Doubt Not, But Be Believing: Supporting Loved Ones through Their Trials of Faith

By David B. Marsh

Doubts will come, but you can stay strong. Learn how to help your loved ones who are dealing with doubts about the Church. Written by CES professional and experienced author David Marsh, this book helps you examine common sources of doubt, shows you how to find answers to tough questions, and teaches you to address these struggles as the Savior did.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cedar Fort Publishing & Media
• Release date: Feb 4, 2023
• ISBN: 9781462127559

Book preview

Introduction

The Need

My first opportunity to help people who were experiencing doubt about the Church was a failure. I hadn’t prepared myself to be of comfort to them or to resolve the issues that caused their doubt. It was my first year teaching seminary at Granite High School. One day, one student after another came to class holding a piece of paper with quotes by Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and other early Church leaders. Did the Prophet really say this, Brother Marsh? they each asked with doubt manifest in their voices, faces, and countenances. They had received the papers from a man who stood across the street. He knew exactly where to stand and what time the students would be coming to seminary. He was preying on young minds with budding testimonies. His devious intent was to douse their faith by igniting doubt. I later learned that he was notoriously known by my more veteran colleagues to travel from seminary to seminary in the western United States.

Nevertheless, I was of no help to my students. I could only tell them not to worry about such matters. To be honest, the quotes troubled me a little too, but I took my own counsel. As the day wore on, however, I became more concerned, angered, and troubled—concerned for the tender testimonies of my students, angered at a man who made it his life’s career to travel the country trying to destroy the faith of young people, and troubled that I could do nothing to dispel the nascent doubt emerging in my students’ hearts.

My inability to help my students at that time was actually the result of a deliberate decision I had made years earlier. I had promised myself never to read anti-Mormon literature. I felt it was a waste of time and that it would detract from my sole purpose and chosen career—to help people learn doctrine and strengthen their faith in Jesus Christ.

As I discussed my experience and feelings with my wife, she, with her ever-present Eve-like intuition, suggested we do some research to find the truth behind the quotes. What we discovered in the process strengthened our conviction of the gospel and of the Church. It provided insight into the tactics of those who attempt to weaken the conviction of Church members and impede the conversion of investigators.

The Multitude

The lone man across the street, distributing one paper at a time in the early 1980s, has become a multitude of people in the twenty-first century, armed with the capacity to circulate sophistry throughout the world. Their narrow-minded ideas overwhelm the Internet and are easily discovered by a generation of tech-savvy youth who surf the electronic waves for knowledge. When young and eager minds encounter this distorted information, small pebbles of doubt begin to form. Without the wisdom and experience of knowing how to decipher truth from falsehood, those pebble-sized doubts rapidly develop into huge stumbling blocks, which destroy faith and lead to mistrust in the Lord and the leaders of His Church.

It has become abundantly clear that the tsunami of misinformation saturating the Internet has created an era in Church history when most, if not all, members of the Church are experiencing doubts and questions about the Church on one issue or another. President Thomas S. Monson verified this in 2011, stating, As we go about living from day to day, it is almost inevitable that our faith will be challenged…. Increasingly, some celebrities and others who … are in the public eye have a tendency to ridicule religion in general and, at times, the Church in particular. If our testimonies are not firmly enough rooted, such criticisms can cause us to doubt our own beliefs or to waver in our resolves.[1] The Church is responding by providing transparent information about some of the more troubling issues.[2] But perhaps just as important, if not more so, is helping people become self-reliant in seeking truth. Those who are confident and independent in their ability to discover truth and detect deception can survive the onslaught of sophistry. The Lord promised us whoso treasureth up my word, shall not be deceived (Joseph Smith—Matthew 1:37).

