Rainbow Farm 2.0: Impeachment and Virus

By Robert Ross Williams

Oh, what tangled webs we weave. The farm is hit by an impeachment followed by a virus that shakes it to its core. During all this, the Squad of cute little rabbits and their fearless leader, Imperitia, have been successful in pulling their party, the Donkeys, to the extreme far left. Fancy the Bat has capitulated to the calls and demands for impeachment as Operation Take Down Pete continues. Her lead attack dog, Shifty the Weasel, leads the charge as Nads the Walrus is regulated to second fiddle. There are a host of new characters to include such as Wiltberg, a potbellied pig; Dyani, a beautiful albino doe; a meerkat named Elena; a young possum named Alfred; Hitch, a turtle; Bookie, a black lion; Cackles, a hyena; and Myanna, a beautiful mink. Also joining the farm are two Ukrana twin bears, Beefy and Atticus. Have front-row seats to the Donkey debate known as the Huss, Fuss, and Cuss in Sin City. Be part of the audience for a host of new events in the pen of Justice the Bull. Observe two earth-shattering events on the farm: impeachment and virus. Whom will the Donkeys pick as their nominee? Will it be a newcomer or someone from the establishment? Will Shrill the parrot parachute in at the last minute to save the day? Is the Farm headed for revolution? Join along and enjoy this sequel to Rainbow Farm and find the answers to these questions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 8, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662411205

Book preview

cover.jpg

Rainbow Farm 2.0

Impeachment and Virus

Robert Ross Williams

Copyright © 2020 Robert Ross Williams

All rights reserved

First Edition

PAGE PUBLISHING, INC.

Conneaut Lake, PA

First originally published by Page Publishing 2020

ISBN 978-1-6624-1119-9 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-6624-1121-2 (hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-6624-1120-5 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

The Squad

Fun and Games

Impeachment

Assassination

Assassination

Assassination

Donkey Debate

Sly and Regan Part Deux

Drain the Swamp

Dark Room

WOO Hoots

Revolution

Impeachment and Virus

Robert Ross Williams

Malib, put down those peaches and pay attention to the lesson!

Chapter 1

The Squad

Imperitia, Malib, Prissy, and IO

The last time one saw these four little rabbits, they were on the far left side of the garden plot, scheming and planning what was to be their signature piece of legislation, the Iceberg Proclamation. Most animals viewed these four little rabbits as harmless, cute, innocent little freshman on the Hill. Like every newcomer to the Swamp, they arrived all fresh and eager, ready to change the farm for the better. After all their constituents had elected them to do so, by God, that is what they were going to do. However, eager and rearing to go one may be, there were some unwritten and written rules. Newcomers were provided a welcome memo from their fearless leader Fancy.

General Order 1

Welcome to the Hill. For your first tenure in office, it would benefit you to have big ears and a little mouth. Try not to get too excited and full of yourself and delusions of grandeur. That will come with time. So get in line, wait your turn, and do as told.

FTB, Fancy the Bat

Anyone who thought that these four little rabbits, the Darlings of the Donkeys, were going to come in and sit around quietly and wait for permission to implement their progressive vision was in for a big surprise. The leader of this quartet was Imperitia, a beautiful bespectacled hare from the Empire Region’s Big Apple. It took little time for her to bypass Fancy and all other female animals in the party as the most popular politician on the entire farm. Thousands followed her on social media.

Imperitia was savvy enough to know there was strength in numbers, so her first order of business was establishing like minds and like animals and forming what became known as The Squad. The three freshmen she selected were Malib from the Big Ponds Region, Prissy from the Lobster Belt, and IO from the Thousand Lakes Region. This informal group quickly broke all the norms and soon would be a major force to be reckoned with on the highest of levels. They were a threat not just to the Elephants but first and foremost to the Donkey Party and the establishment.

Just as the Coffee Party had pulled the Elephants to the right, conversely, the Squad was pulling the Donkeys to the left—far left. If you were to use an analogy of an appleball field, the Elephants were in right field, the Donkeys in left field, and between the two were the Swingers in center field. Many believed these cute, harmless-looking little rabbits were pulling the Donkeys so far left that soon they would cross the foul line, and as a result, the party would be out of play—in effect, a foul ball.

