Weeds & Wildflowers

By Barbara Vansickle Cook

Weeds and Wildflowers is a psychological thriller that dives in and exposes the cruel reality of spousal abuse, rape, and mental maladies while proving that the human condition can be strong enough to overcome excruciating experiences.

Author, Barbara Vansickle Cook, begins this heart-wrenching true story with the birth of baby Jennifer in an Appalachian coal town hospital. Jennifer is immediately adopted as an infant and whisked away by her surrogate parents from what would have been a life

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 8, 2014
• ISBN: 9781628387803

Book preview

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Even when weeds are thick and trying to choke out the wildflowers, there are always a few that fight hard and pop up with brilliant colors, despite the adversity. That, my friend, is you.

—Beverly Ann Munson

Barbara Vansickle Cook

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Copyright © 2014 Barbara Vansickle Cook

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

New York, NY

First originally published by Page Publishing, Inc. 2014

ISBN 978-1-62838-779-7 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-62838-780-3 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

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Acknowledgments

I offer my deepest gratitude to my psychiatrist, Dr. Elma Bernado, Thomas Memorial Hospital, South Charleston, WV. A better psychiatrist could not be found. I came to know her so well that I sometimes affectionately referred to her as Mom.

No words can express how grateful I am to my psychologist, Laberta Stewart Salamacha MA LPC, Hurricane, WV. She coaxed me back into the light and helped me to uncover an inner strength I never knew existed.

Thank you to my dearest friend and confidant, Beverly Ann Munson (who will always be Annie to me). She was my critic throughout every chapter of the novel.

I offer my heartfelt thanks and love to my dear husband, Roger, for patiently listening to me chatter about every chapter. I laid aside my novel after completing Chapter 8 for over a year. He encouraged me to finish it and gave me his support.

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Chapter 1

A bright sun shone in betraying how cold it actually was outside the grimy window. The hospital walls were a sickly green with old, cracked tile floors. It was mid-march in 1951; a month when the steep coal-country mountains were shades of stark brown and bare of any foliage. Thus was the day that Jennifer was born.

Jennifer didn’t look like a baby who was born from a poor, worn-out coal camp woman. She looked more like she should have been wrapped in frills and lace instead of the faded hospital blanket that was wrapped around her. Jennifer’s deep blue eyes, light brown wavy hair, and creamy skin betrayed her actual place in the world. In fact, at the time of her birth, no name had been picked out for her by her birth mother nor did her birth mother even look at her. Instead, she turned her face to the side so that she wouldn’t have to see the child that had just been born to her. Three other hungry mouths waited at home to be fed and clothed; not one of them shared the same father. The birth mother had no idea who had fathered Jennifer, either. She was beaten down and had no desire to take on another child. The biological father had been just another of a long stream of men looking for a brief night of pleasure mixed with a great deal of moonshine.

Arrangements had already been made with a social worker for Jennifer to be placed for adoption. There were no questions or concerns as to whether this had been the right decision; it had been the only decision. The legal work had been completed, and the adoptive parents, Benjamin and Clair Westburg, had been contacted to pick up the child. Until they actually picked Jennifer up, however, the hospital simply penciled baby girl onto her birth certificate. Benjamin and Clair had picked out a name for Jennifer without knowing whether she would be a boy or girl. Their only hope was simply to have a child of their own.

The morning that Benjamin and Clair were to pick up Jennifer, they awoke both elated and more than a little bit jittery. Neither of them had slept well the previous night. They were too anxious to finally see and hold their new daughter. After a quick breakfast and shower, they hit the road. It seemed to take forever for Benjamin and Clair to make the long drive into the coal fields to greet their new child. They had to drive thru coal-camp communities along the way that were nothing more than rows of shacks with an occasional nice home that obviously belonged to a mine owner. The coal-country roads constantly changed from ice to mud, and there were countless numbers of potholes in the road. Neither the roads, nor the bleak, poor Appalachian conditions, however, could dim the palpable excitement inside their warm car. They had waited so long for this moment. In fact, they had almost given up hope that a child would be found for them. It was a God-given stroke of luck that Clair’s boss, who was an attorney, had heard of the impending birth. He pulled the necessary strings and paved the way for this event to happen.

