The Nothing: A Novel

By Layne Holt

Luna feels like she’s trapped in a life most people would kill for—adoring fans, all the clothes a girl could want, and even some power. But that doesn’t mean that it’s perfect—with managers pushing her further away from who she is and into what they want her to be. Until one lonely night on the rooftop of one of her tour stops in Nashville, Tennessee, she meets Jax—an army vet who seems to know something about life that she doesn’t.

Jax is still adjusting to life outside of war. Finding work and a place to belong outside of the military is nearly impossible, until an old friend finds him a security gig for an up-and-coming artist. She’s nothing like he expects.

Two souls find their way to something bigger than the two of them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 3, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685261276

Book preview

Luna

Before I even hit the stairs, I smelled the sweet aroma of waffles filling the air, reminding me of how hungry I was. The wooden steps of our house creaked one by one as my weight shifted the boards, creating a sound that played the music of my childhood, with every step.

The heat from outside, slowly creeping up my neck and on my cheeks, made my body feel sticky. But as soon as I turned the corner of the stairway, I saw her—my mom, sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other. A few years ago, she decided to take up reading the world’s digest books to read before you die. At first, I thought it was a faze or, maybe, she was just bored. But I did remember being angry when she had first told me, not because I didn’t want her to read—it was the fact that she was thinking about one day dying on me, and that was the only thing she could ever do that I couldn’t forgive.

To get my mind off of the morbid thought, I looked down at the table—we had bought this table, to restore, at the flea market a year ago. Only, we never got to that part; instead, we grew to love the charm of the slab of deep green in our kitchen. It was like a fungus. The longer it was there, the more it was a part of our home and the harder it was to think of fixing it.

I raised my eyes again, and I looked at her. I realized how much her dark-brown hair and green eyes mirror my own.

The only thing that made people believe she was my mom, instead of my sister, were the creases on her forehead and the folds on the outer corners of her eyes. She was still quite young for a parent of a teenager, but her eyes showed how much she had lived, along with all the years of driving to the beach, not applying enough sunblock.

What’s the occasion? my voice going up an octave with excitement.

Well, I know today is going to be the day you upload you first YouTube video, so I wanted to do something special for you.

As I walked the final wooden step, I saw a big case lying on the floor beside her—the case I had looked at every time we went at our favorite thrift shop. I couldn’t help but become even more excited. Her eyes followed my gaze, and before I knew it, she was in front of me with her kind hands resting on my shoulders.

Close your eyes and hold out your arms, it’s a surprise, her voice full of thrill but as soft as a feather against my skin.

That’s my mom—always so full of life and love.

Okay, I said.

When I did, all I could focus on was the galaxy at the back of my eyelids. How is it that when you close your eyes, there is always still some sort of pattern or color? You would think there would just be darkness, but it’s so much more. The quiet surrounded me like a warm blanket until the feeling of cold weight made me jerk out of my daydream. When I opened my eyes, I saw my mom standing in front of me—a huge smile appearing across her face. I quickly looked down at the guitar case resting in my arms.

I just thought that if you’re going to be a rock star, you might need to look the part, she whispered—her eyes flickering with fear when I didn’t say anything.

I wanted to tell her how much I loved it, but somewhere deep inside, I had dropped my voice and I couldn’t seem to find it. I set the precious case on the floor and leaped forward to throw my arms around her neck.

I love it! Thank you! my voice dropping as it always did when I was truly excited.

Oh, I’m so glad! You had me worried for a moment there, she hummed.

I always knew I got my voice from my mom, even though she denied she could sing every time it was brought into the conversation.

With an extra tight squeeze, she said, Oh, good Lord, would you look at the time? I have to get going if I’m going to make it to my shift at the hospital.

She laughed as she slowly let me go. I wish she wouldn’t have ended her loving hug, and I really wish she didn’t have to go to work.

Oh, okay, I’m going to go get dressed and then record my song. Call me when you get there, okay?

Always, she whispered.

When I was only half a step away, she coughed.

"Umm…excuse me, aren’t you forgetting something? she huffed.

I love you.

I love you more.

And with that, she lifted up her purse from the table and walked toward the door. But before she twisted the nob, she turned back to me. See you soon. I’m praying for you.

I walked back up the stairs and sat on my bed.

The black leather case cooled my skin as it laid on my legs. Caressing the leather, I moved to the latches and pulled the smooth metal upward. With a satisfying click, the top opened ever so slightly. There it was. As I took it out of the case, the old wood greeted my fingertips like an old friend—an old friend who knew every curve of my hand and fit perfectly in them.

The subtle blinking of the red dot on my computer screen sent a shiver down my spine. I can’t afford to fail now, not with all the people who are doubting me. My finger somehow found its way to the third string, and with a subtle flick, the sweet hollow sound of music filled my room. When I was done, I gently laid my guitar against the wall and pulled the laptop closer to me. I listened over and over to make sure I didn’t mess anything up. Everything has to be perfect, and thankfully, it was. I clicked the Explorer tab and searched YouTube. My hands shook as I dragged my file onto the upload icon.

Here goes nothing. I breathed. Click.

Twenty million views and four years later…

Only, the call never came, and here I was. The icy metal tables of a mortuary burning my skin. My eyelids didn’t have galaxies behind them anymore. They were completely and utterly empty. The table began to slide out from the morgue fridge.

So young. It’s a shame to see another OD. How did you know her?

A mumbled voice began.

I actually met her at my father’s church. I asked her if I could pray for her. She laughed and then left. After that, I got to see her perform. I always thought she was so much better than the life she chose.

A new voice whimpered.

This girl was crazy. I don’t go to church. Now I know this is a nightmare.

Why did she put you down as an emergency contact, miss?

I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t have anyone else.

Wake up. I need to wake up and tell them I’m not dead. I forced my eyelids to crack open. The fluorescent lights burned my pupils. I felt like I’ve been asleep for a thousand years with not an ounce of rest—like a vampire in her coffin, awaiting a death that will never come.

The man who was the first to speak was a doctor in his golden years. But the crying woman, the one who had spoken second—seeing her made my heart quiver with despair. Her long hair was a bleached blonde that complemented her already pale skin. If I had ever seen an angel, it would have looked like her. Why was a person full of so much light in a place of so much death?

I just needed you to identify the body. You should probably leave now, the doctor said before ushering the women out of the room.

I’m so sorry, Luna.

She was gone. That dream, that horrible dream—my mind had become a haunted house that I couldn’t escape from over these past three years.

I woke up to my tour manager shaking me violently—his silhouette becoming clear eventually.

Get up now, I don’t have time for this.

His voice was deep and crisp. His breath smelled of cigars with a mixture of hard liquor.

I wonder what time it was, but deep down, I didn’t even care—not about what time it was or about anything. I was a void. There was nothing left inside of me but darkness, death, and decay. This was supposed to be my biggest dream coming true, but it felt more like a nightmare than anything else. It wasn’t always like this. I used to be happy—not a walking corps.

When I stood, it took a while for my feet to adjust to the ground of the tour bus. It was still moving, but where to? I walked out into the public part of the bus to see what was going on and where we were headed. When I did, I saw the band members sitting at the kitchen table—one had a needle in his hand, flicking the barrel of a syringe. The liquid slowly emptied into the drummer’s arm like it did day after day. I didn’t know what the contents of the syringe held, and I didn’t want to. It was not the first time I’ve seen drugs, and as much as I hate to say it, I’ve even done them before. Drugs were