Wind On The Water: Teresa

By Anthony S Baker

Now what? thought Teresa. Finding herself unexpectedly divorced with two children at college. She would have to get a job; although it was over twenty years since she had worked out of the home. She had graduated from college as a secretary. Did people still need secretaries? she wondered. Following several false starts, she managed to secure employment with a small printing company near her home in Des Moines, Iowa. A month or so later, she, together with the blessing of the aging owner, Sam Nolan, was running his company. During this time, she met Sam's daughter who soon became her best friend or BFF, as she was fond of saying. They shared a passion and sailed together, both in Iowa and Washington state. Then Teressa met and married David and her whole life changed yet again. Like her, he was divorced, yet somehow, she shared a connection with him she had never experienced before, not with her husband nor her children. David seemed to release in her emotions long suppressed. She was becoming the woman she always wanted to be. David said it was God's work, but she didn't believe in "his God"--no, that was nonsense and would never do.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9798886164558

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Wind On The Water

Teresa

Anthony S Baker

ISBN 979-8-88616-454-1 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88616-455-8 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Anthony S. Baker

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Cover design by Ashlyn Streed

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

About the Author

Chapter 1

Teresa Drinkwater sat on the edge of her bed and looked at the image reflected in the dressing table mirror. She sighed. Who was this woman? she wondered. Where was the young girl she used to see? That girl had flawless skin and clear blue eyes; the woman she saw now did not look like her at all.

The woman she saw was forty-six years old, a mother of two grown-up children, and her body was beginning to show the years. Her skin was not as supple now, and she could see creases that used to disappear, but not now, no, not now. She stood for a moment, allowing the towel wrapped around her waist to fall to the floor. She leaned forward, her breasts did not sag and her nipples still pointed outward. She poked at them with her forefinger; they still felt firm. Yes, she thought, she could still be proud of them and took some comfort from that. Below she saw two extended stretch marks, which originally, she thought of as medals to motherhood, but no longer. Somehow, they seemed to emphasize her age and yesteryear.

She sat back down on the bed. She felt like crying, but she did not, knowing it would not solve her problems, problems she was unaware of until just recently. She always knew and understood her children would one day leave home to attend college and did not really expect them to return following graduation. However, she was completely unprepared for her husband leaving her. She could have coped and understood if he had left her for someone younger, but he had not; he had left her to live with a woman ten years older than her. Why, for goodness's sake? What could she offer him?

He would not discuss it with her, simply saying he had found his soulmate. She could not fathom where he could have met this other woman. He did not stay away for long periods of time, was rarely home late from work, and even then, she always knew where he was, or she thought she did.

She continued to look at herself in the mirror. At least I still have my blond hair, she thought, and looking closely, couldn't see any gray and took some pleasure from that. She reached forward and took a tin of baby powder from her dressing table. Opening the powder, she started to sprinkle it over her body and breathed deeply, enjoying the fragrance. When she did this in the early days of their marriage, her husband would take the powder and push her onto her back and have sex with her. He used the F-word to describe having sex; he always used bad language. She did not call it lovemaking, as that she believed involved two participants, and somehow, she never felt involved. He was not there today to push her down; today she would have to spread the powder over herself alone.

Alone, she guessed she would have to get used to the word. She wondered what the children would say when she told them their father had left her to live with another woman. Had her husband stayed with her as long as he had because of the children? She did not really know what to say to them. Should she simply tell them their father had left and try to convince them he still loved them, but not her? Thinking about telling them made her sad so sad she started to cry; what was to become of her? She allowed the emotion to wash over her like a warm, comforting blanket and, after a little while, started to feel better. She would have to get a job. At least the house was hers, but not the car; he had taken that when he left her.

She started to dress herself. How did you get a job? she wondered. It was over twenty years since she had worked out of the home. When she was a teenager, she had trained at a community college to be a secretary. Did companies still employ secretaries? she asked herself. These days, everyone had a computer connected to the internet and even quite young children have a cell phone.

Perhaps secretaries were not required anymore. Guess I will find out, she said to herself. She finished dressing and went down to the kitchen and made some coffee and toast. Sitting at the kitchen table, she thought about her friends; they had acted strangely when she told them she was now alone. Somehow they had become distant and did not include her in idle gossip anymore.

She had the feeling they thought the failure of her marriage was all her fault; she was prepared to take some blame but not all of it. She had never looked outside the marriage for diversion, yet obviously, her husband had.

She admitted to herself, somewhat reluctantly, she had not been happy for a very long time and guessed her husband had realized this. She had not been mistreated, but somehow her husband always failed to ignite any feelings of emotion within her.