At long last, Benjamin and Clair arrived at the little hospital which turned out to be nothing more than an under-funded Appalachian clinic. They thought they had become accustomed to the coal-field sights they had encountered along the way, but neither of them was prepared for the absolute desolation that greeted them when they arrived. Tired-looking men and women dressed in nothing more than thin rags waited in line outside the hospital in the cold, wet weather for their turn to be seen by either a doctor or nurse. Numbers of children dressed in what looked like feed sacks, and their feet wrapped in old rags, also waited outside for their turn. Everyone was either sick, had open sores, or was injured. All of them, both old and young alike, looked as if life had beaten them.

Benjamin and Clair pulled into the parking area but then hesitated before getting out of their car in their nice warm clothes. They felt totally out of place as they observed the line of unfortunate people. Plus, they were totally unsure of where to go. They saw only the one door leading into the hospital with the long line of people waiting to get inside. After a short conversation between them, they decided that there only course of action was simply to get out of the car and step into line. They weren’t afraid; they simply weren’t prepared for the sights they saw. Nothing was going to keep them from entering that building, though, to pick up their new child even if they did look out of place. It wasn’t long before Benjamin and Clair were both wet and chilled to the bone. To make matters worse, it had started to lightly sleet.

After a very long wait, they finally stepped inside the hospital doors. Their teeth were chattering, and their clothing was completely wet. Thankfully, it was at least clean and warm inside. After what seemed like an eternity, a haggard hospital employee finally noticed them in the line of people, walked up to them, and politely asked why they were there. After hearing their reason, they were asked to step into a small office and were given a thin towel to dry themselves. A few minutes passed; then a tired-looking hospital administrator walked into the office. Introductions were exchanged, paperwork was quickly finalized, and a nurse was asked to get the child. When Benjamin and Clair were introduced to their new child, both of them were so excited that their hands shook. As is with all new parents, both of them were biased. To them, Jennifer was far more beautiful than either of them could ever have imagined.

Clair had brought a small suitcase with pink baby clothes and matching blanket to wrap Jennifer in to keep her warm. After what they had seen, though, they decided that they would use the faded hospital blanket and keep the frilly baby clothes for when they introduced Jennifer to her new family. Both of them were anxious to whisk their new child out of the environment from which she had been born. They thanked everyone and left the hospital to begin their long drive home. By that time, the sleet had changed to heavy snow.

Benjamin carefully pulled out of the small parking area and onto the road. For a little while, both he and Clair were silent. Both of them were processing everything they had seen. Clair eventually broke into sobbing tears as she held Jennifer close to her. Benjamin quickly found a place to safely pull the car off the road. He then wrapped Clair and Jennifer in his arms and reassured Clair that the emotional day was almost over; now all they had to do was to get Jennifer home safely. Clair started to turn around to look back, and Benjamin stopped her. He looked directly into her tear-stained eyes and said, "Never look back".

The day after Benjamin and Clair arrived home, there was a family get-together to introduce Jennifer to her new family. Everyone made over her. Jennifer wasn’t a fussy baby and would snuggle with anyone who was holding her. She cooed contently. The entire family seemed to fall in love with her—at the time.

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Chapter 2

The first two years of Jennifer’s life passed by quickly. During that time period, her child development would have been considered above normal by most modern-day standards. It was filled with the love of doting parents and festive holidays, and she was proving to be quite intelligent for her age.

Then Clair began having excruciating headaches accompanied by severe nausea. She had always been a large woman, but she quickly began to lose weight—a lot of it. Her health worsened to the point that she could no longer care for herself or for Jennifer. Family, neighbors, and friends stepped up to the plate to help. Benjamin was beside himself with worry and at a total loss as to what he could do to help her. Clair was suffering thru a living hell. Her days and nights were a continuous fog of unbelievable pain and sickness. Benjamin took her to doctor after doctor, and not one of them could isolate exactly what was wrong with her. After a lengthy period of time, though, it was finally determined that she was suffering from a cancerous brain tumor. Little was known about brain tumors at that time, and there certainly was not a cure. All the doctors could do was make Clair as comfortable as possible while she awaited death. Jennifer’s needs had to be compromised during this period of her life, but it couldn’t be helped.

