Focus On The F WordS

By Ann Black

When the F-word is mentioned, some people think of the street slang F-word, which many find vulgar, crude, offensive, profane, and/or improper. Actually, there are many solid, appropriate, descriptive F-words frequently used in communications every day. Faith, family, friends, frugality, forgiveness, fear, fight--Ann realized these F-words describe the ingredients for the foundation to her productive adult life. She shares the lessons she learned from her challenge-filled life with the hope that this book can point others to happiness and contentment.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781662485114

Book preview

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Focus On The F WordS

Ann Black

Copyright © 2022 Ann Black

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2022

ISBN 978-1-6624-8509-1 (pbk)

ISBN 979-8-88654-493-0 (hc)

ISBN 978-1-6624-8511-4 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

About the Author

Over the years, I've shared part of my life story many times—in business meetings, seminars, churches, private events, etc.—and I've been asked many times why I didn't write a book. Really? A book? Me? Write a book? Honestly, I could not fathom why anyone (except my family) would be interested in the highs and lows, the average and the exciting, the sad times and the happy, the proud moments and the shameful, the failures and the successes in my life which has been much like a huge bowl of alphabet soup with big chunks of family, faith, frugality, focus, friends, fear, forgiveness, failure, fun, firsts, and fight floating in a warm broth that I call The F-WordS. So who am I? First and foremost, I am a proud mother of five strong, successful, kind adult children, grandmother of nine plus great-grandmother of fifteen kiddos. I am happy to say my Company is well-established, successful, and highly recognized in our area. My basic personality traits include a quiet, awkward self-consciousness and an off-beat, quirky sense of humor. When it's show time I can and will perform. I am a planner and being spontaneous is not in my comfort zone. I am very practical and down-to-earth in most areas of my life. I tend to be a loner and not at ease in large groups of people whom I don't know or just barely know. I am old school, with not much interest or talent in technology. I avoid people with negative, sour, loud, vulgar mouths and greedy or selfish personalities. I learned that I did not want to be like them! I have lived much, laughed often, screwed up plenty, forgave, and have been forgiven! I've been severely wounded but not completely broken. My primary goal in life (which I have already accomplished) was to have happy, well-adjusted, productive, self-supporting adults who were once my babies! Looking back, my life has been much like a puzzle but with pieces missing and no box top to use as a map to help navigate. Why would anyone want to read about my journey—an orphan's lonely, agonizingly painful struggles to survive and then flourish?

I will share my foundation—the gritty, tumultuous, struggling, harsh beginnings! I do not share my history for sympathy, but so the depths of my sorrow, pains, fears, and abandonments may provide a glimpse of the emotions and events which helped shape my life. Did I start my adulting with wide-eyed optimism? No! But with a deep gut-wrenching commitment to take care of my family, I became a curious student of human nature. I wanted to understand the whys, the hopes, the fears which make people tick like a clock, slow down, or stop running altogether. What have I learned in the school of life and from whom or from what? In truth, I had many, many teachers in addition to those in the educational system.

Why me, Lord? is one of my favorite songs by Kris Kristofferson. I ask myself, Why me? What do You want me to do? Surely You don't want this uneducated orphan…this old, country gal, to write a book about her life? I am not a college graduate. As a matter of fact, I am not even a high school graduate, but I do have a GED. But, I am a graduate of the School of Hard Knocks with advanced degrees in frugality and common sense. I learned at a very early age a penny saved is a penny earned and don't spend all you make, and "If it's worth doing at all, do it right—the first time! I did not realize my life of feeling lost, alone, displaced, uprooted, abandoned, and unworthy was not just standard issue until I was in my thirties. Then recently, the answer to my Why Me" question hit me! The COVID pandemic! People were sick, desperate, and dying. Hospitals overcrowded! Shortages! Isolation! Depression! Could my life story offer encouragement to others who are facing unimaginable challenges, fighting desperation, fear, loneliness, sickness, hunger and death? Could my story help provide hope and determination to someone? The COVID pandemic opened my eyes to recognize the horrific, widespread trauma, and I believe God's hand is leading me to share my story now.

Would my life story help someone find purpose for their life? Purpose, of course, purpose! And hope! It's about hope, help, and how to keep hanging on and not give up! It's not a playbook, with step-by-step directions about handling the what-ifs in life. It's about survival.

Yes, I've made many mistakes. But more importantly, what have I learned from them? What are the lessons? As the saying goes, Broken crayons still color, and I am a broken crayon, trying now to share the colors in my story. I am not saying my way is the only way, but it is A way, my way. I've found my purpose for my remaining time on earth. It is to help others endure and/or overcome their personal challenges. I want to be a reason that someone feels welcomed, worthy, respected, heard, encouraged, and accepted. I want to make a difference in the lives of others.

And while in the process of writing this book, I've found I am still learning. I've just realized that no parent figure in my life ever told me that I was worthless, ugly, dumb, stupid, crazy, trash, lazy! In my formative years, I never had to overcome those self-sabotaging weeds of failure, self-doubt, and feelings of worthlessness since those seeds weren't planted in my brain. And I'm so grateful to the adult caregivers in my life who spared me from those battles. What a great reminder that it is so important the words (seeds) we plant in the minds of our children, grandchildren, all children!

Now, in my senior years, as I'm nearing the Finish Line, I've realized I do have a story…and sometimes it's about two steps forward and one back. I understand there are many others who are missing some of their puzzle pieces and/or a pattern or picture to navigate their life into the best it can be. When people are broken, you can't always see that they are shattered on the inside or drowning in murky waters of life, frozen with fear and hopelessness. So buckle your seat belt and hang on! (Oh, those F-words!)

My Foundation—The Early Years

My family history is not one of easy living, smooth sailing, or scholarly wisdom. It was a very rough start on a hard row to hoe!

Daddy was born in the desert of Missouri in 1910. I have no memories at all of him. I barely remember Daddy's mama. In her later years, she worked as a short-order cook in a small café and lived alone in a tiny upstairs apartment above the café. She and my paternal grandpa had divorced many years earlier, and he married again. His second wife had children of her own, and then she