Thar Ain't a Tater in the House

By Roger Vanover

“I live in a holler, and I’ve heard some folks talk that holler bunch won’t amount to a hill of beans, and I’ve heard others say that the sun never shines in those hollers.”

“My mother let me know I was as good as anyone. ‘Ralph, don’t walk with your head down. There’s nothing shameful about running out of taters.’”

“My daddy said, ‘Ralph, don’t quit. Quitting follows you to the grave.’”

The philosophy in these words was with Ralph from the time of his childhood. He heard them from relatives and witnessed the people around him live them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781638146520

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Thar Ain’t a Tater in the House

Roger Vanover

ISBN 978-1-63814-651-3 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63814-652-0 (Digital)

Copyright © 2021 Roger Vanover

All rights reserved

First Edition

Pictures are by an unknown artist (CC BY-SA) and by private individuals.

The poem, Forgotten Drum, is from the book Soul Mining by B. Grey Forish. Thanks to the cast of characters who helped make a memorable childhood.

Sorry, Buster, life happens.

This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books, Inc.

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Table of Contents

Preface

Introduction

Let Your Light Shine

Wigley’s Piggly

Saying Goodbye

The Homeplace

Home

New Beginnings

The Holler Gang

Uncle Lance’s Toe

The Good Old Summertime

The Story Mamaw Would Tell Ralph One Day

The Horse Apple Salesman

That Girl

Ralph and Bethany

Stories Told by Aunt Agnes

Baptism at the Dutton Hole

Life after Baptism

How to Catch a Bird

Sundays Are for Sunday School or Picking Cherries

A Sad Day

Off to College

Postscript

Preface

I live in a holler, and I’ve heard some folks talk that holler bunch won’t amount to a hill of beans, and I’ve heard others say that the sun never shines in those hollers.

Do you believe those stories, Ralph?

"I’ll answer you this way. The sun shines in the holler where I live, and I grow corn to go with my hill of beans. One other thing I want you to know, I’m going to make something of myself.

I’m proud of who I am and the people who work in the mines. I don’t know what’s going to happen in my life, but no one can say I didn’t try.

Ralph, don’t walk with your head down. There’s nothing shameful about running out of taters.

My daddy said, "Ralph, don’t quit. Quitting follows you to the grave.’’

The philosophy in these words were with Ralph from the time of his childhood. He heard them from relatives and witnessed the people around him live them.

Ralph lived under the protective wings of his grandparents until his father returned home at the end of World War II. His mother, Maggie Lee, put his feet to the ground in cases of total guilt from unforgiving acts of youth curiosity. Ralph shot an arrow up in the sky; poor Ralph he knew where it landed, in the awning in front of his mother as she washed dishes.

Introduction

The setting for Thar Ain’t a Tater in the House is in southwest Virginia’s coalfields. It was a place where people from different countries came to make a living for their families and take part in the American dream: Hungarians, Germans, Irish, and the people of the mountains who lived there as the coal boom began after World War II. Residents segregated themselves from the other groups because they wanted to be with their own.

The Coal Barons, from the north, purchased mining rights from the top of the ground to hell and established "coal camps’’ and built houses for the workers.

Thar Ain’t a Tater in the House tells part of one of the families’ stories. The story is fiction (used freely with a dose of writer’s imagination) and simmered with a pinch of truth to confuse anyone trying to do his family tree.

The story centers around Carlton and Virgie Vanover, the anchors of the family. The main characters are Ralph and Jim Bo, Donald, Benny, Bethany, and Lynn. The parents are Daddy Gray and Mother Mickey, Uncle Joe and Aunt Agnes, Aunt Leona and Uncle Lance, and Aunt Bill.

Ralph and Bethany are soul mates who share a dream and ask questions beyond the beyond. They are so close they swear they can hear one another’s heartbeat. It is true today. Aunt Agnes looked at Ralph and Bethany and said, I’ve always believed you two came from outer space. It’s the only way I know how to explain the pair of you to people.

Lynn and Jim Bo stuck tight to each other as pure white sheep whose ultimate destination was the pigpen. Bo, where do you think he keeps it?

I don’t know, but I’ll bet he’s hidden it well.

Jim, I have a question for you, Lynn said.

What are we going to do with the home brew when we find it?

Donald and Benny introduced baseball to everyone in the holler and had a fun rivalry until the game began.

When he left the bridge and hit the paved road, the distance of burnt rubber was a source of pride for Donald. "Look at that, Grover.’’

Donald volunteered to wash Joe Boy’s car until his father noticed the rubber on his new tires vanishing before his eyes.

Grover, let’s ride down to the Dutton Hole and see if that pretty Donna Jean is there.

You better hope she is. It might be your last look before Joe Boy sends you to jail.

If Joe Boy sends me to jail, who’ll tell the world about your unassisted triple play when the team played the Rock Holler Hens?

Another person who belongs in this web of fiction is that girl.’’ Bethany told a friend, Ralph can’t go to the doctor after seeing Jo Anna, his pulse and heart go wild. His cardiologist put him in the hospital and told Ralph, I just don’t know what caused your problem.’’

Papaw Carton had the answer for a heartbroken Ralph.

No, Papaw, I didn’t have enough money to take her to the fair, and not long after that, she moved to another school.

Count yourself lucky, Ralph. A woman will take all your money and leave town. In your case, Ralph, you didn’t have any money for her to take. It may be Ralph. She got a lousy deal with you and decided not to wait for you to earn money. She must have a good head on her shoulders.

I hadn’t thought about her in that way.

Other groups which add humor to the book are Ralph and Jim Bo’s aunts and uncles. Aunt Bug and Uncle Lance’s uniqueness are the perfect feature in Uncle Lance’s Toe. Aunt Bill and Joe Boy bring their idiosyncrasy to enhance the extended family.

Chapter 1

Let Your Light Shine

"Ralph, I need you to go to Wigley’s Piggly to buy a quart of milk and a loaf of bread. Your father’s out-of-town working in another mine because