The Help

Not long ago, my wife and I were talking with a couple, some dear friends, whose faith had been challenged and who eventually left the Church because of doubt about its truthfulness. They explained that each time they encountered troubling information they put it on a mental shelf. Over time, they said, the shelf became overloaded and broken. My wife asked our friends what issues troubled them. They listed some that were common to many who are dealing with doubt today—race and the priesthood, Joseph Smith and polygamy, issues surrounding the Book of Mormon, and the Church’s position on same-sex marriage. What was interesting to my wife and me was that we too had encountered the same information and, yet, we were able to resolve our concerns and continue to be active in the Church. The way we went about resolving the issues strengthened our testimony of Jesus Christ, His Church, and His leaders, and it filled us with the confidence that we could work through any doubt or question.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, All the easy things that the Church has had to do have been done. From now on, it’s high adventure, and followership is going to be tested in some interesting ways.[3] We seem to be in an era of Church history when doubt is a prevalent test of followership. People all around us are experiencing doubt. It might be a spouse, a child, a dear friend, or even a leader in the Church. For some, it is a momentary uneasiness and they move on. For others, it is an agonizing experience that separates them from the Church.

The ability to dispel doubt in others is a gift of the Spirit. We should seek for it when we need it. Daniel, a beloved hero in the Bible was blessed with it. His use of it, however, is overshadowed by the other gift he was given—the interpretation of dreams. At a time when king Belshazzar was greatly troubled, the queen (it is usually the queen in my life that has the answer) came to him with a solution. There is a man in thy kingdom, she informed him, in whom is the spirit of the holy gods. She explained in more detail, Forasmuch as an excellent spirit, and knowledge, and understanding, interpreting of dreams, and shewing of hard sentences, and dissolving of doubts, were found in the same Daniel (Daniel 5:9, 11–12).

Just as Daniel aided king Belshazzar to discover what troubled him, we too can ask the Lord for the gift to dissolve doubt in our loved ones and friends. What follows in this book are principles for parents and others who want to help their children or friends who are dealing with doubt and questions about the Church. My wife and I used these principles with our own children who grew up as part of that tech-savvy generation who know how to find anything about everything on the Internet. The principles that we taught our children to remember when confronted with troubling information, and that we continue to practice ourselves, can be considered under four key concepts: follow the savior, identify sources of doubt, fortify their faith, and help them seek truth.

Notes

Thomas S. Monson, Dare to Stand Alone, Ensign, November 2011.

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See www.lds.org/topics/essays.

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The Old Testament: Relevancy within Antiquity, in A Symposium on the Old Testament (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1979), 12.

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Section 1

Follow the Savior

As with all good things, Jesus Christ is our Exemplar. Behold I am the light, he said to the Nephites, I have set an example for you (3 Nephi 18:16; see also John 13:15). This is no less true when it comes to helping others who are experiencing doubts and questions about the Church. The Savior showed us how to help others with compassion, how to help them as immediately as possible, and how to encourage introspection.

Chapter 1

Compassion, Immediacy, and Introspection

The Savior Showed Compassion

Ilove to read the stories of Peter in the New Testament. He showed enduring commitment alongside hasty impulsiveness. His faithfulness kept pace with his overzealousness. As I read the events of his life as they unfold in the scriptures, I see a person yearning to follow the Savior and willing to accept the refinement offered by Him. One particular episode exhibits Peter’s exuberance and demonstrates Christ’s compassion.

Jesus was preaching in Nazareth, His hometown. The people were astonished at His wisdom and mighty works because they saw Him as nothing more than another child in the neighborhood. Rather than being impressed by the growth, maturity, and spirituality of the carpenter’s son, they were offended by Him. Consequently, the Savior did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief (Matthew 13:54–55, 57–58).

While being misjudged by the hometown crowd, Jesus received devastating news that broke His heart. John the Baptist had been beheaded by the order of Herod. Jesus sought solitude and departed thence by a ship into a desert place apart. When people learned of His whereabouts, they followed him on foot out of the cities (Matthew 14:13). Although this was a time of grief for the Savior, when He saw the multitude He was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick and miraculously provided food for the crowd of more than five thousand (Matthew 14:14). At this point in the story, Jesus sent the twelve disciples ahead in a ship while He dismissed the multitude. Afterward, the Savior again sought a moment of private prayer on a mountain. By the fourth watch of the night (sometime between 3:00 and 6:00 a.m.) the Savior came walking on the water to the ship, which was tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary (Matthew 14:24–25). Here is the part of the story where a grief-stricken Christ showed compassion in Peter’s moment of doubt:

And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.