She was honest enough to admit, at least to herself, he never had. She thought she had loved him; after all, she had borne two children with him, but even that failed to ignite any emotion within her. She had raised the children as best as she knew how but was always aware something, something intangible, was missing. Yes, she loved the children, always making sure they were well-fed and dressed. She dutifully attended all the open days and parents' meetings their school demanded but never felt she quite belonged. She blamed herself for this because she failed to empathize with other's feelings. She felt this most when talking to parents; they boasted about their children's successes, but she never felt the need. They were children; you would expect them to succeed at school and whatever else they chose to do. She did not see the need to boast. Perhaps there is something wrong with me, she thought again. Why couldn't she be like other parents?

She finished her breakfast and automatically washed up and cleared away the dishes. Now what? she thought. What now, apart from getting a job and a car? The car would have to come first if she was to find a job.

She had been married just eight months when her husband landed a job as a design engineer for a large manufacturing plant in Iowa. So they moved from their home in Seattle, Washington, and after a while, she had become used to living in the midwest miles from the sea she loved. For a few months, they lived in rented accommodation, but when she became pregnant for the second time, they knew they would need to buy something larger.

She and her husband had accompanied a realtor around various areas of the city and found a new development in West Des Moines. The realtor assured them it was an up-and-coming area and a new mall was planned, the largest in Iowa they were told. Now, twenty years later, she admitted to herself the realtor was right: a new mall had been erected and a lot of companies were moving into the area. Looking back, she was glad they had moved; Iowans were a friendly people and would help ease the loneliness of her single status.

She moved from the kitchen to the den, which housed a large sixty-inch television and her computer. She sat at the computer and switched it on. While she waited for it to start, she became aware the house was silent, and she could hear an old clock she treasured ticking in the living room downstairs. She saw through the window a post office van stopping to deliver her mail. She hurried downstairs and walked across the front lawn and emptied the postbox. She opened only one letter, the others she deposited in the yellow topped recycle bin. The letter she kept was from her lawyer, advising her husband had commenced divorce proceedings and asked her to call him.

Back at her computer, she called the lawyer on her cell phone and made an appointment for the following Monday. She made a note of the time and date in her cell and turned her attention to the computer and entered the phrase How do I find a job? She was unprepared for the large amount of websites seeming to offer employment. She opened and read a couple of them and quickly realized she did not have the résumé they all seemed to demand. She found lots of advice about résumés and made a few notes, realizing she would have to write one of her own if she was to find a job.

She went downstairs, feeling at odds with herself. Somehow, she felt purposeless; yes, she needed a job, but surely, there was more to life than she was feeling.

She nearly poured herself a drink but stopped just in time. I must not travel that road, she thought and put the decanter back onto the tray. A sense of idleness swept over her, and she felt trapped.

I must get out of here, she thought and collecting her coat and bag, walked the mile to the mall; at least she was with other people now and would find it easier to deal with her feelings of inadequacy.

She walked around the mall, nodding at various sales assistants she recognized. How young they looked, she thought. Was she ever like that? She stopped in the food court and bought herself a sandwich, which she ate slowly and deliberately, all the time thinking, What do I do now? Back in the house, she turned on the television, more for company than anything else. The set was tuned to a news channel, and she admitted to herself she was a news junky. News and English drama were her passions, and she always looked to see what Masterpiece Theatre was offering on the local PBS station. A national election was coming soon, and the news channel was interviewing various candidates who used Iowa as a sounding board. Generally, they bored her as they were rarely to be seen again after the election, win or lose.

She soon lost interest in the news broadcasts and checked the local PBS channel. Sanditon was being transmitted on Sunday, and she set the recorder just in case she was not there to see it. She probably would be; what else would she be doing? Before she was married, she was always busy and was never bored. Was it simply age that had changed her? she wondered. Or was it something deeper, something more fundamental?

Chapter 2

Ready about! screamed her father as he pushed the boat tiller away from him. Eighteen-year-old Teresa threw herself across the boat and caught a mouthful of spray. This was what she loved most of all, sailing with her dad on the Puget Sound on a Saturday morning. Her mother would never come sailing with them, saying the motion made her seasick. When the boat was settled on a new course, her father shouted, Terry, come back and take the tiller, your turn to be captain of the ship! She loved being captain and thought that one day, she would have a blue water boat of her own. Quite suddenly, the wind died away, and the boat stopped heeling and came upright. She stood up and scanned the sea around them but could not see any sign of wind on the water.

Hold on, said Dad, I will get us some coffee. She looked at him, smiling, as he dragged a vacuum flask from their sailing bag and two mugs. He handed her a mug and poured them both some coffee.

Her father looked at her with affection Well, you haven't said anything about college. Are you going, or not?

She smiled at him. Thanks to you I am, she replied. I am going to secretarial college. There will always be a need for secretaries, don't you think? They sat quietly, enjoying each other's company and the warm morning sunshine. She could see several other sailboats all becalmed as they were, waiting for the wind to return; it always did.

