Pain's Purpose

By LaToya Martin

With life growing inside of her, Talia Williams finally understood that love could no longer hold her abusive marriage together. To prevent losing another baby, she seeks refuge with her parents, but with Khalil hot on her trail, she is forced to move in with her sorority sister, Alanna Davis. Living under one roof gives the women an opportunity to reconcile past differences and together deal with love, pain, and life's transitions. Realizing that the search for his wife is in vain, Khalil retreats. He comes to accept the consequences of his actions and attempts to reconstruct his life, but an unexpected visitor from his past may destroy all that he has worked to rebuild. Eventually, futile efforts to handle life on her own push Talia into the arms of Christ and give her the hope that she needs to believe that her marriage can be healed. Just when all seems well, she is blindsided by tragedy, causing her faith and relationships to be stretched to the limit. Pain's Purpose is the first in a series that tells the story of reconciliation, forgiveness, and discovery of unconditional love.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781635752564

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Pain’s Purpose

LATOYA C. MARTIN

ISBN 978-1-63575-255-7 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63575-256-4 (Digital)

Copyright © 2017 by LaToya C. Martin

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

296 Chestnut Street

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

To all who doubt God’s existence:

May you come into the knowledge of who he is and realize his amazing love for you (Romans 5:8).

This book is dedicated to all my guardian angels. Your presence is greatly missed, but your memories live on in my heart.

Acknowledgments

It’s hard to find a good starting place when there are so many people that have played an integral role in the manifestation of a dream. I started this book in high school but allowed life, going to college and graduate school, teaching, being a mother, and other distractions to get in the way. This book is literally years in the making, but I am overjoyed that it is finally finished!

First and foremost, I have to give all praises to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Without him, this novel would never have been possible. I thank him for gifting me with the creativity and imagination to bring these characters to life. He has also blessed me with countless people that have been a tremendous support along this journey to publication.

To my parents, thank you for your love, always believing in me, and never placing limits on the goals that I wanted to achieve. To my sister, Marissa, thanks for being my biggest cheerleader and pushing me to devote more time to writing. I love you! To my friends that read the book in its beginning stages, offered suggestions, and increased my confidence that this book was actually good—Maronda, Karyn, Javiya, and Nehemiah—your contribution and friendship are invaluable. To all my other family and friends that have shown support, thank you! It means the world to me. To those who have impacted my life spiritually—Bishop William Anthony Ellis, Pastor Jonathan Ellis, and my current leaders, Bishop and Lady Stewart—thank you for every word that you’ve poured into my life over the years. Last but not least, to the readers that have decided to take a chance in purchasing my first novel, I can’t say thank you enough.

Though this story is fictional, the power of Jesus Christ and forgiveness is real. I pray that this book is a blessing to you.

LaToya C. Martin

Chapter 1

I’ve got to get out of here before he gets home, Talia Williams thought to herself. I can’t take this anymore… or can I?

Realizing that she was on the verge of making one of the most important decisions of her life caused such an eruption of nervousness within that she could barely keep still. Standing at her crossroads, she was completely torn about what to do. Her husband was on his way home and would return in an hour or so. It was now or never. Her mind was racing with thoughts of her life and hopes of a better future. She could feel her heart pounding as she placed her hand on her chest. Her nerves were beginning to overwhelm her. Sweaty palms were repeatedly wiped on her jeans while she frantically paced her bedroom floor, attempting to calm herself down.

Though Talia had been in this same situation countless times before, the emotional turmoil never lessened. Even in her most thought-out plan, she could never muster the courage to actually leave; the possible consequences she would face were far too great. However, things were different now, and she could not afford to lie dormant any longer. She stopped pacing long enough to glance back at all her belongings folded neatly on their king-sized canopy bed. Everything was in place, ready to move to a new destination. Now all she had to do was pack and leave. Her hands covered her face as tears began to flood her eyes. At that moment, her mind flashed back to the first time she laid eyes on Khalil Williams.