But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.

And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.

But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? (Matthew 14:26–31)

I suppose the Savior could have left the sinking Peter to struggle in order to teach him a lesson. But He didn’t. He immediately and compassionately stretched forth His hand, and caught him. Elder Neal A. Maxwell eloquently described what ought to be our compassionate response to others in distress: When, for the moment, we ourselves are not being stretched on a particular cross, we ought to be at the foot of someone else’s—full of empathy and proffering spiritual refreshment.[1] This is how the Savior responded. He showed compassion, not just during times of convenience, but while He was grief-stricken and dejected, and even toward the end of his life, while He Himself was being stretched on a cross (see John 19:25–27).

When we see a loved one struggling with doubt, we should respond with compassion, just as the Savior did when Peter doubted. Elder Richard G. Scott reminded us of the power of showing compassion and love to others when we want to help them:

We must be sure to sincerely love those we want to help in righteousness so they can begin to develop confidence in God’s love…. Remember, loving them is the powerful foundation for influencing those you want to help…. As a companion to that love, trust them. In some cases it may seem difficult to trust, but find some way to trust them…. Every child of God in mortality chose the Savior’s plan. Trust that given the opportunity, they will do so again.[2]

Compassion, love, and trust are key qualities of a Christlike character. A compassionate, loving, and trusting response to those who are doubting can go a long way in helping them work through their doubts. People experiencing doubt often feel unworthy or sinful. Showing compassion, rather than being judgmental, can give them confidence that they are okay, that they have someone who understands and who will patiently walk beside them as they work through their troubling doubt. Jesus treated those who were experiencing doubt with compassion. We should follow His example.

Our compassion toward those who are doubting can be brought to the forefront of our behavior by remembering two things. First, doubt is evidence of belief. A person must believe in something in order to have a doubt about it. Second, as Elder Scott counsels, the person with doubt once chose to follow God’s plan. Therefore, we can trust that our loved ones who are doubting still possess a spark of belief and, consequently, may still be inclined to once again choose God’s plan just as they did in their premortal existence.

Compassion stems from understanding. The more we know about the person and their circumstances, the more compassion we’ll have for their struggle with doubt. People don’t just wake up one morning and decide to leave the Church. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught, Some of our dear members struggle for years with the question whether they should separate themselves from the Church.[3] Those years can be agonizing and our compassion can help ease that agony.

In the summer of 2013, just after I gave a presentation at BYU Education Week on dealing with doubt, I received a phone call from a man who had left the Church. He had seen a news article about my presentation and wanted to share his experiences with me. He told me that it took him years to decide to leave the Church. He remained active in attending church but was inactive in his beliefs about the truthfulness of the Church. He described to me how he agonized for years over whether or not he should leave. The Church was not only his religion, but it was his culture, his history, his personality, and indeed a part of who he was. Can you imagine the anguish and distress this type of decision caused him?

We don’t want anyone to leave the Church, especially at those critical moments of doubt when there is so much in the Church that could help. But, it may come to the unfortunate point when, as we’ve been reminded by President Uchtdorf, we must respect the agency of those who doubt. It may break our hearts, he said, when their journey takes them away from the Church we love and the truth we have found, but we honor their right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own conscience, just as we claim that privilege for ourselves. [4] Let’s do all we can to help those experiencing doubt before they get to that point.

The story of the man on the phone is an unfortunate one. I pray that it is an anomaly to our general behavior as Saints. He related to me some of the things that happened once he decided to leave the Church. He knew he was not being faithful to the covenants he had made in the temple and so he worried that wearing the temple garment was hypocritical. When he decided to stop wearing the garment, he was criticized by at least one member for being a hypocrite. This was surely a difficult no-win situation for him.

