One Woman, One Story to Tell: A Midwife's Stories

By Jo Benhamou

One Woman, One Story to Tell by Jo Benhamou is a collection of anecdotes from her time as a foreign midwife working in the UK.

The mix of humour and serious stories provides a picture of how it is to work as a junior midwife and foreigner in the UK. This book is equally funny and tragic, offering just the right number of laughs

• Language: English
• Publisher: Joanna Maria Benhamou
• Release date: Apr 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781802279481

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Copyright © 2023 by Jo Benhamou

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of the copyright owner except for the use of quotations in a book review.

For more information, contact:

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First paperback edition 2023

978-1-80227-947-4 (paperback)

978-1-80227-948-1 (ebook)

I dedicate this book to my colleague,

a midwife like myself, and my friend

who I lost due to postnatal depression ...

I had the pleasure of working with her,

travelling together and being her friend.

Acknowledgement

I am grateful to many people who inspired me to write, without whom this book would not have been completed.

I would also like to give special thanks to my parents for their continuous support throughout all my adventures as a midwife.

Finally and above all, I want to acknowledge and give my warmest thanks to my husband for his endless support, unlimited stimulation and confidence in me to write this book.

Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1. Becoming a Midwife?

Why Am I Catching Babies?

Decision Time

‘A Woman for the Woman’

Chapter 2. We Are All Different,

and that’s Beautiful

Father or Grandfather?

‘They Chose Him for Me’

‘Are You a Doctor?’

Family with Two Mums

The Day of Rest

Husband Obstetrician and Unusual Gift

Chapter 3. Social Dilemmas in the

Midwife’s Pathway

Modern Slavery

Domestic Abuse

Neglect

Drugs

FGM

Chapter 4. Expectations vs Reality

Birth Plan or Birth Wish?

Easy-Peasy

Dream Home Birth vs the CS

Different Reactions During the Action

‘We Just Had Sex!’

‘It was my fingers!

Being Addicted to Pain Relief

Running a Marathon

Chapter 5. On the Other Side

My Expectations vs Reality

Prologue

Every mother has her birth story to tell. One is beautiful, full of tears of happiness and celebration. Every memory of that time makes her grateful for everything she has received. The other story is sad, traumatic and painful. Sometimes that story affects her so much that she doesn’t have the strength to live anymore. Each of them is worth telling and listening to, and I am honoured to be able to see them from such a close perspective and be a part of them.

Being a midwife is a unique and also demanding role. There is far more to midwifery than managing the messy miracle of childbirth. It is a challenging career, all about building trust and multitasking. By relating the stories of a woman’s childbirth experience, I want to depict a midwife’s life.

Chapter 1.

Becoming a Midwife?

Why Am I Catching Babies?

Decision Time

In my case, the decision to become a midwife was entirely accidental. While choosing a field of study in high school, I could not make up my mind about what I would like to do in the future. I liked biology and physics but was not very fond of chemistry. Polish language? Hmmm, it depended on the teacher. Initially, I was also good at maths, but somewhere along the way, it got worse, eh … I blamed integrals and fractions. In the end, I decided I was going to study psychology. I chose the university I wanted to apply to, and I went ahead.

One day, everything changed. I was with my friend in the school’s corridor as one of the teachers put up a medical college poster. We started reading it and joking about applying there.

Paulina said, I can become a nurse and you a midwife, and we applied to that medical college. It was part of the best university in my country and in my favourite city. For me, it wasn’t only a joke. As you have probably figured out from the title of this book, I am a midwife now. Paulina never really considered the option of being a nurse, so she chose a totally different path - she is an English teacher.

To be completely honest, that day in the school corridor, when she read out the word ‘midwife’ from the poster, I didn’t have any idea what that meant. Ok, I did know that it is a healthcare profession and has to do with looking after women and their babies; but trust me, I was raring to find out.

My parents were not very happy with that decision. God! If only you could have seen their faces when I told them I had been accepted as a midwifery student. I didn’t tell them earlier I had applied to that medical college because I didn’t know until the last moment that I was going to go for it. However, I have to say, when they noticed how much I was enjoying it, they were quite supportive.

The first year was hard. I think the most challenging part was the level of exams and requirements that had to be met to complete the year. It was also difficult because university studies are a completely different model of learning than high school. Students are responsible for motivating themselves and meeting deadlines. I was far away from home, and my family, as well. Yet, although everything was new, it was exciting. I liked the subjects we had and the fact that we learnt more about the human body than we did in biology class at high school. We even had classes in a prosectorium (a dissecting room); I know it sounds creepy, but I really enjoyed it.

From class to class, I also gained an understanding of what midwifery is really about. We had classes called the Basics of Midwifery, where we learnt how to make beds and wash the patient. All this was for assessment, and it had to be mastered to perfection. Now, when I think back on those times, I wonder how I did it; it was a really hard time.

During the first six months, we learnt about childbirth, women’s and babies’ anatomy and physiology, but only from the books. Every week, we had an oral exam, and you had to pass with 100%. If you failed, you had to repeat the exam the following week.

When the winter break came, we were sent to hospitals for practice placements. I was supposed to see my first childbirth. I was eager but also scared about how I was going to react. I wasn’t from a medical family, so being brave like that wasn’t in my blood. My dad would go ‘greenish’ at the mere mention of a wound or blood. However, I was ready.

I remember I was waiting when my teacher called me and allocated me to one of the midwives in the labour ward. My hands got sweaty and sticky, and I was rubbing them together from the stress.

At some point, one of the midwives came up to me and said, You are going with me, but she didn’t explain further.

I just hurried after her up the stairs and noticed we were going to the place called ‘Theatre.’ I knew what that place was, but I was wondering why the hell she was taking me there.

‘I’m not ready to see a Caesarean section yet!’ I was thinking.

I got even more scared. I could feel my back getting wet with perspiration.

‘I haven’t seen any birth yet!’ I thought, trying to understand why I was there.

‘What if I faint? What if I fall and destroy some equipment in there? Everybody will laugh at me, and I’m sure they will all shout at me in front of my teacher.’ These were the thoughts racing through my mind.

At some point, we arrived. The theatre was the cleanest place I had seen in my life. The midwife told me not to touch anything, and she showed me a place where I could stand and observe. My heartbeat was probably 200 per min, higher than a newborn’s.

However, I adjusted my uniform, saying to myself, ‘I’m ready. I need to be brave; I need to be strong …’

‘A Woman for the Woman’

That day in the theatre, I realised, ‘This is it!’

For the first time, I felt like I wanted to be a part of this. I only observed a Caesarean section that day. Even though I saw many more emotional and touching moments later in my practice, and I participated more closely in them, I will never forget those first few minutes of watching a ‘new life’ arrive. It’s indescribable for us as medical staff, so I cannot even imagine how significant it must be for parents.

However, I understand that midwifery is not for everyone, especially not for someone like my dad, who blanches every time he hears a story from the labour ward. And it is definitely not for the people who are scared of blood, actually, those who are scared of any body fluids. However, if you pass that ‘test’ and all exams during your studies and you are passionate about that profession - which is extremely important - you can start your adventure as a midwife.

Let’s talk about who a midwife is, then.

So many times, in my profession, especially during job interviews, I have heard that question: ‘Who is a midwife, and what does it mean to you to be a midwife?’

To be honest, I would always say, somewhat ironically, ‘It’s a woman for a woman.’

On this occasion, though, I would like to explain a little bit more about midwifery, which is among the oldest healthcare professions in the world. From the dawn of humanity, women have assisted in childbirth. Most often, those who