There was an immediate attraction as they passed each other by in the hall of their high school. He was the epitome of what any teenage girl daydreamed of while sitting in class. His smooth caramel skin, soft brown eyes, and stunning smile captivated her so that she couldn’t help but stare. His swagger was irresistible. He was the most handsome guy she had ever seen, at the naive age of sixteen. In her opinion, he surpassed all the boys in their small town, yet she felt there was so much more to him than his looks. They started off as friends—although secretly, they both wanted more—and quickly progressed into a deeper relationship. His outgoing personality enticed her to emerge from her shell, and she was consumed with love for him. They were inseparable. All their most cherished high school memories, from homecoming games to prom, were shared together.

The years seemed to fly by, and before they realized it, graduation was approaching. They graduated with honors and were anxious to embark on a new chapter in their lives. Attending a prestigious historically black college was a priority for both of them. Their parents had instilled in them from the crib that an education would be the key to their ultimate success. Khalil dreamed of going to Morehouse in Atlanta, Georgia; while Talia wanted to attend Dillard University in New Orleans, Louisiana. Generations of her family had graduated from Dillard, and she wanted to continue the legacy. However, Khalil had other plans. Feeling that they would grow apart with the strain of a long-distance relationship pushed Khalil to give her an ultimatum: go with him to Atlanta or be without him. So she cast her plans aside and followed him to Atlanta. Painfully, she stood by allowing her childhood dream to slip away, but she wasn’t willing to sacrifice her soul mate. She attended Spelman College and actually grew to love her time there. She majored in music, hoping to establish a school of music for inner-city children. Khalil aspired to be an engineer and excelled in his studies. Just being near Khalil assured her that she made the right decision, and she had no regrets until their junior year.

Talia found out she was pregnant at the beginning of the fall semester. She was ecstatic, though she knew having a child would disappoint her family and make the pursuit of attaining a college education all the more difficult. She immediately fell in love with the thought of the baby being the best of herself and Khalil. Despite the fact that the pregnancy was untimely, he or she was a creation formed out of their deeply rooted love. Knowing how focused and determined Khalil was about becoming a successful engineer didn’t stifle her optimism. She rehearsed in her mind how she would tell him. In every daydream, no matter how she told him, his reaction lit up her soul. In her heart, she believed he too would be excited about their baby. To her dismay, Khalil was far from thrilled about the idea of being a father. With no holds barred, he let her know how irresponsible it would be for them to bring a child into the world when they were not financially prepared or finished with school. His education was his priority, and nothing would stand in his way, especially an unplanned pregnancy. His response baffled Talia and rendered her speechless.

Air escaped her lungs when he demanded that she get an abortion. Abortion went against everything she believed in, but once again she sacrificed her heart’s longing in order to please him. He had determined their baby’s fate, and she had no desire to fight his decision. The thought of going to a clinic to say good-bye to the hope of having Khalil’s child left Talia in shambles. She pleaded with Khalil to go with her just to keep her sanity, but he would have no part in it. Time did not permit him to leave his studies for such an inconvenience, not even for Talia. His only support was payment for the abortion.

It took Talia two weeks to build enough courage to drive to the clinic. Each day that passed increased her reluctance to have the abortion. Her mind constantly pointed out Khalil’s faults and selfishness. She couldn’t fathom the power he had over her. Somehow he always managed to make her conform to his will. Yet her heart overlooked every one of his flaws. All she recognized was the way his eyes pierced her innermost being and his touch made her feel loved. The risk of losing that feeling frightened her. Their souls were tied, and she never wanted their connection to be broken. The idea of life without Khalil outweighed the misery of aborting their baby, leaving her with the only option of going through with it.

Desolate and terrified, Talia drove herself to the farthest clinic. She had no intention of anyone discovering her shameful secret. She wasn’t capable of withstanding the ridicule. The walk from her car to the clinic seemed to last for an eternity. It was mid-September, and the sun illuminated the sky without the hindrance of clouds blocking its rays. The sound of leaves rustling from the cool breeze would bring a smile to anyone’s face, but for Talia, the joy of such a perfect day could not be appreciated. Her bloodshot eyes only saw the dreariness of a rainy afternoon as she entered the clinic soaked from the burdens she carried.