Suddenly, her father said, Terry, you know your mother and I have not been getting on together for quite a long time. She nodded and waited for him to continue. Well, it seems your mother is leaving us to live with someone else, he blurted this out, clearly fearful of her reaction. He carried on when she remained silent, looking at him. She wouldn't tell you herself and asked me to.

He stopped for a moment before hurrying on. She is leaving today and will not be at home when we return. I am so very sorry, Teresa. I know this must come as a shock.

Terry looked at him. Finally, he is getting free of that bitch, she thought and felt sad for him but not for herself. Secretly, she was pleased. You are getting a divorce, is that it? She started to cry, feeling her eyes fill with tears. Not of sadness but of relief.

Her father came back to her and took her into his arms, not understanding the reason for her tears. I am so sorry, Teresa, we did try to resolve the problem. Please try to think kindly of us. We both love you dearly, you must remember that.

My mother never loved me, Teresa thought, almost tasting the bitterness she had always felt. I am not crying because I am sorry, cried Teresa. I am crying because I am so happy both for you and me. I know you haven't loved her for years, if you ever did, if you are shot of that woman, then so am I.

Her father reached for her. Please don't say that, Terry. I know she was difficult, but she did try. He continued to hold her until suddenly the boat lurched forward as the wind returned to fill the sails.

They did not speak again until they were safely tied up in the marina. What will you do now? she asked him.

I am not sure, he answered with a sigh. I knew this was coming, but it still seems a shock somehow.

Teresa helped tidy the boat and pack up their belongings, her mind in a turmoil. She hadn't seen this coming, although hoped and prayed they would separate for many years. Yes, she had felt their disquiet but thought this was simply the ups and down of a bad marriage. It never occurred to her that Mother might be planning to leave them. She was pleased they were parting, and she knew her father understood the reason why she felt as she did, although he would never speak of it.

She wondered who her mother was going to live with; he's welcome to her. Good riddance, she thought. When they were seated in the car, her father turned to her and said, I had to tell you, you do understand, don't you?

She looked at him. I could never understand why you stayed with that woman for so long, she answered. During the ride home, she felt relieved; finally her mother would be out of her life once and for all and, hopefully, forever.

Her mother had already left when they arrived home. She went to her mother's bedroom and saw all her clothes were gone, together with her makeup. Within minutes, the house felt strangely quiet and somehow peaceful. Teresa wandered around and realized her father was avoiding her. What now? she thought. What am I supposed to do? The rest of that Saturday passed slowly; she felt numb. She had wanted this moment for as long as she could remember. Finally, she cornered her father. Well she exclaimed, have you a girlfriend to run to?

Her father couldn't hold her accusing gaze and looked away. Yes, he said frankly. Our marriage has been floundering for a long time, my blame. He sighed. I guess I should have tried harder, but somehow, I simply did not have the strength anymore.

Teresa was honest enough to admit her dad looked miserable. Suddenly, he took her into his arms. I am sorry, Terry, it had to happen sooner or later and I, he stopped before continuing, I thought it best to tell you before you left for collage. Originally, your mother told me she would wait until you were at college, but now it looks as though she could not hang on any longer. He looked at her fondly and said, I always believed it best to know the worst of a situation rather than imagine it. When you leave now, you will be able to make a new start, but always remember, wherever I am, there will be a home for you. He stopped and Teresa could see his eyes moisten. She realized how hard it must be for him as well.

She nodded. I know you are right, but it is a shock nevertheless. She freed herself from his arms and went to her room. It did not feel like hers anymore; rather, it belonged to someone who had left suddenly.

She sat on the edge of her bed and noticed the tearstained face looking back at her. Will I ever be happy? she asked herself.

All the next week, she prepared to leave for college, which took her mind off her parents. She determined it was not going to affect her in any way, but deep down, she knew it would. Finally, Friday came, and her father drove her to the college just outside Portland, Oregon. She had visited it before and once again was charmed by the setting. It looked lovely, and she just hoped she could be happy there. Her father helped take her luggage to the dorm room and hung about awkwardly until she took pity on him and told him to go. She walked to the car with him, and he hugged her before giving her a check. That should keep you going for a while. Please don't hesitate to call me if you need more. With that, he drove away. For a moment, she felt abandoned. I guess he has paid me off, she thought cynically.

She returned to the dorm and finished unpacking. All the time she could hear other students arriving, the noise level increasing every passing minute. A girl carrying a large backpack and suitcase came in, looked around, and threw herself down on one of the two unoccupied beds. Hi, she called cheerfully. I'm Danielle. What's your name?

Teresa, nice to meet you.

They both looked at each other, weighing the other up, but before they could say anything more, another girl entered, this time with Mother and Father. The girl said, Hello, I'm Diana.

