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    Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do
    Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do
    Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do
    Ebook452 pages5 hours

    Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do

    By Wednesday Martin

    4/5

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    About this ebook

    An honest and groundbreaking guide to understanding the complicated emotions that develop between stepmothers and children.

     

    When faced with often overwhelming challenges, what woman with stepchildren is unfamiliar with that “stepmonster” feeling? Half of all women in the United States will live with or marry a man with children. To guide women new to this role—and empower those who are struggling with it—Wednesday Martin draws upon her own experience as a stepmother. She's frank about the harrowing process of becoming a stepmother, she considers the myths and realities of being married to a man with children, and she counteracts the cultural notion that stepmothers are solely responsible for the problems that often develop. Along the way, she interviews other stepmothers and stepchildren and offers up fascinating insights from literature, anthropology, psychology, and evolutionary biology that explain the little-understood realities of this unique parent-child relationship and—in an unexpected twist—shows why the myth of the Wicked Stepmother is the single best tool for understanding who real stepmothers are and how they feel.


     

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherHarperCollins
    Release dateJan 21, 2011
    ISBN9780547394312
    Author

    Wednesday Martin

    WEDNESDAY MARTIN holds a Ph.D. in comparative literature from Yale. She was a regular contributor to the New York Post’s parenting page for several years, and her work has appeared in a number of national magazines. Martin, a stepmother for nine years, lives with her husband and their two sons. www.wednesdaymartin.com

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    Reviews for Stepmonster

    4/5

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    • 3/5
      "Stepmonster" is a book from the perspective of and about stepmothers. I should add in my disclaimer here. I was eleven when my father married my current stepmother, I am a divorced father of three girls, sixteen, thirteen and eight, I am currently living with my fiancé (who has no children prior to our partnering), and she asked me to read this. I agreed to do so, since we attempt to do everything in our collective powers to make a happy home for all parties involved. My thirteen and eight year old daughters live one week with my fiancé and me and one week with their mother. My sixteen year old lives with her mother full time. Probably no need to explain the last comment. Oh, one final thing, my fiancé has not yet read this book. She was currently reading something else when we purchased it, and graciously waited for me to finish it first.I started this book with a blank agenda, no preset plan or ideas on what it would tell me. My fiancé is a school psychologist and we are very open in our relationship. About twenty five percent of the way through my reading, she asked me what I thought, and my response was this. The overriding theme of the book is simple. It is the father's fault. The irony is, I am not sure there was even a question in the book, but throughout every chapter there is only one thing in common, it is the father's fault. I laughed when I told her, but since I wasn't finished yet, I felt I should give the book the benefit of the doubt and see how it evolved. Sadly, at least for me, nothing changed.From men who cared very little about getting involved, to men who lived off of their wives income, all the way to men who basically told their new wives to mind their own business in regards to the children, these fathers all seemed more like horrible people than actual fathers in a new marriage. Other than a couple of passages where Dr. Wednesday Martin gives a few small accolades to some involved fathers, the men referenced in her book were a sad lot. My advice to the small sample she used for reference would be, forget about your issues with step-parenting and figure out how to pick out a decent husband. You might need a good dating service versus parental guidance because the guy you are with now, sounds like a loser.Sadly it seems that Dr. Martin used a pretty small sample size of white middle class American woman. She apparently attempted to gather some minority data, but that data was used from secondary sources. It just didn't seem like the book was an actual depiction of broader based American families, or if it was, there are some serious issues with the parenting and partnership skills of a lot of men in the world. This is not even mentioning chapter two of the book, "She's such a Witch", which tries to show how society historical has tortured and murdered stepmothers by using a real life example of a murder trial. The father wasn't even tried. I guess because we allow men to murder freely and only try mothers of step children. I couldn't really figure out why this chapter was even in the book.Speaking of, why was it in the book, the entire section on sociobiology was nothing more than the regurgitation of other studies. It didn't seem to be in the book to prove any of Dr. Martin's theories, but more filler to round out the book’s size than anything else. As a father of three girls who is living with his fiancé, I feel the need to open up a dating service and do my best to help single women find a decent partner. Chapter after chapter, I truly felt sorry for the women in this book who were surveyed.OK, now that I have used up all of my negative energy, and I am sure lost most of the women audience, let me say that I think the book is absolutely worth reading. It does give several examples of actual situations that a person might find themselves in, even if it also gives a huge amount of exaggerated examples that I hope to god are not common. A specific one rang very true with me and my fiancé.My fiancé had expressed the displeasure with my eight year old pushing her out of the way. I discounted her theory, saying that I just didn't see it. I read a passage in "Stepmonster" where it describes this activity and discounted this as well, since everything else in the book did nothing but trash fathers. Seconds after setting down the book, I walked downstairs where my fiancé stood by the sink. I stood next to her, talking to her for about 30 seconds, when my eight year old came into the kitchen, pushed her way between us, edging my fiancé to the side. I smiled, told her that was not acceptable and apologized to my fiancé. Damn, nobody is perfect huh, and yes the book was correct.So “Stepmonster” absolutely does have some helpful information. I would only caution readers that in reality a household is filled with many personalities and everyone should work together to ensure each individuals concerns are met and dealt with. In the end there are two people, a husband and a wife. They are the ones who set the standards and both have to communicate and support each other above and beyond anything else. Failure to do that will cause issues and as all parents know, children will sense this and definitely take advantage.So bottom line is three stars, but read with a grain of salt. If you start pointing a finger to stringently in one direction your anger and animosity might lead to the demise of the very thing you were trying to fix in the first place. Ok ladies, I am ready for my lashing now, but when you tire of beating me, and if your man resembles any of the men used as examples in this book, I do know a couple of wonderful single guys with kids who are amazing, compassionate, giving individuals. And I promise you they will communicate with you as a partner, while listening to your needs, ensuring you approach things as a team. Not with one party or the other pointing their finger and blaming
    • 4/5
      Everyone knows the story of the Evil Stepmother. She only has her own interests at heart. She treats the stepchild like a slave. She yells, berates, demeans, and discourages. She may even be trying to kill you.Now, anyone who has dated and/or married someone with a child/children knows all too well that the stereotypical stepmother is one that not only the children latch onto, but too often the stepmother as well. With half of the women in the United States living with, married to, or going to be living with a man with children, the feeling of being a "Stepmonster" is all too real.But never fear, Wednesday Martin has come to save step-relationships everywhere with this well-researched and well-written book. Martin uncovers the emotional mysteries of the stepmother- why does a stepmother think, act, and feel they way she does? Being in a relationship with a man with children is not for the selfish, lazy, or faint of heart. It is hard work to create any kind of relationship (especially the older the stepchildren are) at all, much less one that is based on mutual understanding and love.Martin identifies five specific issues that create drama in the step-family, from the fairy tales and myths of the blended family to competitions. Martin writes from the knowing perspective of a woman who has been there, done that. The book is broken down into easily digestible "chunks" and there is more than enough food for thought. She splashes stories of real blended families and their conflicts throughout the book to shout "You're Not Alone!", and she doesn't pin the blame for the way things are in the step-family situation on anyone or anything, but uses even the Wicked Stepmother analogy to show how to gain understanding.I recommend Stepmonster to stepmothers everywhere. I even think grown stepchildren could learn quite a lot from this book, even though it is targeted at the stepmother.

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    Stepmonster - Wednesday Martin

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