Moms with Jobs: Practical Ideas for Working Mothers

By Rue Doolin

THE SENSE OF A WOMAN When God created Man, He didn't really have a plan, But they turned out rather well for a first try. He gave them abs and other parts to stir the women's hearts, Plus charming smiles, and captivating eyes. There was a problem with the brain that I think I should explain, For it tells us why men sometimes seem so dense: Their egos took up so much room that we simply can assume, There was hardly any space left for their sense. But women caught a break, as God had learned from His mistake, That's why men are nines and women are all tens. For He kept our egos small, which made room to install, All the extra sense left over from the men. Without our sense this world would be fast cars and sports TV; We'd push and shove and cuss and spit and scratch. There'd be no ribbons and no flowers, no children's story hours, And the earth would soon be littered up with trash. Veggie trays would disappear, to be replaced with chips and beer, And things like vacuums, mops, and brooms would all be gone. We'd start each meal with a dessert; end each sentence with a burp. No one would kiss the hurts or point out right from wrong. We'd have toilets without seats, a liquor store on every street. Our kids would not be taught to say, "Yes, sir," or "No, ma'am." So when that ceiling finally shatters; when we've shown the world we matter, We must celebrate the sense of a woman. Yes, we're weak, yet we are strong; not always right, not often wrong. We're each unique, but have so many things in common. We stay composed when we're intense; you'll never find us on the fence, Because we're blessed with the sense of a woman. Rue Doolin

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 29, 2019
• ISBN: 9781684568499

Book preview

A

ALL

For generations, women have been cautioned that they cannot have it all—all being a satisfying career and a successful home and family life. With so many women employed outside the home today, either by choice or by circumstance, that myth has pretty well been put to rest. To be certain, having it all can be difficult, though less so if you are able to pace yourself and don’t try to have it all at once. If you are in a position to be a stay-at-home mom until your children reach an age where they no longer require your constant attention, I urge you to take advantage of it. When all is said and done, the experience of nurturing and developing infants, toddlers, and young children can be even more rewarding than a successful career, albeit not monetarily. The good news is, with a little planning, the child-rearing years can provide an opportunity to develop skills within yourself that will give you a head start on the competition if you later decide to enter the workforce. Of course, such skills can be developed by working mothers as well. It’s just a bit more difficult and requires a little more effort and commitment.

One primary purpose of this book is to provide women with a realistic understanding of the responsibilities and rewards of a career in the field of their choice, especially as a manager or executive, by presenting unique techniques to enable women to excel in such positions once they reach the workplace. Another is to provide tools with which women can evaluate their own skills and personal attributes, to help them decide what type of career would be a good fit. A secondary purpose is to call attention to the important role each of us can play in elevating the status of women.

You are not alone if you think I am naive to believe that women can have a significant impact on the problems facing the women of our country today. Unfortunately, after centuries of being relegated to a secondary, supportive role in society, many women continue to see themselves as the weaker sex. However, the escalating divisiveness in our country today has made people more open to trying new solutions, especially those that would promote a more peaceful, equitable, and respectful environment for our children and grandchildren. I believe every woman in this country, whether employed outside the home or not, can take part in bringing that about. Let’s consider for a moment the power women in this country already possess.

A prime example of female power is a determined group of mothers of children killed by drunk drivers. They believed that if they banded together they could make a difference, so they formed a group called Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (MADD) and were successful in getting important legislation passed that significantly curtailed drunk driving. In the process, they familiarized an entire country with the concept of designated driver.

Another group of women, tired of waiting for a cure for breast cancer, a uniquely female problem, believed they could do something to improve the process and took matters into their own hands. As a result, today the country is inundated with pink ribbons, raising awareness as well as money for research to find a cure for this devastating disease.

If you have doubts about the power of women, watch a few reality crime shows and observe how even the most-hardened criminals, including murderers and rapists, are overcome with shame and reduced to tears when their mothers walk into the room. We know from experience that men and children, even teenagers, almost instantly become politer and more respectful when women appear on the scene. Politicians become joined at the hip to their wives when campaigning, realizing that having a woman standing by their side enhances their credibility and projects an image of morality and commitment.

Obviously, this power doesn’t stem from fear that their mothers and wives will physically harm them; it stems from the profound admiration and respect that attaches to women simply because of their caring natures and the nurturing and mentoring acts they perform. It is no coincidence that more telephone calls are made on Mother’s Day than on any other day of the year.

Strength that arises from respect can be far more powerful than strength that stems from the exertion of force, even in the executive offices. The mystery, then, is why the industries that have proven themselves to be so desperately in need of the expertise, talent, and perspectives women would bring have been able to systematically shut them out, at least at the levels where they can have a significant impact. The answers seem to be greed and because they can.