During this meeting, Imperitia was strategizing on how they would hitch their cart to Old Red in order to even further raise their profile. While she was brainstorming, a peach landed on her head. Looking over, she saw Malib juggling peaches.

Imperitia: Girlfriend, what on earth are you doing?

Malib: Learning to juggle peaches. I told you I was going to impeach the MF. I’m just preparing for that day.

And that day would come.

Chapter 2

Fun and Games

Arrows and Riddles

This year’s Fun and Games would have a different spin. The crowd was very excited and was dying with anticipation for a repeat performance like last year’s bull-riding competition. Who could forget Shifty the Weasel flying like a missile and face-planting into a pile of cow dung? Or even funnier to some was Nad’s assistants all requiring chiropractors after throwing out their backs in a failed attempt at lifting the fat walrus onto Justice. Oh, how funny it was to see Ed Bighead the Toad clutching his tiny marbles after a hard bounce on Justice’s backbone. But the most remembered ride of the day was Arrogantgit Clouds, AC, also known as The Maniac Giraffe, being dragged around the pen like the sad sack he was. A confessed leaker, he suffered the next few days from another form of leaking. Every time he had to relieve himself and take a leak, he was reminded in a painful way just how brutal of a beatdown he had taken at the hands of Justice.

Justice had looked at the list of contestants and, having some mercy in his soul, decided to offer the contestants options. They could either ride him for eight seconds or be administered other tasks he had prepared for them. Today’s list of contestants would include some of the Donkey’s nominees for Chief of Farm to include Dyani the Doe, A. E. Neuman the Possum, Sniffy the Hound, Wiltberg, Wilty for short, the Potbelly Pig, Elena the Meerkat, and Old Red the Bear.

An added twist to this year’s competition would be a warm-up competition where both Nads the walrus and Shifty the weasel, riding high from their key roles in the impeachment process and proudly bearing the handle as Fancy’s top lieutenants of the House Managers, again had something to prove. It would be the bow-and-arrow competition. Justice explained it.

Justice: My fellow animals, so nice to see you gathered today. We are providing you a special treat in that you will have the pleasure of a double header today. You all remember Nads and Shifty from last year’s bull-riding competition. They are here again.

The crowd went crazy. If anything, they had mad respect for these two for at least showing up again and challenging Justice; that took balls. As was normal, they were having a go with the contestants—some encouraging mixed in with the usual heckling.

Fans: Go get ’em, Shifty, whatever you do, keep your feet on the ground. You don’t want to be a missile again. We love you, weasel. Nads, at least get in the arena this time, if you had as many brain cells as fat cells you would be a genius.

Justice, addressing the crowd: We will kick off with the Bows and Arrow competition and culminate with the Ride, Hide, or Cry competition. Bow and arrow originated from Nads and Shifty, who are known for tossing mass noodles of fake accusations and lies about Pete against the wall to see if anything would stick. They played this silly little game on a regular basis, and when I got wind of these childish antics, I made them a proposition they could not refuse. I asked them, Why play noodle toss for fun and concoct imaginary charges when you can come to the arena and compete for real? Why they would want to challenge me again after their less-than-stellar showing last time at the riding competition, a no-show when it came to Nads when he failed to even mount, is beyond comprehension for me. I guess some animals are just a glutton for punishment. But give them some credit. They accepted and are here today to accept the challenge.

Justice, addressing Shifty and Nads: This will be a team competition—you against me. And what will be the name of your team? I have heard you two referred to as several different monikers—W&W for Walrus and Weasel, Stan and Ollie, Jake and the Fat Man, Ted and Biff, Gilligan, and Skipper—what will it be?

Shifty: We will be Batman and Robin.

Justice: Okay, Fatman and Little Robbie. I have changed the rules of your noodle toss to something more exciting. I am more than positive you will embrace my proposition. In addition to proving your collective causes are noble and just, simultaneously, in the process, you can inflict serious damage on yours truly, me, Justice. I am sure you would both enjoy that, especially you, Shifty, after that journey I provided you last time—a one-way flight to a pile of crap.