He recounted how, once he stopped attending church, the behavior of his family and neighbors who were members of the Church changed. His children were not invited to family activities, he was no longer invited to neighborhood golf outings, and anonymous persons left Church magazines, with specific articles marked for him to read, on his doorstep in the night. He described one Christmas season when an empty plate wrapped in plastic wrap with a card was left on his doorstep. The note on the card read something like, Just as this plate is empty of sweet-tasting treats, so your eternity will be empty of sweet things if you remain inactive. None of these behaviors helped. All of them made it easier for my phone-calling friend to stay away from those he once thought were his friends and the Church he once embraced.

Hopefully, this kind of episode is rare in the history of our collective behavior as members of the Lord’s Church. Paul told the Hebrews that Church leaders, and by extension all members, should have compassion … on them that are out of the way (Hebrews 5:2). The Savior, as the quintessential high priest and Church member, withheld judgment and criticism and showed compassion to those who were doubting. We should do the same.

The Savior Responded Immediately

Several years ago, I received a phone call from a mother whose young single adult son doubted the Church and had stopped attending regularly. At her request, I contacted the young man and asked to meet with him. He was kind enough to accept the invitation. As our discussion progressed, it was evident that he had become imbalanced in his study habits. He was spending most, if not all, of his time studying material written by those who opposed the Church and very little, if any, of his time studying material produced by the Church, especially the scriptures and the teachings of living prophets. He was so entrenched in learning from literature against the Church that there seemed to be an impenetrable barrier that no amount of reasoning could breach.

I could also see that he had allowed too much time to pass and too much negative and skewed information to gain a stranglehold on his spirituality. While he saw himself as having become more enlightened and freed from the foolish notions taught in the Church (this was his perspective), I could see an unfortunate example of one whose testimony was eclipsed by the philosophies and reasoning of men. He reminded me of those who when they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves. In these cases, as with my young adult friend, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not (2 Nephi 9:28).

I learned from this experience that we cannot let too much time pass before we decide to help someone in doubt. Parents and friends of those who are experiencing doubt must respond as soon as possible, before the clear waters of spiritual reasoning are clouded with an imbalance of misinformation and sophistry. I am not advocating that we don’t allow people to study differing opinions, even opinions that speak against the Church. This attitude strikes me as a type of book burning mentality that is, I believe, not acceptable to the Lord. In our search for truth, we must be free to search as far and as wide as is necessary to find the truth God has bestowed on the human family. What I am advocating is that we respond to those experiencing doubt as soon as possible, before the murky mists of darkness suppress the light of Christ.

Let’s revisit the story of Peter sinking in the sea to see how the Savior responded when His friend was in doubt: And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? (Matthew 14:29–31).

Did you notice the adverb and the verb used to describe the Savior’s response to Peter’s cry for help? Immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand. That is how we should respond to those who experience doubt. We ought to immediately stretch forth our rescuing hand.

People with doubt tend to wait too long to seek help. Some might feel embarrassed or unworthy, said President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, because they have searching questions regarding the gospel.[5] Others think they will be judged for having such doubts and questions. People who feel unworthy or who want to avoid being judged by others may not, like Peter, cry for help.

Peter physically experienced the boisterous wind and engulfing waves. This may have made it easier for him to recognize his need for help. Unfortunately, the intangible winds and waves that engulf faith and testimony in our day are not so easily recognized. Those who experience doubt may not readily notice the spiritually harmful effect of their doubt.

When we sense that a friend or loved one is experiencing doubt, don’t wait to offer genuine help. When we see the signs of someone doubting (irregular church attendance; sporadic scripture study; sullenness or lack of excitement about the Church; negative, skeptical, or even cynical comments toward the Church or its leaders), our response should be like the Savior’s; we should stretch forth a compassionate, helping hand and do so immediately.

The Savior Encouraged Introspection

As Jesus drew Peter from the water, He asked a simple, yet profound question: O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? (Matthew 14:31). At first it may seem like the Savior was unsympathetic and harsh toward Peter. But when we look at the meaning of one word, we see the nature of the Lord’s question change, and we realize something that can help those who experience doubt.

The word wherefore means, the point reached or entered[6] or the direction headed.