Both Teresa and Danielle introduced themselves, feeling a little out of place until Diana's parents left.

Teresa felt a moment of panic; she had never shared a room before, yet here she was, sharing with complete strangers.

After the unpacking was over, all three girls sat on their beds, looking at one another. After a few minutes, they overcame their initial shyness and were telling each other about themselves.

So started the next two years of Teresa's life. All three girls became friends, but Teresa did not enjoy the same camaraderie the other two shared. They were very close and often traveled together on vacation. Teresa was not made unwelcome, just that somehow, she simply was not included. The other girls had a variety of relationships with boys from neighboring colleges, but not Teresa. She never met anyone she wanted to go out with or fancied.

On one occasion, she talked with her councilor and tried to explain her feelings, or more accurately, her lack of them. Her councilor was very kind but said she would feel differently when the right person came along. He never did the whole time she was at college.

After college, she moved back to Seattle, but not to her old home. Her father had sold the house and moved away with his new wife. He had left her some money, more than she needed, but it was nice to know she had a nest egg. She took a job as a secretary with a photo lab in Seattle, just a short drive from the apartment she rented. She settled into the job and told herself she was happy.

For the next year, she settled into a dull but somehow satisfactory rut. She did not go out much, and when she did, it was to walk alongside the marina, always looking out over the water, wishing she had a boat in which to sail. She joined the local sailing club but did not really like it as it was full of overbearing, snobbish people who bored her. One day, she was invited to crew for a gentleman whose regular partner was sick. She happily agreed and arrived at the dock early one Saturday morning and met Michael for whom she was to crew. She soon realized crewing in a powerboat was much different. She simply did not like power and preferred sails. Much more romantic, she thought. She liked Michael a lot, and she thought he liked her. One Saturday, about two months after their initial meeting, Michael asked her out.

For a date, do you mean? she asked him.

He smiled and nodded. Yes, a date, what do you say?

What have I to lose? she thought and said yes. He collected her the following Saturday evening and took her to dinner. She was not used to this much attention, especially from a man, but realized she was enjoying herself. After dinner, they visited a small intimate bar where Michael told her a little about himself. Like her, there wasn't much to tell; after college, he had landed a job with Boeing, the largest employer in the area.

Teresa and Michael continued to meet like this for another three months until Michael asked her to accompany him to San Francisco for the weekend. For a moment, Teresa wondered if she had heard right. Michael, seeing her hesitation, said, I am asking you away for an intimate weekend, just the two of us, what do you say?

She knew what he wanted, but did she? she wondered. She thought for a moment. Michael, she started hesitantly, I haven't been with anyone before.

Before she could continue, he interjected, Neither have I. He exclaimed, But would love to lose my virginity with you?

Virginity, she thought, I thought only girls lost their virginity. She saw him looking at her anxiously. All right, she said. But promise me you will be gentle.

Michael smiled at her. Only if you will be gentle with me.

She had a nice weekend with Michael in San Francisco, and true to his promise, Michael was gentle with her. He called her later in the week. I wanted to thank you for last weekend. You were gentle with me as you promised. I hope I did not hurt you. He hadn't. Privately, Teresa knew the first time would hurt, and it did, but just a little. She quite enjoyed doing it again and again after that, but something was missing. She did not know what it could be. She had heard her female friends saying how wonderful it was and had orgasms a number of times. Teresa had not. What's wrong with me? she thought. Making love was nice, but she preferred sailing, if truth be told. She giggled to herself; Michael would be so upset if she told him. He did not ask her out again. Perhaps he was disappointed as well, she thought.

Just three weeks later, she felt unwell. She was wise enough to know she could be pregnant, although she and Michael had taken precautions. She continued to feel upset and finally bought a home pregnancy kit, which confirmed her fears; she was pregnant. She went to her doctor who confirmed it. She would have to tell Michael.

He took the news surprisingly calm. Do you want to get married? he asked her. I'm game if you are.

Teresa did not answer immediately. I like him, she thought, but I don't love him, and I am sure he doesn't love me. However, we get on all right together, and perhaps we will grow to love each other. That would be nice, she told him, and he took her in his arms and gave her a satisfactory kiss on the lips.

They got married without fuss or ceremony, and a few months later, Teresa gave birth to a girl they called Jennifer, soon followed by a boy they called Peter. For Teresa, life settled into a comfortable boring pattern. She did not complain, thinking this was the way life was supposed to be.

Chapter 3

Teresa sighed. Where had all the years gone? she wondered. College, becoming pregnant, getting married, and raising two kids had taken a lifetime; yet it seemed only yesterday since her life adventure had started. Was that it? she wondered. Was she now to spend the rest of her days as a lonely, old woman?

Believing she and Michael were all right together, it never occurred to her he might leave her. She had expected the kids would move away as soon as they were able. Weren't kids