Dad’s silence was enough confirmation. Where did you go, Dad? Who did you go to?

I…I can’t just stay here and do nothing. I figured I could ask for a loan and maybe, just maybe, start a business, Dad said. Such a weak excuse. Since when is gambling a business prospect?

Maybe? Adam whispered the word. Dad used it a lot. Maybe I can sell this place and find a new one. Maybe Kate isn’t autistic but just lazy. Maybe you should stop making such a big deal out of it. Maybe you’re remembering things wrong. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Who did you ask for this loan?

Doesn’t matter now. He waved off the question like it was a bothersome fly. He refused to help. I guess I need to find a new avenue.

You seriously want me to believe that you actually want to open a business? Jesus, how stupid you must think we all are.

I don’t think any of that.

Bullshit. Even if you had gotten the fucking money, we all know you’d rather spend it on the poker table than an actual business. Dad stayed silent. A word of advice, Dad. If you’re going to lie about something like borrowing money for something, don’t say the same words you’ve been repeating for years. Two years ago, you said you wanted to open a business. Well, we still have yet to hear about this ‘amazing idea’ of yours. So far all I’ve heard is the knocking of neighbors who owe you money. When do you plan on giving them their money, with interest, as you had promised them?

Where’s Mom? Dad asked, changing the subject.

She’s out with Kathy, they took Damien for a walk.

I wondered where that dog was, Dad said, and Adam restrained himself from pinning Dad to the wall and reminding him all over again that it wasn’t just a dog. It was Damien, his brother, and the only other member of this family he cared about—other than Kathy.

You want to see a dog? Why not check a mirror? Adam retorted. Dad didn’t say anything. That was when Adam realized Dad was down so low to the ground for him to take an insult like that. Where did you go, Dad? Adam asked. Dad always said something when he’s insulted enough. Unless he thought, he deserved it. Is that it? Did you go pay your beloved brother a little visit? Dad’s silence and lack of objection said it all.

Adam took the closest thing to him, which was an old magazine, and threw it at him. It hit his chest, generating a sharp thud that pushed him backward.

I’m sorry, Dad said. I know I shouldn’t have.

You don’t know shit. If you did, you wouldn’t have gone there in the first place. You should’ve worked like a real man. You should’ve believed your son when he told you the fucking truth about your brother and nephew. You should’ve been on your family’s side. The family you never deserved.

I…I just wanted to help…

For the love of fucking God, have some shame. Don’t you have even the least bit of dignity or self-preservation? You made a fool out of yourself for years and once your image was low enough, you decided to bring your family into it. You want to help. Tell me, do you really want to help? Adam spat out the words with such venom and volume, Dad started to cry. I said, DO YOU WANT TO HELP?

Dad nodded.

Then die! Be the best father you never were and kill yourself. No one wants a poor excuse of a man in their family, only to leech over everyone and embarrass them all the time. You’ve always been a poor excuse for a father. Not only did you not trust me when I needed you most, you even went to ask that cunt brother of yours for money. Adam’s voice broke during the last two sentences, but he controlled himself. You’re worse than the beggars. A guy abuses your son and your way to ‘help’ is to ask that same cunt’s father for a loan. Not only that, but you also got rejected for the loan. Dad stayed silent whilst tears poured down his cheeks. And here comes the waterworks, Adam murmured and left, but not before saying one last sentence.

The last words he would ever say to his father. I wish I was an orphan.

It was one of the few wishes Adam remembered telling Dad about, because this time he actually accomplished it.

Howard

Water. Howard felt like he was drowning. He woke up, startled, and looked around. His eyes bounced from the window to the door to the bed, and finally at Sarah who was sleeping right next to him. It took him a minute to remember where he was.

The bedroom was much smaller than he was used to. It felt claustrophobic as if the walls were starting to close in and the world was shrinking. He got off the bed and walked to the closest window for some fresh air. He was panting as if he’d run a mile or swam across a wide pool in a single breath.

Are you okay? Sarah asked from behind him, almost making him jump.

I’m fine. I just wanted to check the view again, Howard said, putting on a smile to pretend it was nothing. Sorry if I woke you up.