You each will be provided your jerseys, a marker, three arrows, and each a bow. You will label those arrows with the alleged perpetrated crimes that Pete has committed, and if able to shoot those arrows and make your mark—that being me—well, it goes without saying. Once I sound the bell, you have exactly one hour to don your jerseys, label your arrows, and start shooting away. You can either be in the pen, which I advise against because I will stampede you and crush you, or choose a vantage point from outside. Are you ready and do you accept the challenge?

Shifty: Yes, we do, and this time, you have made a mistake, Justice, you will see.

Justice: Sure, Li’l Robbie. Keep dreaming. One rule—your jersey must remain on for the competition.

Unknown to Nads and Shifty, Justice had intentionally made the jersey for Nads, Fatman really small and the jersey for Shifty, Little Robbie, really large. Also unknown to the walrus and weasel was that the name tags could be easily switched. The name tags themselves were a Velcro system.

Justice: Ten second countdown commence.

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go!

T-60. Justice tossed the bundle of kit to the two animals. The first fifteen minutes were wasted, as Nads struggled to put on his jersey and hollered at Shifty to help. But Shifty himself was having a hard time. The little weasel was practically engulfed in the massive jersey. Finally, he was able to find his way out, and in the process of helping Nads, the name tag from Nads came off, and a bright light suddenly went off in Shifty’s dim head.

Shifty: Let’s just switch the name tags, and I get the little jersey and you get the big one.

Nads: Okay, little buddy, that makes sense.

Justice was sitting nearby, and the crowd collectively had a good, hearty laugh.

T-45. Finally, they were able to get to the task of labeling their arrows. This went quickly since these two had been spewing these same baseless accusations for years.

Arrow 1: Collusion with the Red Farm

Arrow 2: Obstruction of Congress

Arrow 3: Quid Pro Quo with Ukrana Farm

Arrow 4: Bribery of Ukrana Farm CoF

Arrow 5: Treason against Rainbow Farm

Arrow 6: Racism

T-40. The arrows were prepared. There was plenty of time to pump a few into the hind side of Justice.

On the outside of the pen, where it was safe, the weasel and the walrus both strung their bows and prepared to fire their first arrows. Just as Nads and Shifty were in the process of drawing their bows, Justice got a full head of steam and charged straight for them, coming to a screeching halt and slinging mud from the pen into their eyes and onto their faces. The fans in the stands, like fans at a stock car race on a quarter-mile dirt track on a Saturday night in Left Mempho, got sprayed as well.

Justice: Hooker Hood strikes again. Eat my mud clods.

The result was mud in both Shifty and Nad’s eyes, and the natural reaction was for each animal to let go of the bowstring and attempt to wipe their eyes, thus releasing their arrows. Firing blindly usually has less than favorable results, and this was no different. Arrow 1, Collusion, and Arrow 2, Obstruction, missed their mark by a country mile as Justice and the crowd roared with laughter.

Crowd: Hey, Shifty, once again, you got crap in your eyes. Nads, you look like you got the measles. Good luck on your next salvo! Clock’s ticking.

T-30. Half an hour was gone. Thirty minutes remaining. Four arrows left. Time to reassess.

Shifty: Okay, we need to be further away from the pen so that the soon-to-be porterhouse can’t charge us anymore and sling shit and mud all over us.

Nads: I agree, little buddy, let’s back off on each side of the pen—in fact get on both sides—lie in wait, and just when he crosses in front of us, catch him in a crossfire. I will shoot for chuck, you shoot for sirloin. One of us has to get lucky and hit that crazy bull.

T-25. Well, Justice thought to himself, These two are not as dumb as I thought they were or they’re smarter than I gave them credit for. For the first time in years, they surprise and defy the insanity definition of doing the same thing over and over and expecting the same results. If only they would apply this principle to their day jobs and cease this infatuation with Pete that some refer to as Pete Derangement Syndrome—PDS.

The Mighty Bull was very cautious. One would think a good strategy would be to run around the pen and make himself a fast-moving target; but there was still plenty of time left on the clock, and he did not want to unnecessarily tire himself out. So he trotted slowly with his neck on a