Nowhere, it appears, is the glass ceiling more intact than in the fields of big business and government finance, where our politicians have borrowed an astronomical amount of money from our grandchildren and great-grandchildren to fund their political agendas. The practice of shutting women out of the top positions in our large corporations and financial institutions has become so firmly established and universally accepted that hardly anyone batted an eye when women were conspicuously absent as top-level executives of the major automobile corporations that were called before the United States Congress to account for their actions that nearly destroyed one of the most important industries in America. Following closely was the congressional questioning of the culprits behind the near destruction of America’s banking and financial systems. Once again, where were the women? The same shortage of women was evident when those responsible were called to task for the economically and ecologically disastrous oil leak fiasco in the Gulf of Mexico. And so it goes. How much clearer does the message need to get?

The good news is that now that women are finally waking up to the amazing power they possess, it will be relatively easy for them to use it to create a level playing field for themselves and their sisters in the workplace. The largest share of the country’s wealth has for some time been controlled by women. It would be a fairly simple matter for women to begin boycotting the products and services of the male-dominated corporations and financial institutions that have few or no women in high-level executive positions or don’t offer equal compensation to the female executives they do have. Such companies would soon be faced with the choice of going out of business or putting an end to the nonsense.

And how do we convince today’s traditional corporate decision makers that it is in their best interest to place women in management and executive positions and pay them on a par with men? That’s the easiest part of all. Who does the grocery shopping for most families? Who buys the clothing and paper goods and shampoo and cleaning supplies and most of the other things families spend their money on? Who either decides or at least has a strong influence on decisions as to where the family goes on vacation and the kind of car they drive? Most often, it is the wife and mother.

Being the predominant decision makers in those areas gives women a great deal of power. When we finally join together and refuse to purchase products or services produced by companies with an unacceptable ratio of women to men in their managerial and high-level executive positions, or that pay women less than men for the same jobs, it won’t take long for companies to begin beating the bushes to promote, train, and recruit female managers and executives. Magazines and other media often publish top 100 and even top 500 lists of everything from most personal wealth, most profitable companies, top-earning athletes and celebrities, sexiest men alive, etc. There are a number of fine magazines already in existence with the ability to gather and publish the names of the companies with the best and worst standings in the ratio of male-to-female executives and the differences in the salaries they are paid. One magazine needs only to produce and publish lists of the products and services each of the most female-forsaking and the most female-favoring corporations provide. Not only should their own circulation numbers increase, they will be performing a tremendous service to women and helping to restore balance in our country in the process. By refusing to support the male-dominated companies, women would open up new jobs for themselves and/or other women. And the beauty of it is it would require a minimum amount of effort on the part of women to bring this about. We would only have to revise our shopping lists to switch brands of some of the products we already buy and, possibly, to purchase from different establishments on occasion.

There are signs that women are already on the move to change the imbalance in our country’s culture. More women are entering politics, are being appointed to high-level government positions, including cabinet designations, Supreme Court justices, and the list goes on. With these women leading the way, women are finally coming into their own.

Even in the male-dominated world of business and finance, the crack in the glass ceiling is slowly widening, and some of the more farsighted companies have capable women serving in lower- and mid-level management positions. A few of the more progressive companies have placed women in top management positions.

It will generally take mothers of young children who decide to pursue a career a longer time to reach their goals, simply because their time is more limited. Of course, it isn’t reasonable to expect women to remove their aprons and step out of their kitchens and nurseries directly into high-level careers. While it’s true that most of the required skills and talents are essentially identical in the home and workplace management arenas, they must be adapted and applied differently. If you are a mother who is considering taking on a career, the transition period can actually be an advantage for you, because it provides you with time to utilize your parenting years to bond with your family while you prepare each other for the changes you will all face when you enter the workplace. At the same time, you can try out lower-level positions in the career fields that interest you, learn the opportunities for advancement that might be available in those fields, as well as any new skills you will need to acquire to put you on the fast track for advancement when you are ready. The detailed techniques presented in the chapters of this book will give you food for thought and help get you started. It will be a challenging and arduous journey for sure, and there will be many pitfalls along the way. However, there will also be many successes, and each success will bring with it confidence, satisfaction, pride, and improved financial stability for yourself and your family.

I will take this opportunity to make it clear that I do not, nor would I ever, advocate that women take over our business, financial, and government institutions. That would be as disastrous as having predominately men in charge has been. Men bring a unique type of strength and an aloofness of perspective that women generally don’t possess. In our families, clubs, churches, and other organizations, balance is best achieved when men and women work together as equals. Everyone benefits. In Chinese, this philosophy this is referred to as yin and yang, sometimes shortened to yin-yang. Wikipedia describes yin-yang, in part, as concepts used to describe how apparently opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. It is a concept that applies to many areas of our lives and, when applied properly, can be of great benefit to our commercial and government organizations as well.