The waiting room was painted a warm chestnut and adorned with serene artwork with the intent of creating a calming environment. Talia wasn’t fooled by this false sense of security. There wasn’t a shade of paint that could soothe her emotions. Confusion ran through her body like an infection. She hated Khalil for giving her yet another ultimatum. How could she possibly choose between her unborn child and the love of her life? He knew she would choose him every time. Still the other part of her loved him and yearned for him to be at her side. Not knowing how to decipher one feeling from the other placed her in a trance. Staring blankly at a beautifully painted depiction of the sunrise, she wondered how she ever arrived at this place in her life. Why weren’t any of her dreams coming true? Her thoughts were soon interrupted when she heard her name being called.

She was escorted to her room shortly after she found her seat amongst the other women awaiting her same fate. She entered the room with trepidation, not knowing what to expect. The medical assistant checked her vitals and informed her that her blood pressure was moderately high but assured her it was probably due to nerves. Talia agreed. Her stomach was in knots, and she had the urge to vomit. Once they reached the room where the abortion would take place, she was instructed to remove all her clothing and put on an exam gown. Left alone to prepare for the doctor gave Talia time to collect herself. She glanced in disgust at the gown waiting to be worn. It signified losing herself in order to pursue Khalil’s ambitions. As she undressed, she envisioned her identity lying on the floor among her clothes. Though Khalil told her this was the only option for them, the ultimate decision was hers. Putting on the gown and lying on the table revealed the choice she made.

After the doctor arrived, she began preparing her for the abortion. Talia was relieved the doctor was a woman. She had no desire to see any man’s face at that moment. She sat attentively but heard nothing. Every fiber of her being was engulfed in preventing a nervous breakdown from occurring right there on the exam table, blurring the doctor’s words. One thought prevailed: if she made it through the abortion, maybe there would be a chance that she could put it behind her. She obediently placed her feet in the cold stirrups and shut her eyes, hoping to make it all disappear. But closing her eyes did nothing to drown out the sounds of her baby being suctioned out of her. Endless tears streamed down her face. She didn’t know how she deserved to live after just ending her child’s life. The fifteen-minute abortion seemed to last for hours. Every moment was excruciating.

The doctor informed Talia that the procedure went smoothly and she would only need a few hours for recovery. She guided Talia into a wheelchair and proceeded to take her to the recovery room. Once they arrived, she assisted Talia into the bed and explained what she may experience following an abortion. Her attempts to listen were in vain. The doctor, somehow sensing her sorrow, asked if there was anyone she wanted to call. Talia desired no one. She wished to be alone to deal with her heart’s guilt. The doctor understood her wishes. She had often seen women in a similar state. Honoring her request, she left her alone. Lying lifeless in the bed, replaying the abortion in her mind, only heightened her anguish. She was too exhausted to cry or feel the slightest emotion. She stroked her stomach despite its emptiness and rocked herself to sleep.

After the abortion, Talia felt herself slipping away. To cope with the pain, she became engulfed in Khalil’s dreams and aspirations but thought it was well worth it if he remained in her life. In spite of the abortion, they grew closer, and the concealed feelings of bitterness and resentment toward Khalil soon faded away. During the spring semester of their senior year, Khalil proposed to Talia. All the sacrifices she had made for him over the years seemed irrelevant once they were engaged. Talia found herself staring at her ring for minutes at a time. The ring symbolized all she had overcome just to be with him, and now their commitment would be everlasting.

But that was then, when they were young and their relationship was strong. Memories continued to flash before her of their wedding day and honeymoon. She smiled through her tears as she remembered how happy they were. After returning from their honeymoon, they began preparing for their move to San Jose, California. Khalil had accepted a position from a major company shortly after graduation. Though the move was stressful and happened quickly, they eagerly embraced their new adventure.

Living in San Jose was an adjustment from life in Georgia, but over time, they came to love it. Dreams of success were no longer figments of their imagination. They had arrived at a place of eminence and prosperity, and their life was the embodiment of perfection. However, those times were short-lived, and the life they started to build crumbled rapidly.

The first miscarriage; Khalil’s company folding, causing him to lose his six-figure position; and other unforeseen setbacks tore their marriage to shreds. Khalil turned to drinking, believing it would take him away from the bills that continued to pile up on their kitchen table. Drinking manifested a rage that he didn’t realize he was capable of, and he started abusing Talia, at times almost to death. Regardless of the abuse, she always stayed. She had two miscarriages since the first time he laid hands on her. Each loss caused a piece of her to die.

