UNLEASHED: Tapping Into Your Feminine Instinct to Create Financial Independence

By Yulin Lee

One of the reasons why women have difficulty talking about money is because they feel they are the only one having the problem, hence, the embarrassment, the shame, the sense of loneliness, and helplessness.

In this book, Yulin presents the story of five women, based on some of her clients, who have reached rock bottom, financi

• Language: English
• Publisher: BEYOND PUBLISHING
• Release date: Feb 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781637924907

Book preview

PRELUDE

IF NOT NOW, WHEN?

Action is hope. There is no hope without action.

— Ray Bradbury

This is a book about you, about someone you know, a friend, a family member, someone who lost her financial independence or never had it to begin with. Too often, it starts out when you are encouraged to play sweet, to play nice, and not worry because daddy will take care of you. You may grow up rich, or you may grow up poor; it makes no difference. Too often, you were pushed aside, told you aren’t smart enough or strong enough to understand how money really works in your life. You may have been encouraged to believe you are not good at math, that boys were better at numbers, so it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have never been taught how credit cards really work, how they fool you into thinking you can pay minimum balance and be ok. You were never taught how compounded interest works. And the list goes on.

Maybe your parents were never taught how to handle money and make financial decisions that would give them greater joy in their own lives and their children’s future. And maybe your family considered even talking about money to be crass, ill-bred, taboo, especially for women and girls.

How often were you given little kitchen sets, all kinds of dolls, and cuddly toys when your brother was given building blocks, erector sets, and science kits? The first set of toys stimulated the nurturing facet of your brain, while the second set of toys inspired the problem-solving aspect of your brain. Guess which group got a head start for their future financial success? Both types of training are important, but women were too often expected to be the main nurturer and men the primary breadwinners. This is no longer a viable scenario in today’s households where both the husband and wife work to pay the bills. Since at least 50% of marriages end in divorce, there are many women operating as head of household. That means paying bills, paying for health insurance, taking care of the children’s needs, taking on the financial responsibilities they have no training in. And they wonder why they are struggling. They often feel helpless and hopeless.

One survey found employed men worked 34 minutes more a day than employed women, but women spent 130 minutes daily on household chores, compared to men’s 82 minutes. And almost twice as much time providing physical care for other family members, including children, than their male counterparts, a shocking contrast.¹ This shows how women are undisputedly carrying the majority of the workload and not being appreciated or compensated for their actual value.

One of the most significant stressors we as women endure in life, whether married or not, is the fear of not being able to pay the bills, the rent, buy food, pay off the credit card, pay insurance, etc. And stressors have long been known to adversely affect our health on a direct level. We are more prone to illness, which includes the immune system, making it easier for us to get sick and making it harder to fight off bugs. Another seldom acknowledged stressor is the damage to women’s mental health. When people are stressed, they get sick, women more so than men.

Even with all of these roadblocks to gaining financial stability, it is not surprising women drive 70-80 percent of all consumer purchasing through a combination of their buying power and influence.

Why then, if women regularly make the bulk of purchasing decisions for their families and control such an enormous portion of wealth in America, does only four percent of venture capital dollars go toward women-founded enterprises? Why again, is the average loan for women-owned companies 31 percent less than male-owned businesses?²

The time has come for women to step into their true power and embrace financial independence. This is not a feminist movement, but a movement for all human beings to become equally empowered at the core.

If male-owned businesses, which we can assume created products appealing to men, are getting the vast majority of investment, imagine the immense opportunities for women-controlled firms.

It is time to teach financial literacy to the most undervalued members of our society.

****

If you are someone who struggles with money, wants to learn more about money, or cringes at the idea of discussing your finances, read on.

Meet some women who empowered their financial lives by coming to terms with their own hidden talents and facing their fears. They learn how to finally talk about money and share their stories with each other before they come into their own. Some women were left stranded with almost nothing. Some have money but don’t know how to use it. These women are like many of us. They needed to start somewhere, and it all started with trusting in their own self-worth. You too can break the barriers and roadblocks in your way to your own financial health.

These are fictional depictions based on real-life stories of some of the women I coached to overcome their fears and lack of self-confidence. I changed the names and locations to protect their privacy.

1., 2. https://www.inc.com/amy-nelson/women-drive-majority-of-consumer-purchasing-its-time-to-meet-their-needs.html

JESSIE’S STORY

Jessie returned home after a long day of shooting some commercials for a car dealer and a local beauty salon.

She was the pretty face whose job it was to sell the merchandise with corny lines and over-the-top exuberance. Jessie gained some fame as a local celebrity of sorts, but it was a far cry from her early imaginings. She made barely enough money to pay the rent and expenses on her small apartment, but it was big enough for her and her beautiful 11-year-old son, Liam.

Liam? she called. Are you home?

Just a minute mom, I’ll be right down.

A few minutes later, she heard the smack of sneakers racing down the wooden stairs.

Setting the flat box on the counter, she enfolded him in a big hug and kissed him on the cheek. Then, pulling back to look at him, she sighed. He’s gorgeous, just like his dad, with dark brown hair and vivid blue eyes. He is going to be a heartbreaker, she thought.

I brought pizza for dinner. Pepperoni, sausage and cheese, sound good to you?

Of course, mom, my favorite. Let’s eat. I’m starving. Liam turned to the cupboard, pulled out two plates and two glasses, and set them on the kitchen island. The silverware was already in the lazy-susan, along with napkins and the salt and pepper shaker. Liam pulled out both stools, then plopped himself down and put a large slice on his plate. He pulled out a comic book and started reading as he ate.

Jessie pulled a chilled bottle of Pinot Grigio from the refrigerator, poured herself a glass, and sat on the other stool, thinking about her life up to this point.

****

Jessie remembered the first time she stood on stage. She was in the first grade, and she was terrified. Because she was the smallest girl in her school, her teacher chose her to be the ding dong in the bell for the Christmas pageant. All the other little girls dressed in their angel costumes formed the shape of the bell and got to stand in one place as they sang. She was tasked with moving from one side of the stage to the other, pretending to be the ding dong as it swung back and forth. At the end of each swing, she was supposed to tap her little wooden xylophone with the tiny mallet at precisely the right moment.

****

I don’t want to do this, mommy, don’t make me, she pleaded the day of the performance.

Don’t be silly, Jessie. You can do this. You don’t want to let your classmates think you’re chicken, do you? Jessie’s mom didn’t really appreciate the terror racing through her daughter’s petite body.

You don’t have to look at the people. Just pretend you are a little angel, and God will take care of you. You will be fine. She gave Jessie a hug and helped her into her angel costume.

Jessie knew she was going to mess this up. She couldn’t do anything right. Her grandma told her so when she stayed with her for a weekend not too long ago.

Jessie, are you a complete moron? her grandma said, eyeing the shattered shards of teacup littering the carpet.

I’m so sorry, grandma? Jessie looked up at her with tears in her eyes. She knew this was her grandma’s favorite teacup. It was an accident.

Didn’t your mother teach you anything? Little girls are not supposed to be clumsy. Little girls are supposed to be graceful and not say anything rude, ever, or no one will like you. Her grandma was a frightening figure with squinty eyes and a constant frown.

When Jessie’s mom came to pick her up at the end of the weekend, Jessie didn’t tell her what grandma said. Thankfully, her grandma just patted her on the head and didn’t say a word. But Jessie and grandma now shared a dark little secret.

****

Ding dong!

Jessie tapped her xylophone twice in time with the children’s voices singing the beginning two words of the song.