I encourage you to apply the ideas in this book, as well as others, to your own life and your own goals as you consider whether having it all is appropriate for you.

B

BECOMING the BOSS

Marriage. Children. Career. For most women, those will be the most important, most rewarding, and most stressful choices they will make in their lifetimes. As touched upon in the previous chapter, many women will be able to have it all, although some may not be able to or may not choose to have it all at the same time. Like marriage and children, a career is hard work and isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. If you do opt for a career, including a career in management, there will be days when you wonder why you made such an insane choice. But as with marriage and children, on most days, the rewards will outweigh the difficulties many times over. The higher-earning power and other perks are only a part of it. Much of the satisfaction comes from the opportunity to be involved in challenging, absorbing, and important work and to interact with interesting people.

The good news for mothers is that no matter how difficult and challenging the job may become, most of the time, it will be a cakewalk when compared to raising a child and managing a family. In fact, being a boss and being a mother have more in common than most people realize. One important similarity between the two occupations is that both require taking responsibility for the actions and performance of other people. The major difference between bossing and mothering will generally be the size and maturity level of the people for whose performance you will be responsible. You will find that managing a group of adults is far easier than raising children, primarily because you won’t be emotionally tied to your employees, and because you can’t fire your kids.

Wikipedia provides the following Oxford English Dictionary definition of management: Management in business and human organizations is simply the act of getting people together to accomplish desired goals. Management comprises planning, organizing, staffing, leading or directing, and controlling an organization (a group of one or more people or entities) or effort for the purpose of accomplishing a goal. The definition goes on to say, Management can also refer to the person or people who perform the act(s) of management. Perhaps that will include you.

Bossing goes by a number of names, each generally denoting a specific level in the management hierarchy. A first-level boss is commonly called a supervisor. This can be the most difficult managerial position of all because a supervisor is usually the person directly responsible for the actions of a number of rank-and-file employees, the ones who produce the products or services of the company. Production work can be boring, repetitive, and low-paying, often making it difficult to motivate those who perform it. It’s not too different from trying to motivate your teenager to mow the lawn. At times, there may be no way to sugarcoat it.

The supervisor’s job is further complicated by the fact that employees are generally quite diverse, and techniques that work well for one may be resented by another. This is likely to be more challenging for today’s generation of female managers than it was for mine, partly because the so-called Millennials are graduating from college and entering the job market. Millennials, also known as Generation Y, are generally born between 1976 and 1996, and are said to be interested in such things as challenging work, feedback on how well they are doing in their jobs, and the opportunity to provide input into decisions that affect them. Many of the techniques presented in this book are geared to include such factors.

Luckily for women, the diversity factor doesn’t seem to be as challenging a problem for female managers as for men, an opinion that is apparently shared by Debra Burrell, a psychological social worker and training director of the Mars-Venus Institute in New York. In her online article Do Women Make Better Managers? she stated, Women are more tolerant of differences, so they’re more skilled at managing diversity.

Mothers are generally more experienced than nonmothers at managing diversity since children, even in the same family, can be as different as bears and bicycles. That said, make no mistake, assuring that other people behave in a certain way can be challenging and exhausting for anyone, even for women, and sometimes even for mothers. However, first-line supervision is the level at which many, if not most, people begin their climb up the management ladder, so becoming adept at it is a great way to jump-start a successful career.

The boss levels above supervisor are often designated as middle management and top management, with each level being further and further removed from the direct supervision of production personnel and more involved in department-wide and company-wide activities, including gathering and coordinating information and reporting it to the executives, often with recommendations. Executives are generally the decision makers. They may have such titles as president, vice president, chief financial officer (CFO), or chief executive officer (CEO). In public agencies, they may be called directors or administrators. It is their job to try to predict future trends and set the direction in which the company will go. They decide such things as how the organization’s money will be spent, which products will be manufactured and marketed, and the number of employees that will be hired. Companies can flourish or fail based upon their decisions, and executives can and should expect to receive appropriate bonuses and otherwise participate in the profits of a flourishing company.

Your first year as a first-time boss will possibly be the second most difficult period of your life, exceeded only by your first year as a mother. Most days, however, it won’t be as devastating for mothers as it is for nonmothers, simply because managing the affairs of a family will have helped immunize them against the frustrations they will encounter and will have provided them with the patience to deal with them.

By the time anyone, man or woman, makes it to the executive level, they will most likely have spent a number of years paying their dues in the workplace.

If you are related to the boss, or are fresh out of college with a business or management degree, you may be able to start your career as an entry-level manager. If you are fresh out of full-time mothering with a high school diploma or a GED, you will most likely start