Now she was pregnant again and afraid to lose another baby.

I have to do this for the baby, Talia whispered, reassuring herself that leaving Khalil was the right thing to do.

She wiped her face and slowly began to pack her things. Her hand trembled as she reached for the phone and made the first step to leaving.

Hello.

Mom… I’m coming home.

Chapter 2

Khalil raced down the freeway in a drunken state, ready to release his anger and disappointment on his unsuspecting wife. He had searched all day, to no avail, hoping to find a job that would not only challenge his intellect but return him to his previous financial status. Numerous interviews that turned out to be dead ends only fueled his frustration. Naturally, he decided to make a quick stop at the liquor store before proceeding to go home. It was the only way he knew how to cope.

In the beginning of their marriage, he always confided in Talia, letting her know all his fears. He looked forward to hearing her encouraging words. She always knew just what to say to assure him that everything would work out in the end. But as their life deteriorated right before his eyes, he began to rely on his own strength, which was fading fast. The stress of being the provider for his family was unbearable. Over time, his soft eyes became cold and uninviting. He felt he was carrying the load alone and would soon break under pressure.

Earlier that week, he found the sonogram that Talia attempted to conceal, and it infuriated him. There was no way he could afford a baby. He was barely making ends meet for himself and Talia. The fact that she tried to hide the pregnancy upset him all the more. With anger and alcohol surging through his body, he was prepared to show her the penalty for her actions. Khalil swerved into the middle lane as he nodded off to sleep. The blare of the horn from the car he almost hit caused his heart to skip a beat. He grabbed the steering wheel and quickly regained his composure. Music always seemed to energize him, so he put in his favorite CD and turned up the volume. Stevie Wonder’s smooth voice radiated throughout the car. As the song I Wish played, his mind drifted, and he began reminiscing about his childhood.

Khalil grew up with his mother as the sole provider. His father, James Williams, only appeared sporadically throughout his life. Although his father was rarely present, Khalil still loved and adored him. He always wondered when his father would return home, so he questioned his mother frequently. Initially, his mother tried to appease him, since he was just a child, by telling him his father would be coming home soon. The lies only provided Khalil with a counterfeit sense of hope and a continuous reminder that his father was not part of his life.

Eventually, she got fed up and tired of watching Khalil wait anxiously every day for his father to show up. She knew James had no intention of returning and finally told him to let go of the idea of ever having the father he wanted. Khalil resembled his father so much that it brought his mother to tears. She had great hopes for her son but couldn’t help but worry that he would follow in his father’s footsteps. She did her best to instill values in him by dragging him to church and involving him in extracurricular activities. Early on, Khalil struggled in school academically. Yet he persevered and overcame every challenge. He promised himself that he would reach every one of his goals in a desperate attempt to make his father proud. But his father didn’t seem interested in his achievements. He never made it to one game or, more importantly, graduation. Khalil was successful despite the absence of his father. However, without a father, there was no one present to teach him how to be a man.

Thinking of his life always caused Khalil to lose track of time. He pulled into the driveway of their home and sat motionless in the driver’s seat. There was so much on his mind that it was hard to distinguish one thought from another.

This day was a waste of my time. Driving around all day trying to get a job. For what? I try so hard and still get turned down… Now I have a baby to worry about, another mouth to feed… Maybe I should just talk to Talia and see why she tried to hide the pregnancy. Of course, I already know why… but that’s beside the point. I can’t believe she wanted to hide this baby from me.

Khalil’s fist pounded into the steering wheel. His drinking was attached to destructive consequences. Outburst of violence coupled with unstable and uncontrollable emotions were the most recurring and caused the most damage.

I’m tired of her doing whatever she wants. Who does she think she is? I’m the one struggling to make ends meet. I’m running myself ragged, trying to pay that car note so she can drive to secret doctor appointments and hide sonograms. I guess I’m gonna have to show her who’s running things.

Khalil felt the dull throbbing of a headache coming on. "I do love her though, and I hate to