It’s fine. She sat up and looked at him. You had another nightmare, didn’t you?

Am I that easy to read? Howard sighed.

No. You’re just that awful at lying, Sarah said. Howard nodded in agreement before walking back to her.

It was in a swimming pool this time. Cate and I were just having fun during our first swimming lesson when she went underwater. It was fun at first but then she stayed under for much longer and I… I started panicking. I looked for her but couldn’t find her anywhere. I kept looking for hours, or at least I think it was hours.

Relax, Sarah said and crawled towards him on the bed. It was just a bad dream. In the real world, you found her, remember? I was there.

I did. Howard nodded. His eyes met Sarah’s. You helped her swim too.

You were just teaching her to hold her breath. Someone had to teach her how to use her arms, Sarah smiled but Howard could tell she’d missed her too. Sarah was by no means a light sleeper. If she was awake, it meant she hadn’t slept well either.

She used to call it ‘digging water’ and always made her fists into claws when she did it, Howard kissed Sarah on her left cheek. Like climbing on water.

That, she definitely learned from you. They both chuckled.

What can I say, my fingers are magic. Howard paused before adding, I’ve decided.

What? Sarah kissed him on his shoulders.

Let’s sell the place, he whispered.

But…are you sure? Sarah frowned. She knew how difficult it is for him to decide such a thing. He’d been thinking about it for weeks.

I’m sure. He nodded. I’m not sure if I can go back there, even if it does look different. Cate’s gone and I’m just going to be reminded of it the more I stay there. I don’t want to remember how I failed her.

Shh, Sarah said. You did not fail her. She was sick. There was nothing you could’ve done. If there was, you would have. You need to stop blaming yourself.

I wish I had done more… I…I could’ve… Howard said again but she stopped him.

Remember when you told Cate that her mother was watching her from the stars? Sarah asked. Howard nodded hesitantly. Well, now imagine that she’s with her and they’re both looking down on us. Do you think they would be happy to see you like this? Sarah’s words knocked the breath out of him. Tears welled up in his eyes and he wiped them away. She touched his arm and squeezed it gently. It helped. She helped.

I’m sorry I’m such a baby sometimes, he apologized.

It’s okay. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Years worth of memories shouldn’t be decided upon with just weeks of time. Sarah hugged him. He hugged back. Besides, I like it when you’re a baby. It means as a younger adult, I get to tell you when it’s bedtime and that you need to sleep, Sarah pushed him down on the bed and covered him with the blanket. Now be a good boy and lie still, or do I have to sing you a lullaby too? Sarah flinched at her own question. Like Howard, she realized it. Cate loved lullabies.

I don’t need a lullaby, Howard said and pulled the covers up to his face. Sarah leaned over and turned the lamp off on his side. He noticed she had tears in her eyes. I’m a proper baby. Babies don’t understand lullabies.

Good boy, Sarah said, sniffing as she lay next to him.

I’m still a baby though. Howard turned towards her.

So? Sarah turned off the lights on her side and faced him in the dark.

Aren’t you going to breastfeed me? Sarah gasped. Then in the darkness, they both shared a quick but passionate kiss. He didn’t want the kiss to stop but they had to. The moment was gone, but not because of something they did.

Their moment was cut short by a scream. They both rushed out of the bed and moved out to their balcony. Someone downstairs was screaming and all it took was a glance to realize why. A man lay dead in a pool of his own blood on the ground. Howard recognized the man by his clothing. He’d seen him earlier, before the movers arrived. He lived in the apartment right in front of theirs.

Adam

It was a rare thing for Dad to do anything that would benefit his family. Even before his company went under, Dad would rather spend his money gambling than buying his family Christmas presents. Mom had to constantly remind him of Kathy’s birthday. Adam didn’t mind his birthday being forgotten—no one did, except Kathy.

The rare time they did have something worth a celebration, Dad would fuck it up by calling the family next door. He would call them over all the goddamn time without informing anyone home, let alone asking. Every year and almost every occasion, until Adam couldn’t take it.

The abuse itself had stopped over the years but those invitations didn’t, even when he asked Dad to not call them. Adam was young and couldn’t tell him why since he barely