A hospital in Baltimore was better equipped to care for Clair, so she was moved there. That was a long way from West Virginia. Benjamin struggled in his efforts to split his time between Clair and Jennifer plus hold down his job. Ultimately, though, Clair’s illness became so bad that he was forced to spend every spare moment of his time in Baltimore.

Life for Benjamin, Clair, and Jennifer had become an endless nightmare. Eventually, Clair’s health deteriorated to the point that she didn’t even remember that she had a daughter or husband.

During this period of Jennifer’s young life, she was cared for by one person after another whether it be a family member, neighbor, or friend. It didn’t take long before she became a burden to all of them. She ultimately became just another mouth to feed and bathe.

It was a confusing, unsettling time for a young toddler. Jennifer didn’t understand the emotions that she felt, but a big part was abandonment. An empty void replaced what had been a fairy-tale life for her, thus far. Since she was too young to understand all of her feelings, they manifested themselves in tears and temper tantrums. Where were her Mommy and Daddy!

Clair’s health worsened to the point that the top of her skull had to be removed to allow for the swelling that was giving her the terrible headaches. If wasn’t long after that that she succumbed to the illness.

Benjamin was devastated. He cared for Jennifer during his grief period and loved her but simply didn’t have enough left in him to give her the proper nurturing care that she needed at her young age. He had become completely numb. Jennifer, in turn, had become a somber little girl. There no longer was any laughter nor were there any smiles coming from her.

Benjamin went through several babysitters for Jennifer before he was satisfied with one. The string of babysitters just added more confusion to Jennifer’s life. There ultimately were a couple of years of Jennifer’s early childhood that she simply couldn’t remember. They had been filled with too much pain, so her mind blocked them out. Plus, this period of her life left her with emotional scars.

As the saying goes, though, "Life goes on.’’ Benjamin eventually became his old self again. In turn, Jennifer began to emerge from the shell she had hidden in and began to laugh again, smile again, play again, and became inquisitive of the world around her. Life settled into a new style of norm.

Benjamin was an avid hunter and fisherman. He introduced Jennifer to the two sports before she was five years old and teasingly called her his little boy. Jennifer never developed an interest in dolls, because she didn’t have a mother to introduce them to her. Instead, she developed a love of the outdoors and all of God’s creatures.

Once Jennifer discovered a nest of baby mice and tried to nurse them back to health. That was a fruitless endeavor which left her in tears and temporarily caused her to become quite somber again. She had already suffered through more loss than any child should have to endure.

She also had a passion for climbing trees. Much to Benjamin’s dismay, there were times when she simply climbed too high.

She then discovered snakes. Jennifer would proudly show each one that she caught to Benjamin for his approval. She was a quick learner, so Benjamin was able to teach her the difference between a poisonous and non-poisonous one. He taught her it was okay to play with the black or the green snakes but to run away from all the others. Benjamin and Jennifer became inseparable. In her eyes, her father was a god.

While Jennifer was still young, Benjamin wisely explained adoption to her. He did it in such a way that she felt she was extra special. In fact, she became quite proud of that fact.

For a few years, Jennifer was sent to Florida during the summer months to visit with her Poppy (her grandfather). She loved the time that she spent there. She was a very curious young girl. Poppy would take long walks with her and explain the many things in nature that fascinated Jennifer. One of Jennifer’s favorite things to do while she was in Florida was to make puffer fish puff up into a fat ball. She would always giggle when she was successful. Jennifer loved her Poppy very much. In later years when he passed away, she felt abandoned once again. It seemed that almost everyone she loved always died.

Jennifer’s hair eventually turned very dark brown. When she tanned, her skin turned almost black. Once, when Benjamin was driving her home from Florida, they stopped at a diner to eat along the way. As soon as they entered the establishment, the greasy-looking, red-faced owner angrily stomped up to them and demanded that Benjamin take Jennifer back outside and to read the sign hanging there. Then the owner told him that he didn’t serve niggers, and his pickaninny would have to stay outside. Needless to say, Benjamin took Jennifer elsewhere to eat. The incident, however, left him no choice but to explain racism to Jennifer and to answer her many questions. That event left a lifelong impression on Jennifer.